How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get

October 5th, 2009 by Christian Rudder

Welcome back, dorks. We’ve processed the messaging habits of over a million people and are about to basically prove that, despite what you might’ve heard from the Obama campaign and organic cereal commercials, racism is alive and well. It would be awesome if the other major online dating players would go out on a limb and release their own race data, too. I can’t imagine they will: multi-million dollar enterprises rarely like to admit that the people paying them those millions act like turds. But being poor gives us a certain freedom. To alienate all our users. So there.

When I first started looking at first-contact attempts and who was writing who back, it was immediately obvious that the sender’s race was a huge factor. Here are just a handful of the numbers that illustrate that:

The takeaway here is that although race shouldn’t matter in messaging, it does. A lot.

. . .

First of all, how do we know that race shouldn’t matter? Are we just making some after-school-special assumption that “true love is colorblind?” more compatibility usually
means more replies
No, we’re not: we know race shouldn’t matter to replies because the races all match each other more or less evenly, and reply rate correlates to matching. That is, more compatibility generally means more replies.

On OkCupid you create your own unique matching system, and that means your better matches are people you actually want talk to. Below is a graph showing match percentages vs. reply rates for a random sample of 500,000 people.As you can see, in general, the better you match someone, the more likely you are to reply to a first message from them.

We can see this principle in action when we look at our trusty control, the Zodiac. Here are the match and reply rates side-by-side, with similar rates colored yellow. There’s no real need to inspect the numbers; just observe the similar colors.

  • Throughout this post, yellowish colors are short-hand for “neutral” and red and green indicate “strong preference.”

People of the various Zodiac signs match each other all at roughly the average rate, and, as we would expect, they reply to messages similarly. In general, the correlation between match percentage and reply rate means that whenever we compare the match/reply charts for a given breakdown of the population, they should look about the same. However, this, like so many other fine assumptions, totally breaks down when race gets involved:

Again, don’t bother squinting, just check out the colors. We’ll soon look very closely at these tables.

. . .

So here’s last week’s compatibility by race table (I explained how we can confidently measure “compatibility” in that post). This is a blow-up of the leftmost table above:

As you can see, the races all match each other roughly evenly: good news. It means all other things being equal, two people, of whatever race, should have the same chance to have a successful relationshp. But now let’s look at the table of how individuals actually reply to each other’s messages. First we’ll examine messages sent by men to women (I know our gay readers are interested in same-sex versions of these tables, there’s a link to them here and at the end of this post):

The numbers on the perimeter of the table are the weighted average rates for each column/row. Here’s what we can know:

  • Black women write back the most. Whether it’s due to talkativeness, loneliness, or a sense of plain decency, black women are by far the most likely to respond to a first contact attempt. In many cases, their response rate is one and a half times the average, and, overall, black women reply about a quarter more often that other women.
  • White men get more responses. Whatever it is, white males just get more replies from almost every group. We were careful to preselect our data pool so that physical attractiveness (as measured by our site picture-rating utility) was roughly even across all the race/gender slices. For guys, we did likewise with height.
  • White women prefer white men to the exclusion of everyone else—and Asian and Hispanic women prefer them even more exclusively. These three types of women only respond well to white men. More significantly, these groups’ reply rates to non-whites is terrible. Asian women write back non-white males at 21.9%, Hispanic women at 22.9%, and white women at 23.0%. It’s here where things get interesting, for white women in particular. If you look at the match-by-race table before this one, the “should-look-like” one, you see that white women have an above-average compatibility with almost every group. Yet they only reply well to guys who look like them. There’s more data on this towards the end of the post.

Let’s see what happens when it’s the women writing the messages to men.

  • Men don’t write black women back. Or rather, they write them back far less often than they should. Black women reply the most, yet get by far the fewest replies. Essentially every race—including other blacks—singles them out for the cold shoulder.
  • White guys are shitty, but fairly even-handed about it. The average reply rate of non-white males is 48.1%, while white guys’ is only 40.5%. Basically, they write back about 20% less often. It’s ironic that white guys are worst responders, because as we saw above they get the most replies. That has apparently made them very self-absorbed. It’s interesting that white males do manage to reply to Middle Eastern women. Is there some kind of emergent fetish there? As Middle Easterners are becoming America’s next racial bogeyman, maybe there’s some kind of forbidden fruit thing going on. (Perhaps a reader more up-to-date on his or her Post-Colonial Theory can step in here? Just kidding. Don’t.)
. . .

Finally, here are a couple tables that shed further light on our discussion. These are site-wide answers to a couple user-written match questions. They barely need any explanation: one comments on the other, really. Together they shed more light on the theory/practice schizophrenia of people’s racial attitudes.

. . .

It’s surely not just OkCupid users that are like this. In fact, it’s any dating site (and indeed any collection of people) would likely exhibit messaging biases similar to what I’ve written up. Any dating site probably
has these biases
According to our internal metrics, at least, OkCupid’s users are better-educated, younger, and far more progressive than the norm, so I can imagine that many sites would actually have worse race stats. But like I said at the beginning, we’ll probably never know. See you next week.

For a further discussion of race and replies, the same-sex equivalents of this post’s data are here.

[See also Bruch & Newman 2018, "Aspirational pursuit of mates in online dating markets". --Editor, 20 January 2019]

. . .
. . .

1,296 Responses to “How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get”

  1. danski says:

    I’ll start of by saying that im attracted too any race of women soo long as their in good shape etc/

    But now i’ll probably be shot for saying this. But i do think dating is the only place where judging someone based on their race makes sense.

    I mean if a guy is only attracted too lets say asian girls, then thats just the way it is, you cant help who your attracted too. It makes sense since generally different race groups have slightly different looks.

    But regardless of that looking at your charts too me they show if anything that the majority of people replying didnt care about the race of their messenger. Because at most the reply rates were only like 25% off the expected value.

    You may think but yeh 25% is alot but well when it didnt affect the other 75% or so not really. seems too me that the % of people for which race mattered was far lowerer than the percentage that it didnt matter.

  2. Pursuit says:

    Am I the only Black woman (any Black transwomen out there? Bilesbians? Bisexuals? Hello and how are you doing!?) that’s tired of people telling us we’re too ugly, fat, unfeminine, smelly or goddess knows whatever else, and as such are going to die alone because even cats hate us?

    Well, I am. I’m sick it. I’ve got 99 problems and Whitey’s narcissism about how impure Black women are for his/her tastes shouldn’t be one of them. We survived a lot of things meant to kill us off and if not kill us off, break our spirits. This constant focus on making sure Black women are reminded of a supposedly low stature in society is another thing meant to stress and depress us so badly that we die from it.

    Black ladies, I know human interaction is important and that lack of it can be a drag, but don’t let it drag you to an early grave. Your life, health and happiness matters the most than someone’s opinion of you. If they don’t like you, it’s their loss—not yours.

  3. Pie says:

    I find black men attractive, but not a single one who has messaged me had a match % beyond 60%.
    Maybe the cultural differences or religious preference contribute to these numbers.

    I’m also very irritated with men of my own race, Asian men.
    I just rarely see any effort put into their messages. Most white guys who message me try to quirky, or philosophical, or comment on a book I like or a place I’ve traveled to. They try hard.

    Most of the Asian guys just send out messages that make me feel like I’m being spammed.
    “Hi, my name is blah blah, I’m nice, and laid back..” seriously, guys.. put those English lit classes to use.

  4. athensFemme says:

    The comments here seem follow along the lines of what I would expect from any website. In short, OkCupid is filled with just as much racial animosity and stupidity as any other site.

    I am a black woman. I am embarrassed that some of the stupidity stemmed from comments by black women. With horrible grammer no less!!! But I am also proud that some of the warmest, most ‘open-minded’ responses came from black women. The take away point? No two people are the same.

    My own two cents about our propensity to respond less discriminantly: Black women have the least to lose because we have been self reliant and independent for so long. We don’t need a white man to take care of us, a black man to keep us strong, a Latino man to make us feel more feminine, etc… We just need a good man to stand beside us, no matter the race/ethnicity. ;-)

  5. kittylion4u says:

    I agree with a few of you. No its NOT racist to not want to date anotherr race. I will date a Black/American, Hispanic American, American Indian. I MIGHT even date other races as well. What I CANT stand & will NOT tolerate is these guys that say” I love youur profile & pic. ohh you are sooo beautiful,” ” I feel I like what you said in your profile, you sound so smart”. “God wants us together”, or something like ” I need you on my life”. Those are the ones that are scammers. They are the ones that want your money. Especially when you KNOW ttjhere re more beautiful looking ppl… HA! HA!.

  6. Pulp Fiction says:

    Well, I am a blue eyed white male, with one of those “Eye Candy” graphics on my page and I get alot of winks from all races, but the most direct emails come from black women. I know this may piss off the majority of “progressives” on OKC, but Im going to state some life experiences that you will call “evil stereotypes”. (Oh, and I wont be using the politically correct shift button to capitalize black, white or latin…that to me is like a obese woman using “bbw” to make herself feel better.

    I live in an urban metropolis, and in my contacts with black women I would say that they are very outspoken, rude, lack social ettiquette or “loud”. They carry a sort of arrogant swagger that just turns me off, and I am sure that this permeates into the dating life as well. And when you call them on it, well you must be a racist white person (sarcasm). I find use of urban slang or ebonics a sign of lack of education and unnatractive. (Yes, there are white and latins that due to poular culture, exhibit these ghetto mannerisms, and I dislike them too.)

    As far as physical attributes, I just don’t find them attractive either. Does that make me a racist too?..please spare me that BS. Alot of black women seem to have issues with weight as well, thats just a fact that was already presented on this blog. When you get into social circles, even more problems come into play as well. I know there are exceptions ot the rule, but be serious for a minute, how many black women would want to go watch a hockey game, or a NASCAR race?., or listen to rock music instead of hip hop and rap?

    I actually am attracted to latina women the most, their bodies, their skin, and most of all their culture and attitudes towards family and the way they treat their men like kings of the castle. In return, I treat them like my queen.

  7. david says:

    White guys are shitty, but fairly even-handed about it

    for those involved in the posting of this comment….
    you can find the Miralax right next to the Prep H….. either way you have a DEFINITE problaem going on back there……

  8. scott says:

    non white males can’t stand the fact that the majority of white women perfer white men. it makes me wounder what these scums intentions are?

  9. Simmeon says:

    Black Male from the UK here.

    I noticed white women dont respond to me messages, its frustrating as i make them personal and dont mass send. In reality the Media, TV, everything has this motto, “If you are white you are pretty” its that simple, its not cool to be black as the girls dont digg it.

    But dont stop trying, its surprising to get a reply from a white girl, but normally they are not at the peak of fitness.

  10. ThroughmyeyeZ says:

    I prefer dating out of my Race i’m White and I only Date Asian men.
    Call it what you will , but its my preference.

  11. texasGypsy says:

    y’all got issues.

    Not sure on the validity of their data. There are alot of variables to take into account to mark something as mathematical certainty. For instance, if you took men and women from many different races who were 7-10′s as far as the whole package and you’d get VASTLY different results. It’s all about the quality of who is in the pool. I don’t care what skin color a woman is as long as I find her attractive. I find women of all races sexy. Can you imagine how boring life would be if we were all the same color and background?

    There is good and bad in every culture, that’s just a fact of life. Either focus on the positives or well, be single.

  12. baristavienna says:

    These comments are mind-blowing.

    I think people are taking it to an entirely different level that in the end should not really matter. Love who you want to love. Be happy and do not worry about trivial matters.

    What does it matter what ethnicity you are? If someone does not like you because of that little factor then keep it pushing.

    Signed, a Central-American Mixed Breed LOL

  13. tj says:

    I am a black female and I rarely get replies this sheds light on why.

  14. jps says:

    Wow…. some of the comments here are surprising. I’m hoping it’s just that nut jobs tend to reply more on something like this.

    I think we’ve come a long way, though… I bet this data would have looked a lot different 50/60 years ago.

    I would say that I tend to date in my own race more, but that’s not to say that I wouldn’t date someone not my race. I find people attractive of all races. I’m a white guy, but who could see someone like Alicia Keys, Tyra Banks, Salma Hayek, or Naomi Cambell and not think they’re gorgeous?!?!

    I’d like to see this data normalized to the number of times each race is contacted. For example, do white women reply less to other races because they are messaged more often?

    Nice job on the statistics btw. The people on here complaining about the quality of the analysis just don’t understand how stats works.

  15. rebelwclue says:

    This does not mean anything on an individual level. White men as a group may get more emails from women but if research a white guy in Alaska, his email response from women is likely well below the norm presented here. Therefore, this white guy is more open to responding and emailing other races of women than the white guy living near New York City – as is my case. It is the law of supply and demand. The more choices people have, the more selective they become. What is racism is when there is an equal distribution of men or women from all races and one race is picked more frequently. HOWEVER, when is this ever the case on internet dating websites? Hence, do a study showing us people’s behavior in this setting and then you can say there is racism.

  16. Thanks a lot! I truly believe that a couple of my buddies will enjoy this post.. now where is that email to your friends button again?

  17. Ken says:

    As an asian male I’d hardly get responses from women of any kind, but once I pretended to be a white male and all these asian females were responding like crazy, most had kids though. lol I guess they think hooking up with a white male gives them better status/ class or at least better service at restaurants and department stores. It’s sad that so many asian females seem to prefer white males to asian males, just goes to show how important good parenting and role models can be and asian parents are just too busy trying to make a buck than to spend time with their kids, plus leaving them to be babysat by the TV where most actors are white will seriously alter their thinking patterns unrealisticly leaving them in a vicious cycle of going after those that’ll abuse them rather than support them.

  18. J R says:

    In the context of OK Cupid, I discriminate against those who express themselves poorly in writing. Given the documented educational divide and also cultural preferences for use of slang and bad grammar, I expect in terms of response rate it looks like I discriminate against African-Americans. However, I don’t have a strong preference for dating my own race and I don’t think my comparative response rates are indicative of racism; possibly elitism, but not racism.

  19. Calabash says:

    I wanted to note that the study can’t take into account smaller groups within each “racial category” that might have more pull than the others. I wanted to see, for example, if Greco-Roman Mediterranean (including Catalan), had better chances than other “whites,” or better chances than Spanish speaking cultures, such as Latinos/Hispanics and Caribbean Islanders.

    I was also wondering if religion makes an issue with race, other than simply saying that Middle Easterners tend to be Muslims, or Anglo-whites tend to be Christians and would go for their own races. I am also curious as to which people have to have their marriages and relationships approved by their parents. I would imagine this is fairly common everywhere.

  20. Data says:

    It would be interesting to analyze OKC data from a place like the United Kingdom (maybe Germany) being that they statistically have a higher rate of interracial marriages compared to America.

    My theory is that this type of discrimination is a uniquely American phenomenon. Maybe people aren’t as progressive as they think.

  21. Burl says:

    I have noticed a trend of more white males dating black females. Maybe,just maybe we Americans are finally trying to slowly eliminate racial lines. It has been acceptable for white males to date/marry various oriental women for years so why has it been such a taboo to date/marry black woman who are by the way Americans for the most part. I have never understood this. Trophy brides from Japan,Kerea and Vietnam were gererally accepted but OMG if you dated/married an American who happened to be black! Is it just me or does this just make no sense at all?

  22. Karen says:

    I think you have to take into account message quality. I have been on Match for several years, on and off, and I have to say that the messages I get from black men tend to be generic one-liners whereas the messages I get from white men are more often thoughtful. So of course I’m more likely to reply to the thoughtful message. Perhaps we need to look at what strategies different races might be more likely to use on these sites, since black men may be more likely to use the “send the same low-effort message to as many girls as possible and see what sticks” approach whereas the white men may be more thoughtful and discriminating in their approach.

    Just speaking from my experience.

  23. stephanie says:

    I had a profile on EHARMONY.Com and took it down because it seems that all of my matches were white and mexican men.
    I would rec’v messages. I replied.
    I dont’ know, it’s strange: I was never interested and don’t want to lead anyone on.
    …but, ‘not responding’ is impolite, I think.
    I don’t know.

    Someone took the time to type out a message, so…an individual should respond.

    Anyway, I’m now on a black site…and much happier. *laugh*
    I just prefer black…though I do like the Puerto Ricans, Dominicans and Cubans!

    On another note, I have no idea why this media goes through such pains to project the image that black women are oh so undesirable…and *stifled laughter* that we’re all running after the trophy/prize that is a ‘White Man’.
    Puh-lease…what bullsh*t.

    Every sista I know is married or in a committed relationship.
    …and I typically don’t generalize but ‘black women’ (as a whole) have always been the least reluctant to ‘date out’ (for various reasons).
    Additionally, ‘black women’ have always had a strong preference for their ‘own’.
    Hell, I don’t need a poll or some biased stat study to tell me this.
    I’m BLACK — not some ‘outsider-looking-in’ trying to understand what the observed culture is all about.

    Yet, the saddest thing is the fact that people actually believe this nonsense.
    Oh, well…
    What can you do?

  24. Casti says:

    So it seems that every race wants a piece of white men/women.

    Let us be, a lot of us don’t hate other races, but we just like to keep to ourselves, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Everyone deserves to have a preference, yes, INCLUDING WHTES. I have it clearly states on my profile that I only date white men, because my European heritage deserves to be preserves, and I want my grandchildren to look somewhat like my grandparents Yet, other races still message me.

    An Asian man seeking only Asian women doesn’t see racist, right?! Then why should whites put up with all of this “let’s race mix” notion while other races have the freedom state their preferences? It’s completely unfair and discriminatory. If 7% of us state that interracial marriage is a bad idea, let it be. We see our culture dying away and wish to maintain our ethnic identity.

  25. shy_at_first625 says:

    Someone mentioned replies vs. match%… I remember seeing data on how the number of replies you get is related to how well you match the person, but I’d be interested in seeing some statistics on how many messages people send to those who do or do not match them well.

  26. Post-lftst says:

    Although the factor of ethnicity in dating does have blatant prejudices, choosing or denying someone because of their ethnicity, I think another factor that plays a large deal, that most people over-look, is culture. Most people date within their ethnicity because they share cultural similarities, types of music one may listen to, mannerisms, clothing style, hobbies, etc., something other than ethnicity. Perhaps, if there were a greater assimilation of cultures instead of multiculturalism where distinct cultures remain within a society, yet, are still separate, you’ll see more instances where two people of different ethnicities that usually don’t date each other, dating.

    There’s also the “what will my parents/friends/others think?”, excuse. All I’ll say to that is that this only indicates personal insecurity, and I wouldn’t want to date a personally or socially feeble person of any ethnicity. One shouldn’t let others control how they manage their personal or love life. I’ve personally had to deal with a parent that didn’t approve of the girl I was dating because of her ethnicity. Regardless, I didn’t let them come between the two of us, nor did I care about what my parents/friends/others thought, it didn’t matter to me. For them, that’s their problem. What I was doing wasn’t a threat to their lives, so dating someone regardless of ethnicity, religion, creed, etc. did not make me feel any lesser, marginalized, or insecure.

  27. Anna says:

    These comments make me so sad- especially the ones where the author will say they need someone educated, but have spelling mistakes (this has spell check! What more do you need?!?). 1) If you will not date someone outside of your race- GUESS WHAT THATS RACISM! However, all people are racially prejudiced- regardless of how hard you try. It’s too ingrained in us. However, some of these comments are overtly racist, which is disgusting. I am a white woman that finds members of all races attractive, and if they had the right personality I would go for it. That being said, I do not have immaculate politics or personal preferences. My preference is for White and Asian men. It is much rarer for me to be attracted to Black or Hispanic men, though it has happened. But, I’m not going to date someone I’m not attracted to because I’m trying to prove a point about how progressive I am and will date anyone. I respect your preferences, unless they are based on stereotypes, like Black women are loud and obnoxious, or Asian women are submissive so they are hotter HUR HUR HUR. Those are stereotypes and they are disgusting, not to mention wrong. If you don’t find a race attractive/ you find one race the most attractive, fine, but don’t be an idiot about it.

  28. Kay says:

    I am a white female and I’m most naturally attracted to whoever has something in common with me. Most of the time, it is white males. If I met a Hispanic male or Black male who has things in common with me, then that’d be fine.

    People are attracted to what they are attracted to. If they’re white and only like white people, well then that’s that. Same thing with every race out there; its not just white people, its everyone.

    I have no problem with people marrying interracially (my cousin married an Asian male and have two cute kids, my dad is engaged to a Black female).

    People like what they like. That is all.

  29. LOL @ Ken says:


    i had to LOL at your post at how you changed your race to White and then all of a sudden the Asian women were trying to knock down your door. lmao

    As a Black woman i don’t get why Asian women are not more into Asian men. its natural for women to want males who are great providers and protectors. I mean, Asian men are very intelligent, hold jobs, are not typically violent, have low incarceration numbers, have progrssive SAFE communities, raise their offspring and have very low rates of Out of Wedlock single mothers in their communities (unlike the Black community) etc. What more can a woman want?

    I can see why more Black women would be inclined to pursue other men of other races and cultures, b/c Black culture is very unkind to women and children.

    I guess I see Asian women as ungrateful and self hating. I cannot see any other reason they run from Asian men en masse other than self hate. What gives? Only thing i can think of is they have fallen for the “White is Right” syndrome.

    How sad.

    I know a lot of upscale attractive Black women who find Asian males most attractive (at least the ones here in America). My best girlfriend is dating an Asian male right now, and its wonderful. I have two other friends who just started dating Interracially and who are dating Asian males (in another part of the country).

    I guess everyone takes advantage of what they have until they no longer have it. *shrugs*

  30. sillyrabbit says:

    Its weird because from my personal experience as a college educated black female, I have noticed that the white males and black males alike that I have encountered, have always for the most part overlooked me, but set their sights to my cousin who is very petite, and well dressed. I am what I call slighty plus sized (size 16) and well proportioned, but what society calls fat. My cousin isnt educated beyond high school and wears a cake box full of make up and fake extentions. I on the other hand dress very cute and girly, always have my natural hair done at the salon and am very well spoken and humble. I have traveled abroad since the age of 14 and speak two other languages. Yet I always get the FRIEND title. Are alot of white men racist in that alot of them will date any race except black? YES. But, I do think alot of men and general on this site as well as just in normal everyday life overlook race, and look at physical features instead. Just imagine how many people who use the Quick Match feature look beyond the user’s photo’s and actually read their profiles? I am guilty of looking through photos and saying “eww” or “nope” I think its about race but more importantly its about who you are physically attracted to and who would your friends and family not bash you for after meeting your potential mate. just IMO

  31. Wood says:

    BaristaVienna, I think it shouldn’t be startling just how many members of this site commenting here have holes in their sheets (LOL, others…) who feel safe sitting at home behind their laptops… who would never make thises claims in person..

    The point of this is missed… OK Cupid analyzed some statistics, which i found quite interesting.. not that its something i or others already didn’t know.. we all have preferences; though we may not verbalize them, its there and it drives our choices. And because of the images that we’ve all grown up with, we put all that is white at a premium, at the expense of others. So is it any wonder that women will gravitate in that direction? I’m not happy w/the portrayal of BM in the media. The percentage becomes the whole. We’re all forced to fit a narrow box…

  32. Silly rabbit says:


    I can tell you that for the most part men do not necessarily care about a woman’s education status first and foremost. I have to say being a Black woman, I feel a lot of Black women tend to focus on this in the dating arena, and frankly most men don’t care. Or if they do, that comes secondary. Feminine energy and being visually appealing as well as acting like a feminine woman is what tops most men’s list when dating and mating.

    What drives male attraction is physical beauty. So in saying your cousin doesn’t have a college degree while you do means nothing. And while she may wear tons of make up and weaves, this is something that she does that makes her feel and look physically beautiful to THOSE kinds of males. She is apparently more physically appealing to these men which in the mating dating game is all that really matters.

    You did mention you were somewhat overweight, while your cousin is petite. I am not saying overweight women are not attractive, however, most men will always go for the most physically fit woman than the overweight one.

    I think you should be proud of your accomplishments. Speaking two different languages and being very well traveled and educated are definitely something to be proud of. But if you are relying on that to get a man or to impress a man initially, good luck. Initially what is going to make them approach you in the first place, is what you look like. The rest comes later. I think too many Black women think this is the way to a mans heart and it isn’t.

    Work on getting your physical appearance in shape and the rest of your credentials is just icing on the cake for a QUALITY male who can appreciate all you bring to the table.

    And yes. I would not pay these stats any REAL mind. While there are men who simply exclude Black from their dating pool, REAL alpha males and REAL men love all women and love femininity over and above race etc.

  33. Oops says:

    BTW that was not silly rabbit who wrote the last response. i was responding to Silly Rabbit and accidently used your name instead. Sorry!


    Wow we sure have a ton of Omega males on this comment section I can see.

    Here’s my .02 cents. Yeah yeah we all have preferences. But I am noticing a trend here. Males who feel pretty fine with making a particular group of women (Black women) feel bad and undesirable = Pathetic. Typical Omega male. Who raised you all I ask? QUALITY Real males and Alpha Males would never do such a thing. So Black women take note of this. Any man who looks at you and judges you based on your individual feminine qualities FIRST is all the man any woman needs. THAT is a quality Natural man who was obviously raised correctly. The rest of em? – please be glad these OMEGAS are revealing themselves. B/C now you know the diff between a real alpha man and an Omega one.

    Men who judge women solely by their race are Pathetic – to keep it nice. Usually these so called “men” are also making sweeping generalizations about a woman based on her race. Real men love ALL women and appreciate the beauty all women have to offer. Real men are wired this way. Its in their blood, hormones and everything else that comes with being a natural male. They don’t nit pick at women to make them feel bad b/c of their own hang ups/insecurities etc. They don’t go out of their way to make women feel undesirable. They either find them attractive or don’t. They don’t make excuses or generalizations about a whole group like the pathetic ones on this blog. THOSE are the males Black women should NOT be worried about. Not man made / society men who are shaped not by their own masculine energy to love and respect and appreciate all beautiful feminine women, but shaped by what society tells them they should love, appreciate and respect.

    Can Black women use some re-branding in the femininity dept. ABSOLUTELY! And this is where Black women who want to even increase their chances of getting REAL QUALITY MEN, will have to work on. Acting loud, abrasive, uncouth and such is not feminine. Thinking all your degrees is what is going to catch and impress a man, is not going to cut it. You need to be physically in shape and appealing with total feminine energy to balance his masculine energy to get the best quality Alpha male. People will judge your attractiveness as a woman based on those things. But real men simply would never exclude a woman b/c some members of her race act this way. Its simply ludacris to do such a thing. Especially for a natural male who loves women. Period.

    Based on the comments, I am reading through the lines here. I do not believe Black women are any less appealing/attractive than any other race of women. Most people know this deep down. However, feminine characteristics and quality is what IMO is carrying over into the negative remarks about Black women’s attractiveness. IOW’s, a woman’s attractiveness is also based on her feminine characteristics nad not just looks. Too many Black owmen take this for granted. I understand why, b/c in Black socities, soft feminine women are often taken advantage of in more ways than one and are seen as weak. the more Black women rebrand themselves, move away from the dangerous Black community, and stop allowing Black groupthink to define them, and start recognizing that feminine qualities trumps all, we will be more successful in the dating game.

    unfortunately, you have people who based their judgments of others not on individual interactions but collective interactions. How unfortunate for them. Also, no Black woman needs to be with ANYONE who is not able to separate individuals from collective stereotypes. let those “prizes” move onto other races of women. Unfortunately, they will be pro creating and bringing the same ignorance into this world. Oh well what can you do…

  35. Mykkus says:

    I think there are too many factors here to make a universal statement about racism on here. Here’s my personal experience in this matter. I’m a white male (my name = my user name, so feel free to investigate me) that has been in a few interracial relationships. While I tend to be physically attracted to white women the most often (not a conscious choice, mind you), I do find a lot of women of all races beautiful.

    Do women of all races message me on OkCupid? No, sadly. I don’t receive a ton of messages anyway, but the vast majority of them are from white females; I’ll respond if there is some demonstration of intelligence and we have some common ground. None (I repeat: NONE) of the messages that I’ve received from black women have met my criteria. All of my messages from black women have been TERRIBLE IceBreakers that gave me virtually nothing to respond to. Okay, IceBreakers aren’t the easiest way to start a conversation, but I manage to write at least one legitimate paragraph in each of mine. I also tend to have very few common interests and passions with said black women. This sucks.

    I couldn’t figure out where to put this statement, so please pardon the poor thought organization. The comments citing cultural divides couldn’t be more apt, in my educated opinion. As I stated above, I’ve seen a lot of women of other races that I have found physically attractive. However, we often don’t have enough in common to make much of a connection. Is this an inherent divide due to race? Hell no. Does the racial difference make this more likely? Hell yes.

    If a woman of ANY race sends me a good message and we match well, I will respond. I’m not sure what it is about me that repels compatible women of other races, but I’d love to find out because I know that there are a lot of awesome women of other races on OkCupid that I’d like to know.

  36. Ken says:

    Based off my experiences in responding and receiving messages, I have to say the data is pretty accurate. Its interesting to see that reflected in the data. But to each their own.

  37. Mr Blues says:

    “White men get more responses. Whatever it is, white males just get more replies from almost every group. We were careful to preselect our data pool so that physical attractiveness (as measured by our site picture-rating utility) was roughly even across all the race/gender slices. For guys, we did likewise with height.”


    Also loved this one…..

    “Black Male from the UK here.

    I noticed white women dont respond to me messages, its frustrating as i make them personal and dont mass send. In reality the Media, TV, everything has this motto, “If you are white you are pretty” its that simple, its not cool to be black as the girls dont digg it.”

    I do the same thing but get nothing back not even an “im not really interested” jeeze makes me wonder what am doing wrong, is it me???? Is it the message!!! mmm I dont know thought we were looking to make new friends may be even a date, guess they all lookin for MR PERRRRRFECT! Who ever he is????

  38. AmericanLovely says:

    So the fact is … as a black woman in my 30s, I’m very grateful to OTHER races out here who are curious enough to write me back and meet me face to face! Thank you. Because let be honest .. even with the small number black men out here in OkCupid, and the other POPULAR dating sites, the likelihood I’ll get a response back is slim to none. I kid you not. Because if they’re educated, no kids (or very few), under 45, never married, good job, whatever, etc. …. I am not exactly the TROPHY mate they seek. My shade is lil too dark to show off in corporate America but hopefully with Michelle & Barack in the limelight … it’ll become OK again (2010).

    It’s okay though (seriously) because I have NEVER relied on the color of some ones skin for a match but the butterflies that I feel face-to-face. That brain chemistry that can’t be explained along with that excitement when I’m their presence. So take a leap of faith y’all .. you might be amazed. And I have to admit with the white men I’ve dated (even a red head for 5+ years & his wonderful family that accepted me too) … white men have always found my pretty brown skin .. amazing. Sort of my built in tan without the sun damage.

    Oh but when looking at these STATISTICS/PERCENTAGES on black women vs. white women .. keep in mind that within 25 mile of Portland, Oregon –we ONLY have about 120 black females (18-49) and about 3,280 white females (18-49). So take those percentages with a grain of salt. Of course with only 120 black females, it’s easier to understand that 50 percent (60 of us) might respond back when 50% of 3,280 white females (1/2= 1,640) may NOT. The stats are going to be lower. C’mon now. More white women – clearly respond MORE cause there are more out here. Ugh. Done with these percentages! UGH! Anyway …

    PS: Thank you athensFemme: “We just need a good man to stand beside us, no matter the race/ethnicity.”

  39. littlesparrow8 says:

    So I read the article and then I read some comments until I couldn’t take it anymore…

    First: When you have a black woman using a term like “Whitey’s narcissism” and a white man generalizing black women as “very outspoken, rude, lack social ettiquette or ‘loud’. They carry a sort of arrogant swagger that just turns me off, and I am sure that this permeates into the dating life as well. And when you call them on it, well you must be a racist white person (sarcasm). I find use of urban slang or ebonics a sign of lack of education and unnatractive” you have racism. This is RACISM. And yes, I will give this guy credit for the fact that he says “there are white and latins that due to poular culture, exhibit these ghetto mannerisms, and I dislike them too,” because he seems to realize that white and latino males act in a similar manner. But why does he insinuate that black women ONLY act this way? Why doesn’t he allow for the fact that not ALL black women act this way? (And don’t even get me started on the ghetto mannerisms…)

    Its really sad that the mannerisms cannot be separated from the skin color because honestly one has NOTHING to do with the other, and EVERYONE is capable of exhibiting rude, loud behavior with lack of social etiquette and/or education. I’ve seen plenty of white people with obnoxious, disgusting attitudes and an inability to speak proper English. The only thing these racist generalizations do is separate us further with no real chance of ever building true understanding. In all honesty, I feel bad for this guy because I feel that he honestly believes in what he’s saying, but lets get real here: in the US we don’t exactly let white people always say exactly what they think or feel about race and that’s a problem too. We’re worried about everything being PC, but the problem with that is misconceptions continue on with each generation and we don’t get to have a real, honest discussion with one another about race.

    However, it is NOT racist to just not be attracted to a certain group of people. I am mixed race (black & white), but I prefer white men. Sometimes, I do find Black, Asian, or Middle Eastern men attractive, but in general I know I’m most attracted to whites. Is this racist? No, because I am not basing attractiveness on anything other than pure physicality. One can’t help which features they find most attractive.

    Second: I’m curious to know what kind of findings there would be if mixed race people were added to the data. My whole life I’ve never allowed people to label me as more one race than the other. I never allow people to forget that I’m also white if they call me black and I never allow people to forget that I’m also black if they call me white. Each part has made a impact on my life; thus, I can’t be who I am without recognition of each part. But I’ve also come to accept that it doesn’t matter what I do, some people will always see me as more of one versus the other and I can’t control that. What I can control is how I see myself, which is really the most important thing anyway.

    I’m not going to pretend that black women (and other women in minority groups for that matter) don’t have a cross to bare. They do. In Western culture white, blond hair, blue eyed women are the gold standard of beauty and Western culture dominates. That’s a fact- it shouldn’t be that way, but it is. But ladies and gentlemen, can we please step back and realize that if someone is going to take one look at our skin color and not message us back then they probably aren’t worth our time anyway? And just because the global media wants to sell ‘white’ as the gold standard in beauty doesn’t mean we have to buy it? Beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors and its time we start defining it for ourselves. The most important thing I hope for people to take away from this study is a little bit more self-awareness about how they generalize based on race because we all do it. But the only way for us to grow as a society is to realize these generalizations, denounce them as such, and start getting to know people for exactly who they are and not how they look.

  40. CallMeLove says:

    See I thought I got less replies because of my age (18). But thank you OKcupid for letting me know it is indeed because I am black lol.

    I do have a tendency to reply to anyone who messages as long as their message are not voulgar or bleak. But I do it because I do not like to lower anyone’s confidence or make them feel like they are wasting there time in writing anyone. It just only seems write to me to give them a bit of regard for going out of their way.

    But to me when it comes to dating race does not AT ALL play a factor in who I like. I will not have the distast to ever catorgorize or sum up any single race into a group of standard behaviors. My only problem is most men I have come across (especially in my age group) only wants me for one thing, sex. I have dated Black White and Hispanic so far. But I am attracted to all nationalities/ethnic groups. I dream of a man with an open mind.

  41. CallMeLove says:

    Oh see this whole time i thought it was because of my age (18) that I wasn’t getting any responses, but it is indeed because I am black. Thank you for telling me OKcupid lol.

    It I do have a tendency to respond to just about all messages as long as they are not voulgar or dry, not because of loneliness. But I don’t want make anyone feel like they have wasted their time, nor do I want to leave them confused. It just only seems right to me to give a person some type of regard for going out there way.

    When it come to race it does NOT AT ALL play a factor in wether I will date some or not. I do not have the distast to categorize or sum up any racial group into a group and say what their behaviors are like and what they lack, then turn around and call my racism a preference.

    It is all well and good to say what you like and who you are attracted to, and that is not racist, but when you throw in negative comments and so called “statistics” about the people you don’t like even if it your own race or ethnic group you are talking about it is still DISCRIMINATION!

    You can enjoy your favorite flavor ice cream, without spitting hate about the other flavors and your so called negative experience with them.

    Like I said I have no racial preference at all, and I have no self hate I love everything about being black from my wonderful skin to my beautiful kinky hair. I love people for what a variety they come in from the darkest black to the palest white. I only dream of a man Who is open minded.

  42. Noel says:

    I am a mixed race woman and am often mistaken for Latin especially when I straighten my hair. I notice when I post pictures with my hair straightened, I get more men emailing me, white males first, then latin, then black.

    If i wear my hair naturally wavy my “blackness” is more apparent and suddenly there are crickets chirping. I can tell that some of the white men that email me when I have the straight hair, aren’t quite sure what i am because when we start to talk on the phone, I’ll get the question..”what nationality are you?” I wonder at this point why it matters, when he was obviously attracted or we wouldn’t be talking on the phone.

    I was an army brat and was raised in the “burbs” all of my life. Not a “ghetto” bone in my body. It is amazing to me how ignorant some of these people are that generalize and stereotype. There are “Jerry Springer Specials” in every race. It’s called low class, and they come in all cultures and races. In my observations, the low class are usually the most ignorant and prejudice.

    People are also very shallow and picky too. A lot of men don’t want to commit to anything or anyone until they get about 50. Don’t worry ladies, that’s when they realize they are on a downhill freight train. Destination? Tragic crash ending with parts that don’t work anymore. Then they will marry just about anyone that will have them so they won’t be alone, and will have a nursemaid.

    God must be shaking his head. I know he didn’t intend for it to be this way. He wants us to love one another. It’s really sad. A lot of us will end up alone. Al I can say is: Invest in nursing homes. Trust me. From the direction that things are heading, you’ll soon be making plenty of money.

  43. One love says:

    I was reading all the comments and looking at everyone using educated words and was just lmao, because its amazing how people react when they try to prove a point. Im just going to say that I agree with the fact that this is all very sad, but hey race does matter. Just by reading all your comments proves that the data was accurate. Its ashame because the reality of it is that people are moving forward and things are getting better, but there is still fractions of hatred within our society that tells use that this is how it is. BLACK WOMEN as a BLACK MAN I would just like to say Im sorry that the world paints such a negative picture of you because your essence is beautiful and your all queens in my book, I was raised by BLACK WOMEN so no one can stur me away from that beauty so stand up and be proud because it doesnt matter if your online or out there in the club someone will one day see that beauty and thats all that matters. I have no colorlines in my heart, if your on here to find love or friendship and your passing up good people because of race, I feel sorry for you, but it is your preference and I do agree that you are attracted to who your attracted to. Hey to the people commenting and saying that their not racist but there stereotyping other races what do you call it? Sorry, but to the white women that made comments about how they only wont date black men or latino men because of there lack of spelling well, shame on you, did you ask them how there life was or where they were raised, did you even talk to them at all, I bet you didnt? Education isnt the same for everyone people and I know its hard to believe but the schooling system is actually going backwards, maybe some of the people everyone is turning away are hard productive working class people who just havent had that break like you have, but I bet that if you get to know the person there the nicest person you will ever meet and if to loving people work at it together maybe you can help teach him/her a thing or to since your all so smart. Man judgemental people what ever happened to my main man Bob Marley lol : ) ONE LOVE EVERYONE. oh yea last thing, please dont try to turn my comment into something racist I love everyone Im black, my brother is half black and mexican, my sons are black and white, my nephew is black and hawaiian, SO I LOVE IT ALL AND HAVE DATED IT ALL :) have a good one people

  44. houstonderek says:

    I’ve dated women of all ethnic backgrounds (Americans of white, black, Asian, latina, Middle Eastern, and South Asian descent)), and from several nations (Colombia, Indonesia, Kenya, Mexico, Canada, Israel, Iran and Pakistan). They all had a few things in common. They were thin to average (short or tall isn’t a factor, though I tend to prefer taller women), with nice skin and features, were classy and had a wide range of interests. None fell into any easy stereotypes.

    I also prefer to date women with political outlooks similar to mine. I dislike both major parties in the American arena, and tend not to date people who are blindly partisan to one of those parties (i.e. people who will never vote for a qualified candidate if they are demonstrably better than their preferred party’s candidate). I believe that gays should be allowed to marry. I believe drug prohibition should be ended. etc.

    I am also an atheist and prefer not to date strongly religious people.

    So, since this conversation seems to have centered on black women, I will say it is difficult for me to find black women who fit what I am looking for. Most black women I have met tend to be somewhat socially conservative (70% of blacks voted for Prop 8 in California, for example), religious (at least here in Houston) and strongly partisan Democrat. Any of these characteristics in any race is a deal killer, but it seems a higher percentage of black women compared to other groups fall into these categories. Again, just from my personal experience meeting people face to face.

    Which is sad, as I find quite a few black women I meet to be physically attractive, but if I’m looking for a relationship, I want someone I have a lot in common with. When I do meet an atheist or agnostic libertarian leaning social liberal black woman who also fits my physical and entertainment/interests parameters, and she seems interested, I am just as likely to pursue a relationship with her as I am anyone else.

    I just wanted to point out there may be other factors involved than just the color of a woman’s skin.

    One other thing. I wish people would stop confusing racism with prejudice, Racism is about hate. Prejudice is about preference, possibly shaded by preconceived notions.

  45. dengeist says:

    Wow, this explains alot. Although I suspected this for a long time, this just confirms it. Here I am as a black man thinking, I’ll just send messages to women that I have a high percentage match with, now I see I’ve been going about this the wrong way. There is a whole unspoken variable at play here. I’d rather read that a woman is not into black men at all on their profile, than send out a message and never receive a reply and my being black be the deciding factor.

    I was on here the other day and saw that some woman had answered the question “Is there anything wrong with interracial marriage?” She answered “No” but wrote in the explaination box “But it’s just not for me.” I guess this line of though prevails in a lot of women, “There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s just not for me.”

    Oh well.

  46. greenblob says:

    I would like to see this data normalized by age, age difference, weight, body type, height, social/political views, religious views, income, education, etc.
    I would also be interested in hearing from those who break the stereotype (for example, a Black female who receives replies from white males or an Asian male who receives replies from White females).