How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get

October 5th, 2009 by Christian Rudder

Welcome back, dorks. We’ve processed the messaging habits of over a million people and are about to basically prove that, despite what you might’ve heard from the Obama campaign and organic cereal commercials, racism is alive and well. It would be awesome if other big websites would go out on a limb and release their own race data, too. I can’t imagine they will: multi-million dollar enterprises rarely like to admit that the people generating those millions act like turds. But being poor gives us a certain freedom. To alienate all our users. So there.

When I first started looking at first-contact attempts and who was writing who back, it was immediately obvious that the sender’s race was a huge factor. Here are just a handful of the numbers that illustrate that:

The takeaway here is that although race shouldn’t matter in messaging, it does. A lot.

First of all, how do we know that race shouldn’t matter? Are we just making some after-school-special assumption that “true love is colorblind?” more compatibility usually
means more replies
No, we’re not: we know race shouldn’t matter to replies because the races all match each other more or less evenly, and reply rate correlates to matching. That is, more compatibility generally means more replies.

On OkCupid you create your own unique matching system, and that means your better matches are people you actually want talk to. Below is a graph showing match percentages vs. reply rates for a random sample of 500,000 people.As you can see, in general, the better you match someone, the more likely you are to reply to a first message from them.

We can see this principle in action when we look at our trusty control, the Zodiac. Here are the match and reply rates side-by-side, with similar rates colored yellow. There’s no real need to inspect the numbers; just observe the similar colors.

  • Throughout this post, yellowish colors are short-hand for “neutral” and red and green indicate “strong preference.”

People of the various Zodiac signs match each other all at roughly the average rate, and, as we would expect, they reply to messages similarly. In general, the correlation between match percentage and reply rate means that whenever we compare the match/reply charts for a given breakdown of the population, they should look about the same. However, this, like so many other fine assumptions, totally breaks down when race gets involved:

Again, don’t bother squinting, just check out the colors. We’ll soon look very closely at these tables.

So here’s last week’s compatibility by race table (I explained how we can confidently measure “compatibility” in that post). This is a blow-up of the leftmost table above:

As you can see, the races all match each other roughly evenly: good news. It means all other things being equal, two people, of whatever race, should have the same chance to have a successful relationshp. But now let’s look at the table of how individuals actually reply to each other’s messages. First we’ll examine messages sent by men to women (I know our gay readers are interested in same-sex versions of these tables, there’s a link to them here and at the end of this post):

The numbers on the perimeter of the table are the weighted average rates for each column/row. Here’s what we can know:

  • Black women write back the most. Whether it’s due to talkativeness, loneliness, or a sense of plain decency, black women are by far the most likely to respond to a first contact attempt. In many cases, their response rate is one and a half times the average, and, overall, black women reply about a quarter more often that other women.
  • White men get more responses. Whatever it is, white males just get more replies from almost every group. We were careful to preselect our data pool so that physical attractiveness (as measured by our site picture-rating utility) was roughly even across all the race/gender slices. For guys, we did likewise with height.
  • White women prefer white men to the exclusion of everyone else—and Asian and Hispanic women prefer them even more exclusively. These three types of women only respond well to white men. More significantly, these groups’ reply rates to non-whites is terrible. Asian women write back non-white males at 21.9%, Hispanic women at 22.9%, and white women at 23.0%. It’s here where things get interesting, for white women in particular. If you look at the match-by-race table before this one, the “should-look-like” one, you see that white women have an above-average compatibility with almost every group. Yet they only reply well to guys who look like them. There’s more data on this towards the end of the post.

Let’s see what happens when it’s the women writing the messages to men.

  • Men don’t write black women back. Or rather, they write them back far less often than they should. Black women reply the most, yet get by far the fewest replies. Essentially every race—including other blacks—singles them out for the cold shoulder.
  • White guys respond less overall. The average reply rate of non-white males is 48.1%, while white guys’ is only 40.5%. Basically, they write back about 20% less often. It’s ironic that white guys are worst responders, because as we saw above they in turn get the most replies. That has apparently made them very self-absorbed.

Finally, here are a couple tables that shed further light on our discussion. These are site-wide answers to a couple user-written match questions. They barely need any explanation: one comments on the other, really. Together they shed more light on the theory/practice schizophrenia of people’s racial attitudes.



It’s surely not just OkCupid users that are like this. In fact, it’s any dating site (and indeed any collection of people) would likely exhibit messaging biases similar to what I’ve written up. Any dating site probably
has these biases
According to our internal metrics, at least, OkCupid’s users are better-educated, younger, and far more progressive than the norm, so I can imagine that many sites would actually have worse race stats. But like I said at the beginning, we’ll probably never know. See you next week.


(Addendum to original post)

Same-Sex Data for Race vs. Reply Rates

As promised, here are the same-sex versions of last week’s charts and tables. In general, they show that straights and gays share many of the same inclinations, but the prejudices of the latter are perhaps a bit less pronounced. I should say at the top that some of the sample sizes for the various race/gender slices presented here are rather small (for instance, OkCupid doesn’t have many lesbians of Indian descent), and that accounts, I think, for some of the scatter-shot nature of the color tables. Race preferences are not nearly as stark here as they are with the heterosexual data.

See for yourself:

Still, there are a few conclusions we can draw:

  • Blacks get fewer responses. We saw this with the straight data, too, and here it’s true of both gay and lesbian senders. Black gay men get over 20% fewer responses than non-blacks, which is about how straight black men fared. Black women, on the other hand, do relatively much better with gays than straights. While they’re still the least replied-to group, the discrepancy is much smaller in the lesbian community.
  • Whites respond by far the least to anyone.. Both white lesbians and white gay men write the fewest replies. In fact, across the two charts, whites respond about 15% less often than non-whites, and white gay men show a marked preference for other whites. On the other hand, gay white women don’t have the segregationist tendencies of their straight counterparts; they just dis everyone. Whereas last week we saw that straight white women strongly preferred other whites to the exclusion of other groups, lesbian whites respond to all 9 racial groups roughly evenly, and, in general, the lesbian community seems relatively colorblind. Only Indian lesbians receive a response rate far off the average, and as I said above, the sample size there is limited and the results might be skewed by chance.
  • Asian lesbians are in demand, and they’re picky about other races. Gay Asian females are replied to the most, and, among the well-represented groups, they have the most defined racial preferences: they respond very well to other Asians, Whites, Native Americans, and Middle Easterners, but very poorly to the other groups. Latin women also express a clear preference, for Whites and Asians.
  • Men prefer Middle Easterners. Gay men and straight men both respond best to Middle Easterners, and the preference is quite dramatic. I’d be interested to hear any theories why this is so.

As we did last week, we can see that all groups think, theoretically, that interracial relationships are acceptable, yet again whites are the least willing to have such a relationship themselves. This time it’s the men, not the women, who prefer most to keep to their own: it’s interesting that both in reply patterns and in their answers to these two match questions, the behavior of white straight women and white gay men are so closely parallel.

To our friends in the gay and lesbian communities: thanks for being patient and waiting for this data. We will do gay-centric articles in the future, I promise. Lately, since we’ve been dealing with complex and data-intensive subjects like race and reply rates, we’ve had to restrict ourselves to straight data in the primary post. We felt that adding a discussion of gay and lesbian trends alongside straight ones would triple the length of an already long and dense post and surely more than triple reader confusion. We will keep looking for ways to present the information you rightly expect; for now, it will be in addenda such as this one.

1,557 Responses to “How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get”

  1. Morgan says:

    Interesting study. I’m from Toronto, Canada. I see black men with white women more than I see black men with black women. But it is very rare that you’ll see black women with men of other races. Example, their are two black women who work in my office and they are the only women there that don’t have children and are single. One or both are in their 40’s (although you wouldn’t know it). They are attractive, kind and have nice bodies, one I think has an amazing body! They are not obese. (You don’t see many “obese” black women in Canada. Overweight yes, but alot of other races are overweight and obese). The white women that I see black men with most of the time are actually overweight or aren’t that attractive at all. A friend of mine is dating a black guy and all of his black friends also have white girlfriends.

    There does seem to be alot of commentary on black women lately. Racism is alive and always will be. Everyone knows about black people and stereotypes. I’m sure some deserve a bad reputation, but I have had nothing but friendly encounters with black women. Statistics state that a large majority of black women are single and don’t have children. Although I really don’t trust statistics, I can go on observation and talking to different people.

    Based on this study things to ponder: Are black women being discriminated against? Have white women bought into the myth about black men (although the vast majority of white women date white men)? The white population is triple that of black people in North America. Have black men bought into the white superiority complex (based on observation and what this study suggests)? Is interracial dating causing tension between the races, cultures?

  2. Niles F. Hathor says:

    I think the problem we need to focus on is the over-bloated sense of entitlement (narcissism) that is exhibited in human culture period, especially American culture. The sad part is is that people actually like to condone and justify this behavior and set of expectations because the supposedly antiquated way of being, where we appreciated character, and personality over looks has been not only abolished but frowned upon–and further more narcissism ends up in us via a back door.

    you can question why I’d say its narcissistic to expect date “within your race” (even though we’re talking about a pervasive pattern), but I’d have to ask why is it so important?

    I feel for every demographic on here who gets overlooked by shallow and often unfair expectations whether they’re white, black, yellow, polka-dotted or checkered. There are good people out there not only stuck in self-defeating patterns, but excluded due to them..

    its a shame though, because we’re still witch-hunting the racists..we’re missing the point….

    sad.

  3. Niles F. Hathor says:

    to user Deonn:

    you already came off like a really entitled piece of work to start with–unabashedly so. but you made a comment that really drove to home that you’re a really the typical narcissistic , entitled (see also: fastidious, persnickety, shallow) white woman by saying the following:

    “A final thought for the ladies out there on OkCupid who’ve been ignoring non white males- In my experience, black, hispanic, puerto rican, and guatamalan men are great lovers. Yeah, there have been good white fellas here and there over the years, but those ethnic boys have ALWAYS exceeded expectations. So if you’re tired of the two-pump-chumps, and the guys you’ve been taking to the sack can’t spell the word clitoris, let alone find one, maybe you ought to retire your secretly racist ways and start answering some of those ethnic guys’ messages.”

    as if us black (and non-euro-American) men who are serious about dating need more white women to fetishize us as an “experience” and reduce us to walking talking dildos…good job. I’d venture to say, a lot of us would rather be left alone then be taunted.

    we’re not slave boys you can piddle with because “massa” isn’t cuttin’ the mustard. And note: I put use that illustration to illuminate the mindset behind her words has echoed throughout history by many white females (as displayed by the above quote)–one mesasge I’ve experienced myself (more than I think is correct):

    black men are often fetishized as good lovers but not taken seriously as relationship-worthy men, and I mean from the door.

    I’d venture to say most of the black guys who’ve gotten responses on here (from white women) haven’t ended up in long term relationships with them…I sure as heck haven’t. But a fling, sure.

    this goes along with my comment about the narcissism of the current age.
    And as white women, you all pretty much rule the world (yes, the WORLD, get off your various hand-made feminazi crosses) and this helps sustain such an over-bloated sense of entitlement.

  4. Niles F. Hathor says:

    I forgot to add “by proxy” to the “white women rule the world” comment. hah

  5. Adam says:

    As a nonwhite male, it doesn’t come as the slightest shock to me at all that white men get the most attention and respect from women of all nationalities and races. After all, the richest, most powerful nation in the world (and also the entertainment media capital of the world) is predominately white, and thus white males have become the symbol of strength, virtue, and status/celebrity all the world over.

    Even if the “nonwhite” areas of the world in E. Asia or India aren’t based around predominately white-male culture, as an earlier commenter said, they’re still exposed to a great deal of Hollywood-originated media, and all the movie stars and singers that go along with it.

    When year after year, the same Hollywood, all-American celebrities such as Brad Pitt or George Clooney are ingrained the world’s consciousness as THE MOST powerful and famous icons for masculinity in the WORLD, respected and beloved by EVERYONE in the world, then how do you NOT expect nonwhite women in all parts of the world to start going ga-ga over white males, and wanting to “white up?” How did anyone NOT make this connection/prediction?

  6. Chuck Elg says:

    Awesome data! Incredible study of cultural geography, I am very impressed. very insitefull studies ,statistics and informatuion. I am finding it invaluable and realisticly setting my expectations. I started on OKcupid 3 days ago and can’t believe you are providing such a valuable service for free! I think Humanatarian awards should follow for your gracious charity.

    Fun11-4u

  7. Ilario says:

    As an Italian male, although being classed in the white category, we Italians know to well of stereotypes in racist white hollywood. I have attraction for all ladies, but especially black ladies. The uniqueness that no other race of ladies can compare. The hair, the naturally plump lips, hips, thighs, juicy butts not fake. Sexy, beautiful dark skin and graceful aging. Don’t like fat ladies. White ladies have become too spoiled and slutty. You lie and cheat on your boyfriends and husbands with black men. Why black males complain about black ladies running to white men when interracial dating shows that almost 90% is black man and other race. What are these ladies supposed to do? You even exclude them from your dating searches on not just this but many dating sites. Black ladies are too loyal to unworthy black males. I hope black ladies give males of other races a chance and don’t despair.

  8. Michael says:

    I think people are confusing “racism” with “personal preference”. Generically I define racism as a feeling that one race is “better” than another race.

    That is very different from one “person” is more attractive than another. That’s just personal preference.

    I think every race has their “10”.

    Who wouldn’t respond to a message from a Halley Berry or Padma Lakshmi?

  9. Elastic Band says:

    I haven’t read all the comments yet and will get through them, but I ditto everything Random Onlooker has said (assuming she hasn’t posted again).

    I have a OKCupid account and while much of my lack of contact comes from my own laziness to update my profile and my low response rate, I know from real life that I am the last choice of so many people because of my race, almost regardless of what I look like.

    It doesn’t give me much hope to be honest. I feel like giving up.

  10. Enough with Race Mixing says:

    PEOPLE STOP TRYING TO FORCE THIS INTER-RACIAL BULLS**T ON EVERYONE!

  11. Shaking head says:

    Who ever said that black women are masculine/not feminine are out of their minds. Not being fat, but women are supposed to have curves and T & A. Women get plastic surgery just to get plump lips, breasts and ass. Black women overall naturally look like women are supposed to look, not like boys.

  12. Anon..unknown says:

    People of today don’t know what racism is. Having a racial preference does not make you anymore racist than having an age preference makes you an ageist. It’s just that people want to live in this imaginary colorblind society because they lack the mental capacity to “see” race without being “racist”

    With that said,

    It’s a bit sad to see some black people upset that white people aren’t interested in them. Newsflash: white people are not obligated to find you attractive. If you had more racial pride you’d be less worried about what they thought of you.

    Agree w/ GucciMang

  13. Trierer says:

    Strange results. Here in Germany white males are supposed to have a ‘fetish’ for Latin women.
    It would seem to me that race is not the real cause for this correlation. It may be, that members of these non-white race groups tend to use netspeak or slang terms more often. At least that is how it seems to be from my experience.

  14. Jessie Maims says:

    Shaking head – The wealthy white women who can afford to get plastic surgery generally aren’t interested in butt implants. One of the surgeons who does this procedure often said on TV that the majority of his clients for it were black and Latina women — and that makes sense, they’re making attempts to conform more closely to their cultures’ beauty standards — standards that mainstream/white culture doesn’t share widely or strongly enough to make an expensive, permanent, painful physical transition “worth it” for a woman who plans to socialize/date/entertain/model within that culture. And from what I’ve seen and heard, black women aren’t known for being particularly busty. Just like height between black and white men, if anything, black women and white women — controlling for similar weights — both have relatively similar bust sizes, with white women having a stereotype of being busty, just like black men have the stereotype of being tall despite the similarities in height, probably due to rather famous outliers in both cases.

    Trierer – do you really think that East Asian men use netspeak more often than white guys, or that black women use netspeak that much more often than every other kind of non-white woman, whose male counterparts apparently use netspeak more often than they do? Language doesn’t work that way. People within a culture use it similarly among genders, because they’d usually be talking/texting/messaging one another. Now, you can argue that women are less forgiving of netspeak in prospective mates than men, but what does that mean in regards to the black female response rates?

    anon – I hope you temper your encouragement of Asian male/black female relationships as an answer for other black women based on the knowledge that the same non-black appearance that gives you an advantage over other black women when it comes to guys in general… is probably the primary reason why Asian guys (God love ‘em) are a viable option for you at all.

  15. Jessie Maims says:

    And Illario, what does “spoiled” entail, exactly, and what makes you believe that black women are any less so? Also, how have men of other groups proven themselves “worthy” of black women? By rejecting them en masse?

  16. Eugene B. says:

    Hi, can I jump in here?

    I want to share my personal observations of what’s going on with races and dating. In this post, I will draw not so much on online dating sites, but rather on the “real world” — what I regularly observe in bars and nightclubs.

    In this post, I will refer to “brown” people. This is a terribly crude and unscientific term, but for the purposes of this post, I’d like to define the term “brown” as covering all races/ethnicities with darker skin, from Latinos to Indians to Africans. (The only groups excluded from the “brown” category as defined above are Whites and Asians.)

    What I observe is that in “brown” people, the females are extremely conservative and shy, but the males are extremely assertive and sexually forward. This is quite a contrast, and it’s consistent among Africans, Indians, Latinos, and Middle-Easterners.

    The “brown” females will REJECT any guy, even a white guy, who tries to flirt with them. They insist on conservative courtship. When they do finally settle on a mate, it is usually someone of their own race. Hispanic females refuse to talk to anyone but Hispanic males, and sometimes will even refuse to *dance* with Hispanic males (only talk to them, which is more conservative). Black females do not want to be approached by non-black mles, only by blacks. Indians, if they are not virginal, are married to an Indian guy.

    In summary, all brown females have been extremely conservative in my experience.

    Let’s talk about white females for a moment. White females are much more liberal, non-religious, and accepting of others, from what I’ve seen. White females won’t mind dancing with an Indian or black guy at a nightclub, and this is in fact what happens all the time. Some of my Indian friends have reported taking white girls home after a night out. This is unthinkable with “brown” females.

    My conclusion? White females are actually the most open-minded and liberal females, while their “brown” sisters are the ones who seem to be affected by religion, virginity complexes, and racial beliefs.

  17. Torry says:

    This is interesting.. very. I’m a black male but I don’t really have a racial preference in terms of attractiveness however, non-black females tend to “match” better for me because contrary to polarizing american politics, blacks in general are more conservative minded, think about it, more are uber religious, many of them are homophobic, want smaller government, etc. Like if political parties didn’t have a paramount of making policies for or against race relations than overwhelmingly blacks would be conservative…but I digress. Basically, I’m a very progressive lefty kind of guy who’s non-religious(extremely) and partly socialist, and thats typically a no-no for black females. Its pretty amazing I wish I could share my OKC race-match data its overwhelming toward higher percent matches of white females and bisexual females-oddly.
    Another thing thats interesting is the no-love for black chicks. I would have to agree that its probably because of a social stigma rather than actually people individually meeting the girls themselves. I’m willing to bet if you ask someone to explain why they wouldn’t go for black chicks they’ll tell you they’re too loud, or obnoxious or something and as we all know generalizations are less-than half true and always dangerous.

  18. Lighten Up says:

    There’s nothing wrong with wanting to date within your own race. Just because you are dating someone of your own race does’nt mean that you have hatred for other races, and we can’t all live in harmony. It’s been like this from the beginning of time. What is a form of racism is when you purposely exclude someone of your own race. This is an issue.

  19. Anne says:

    @ Jessie

    As a nurse who works in the plastic/cosmetic surgery industry I have not encountered one black woman come in for butt implants, other races, yes. Very few black women get breast implants, if anything, it’s more for breast reductions. Black women are the smallest clientele when it comes to plastic surgery.

  20. Christopher says:

    I just made two entries in the same-sex version of this post that I encourage everyone to read.

    In short, I believe media representation (or lack thereof) of minorities, staunchly unwavering Eurocentric standards of beauty, and pervasive negative stereotypes are what keep white privilege — which extends into sexual and social desireability — alive and well.

    If you’re a minority, you have to demonstrate that you are personally an exception to the rule when it comes to commonly held stereotypes of your ethnicity. If you’re white, you’re given a free pass, judged as an individial, and generally assumed a laundry list of positive attributes — until proven otherwise, of course.

    Then, there’s the global media, which has historically used, and continues to use light skin and European features as some kind of measuring stick as to which all other forms of beauty are judged. That in effect, you can be “beautifully exotic”, but never will you gain the respect or adoration as someone of “pure” European descent.

    This all has a very real, very tangible affect in day-to-day life for both non-white minorities and whites alike, and naturally, this extends into the realm of dating.

    The anxiety, self-hate, and bodily mutilation this has caused among many non-white persons (specifically straight black women/gay black men, and straight Asian women/gay Asian men) is appalling, disturbing, and sad.

    So wanting, so yearning to fit into the white ideal standard they are commonly denied, and be accepted and embraced for their beauty, these groups are often willing to take drastic steps to modify their appearances, often with disastrous results.

    I shouldn’t have to elaborate — black women and gay men with their hair relaxers, wigs, and weaves. “Ethnic” rhinoplasty to lessen the width of the nose, some even using harsh skin creams to strip away their color. Asian women and gay men with their eyelid surgery (to create a fold similar to Caucasian eyes), hair coloring, and skin lightening regimes.

    I mean, seriously, when does it stop?

    Why can’t we as a society, as a culture, judge people on an individual basis and realize that beauty is something that can be found in all people of all backgrounds, cultures, and ethnicities?

    Of course, there are some not-so-beautiful people in these groups as well, but beauty should not be contingent upon how closely someone subscribes or relates to the Eurocentric standard. It should just be appreciated for what it is.

    Lastly, I challenge whites to acknowledge and examine their own white privilege and the ways in which it has benefitted and given advantage to them in a plethora of social, personal, and professional interactions.

  21. Kiko Jones says:

    My last girlfriend–who is white, I’m Hispanic–once told me that there are certain white women that would never date me regardless of how attracted to me they may feel. They could be super-friendly, and even flirt, but never make it physical. They aren’t alone, though: I’ve known black, Hispanic, and Asian folks that don’t date outside their race. Whether this is family pressure/tradition or just good ole long-standing but finely disguised racism, is something I’ve yet to uncover.

  22. Kristine says:

    Nothing racist with dating a person of the same race. Been that way since the beginning of time. Doesn’t mean we all can’t live in harmony. Must admit I’ve seen some white men with some gorgeous black women no matter what stats say.

  23. Rose says:

    Well, I never got that many emails to begin with, but I wrote back to the men who contacted me, regardless of race. I was much more interested in their intellect and education than I was in there race. Conversely, I got rejected by a handful of black men because *they* were not willing to date a white woman.

  24. Karin says:

    @ Christopher

    I agree.

    Alot of black women are lacking confidence and self esteem. Over the years, especially lately, black women have been dogged in the media, on UTube, through music, stereotyped, all the nasty articles on the internet, blogs/forums, and statistics like these saying how they are not desirable and nobody wants to date them (even from black males ). The lack of father figures and good parenting. Single motherhood, or single and childless. Low rates of marriage. Societal issues. All these factors must have an affect. They are human, they are women with emotions. Some deserve the criticism but all have been labeled. No one race is perfect there is bad and good in every race. It just seems like they have been everyone’s punching bag.

  25. Jessie Maims says:

    “Black women are the smallest clientele when it comes to plastic surgery.”

    I figured this… because of lower levels of access to purely cosmetic procedures due to SES, rather than due to a specific lack of desire among that population for permanent physical augmentation – I imagine that reductions are WAY more likely to be covered by insurance than implants, and that’s part of the reason why they’re more common among that subset. I never claimed that they commonly went in for breast implants because of that assumption. I think that black women and white women are equals as far as natural distribution of bust sizes are concerned when weights are held constant. I just believe that the idea of white women commonly going under the knife for butt implants (as opposed to lifts or lipo in that area) is an urban legend.

  26. TBCruzz says:

    There are many Black women on my job who make six-figure incomes and have hefty amounts of disposable income and interestingly, they do not spend their money on plastic surgery. Hair products, yeah…Name brand clothes, sometimes…but, plastic surgery to reduce their noses or skin lighteners, doesn’t happen often. Matter of fact, I do not know of any women that I personally know who do well financially invest their money in that.

  27. EVIL... says:

    I think black women should just avoid the internet and all the blogs/forums and dating sites. Hally Berry was on Tyra this week saying that she used to use the net, but had to stop or she would never leave the house.

    If you are a sensitive person it can hurt.

    People find it too easy to hide behind their computers and spew hatred.

    The net is the devil … just evil.

  28. OkIgetIT says:

    This is actually quite sad to see is the fact black people are at the bottom of the totem pole, yet they response to each other less. I think this is quite sad and pathetic. When I was younger I use to be open to date other race of women(I am 20 by the way, but when I was like 14-18 around) now I have just said w/e I will stick to my own race, if I were to fall in love with a girl of another race so be it but I sure will not break my neck trying to be with them. Ii is not racist to prefer your own race but what I am sick of is how black people try to appeal to other race, while they should really not care.

    You see it in a music videos, in a black R&B video you see women of all races but when do you ever see a a white music video with a black women or black men as a love interest.. Imagine if someone like taylor swift had a black man as her love interest in a video. The sky would be falling. I just feel that successful black men and women should start embracing each other, have successful black families and make it repeat process, I wont sugarcoat it we need that here in the U.S. I agree with what GucciMang says.

  29. CoolidgeCaramel says:

    Per usual, when race and gender are discussed: people lose their minds, conflate issues, make tremendous generalizations, pathologize Black people in general, and make ludicrous statements about Black women in particular.

    The response rate stats are no surprise: Some of the interpretations are right-on and some of them are pure conjecture as is generally the case with interpretation.

    The fact that Black women respond more to emails does not surprise me: By even registering for a dating site, they have made a conscious decision to give the process a whirl, to suspend disbelief and, in some cases, to put aside very specific preferences. And yes, the demonization of Black women is alive and well. This includes the tendency to discuss us, to champion us, to denounce us, to ponder about us, to label us, to attack us.. Rather than engaging with us and/or perhaps reflecting on how we define ourselves.Or maybe just not discussing us us at all.

    In terms of being upset with white folks for not wanting to be “friends” with- or “date”- Black women, where did that come from? That is not an obsession with which I am familiar or that I share. I strongly believe that people ought to go where their interests and desires take them. Naturally, our desires are shaped by very specific factors and conditioned to some extent by environment… inc. the media. How can racism not impact social relations? It impacts mortality rates, income, where people live, how much their property is worth, whether or not they get stopped by the police. These things are all related/inter-related. And yet, the sum total of these things does not make up the totality of any one group.

    I am as disinterested in folks who “bash” Black women (yawn) as I am in folks who “celebrate” our loyalty, our hips, our lips, our Mother Earthness, our goodness and our epic “strength.” As for whether or not Black women deserve criticism… huh? Don’t most individuals merit it at some point? What are we talking about here? And how does surveying racial response rates = the championing of miscegenation? Why is the discussion or critical analyses of social trends and/or institutionalized practices always boiled down to whining? Examination does not equal advocacy.

    Lastly, progressive is as progressive does… and human are humans. Shocker! When folks answer questions online, they are thinking ahead to how the answers, if made public, might be interpreted.We are all invested in seeing ourselves in a certain light. There is what we believe v. what we profess to believe v. what we would like others to think we believe. Progressive just means you know what you are “supposed” to say.

    Here’s one litmus test that reflects how people see Black women: the various responses to our First Lady, Michelle Obama. Like her or not — and please, who cares either way — it is interesting that an accomplished, elegant, Ivy League-educated woman who is married — and how important the latter is in this society — is called the President’s (!) “Baby Mama.” Her arms are fetishized. When she wears extremely unremarkable mom-shorts, they are likened to “Daisy Dukes.” She appears in a Google search with a monkey’s face. Her oldest daughter, who is not even a teenager yet and has no curves to speak of, is likened to a whore. Naturally, wearing a T-shirt with a peace symbol and braids is akin to wearing a thong, and nothing else, to Catholic School. And this is the First Family.

    So yeah, there is a LITTLE antipathy towards Black women. Perhaps, a SMALL bias. This has NOTHING to do with white supremacist notions… and the hardened racsim that is directed towards Black people, regardless of their background. There is NO connection between this and social prospects for Black women. It JUST SO HAPPENS that Black women get the least responses. And, of course, it’s reasonable to guess that maybe they are LONELIER and have LESS SELF-ESTEEM.

    And all of the above is written because I am 120% hopeful that a white male will contact me; 27% hopeful that a Japanese male will contact me; 16% hopeful to hear from a Pacific Islander; 87% hoping a Black man will give me a shout-out; and 300% desiring of white female friendship, so that true femininity can be role-modeled for me. But because I am such a pariah, maybe someone will upload a “How to be Black and Sleep at Night” guide to YouTube… where all the other helpful, educational and objective information can be found.

  30. Sandra says:

    I am a white woman who will date any race as long as I feel we will be a good match and find each other attractive. I also have two African American sons and do feel that the number of responses I get is absolutely affected by the fact that I am proud of them, have a picture of them on my profile and acknowledge them as my children in my profile.

    So no matter how much people say race isn’t impoortant to them, I know racism is alive and well. I would much rather have ny sons than any man who might have racial issues which I would find very unattractive.

    Is there no dating for women who have evidence of a mixed race relationship….children?

  31. Pingback: Whats ur Race? - Rushi's

  32. Christopher says:

    I just finished watching the movie “Precious” and it’s no wonder negative stereotypes are often associated with black women. Movies like this just continually perpetuate that black women are loud, uneducated, unsexy, “strong”, fat, and beast-like.

    Hardly characteristics associated with femininity or beauty. I mean, can you, collectively, blame America for it’s negative views of black women when the image of Precious is what’s commonly presented as a representation black womanhood?

    Precious was, in short, pitiful. Frankly, I can’t understand what all the hoopla is about — what is so great about this movie? It’s about an obese, inner-city teen who’s been knocked up by her mother’s boyfriend, is pregnant, is abused by her mother, and who is on welfare. Oh, the adversity of being black in America. [Where’s the roll eye emoticon when you need it?!] Other than being painfully predictable, I found the main character of the same name to be not only stereotypical, but also one-dimensional and superficial.

    The scene where she woddles into the soul food joint only to run out with a bucket of fried chicken left me laughing and shaking my head in disappointment at the same time.

    The bottom line here is that, there is simply nothing remarkable about this movie. It’s like people are enjoying and finding entertainment in black female strife and black female suffering. Why are movies which portray blacks in stereotypical fashion celebrated and praised, while ones portraying blacks more favorably are not?

    Lastly, I always questioned why you hear black women often refer to themselves as “strong”. I never particularly associated being strong with being sexy, and I don’t think most other men do either.

    But then, I started thinking of the many ways in which black women NEEDED to be strong — they need to be strong because disproportionately, they are the heads of household single mothers. They needed to be strong because very few adhere to the Eurocentrism of the American beauty standard. They needed to be strong because being black was tough (and still is), but because being black AND female is even tougher.

    Black women had to be tough because society has not, and is not, kind to black women (or men, to that matter). So, this trait has become a cultural aspect commonly associated with blacks largely because it’s true. But the paradox is that no man, even black men, really wants a strong woman.

    Again, I think representation is key, and until people of color are represented as varied and diverse as whites, and in flattering, multi-dimensional ways, there will always be these predications and stereotypes.

    PS — I’m a gay black 23 year-old male who did not experience the “black struggle”, per se (yes, I’ve experienced racism but not to the extent disadvantaged blacks have). I grew up in affluent predominately white places my entire life, and continue to live there today. My observations are a result of personal research, observations, and hearing the experiences of inner-city blacks.

    PSS – I watched Precious over the internet, and if I had payed to see that movie I would have surely demanded my money back.

  33. Anti-Racist says:

    Someone stated earlier that on average, white men are prettier than other men. This is only true because white men are most likely to be represented as the idealization of male attractiveness in the media, and are the majority in most parts of the US.

    However, the percentage of beautiful men is a small, consistant figure throughout the male population of all races. You just don’t see beautiful men of color represented as readily by the media, nor do you see them in person.

    I’m a beautiful black man. Well, atleast that’s what everyone else seems to think. I get stared at all the time, hit on, and am the center of attention in most social gatherings. People are, in short, enamored with my looks.

    Yet, on social networking sites I have consistently felt excluded, ignored, and undesireable. Race does play a major factor in who people are willing to date, and many simply have no interest in black men, no matter how attractive or educated. That’s fine. You simply cannot appeal to everyone. Thankfully though, many can and do appreciate good looks in all it’s forms.

    Also, if you’re white, especially female, why in the world would you WANT to date or marry someone non-white ? Whites are at the top of the racial hierarchy in this country and abroad, controlling the vast amount of power, influence, and wealth.

    Why would you want to dilute or dimish this privilege?

    Yes, it’s fucked up, but it’s also reality.

  34. Black girl says:

    I would like to say to all the Black women here. Why are you shocked about the responses? Or not shocked but even bothered. What have Black women done as a collective group to improve the perceptions out there about us? NOTHING. We will complain until the cows come home but still do nothing but sit and hope for change. Don’t you see there is a reason one becomes a punching bag. Because you stand by and allow people to continually assassinate who you are without a fight. It saddens me to see so many Black women continue to support venues that clearly demonize and attack our femininity (i.e. TV, movies, music). The end result is exactly what you see here – no normal male of any race would want a woman deemed as masculine, mean, FAT or ball busting. That is ALL they see in the media of Black women. Black women have shown no interest in fighting the media and other outlets who assassinate our images. We stand by and watch, complain amongst ourselves yet continue to support the media and other outlets that have put us in this position.

    It’s clear to most Black women that the media and such play a very important role in how one is perceived.

    Until Black women become more PRO ACTIVE in taking charge of how our femininity is portrayed, things will never get better. And they haven’t. We are still since day 1 either fat asexual/ or overly sexualized. And we do NOTHING but sit. Should we not be shocked that men generally do not want us? I mean really.

    I would say that Black women need to spend more energy in fighting the system that places us in this position, than complaining about the end results of it.

    If Black women want change. Get off the dating sites (its obvious it’s not for us anyway) and put that effort into fighting the system and venues that place us in this horrible position in the first place.

  35. oh please says:

    Black women please don’t believe the hype. its obvious that people need to believe for their own collective sanity that Black women are undesirable. What Black women need to realize is that we are a small niche group. You are not going to appeal to a mass or majority simply b/c of that. Stop looking to most men to find you attractive and focus on the ones who do. Also, maybe stop writing men and allow them to contact you instead. This ensures that they are in fact looking at you as a person and not a race.

  36. Kia says:

    It’s because black women have black babies and they don’t want that. They want to rid the black race. Look at all the bi-racial babies. Turn black men/women against each other.

  37. yeah right says:

    Kia whatever.

    Most Black women still prefer their own race. And I can tell you MOST Black women find MANy white males repulsive. The few Blk women online who contact white men and others are a very small minority of black women looking at Whites as mates.

    Black women have ALWAYS been proud of who we are and our race. Its Black males who have put Black women in this position (due to thier own self hate of anything that reminds them of being Black) and has caused more Blk women to look outwards for other races. maybe its for the better – who knows. But frankly, Black women should not be looking to White males for companionship at all. They are waaay to self absorbed, ego driven and typically RACIST. And i also don’t think they are all that myself. There are other beautiful worthy men of other non black races to look for.

    And I also don’t find the results of this blog too realistic in the real world. I would say Blk males do very well with all races of women. You can see Blk men anywhere with all races. That is why these stats don’t add up to me, because what I see on a daily basis with Blk men and non Blk women, contradict this poll saying they are least responded to by all women. Maybe this is just some white boy propoganda going on here. lol

  38. PROGRESSIVE BLACK MAN says:

    (From a black man)

    Why are we accusing White Men and Women of being Racist?
    They are not…. Based on the numbers, Their preference in those that look like them, seem to be mirrored by both Black Men and Black Women..

    So, are we saying that Black People are racist against their Own?

    Look at the numbers again… Black Men want Black Women the Least
    And Black Women want Black Women the Least..

    As a Black Man, I am encouraging us Black People to Look in the Mirror before we call others racist for Having the same Preferences in Races that we Have..

    If we dont want our Own, what makes we think that Non-Blacks should want us?

    Dont send me hate-mail now… I just wanted to leave some Food for Thought

  39. PROGRESSIVE BLACK MAN says:

    Correction:

    I meant to write Black Women want Black Men the Least

  40. Well, well says:

    Well, I’ll be. If it isn’t another inaccurate study done on race that’s too poorly done and subjective to be taken seriously, being taken seriously and causing riff-raff? I hope you guys are joking, I’ve seen better research done on bathroom walls.

    Here’s the deal here: Most interracial topic blogs, magazines, shows and movies simply exist for profit / fame / popularity. The point is not to provide accurate information, but to confirm already preconceived notions. That’s called “appealing to the audience”, which is similar to making a happy ending to a movie. People come to interracial blogs like this one to see if their suspicions are true, and one thing the host doesn’t want to do is disappoint. Seriously people, stop believing everything you see, hear and read and actually think for yourselves.

    In the U.S., how long has anti-black racism existed? If you said “Ever since this country was first created up until now”, then you’d be correct. Don’t think for a moment that the creators of propaganda via any form of media (from small blogs and websites to large motion pictures) don’t want to do some sort of harm to the images of people of color (that’s including black, asian, hispanic, native american, etc.) through negative portrayals of each group. This “research” (LOL) would have everyone to believe that MOST people of color adore whites, when from my real-life experiences (not some crap written on a blog which for all we know could be made up) isn’t true in the least.

    Most people I’ve seen and know personally date and marry their own race only, that’s how it is, that’s how it’s going to stay. White men are not seen as desirable to the large majority of black women that I come across here in america, and most black men I have dealt with only want black/latina women. Asian women aren’t as “gaga” over white men as the media would like everyone to believe. If that were the case, they wouldn’t marry asian men the majority of time.

    It’s not just black women who get degraded in the media via the racist “mammy” stereotypes, it’s also asian women who get portrayed as brainless, super subservient, tiny “sex dolls” for white men and hispanic women who always get painted in this super smutty light with a lot of attitude and an uncouth demeanor. Poor native american women don’t even get represented in the media, and white women are being made out to be closet black man lovers, which I can safely say is far from the truth for the large majority of them, and that’s putting it kindly.

    Don’t believe the hype people.

  41. yeah right says:

    well well,

    You are right. They are trying to make it seem like Black women are falling over themselves to get a White man. LMAO. This is soo far from the truth its funny. Most Black women do not find White men desirable. SO taking a small sample of Black women in an online dating site, to suggest Black women are desperate for anything White is insulting yet hilarious.

    Its common knowledge that Black women (for better or for worse) prefer to stick with thier own. I am not saying that always benefits us (since i do believe a great deal of blk males have self hate and go to other races b/c of it). But at the end of the day its the truth. Yes there are a small number of Blk women now who are slowly entering the Interracial game and rightfully so (blk male availability is at an all time low for Black women seeking compatible blk mates). But making Blk women out to be desperate for any kind of white male attention is BOGUS at best. I can tell you most black women would prefer another man of color before a White one.

    Like I said, this blog/ “study” was just more White people propganda leaning more in favor of White men as the “be all end all” to womens desires. LMAO. If this is how White people have to feel good about themselves (stupid bogus unfounded “RESEARCH”), then so be it. They probably need it more than anyone else is my guess.

    I am almost inclined to believe these kinds of studies are not necessarily accurate but serve to promote White on White mating since Whites numbers have been falling quite drastically. Its a desperate measure attempt to make Whites feel they are “missing out” if they don’t prefer one another since “EVERY OTHER RACE ON PLANET” wants them and no one else (according to this study). LOL LOL LOL

  42. PROGRESSIVE BLACK MAN says:

    (From a Black Man)

    Black Men.. This message is for you. I would stay away from the White Girls that you find online. It seems the ones online have issues or reduced options.

    Offline, the White Women that are attracted to me, seem to be quality white women, in that they are attractive, slim, young, single and without kids..

    But from my experiences, just the opposite seems to be true Online…
    I cant even begin to tell you, how many white women that’s shown interest in me online, that are Fat, Have a bunch of Mix and White Kids, Are Past their Prime, Have some sort of Black Dik Fixation, or Some Hip-Hop Fixation, Are and Want to Cheat on their White Husbands… The List goes on…

    I dont know if other Black Men share my experiences of the Online/Offline world..

    From what I gather, It seems that the Online White Women that show interest in Black Men, are those WHO HAVE VERY LITTLE OPTIONS and Figure that Some Black Man will thinketh of her A Queen..

    Well.. not this Black Man.. I am not in the business of making White Men’s Trash, my Gold..

    If I decide to date, mingle with White Women, I’ll stick to the Offline White Women..

  43. Just a Thought says:

    Let me put my 2 cents in. Maybe not everyone will like my views, but hey, you cant please everyone. I am a white male and grew up in 100% white country where no one really seen much of black discrimination. We mostly had black exchange students from Africa, who were educated, well groomed and very polite. Upon coming to United States, little by little i found myself become more and more racist towards the black/Hispanic people and the interesting part that it had nothing to do with the color of their skin, but more with how they behave and present themselves. Of course there are many exceptions, but generally I think black and Hispanic population of this country is creating a bad image for themselves. There are plenty of “bad image” people in any race, including white, but it seems that black and Hispanic population just has much higher percentage of such people when comparing to their total numbers.

    Turn on the TV, watch rap videos or movies, where black people are presented as “clever” gangsters and drug dealers.. they carry guns, they are in gangs, they sell drugs and they dance. Flava Flave? Snoop Dogg? 50 Cents? These are your role models. These people are the face of the black population, which is just unfair to black people. They promote ignorance, crime and very low standards in style in taste. They make money and how they spend it? Buying bigger gold chains and putting diamonds in their teeth. Most of the black people ANYWHERE you go in a city like New York are very loud .. they laugh loud, they yell, the sing in public places and usually show completely disregard for those around them.

    This creates a bad image for black and Hispanic people. This creates a stereotype that black people are generally under achievers, people of crime and ignorance. here is a link to NYPD Most Wanted List, take a look how many black faces you can find on it

    http://www.nyc.gov/html/nypd/html/most_wanted/most_wanted.shtml

    All of this doesn’t help black people reputation and it is probably the main reason for their issues when comes to dating outside of their race. Keep in mind that major part of the new york city (for example) population is immigrants. people that don’t know much about black slavery, yet most of them find themselves not really welcoming black people into their lives. Education – that is the answer for black/Hispanic people in this country. A major change in behavior is needed and we can stop being so stereotypical towards the black people. There is no such thing as a perfect person, thus there is no such thing as a perfect race.

  44. Kia says:

    Let me correct my statement, I guess my wording was wrong. I meant to say that it seems like people don’t want to see black women/black men together. I have single black female friends who are pretty, no kids, great personalities, but dating for them is very difficult. It keeps them from having black babies. The majority of black women would rather date their own race (reasons being obvious as to why). The media and society keeps pushing the sterotypes and interracial dating in black women’s faces. Notice how the media always shows the black man with other races but not the other way around. Black men on the other hand seem to have bought into it as they want to date anything but black.

  45. blk girl says:

    Kia,

    First off let me say. You are giving Blk men a pass. You are saying that they are being forced to abandon Black women. They aren’t. They are simply WEAK and choose to follow the status qou. They don’t care about their race or women. Its time we stop caring and making excuses for their self hate.

    Next. People don’t want to see Black women WITH ANYONE. Why do you think so much effort is put into assassinating the image, feminine nature of Black women. And by the looks of it, the media and society is winning.

    Blk women need to organize and start fighting back with our MONEY and resourses. That is the only way things will change. Money talks. But what i find so funny. For such a group of “undesirable” women why everyone is so obsessed with us good or bad. People always want to “pick apart” Black women. Makes you wonder. Obviously we pose a threat in some way shape or form.

    I think Black women should stop buying the hype. We know the intentions and what is behind it. Start ZIPPING OUR WALETTS and PURSES towards ANYONE or anything that degrades us, assassinates us as a group etc. Black women have a tendency to continue to support things AND PEOPLE and GROUPS that are not and DO NOT have our best interest.

    Start letting advertisers and sponsors who allow this marginalization of Blk women to know that they will not get our $$$$ anymore. Blk women have A LOT of resources and money as a collective group. We don’t pool it or use it wisely. maybe now is time to start.

    EFF everyone (including the ones on here) who put us down or continues to demean us or stereotype us or tell us we are not attractive enough. The Blk women registered to this site or any other dating site where its obvious you are excluded simply for your race should close thier accounts, and stop sending out messages to shallow men who DO NOT DESERVE YOU and aren’t worthy of what you have to offer.

    Frankly, Black women have a lot to offer and we are too good for these shallow racist idiots (blk males included) who simply can’t look past the race. In the end, they will get just what they deserve and will never truly be happy in any mate they choose. So don’t fret. Karma is a you know what.

  46. MD says:

    Unfortunate that many black ladies missed the opportunity to have a family or have become so disillusioned they do not want kids. The saddest part is black ladies who should be having families are not. The ones that collect cheques and are not doing anything productive with their lives are.

  47. blk girl says:

    Oh and I forgot to point out. I was looking at the various blogs that linked to this particular OK cupid site study and low and behold there was one from Stormfront (A White power/white nationalism site where White Racism and White superiority is celebrated). I went there just to read their comments on this matter. These people are unapologetic about being racists and purists. I can respect that, since they are not in denial about it.

    My point is, 90% of the Whites commenting here who claim they are not “racist” because they have a friend who is black (lmao) and just have a”preference” that typically always excludes BLACK or others sound EXACTLY like the Whites on Stromfront . (excpet the White racists on stormfront don’t say they have a blk best friend and don’t feel the need to add that as a disclaimer before they write some racist crap). Go read the comments there, then come here and read them. Same thing. How funny is that? LOL. Except the white racists/purists on stormfront aren’t COWARDS. They simply acknowledge thier racist views and accept it proudly. I can at least respect the stormfront white racists who ACKNOWLEDGE thier “preferences” are soley based on believing in white power, white purity and White privledge and White SUPRIORITY.

  48. whatever says:

    Not being attracted to a particular race physically does not equal being racist.

  49. whatever says:

    Oh, and there’s no schizophrenia involved in thinking there’s nothing wrong with interracial marriage and not wanting it for yourself because you’re not physically attracted to other races.

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with eating yogurt but I don’t do it myself because I don’t like the taste.

  50. An Asian says:

    What is so wrong and racist about white couples?
    Are white people not allowed to date other white people now because you find it racist and it offends your inferiority complex?
    Are white people somehow obligated to date interracially now?

    Because that is the message that I am getting from these comments.