“TIFU by Trying to Make a Salad in the Microwave”, 2022-07-08 ():
Okay, so I’m home alone and I’ve been eating my meals in silence. I’m in the kitchen, on my computer, and just sitting around eating. I hear noise down the hall, and I feel a sudden urge to get up and go to the kitchen. I run down the hall, and open the microwave where one of my friends is working. It’s a f—king microwave, and it’s in the microwave! ! ! I hear the microwave click, and then a small pop. I quickly close the microwave door and open it for my friend. I tell her that it’s a microwave. She says, “No, it’s a salad bowl.”
I can’t think of a better way to end this post.
That sounds delicious
What the f—k did you just f—king say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at MIT, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the enemy, and I have over 300 confirmed nukes. I am trained in microwaving and I’m the top microwaving expert in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will microwave you the f—k out with precision the likes of which have never been seen before on this Earth, mark my f—king words. You think you can get away with saying that s—t to me over the Internet? Think again, f—ker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the microwave, maggot. The microwave that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re f—king dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can microwave you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed microwave warfare, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States microwave testing community and I will use it to its full extent to microwave your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little s—t. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held up your f—king tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you godd—n idiot. I will microwave your f—king microwave off the face of the continent, and you will drown in it. You’re f—king dead, kiddo.