APPLE RANKINGS The definitive list of good and bad apples. THE OFFICIAL APPLE RANKINGS This list is 100% accurate. TOP APPLES SweeTango Apples "The Holy Grail" 97 Nearly Perfect Honeycrisp Apples "The Worldwide Favorite" 95 Nearly Perfect Kanzi Apples "The European Party Apple" 93 Superb SnapDragon Apples "A Chomp-Worthy Newcomer" 87 Excellent Envy Apples "The Guilty Pleasure" 86 Excellent Pink Lady Apples "A Fiery Troublemaker" 86 Excellent Lucy Glo Apples "The Breathtaking Circus Freak" 85 Excellent Opal Apples "A Tasty Unwiped Anus" 82 Excellent Wild Twist Apples "A Famous Person's Child" 81 Excellent SugarBee Apples "The Honey Grenade" 80 Excellent Rave Apples "The Knockoff Brand Honeycrisp" 79 Very Good GoldRush Apples "A Goldmine of Flavor" 76 Very Good Ludacrisp Apples "The Dirty South Rapple" 75 Very Good AVERAGE APPLES Cosmic Crisp Apples "The Most Overhyped Apple of All Time" 74 Pretty Good Braeburn Apples "The Civil Rights Apple" 73 Pretty Good King David Apples "The Tart of Arkansas" 72 Pretty Good Ambrosia Apples "The Chosen Apple" 70 Pretty Good EverCrisp Apples "The Jawbreaker" 70 Pretty Good Gala Apples "The Inoffensive Mainstay" 70 Pretty Good Candy Crisp Apples "A Pear-Cucked Red Delicious" 69 Mediocre​ Ruby Frost Apples "Thick-Skinned New York Fuckboi" 69 Mediocre​ Lucy Rose Apples "The Shallow Person's Regret" 69 Mediocre​ Sundowner (Cripps Red) Apples "Pink Lady's Ugly Brother" 67 Mediocre​ Jazz Apples "A Disharmony of Flavor Notes" 65 Mediocre​ Empire Apples "A Spunky Optimist" 65 Mediocre​ WineCrisp Apples "A Bottom-Shelf Vintage" 65 Mediocre​ Juici Apples "A Pandering Litigious Gigolo" 65 Mediocre Macoun Apples "The One-Night Stand" 63 Barely Worth It Lemonade Apples "The Not Quite Lemonade Apple" 63 Barely Worth It Blondee Apples "The Mutant Gala" 62 Barely Worth It Hunnyz Apples "The Worst Named Apple" 60 Barely Worth It Pazazz Apples "The Desperate Musical Theater Major" 60 Barely Worth It Sunrise Magic Apples "The Orphan Apple" 59 Barely Worth It Green Dragon Apples "A Disenchanting Legend" 59 Barely Worth It Rockit Apples "Bite-Sized Space Junk" 59 Barely Worth It Top Secret Apples "A Dead-End Conspiracy Theory" 58 Barely Worth It Jonagold Apples "A Forgettable College Friend" 57 Barely Worth It Granny Smith Apples "The Original Sour Apple" 57 Barely Worth It Fuji Apples "The Japanese Pop Star" 56 Barely Worth It Lady Alice Apples "A Perfectly Nice Lady" 56 Barely Worth It Mutsu (Crispin) Apples "The Rich Man's Jalopy" 55 Barely Worth It Koru (Plumac) Apples "The Middle of the Pack" 55 Barely Worth It PURE SHIT APPLES Cortland Apples "A Damp Hacky Sack" 52 Not Worth Eating Autumn Glory Apples "The Glory Hole of Apples" 51 Not Worth Eating Sweetie Apples "A Watery Grave" 51 Not Worth Eating Cameo Apples "An Unwelcome Guest" 50 Not Worth Eating Pinova (Piñata) Apples "A Papier Mache Fruit Husk" 50 Not Worth Eating McIntosh Apples "A Seal-Skinned Canadian Letdown" 45 Horse Food Modi Apples "The Italian Disgrace" 44 Horse Food Melrose Apples "The All-American Apple" 43 Horse Food Cripps Pink Apples "The Understudy to the Pink Lady" 42 Horse Food Smitten Apples "The Curb Stomp of Apples" 42 Horse Food Kiku Apples "A Fuji In Disguise" 42 Horse Food Stayman Winesap Apples "A Civil War Era Mistake" 41 Horse Food Jonathan Apples "An Odd Homeschooled Boy" 39 Horse Food MiApple Apples "The Narc of Apples" 39 Horse Food Golden Delicious Apples "The West Virginia Has-Been" 33 Horse Food Crimson Gold Apples "A Crabapple in Disguise" 31 Horse Food Rome Apples "Queen of the Baking Apple" 28 Despicable Red Delicious Apples "Coffee Grinds in a Leather Glove" 25 Despicable Arkansas Black Apples "A Teeth-Shattering Oddity" 23 Despicable Golden Russet Apples "A Putrid Corpse" 22 Despicable APPLE HELL Newtown Pippin Apples "Long Island's Sand-Filled Condom" 19 Vomitous Filth
