Jim Bakker

The Lord giveth and taketh away fine toupees and Rolex watches.

Jim got snagged funneling $265,000 in hush money to virginal church secretary Jessica Hahn, in order to cover up their adulterous tryst. Suddenly the Bakkers became pariahs. All of their friends deserted them. Even fellow Assemblies of God minister Jimmy Swaggart took some unnecessary potshots, just for fun and just to be a dick. Swaggart went on CNN and told Larry King that Jim was a "cancer in the body of Christ."

Bakker's rival and business competitor Jerry Falwell was called in to rescue the PTL ministry along with its Heritage USA theme park, but Falwell had a much different goal. Years later, he described his brief stint as head of PTL this way:

"God sent me there to bring an abrupt end to the immorality and financial fraud of this 'religious soap opera' that had become an international embarrassment to the Christian gospel."

The Bakkers and their empire had blown through $158 million of their ministry's donations. In his self-serving confession I Was Wrong, Jim admitted squandering church money on luxury cars and six mansions. When he got caught, there were 47 separate bank accounts in Jim's name.

After wasting money on every conceivable amenity, they brainstormed some truly frivolous expenditures. $100 in cinnamon buns just to imbue their hotel suite with the smell. A dog house equipped with air-conditioning, which was too noisy for the mutt to sleep in. $60,000 in gold-plated bathroom fixtures.

When they finally wound up in court, Jim had what appeared to be a psychotic break. Court-appointed psychiatrist Dr. Sally Johnson examined Bakker and testified that he was vain, passive-aggressive, and easily manipulated, but nonetheless capable of standing trial. "Mr. Bakker has sufficient strength. He is strong enough to handle the trial. He has the capacity to get through it." Dr. Johnson had previously made the same assessment of John Hinckley and would later reach the same conclusion about Ted Kaczynski.

The jury found Bakker guilty on 24 counts, and he received a 45-year sentence along with a $500,000 fine. Bakker claimed from the beginning that his downfall had been orchestrated by enemies inside and outside his ministry. He never changed his tune:

"I sorrowfully acknowledge that seven years ago ... I was wickedly manipulated by treacherous former friends and colleagues who victimized me with the aid of a female confederate. They conspired to betray me into a sexual encounter at a time of great stress in my marital life. ... I was set up as part of a scheme to co-opt me and obtain some advantage for themselves over me in connection with their hope for position in the ministry."

Yeah, yeah. Good going, Jim. Blame everyone but yourself.

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