How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get

October 5th, 2009 by Christian Rudder

Welcome back, dorks. We’ve processed the messaging habits of over a million people and are about to basically prove that, despite what you might’ve heard from the Obama campaign and organic cereal commercials, racism is alive and well. It would be awesome if other big websites would go out on a limb and release their own race data, too. I can’t imagine they will: multi-million dollar enterprises rarely like to admit that the people generating those millions act like turds. But being poor gives us a certain freedom. To alienate all our users. So there.

When I first started looking at first-contact attempts and who was writing who back, it was immediately obvious that the sender’s race was a huge factor. Here are just a handful of the numbers that illustrate that:

The takeaway here is that although race shouldn’t matter in messaging, it does. A lot.

First of all, how do we know that race shouldn’t matter? Are we just making some after-school-special assumption that “true love is colorblind?” more compatibility usually
means more replies
No, we’re not: we know race shouldn’t matter to replies because the races all match each other more or less evenly, and reply rate correlates to matching. That is, more compatibility generally means more replies.

On OkCupid you create your own unique matching system, and that means your better matches are people you actually want talk to. Below is a graph showing match percentages vs. reply rates for a random sample of 500,000 people.As you can see, in general, the better you match someone, the more likely you are to reply to a first message from them.

We can see this principle in action when we look at our trusty control, the Zodiac. Here are the match and reply rates side-by-side, with similar rates colored yellow. There’s no real need to inspect the numbers; just observe the similar colors.

  • Throughout this post, yellowish colors are short-hand for “neutral” and red and green indicate “strong preference.”

People of the various Zodiac signs match each other all at roughly the average rate, and, as we would expect, they reply to messages similarly. In general, the correlation between match percentage and reply rate means that whenever we compare the match/reply charts for a given breakdown of the population, they should look about the same. However, this, like so many other fine assumptions, totally breaks down when race gets involved:

Again, don’t bother squinting, just check out the colors. We’ll soon look very closely at these tables.

So here’s last week’s compatibility by race table (I explained how we can confidently measure “compatibility” in that post). This is a blow-up of the leftmost table above:

As you can see, the races all match each other roughly evenly: good news. It means all other things being equal, two people, of whatever race, should have the same chance to have a successful relationshp. But now let’s look at the table of how individuals actually reply to each other’s messages. First we’ll examine messages sent by men to women (I know our gay readers are interested in same-sex versions of these tables, there’s a link to them here and at the end of this post):

The numbers on the perimeter of the table are the weighted average rates for each column/row. Here’s what we can know:

  • Black women write back the most. Whether it’s due to talkativeness, loneliness, or a sense of plain decency, black women are by far the most likely to respond to a first contact attempt. In many cases, their response rate is one and a half times the average, and, overall, black women reply about a quarter more often that other women.
  • White men get more responses. Whatever it is, white males just get more replies from almost every group. We were careful to preselect our data pool so that physical attractiveness (as measured by our site picture-rating utility) was roughly even across all the race/gender slices. For guys, we did likewise with height.
  • White women prefer white men to the exclusion of everyone else—and Asian and Hispanic women prefer them even more exclusively. These three types of women only respond well to white men. More significantly, these groups’ reply rates to non-whites is terrible. Asian women write back non-white males at 21.9%, Hispanic women at 22.9%, and white women at 23.0%. It’s here where things get interesting, for white women in particular. If you look at the match-by-race table before this one, the “should-look-like” one, you see that white women have an above-average compatibility with almost every group. Yet they only reply well to guys who look like them. There’s more data on this towards the end of the post.

Let’s see what happens when it’s the women writing the messages to men.

  • Men don’t write black women back. Or rather, they write them back far less often than they should. Black women reply the most, yet get by far the fewest replies. Essentially every race—including other blacks—singles them out for the cold shoulder.
  • White guys respond less overall. The average reply rate of non-white males is 48.1%, while white guys’ is only 40.5%. Basically, they write back about 20% less often. It’s ironic that white guys are worst responders, because as we saw above they in turn get the most replies. That has apparently made them very self-absorbed.

Finally, here are a couple tables that shed further light on our discussion. These are site-wide answers to a couple user-written match questions. They barely need any explanation: one comments on the other, really. Together they shed more light on the theory/practice schizophrenia of people’s racial attitudes.



It’s surely not just OkCupid users that are like this. In fact, it’s any dating site (and indeed any collection of people) would likely exhibit messaging biases similar to what I’ve written up. Any dating site probably
has these biases
According to our internal metrics, at least, OkCupid’s users are better-educated, younger, and far more progressive than the norm, so I can imagine that many sites would actually have worse race stats. But like I said at the beginning, we’ll probably never know. See you next week.


(Addendum to original post)

Same-Sex Data for Race vs. Reply Rates

As promised, here are the same-sex versions of last week’s charts and tables. In general, they show that straights and gays share many of the same inclinations, but the prejudices of the latter are perhaps a bit less pronounced. I should say at the top that some of the sample sizes for the various race/gender slices presented here are rather small (for instance, OkCupid doesn’t have many lesbians of Indian descent), and that accounts, I think, for some of the scatter-shot nature of the color tables. Race preferences are not nearly as stark here as they are with the heterosexual data.

See for yourself:

Still, there are a few conclusions we can draw:

  • Blacks get fewer responses. We saw this with the straight data, too, and here it’s true of both gay and lesbian senders. Black gay men get over 20% fewer responses than non-blacks, which is about how straight black men fared. Black women, on the other hand, do relatively much better with gays than straights. While they’re still the least replied-to group, the discrepancy is much smaller in the lesbian community.
  • Whites respond by far the least to anyone.. Both white lesbians and white gay men write the fewest replies. In fact, across the two charts, whites respond about 15% less often than non-whites, and white gay men show a marked preference for other whites. On the other hand, gay white women don’t have the segregationist tendencies of their straight counterparts; they just dis everyone. Whereas last week we saw that straight white women strongly preferred other whites to the exclusion of other groups, lesbian whites respond to all 9 racial groups roughly evenly, and, in general, the lesbian community seems relatively colorblind. Only Indian lesbians receive a response rate far off the average, and as I said above, the sample size there is limited and the results might be skewed by chance.
  • Asian lesbians are in demand, and they’re picky about other races. Gay Asian females are replied to the most, and, among the well-represented groups, they have the most defined racial preferences: they respond very well to other Asians, Whites, Native Americans, and Middle Easterners, but very poorly to the other groups. Latin women also express a clear preference, for Whites and Asians.
  • Men prefer Middle Easterners. Gay men and straight men both respond best to Middle Easterners, and the preference is quite dramatic. I’d be interested to hear any theories why this is so.

As we did last week, we can see that all groups think, theoretically, that interracial relationships are acceptable, yet again whites are the least willing to have such a relationship themselves. This time it’s the men, not the women, who prefer most to keep to their own: it’s interesting that both in reply patterns and in their answers to these two match questions, the behavior of white straight women and white gay men are so closely parallel.

To our friends in the gay and lesbian communities: thanks for being patient and waiting for this data. We will do gay-centric articles in the future, I promise. Lately, since we’ve been dealing with complex and data-intensive subjects like race and reply rates, we’ve had to restrict ourselves to straight data in the primary post. We felt that adding a discussion of gay and lesbian trends alongside straight ones would triple the length of an already long and dense post and surely more than triple reader confusion. We will keep looking for ways to present the information you rightly expect; for now, it will be in addenda such as this one.

1,557 Responses to “How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get”

  1. Speak for yourself please says:

    SUICIDAL,

    Please speak for yourself. I am so tired of the pity part BW give themselves becaue of stupid stats and studies!

    if you want to believe no one wants and you keep saying it THEN IT BECOMES A REALITY! However, DO NOT SPEAK FOR ALL BLACK WOMEN because there are plenty of BW in the world who are attractive and dating.

    i am so sick of it. Tired of BW who feel sorry for thesmelves always acting like what affects them affects all of us. You are making Black women look real pathetic. Get some self esteem, some confidence and maybe you will attract someone.

    My philosiphy is if no one wants to date me b/c I am Black fuk em! its their loss. I am not going to run around feeling sorry for myself b/c of racist idiots.

    Men are not attracted to women with low self esteem. Why do you think someone would want to be with you when you even don’t like yourself. How can a man have confidence in a woman who doesn’t hve confidence in herself? All this “woe is me the Black woman” crap is just playign right into these dumb stats and media that want BW like YOU to start buying into your own demise.

  2. JJJJJ says:

    Dating and being a minority: I read this in the page on same-sex data and I think this echoes my own suspicion as well as being more:
    Quoting toomanylawyers: “As a bisexual black male I have never had that much luck with online sites. It fascinated me for the longest time because I’m a pretty good looking guy and I do very well in the bar, club scene. I couldn’t figure out why for some time until I realized that of course, in person charisma, confidence, style can all be portrayed and witnessed in seconds between humans. Online your dealing with far more assumptions, pre-conceived notions, general (but I think valid) bias, and hopes of perfection.”

    Suicidal and others who feel the same way – I feel sorry for you and hope you will hang on and keep on trying… As an Asian bisexual female I’d say I’ve mostly been attracted to white females, but then again I’m surrounded by more whites than any other group.

    I think the problem is not “racism” but the fact that we know very little about other groups. How can you be seriously and romantically interested in someone of a different race when you don’t even know about their culture… and on that point, most “minorities” spend more time on becoming white rather than on their own culture… its fitting as we live in a white country… and that in the end explains why minorities has it worse: they are the ones adapting to something, the whites just are. Its not necessarily racism so much as the nature of being a minority, or immigrant.

  3. Jae says:

    I agree mostly to these statistics, however from what I see the Asian female/ White male relationship is still among the highest interracial couples out there. Whether on this site or elsewhere, I’ve Wikipedia-ed it and it’s true. I am currently contributing to this statistic sadly enough. :)

  4. CosmicLethargy says:

    Hm, very intriguing how this objective analysis upsets so many people.

    My experience concurs very strongly with this and is the most frustrating aspect of my online dating experience.

    We know that like marries like, and I have no problem with that. It’s true that there is a correlation between culture and race, however I think the ‘matching’ criteria accounts for that and in many ways alleviates it – this is not done by race only, but by matching people according to cultural, ethical, sexual and lifestyle questions – some of the more angry and dismissive commentors seem to have ignored this crucial fact.

    That given, this issue is about honesty, not about preference. I would much rather people just said they would not date someone of my race and then I know not to waste my time. It bothers me that people like to tick ‘any race’ to look good, but despite very specific shared interests and attitudes, I receive a confusing lack of response, which I can only put down to race, otherwise it doesn’t make sense.

    If you don’t want to date me because of my race, that’s not my issue, that’s fine. Just say so.

    I’m dating because I want to find a boyfriend. I know the world is full of champagne liberals who just want to look good and I can’t resent people for that, it’s just who they are. But I do resent how it interferes with my search for happiness and I hate how this horrid capacity for human self-delusion and vanity intrudes on my private desires. I wish I could just ignore it, but I have to face it every time I log in.

    It’s just very very sad.

  5. suicidal says:

    Lila,
    Thank you for your post. It gives me something to look forward to. Hopefully someone out there will at least like me. Everyone in my life has always told that I am not good enough and never will be. I live in a predominantly White and Asian community where the people either date their own race or the other predominant race. Black and Hispanic guys usually do not want to date me because they think I’m uppity or “act White,” and the other Black and Hispanic guys just want to have a physical relationship.

  6. Champagne Liberals says:

    Cosmic you hit the nail on the head when you said:
    “I know the world is full of champagne liberals who just want to look good ”

    OK CUPID is supposedly a site for ‘progressive liberals”. There is your answer.

    In my day to day interactions, I find myself disgusted by liberals and their hypocritical so called “post racial” talk they spew. As soon as a White person starts talking about how many Black friends they have, I tune them out as I already know what I am dealing with. that is typically the first sign of a phony or as you stated a CHAMPAGNE liberal.

  7. Black women hold it high says:

    “THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH” my beautiful doves.

    “It refers to those with a spirit that is free of vanity, who are willing and obedient to God’s leading, and are humble and patient in affliction.”

    “The phrase “inherit the earth” is a figure of speech which
    denotes the highest of blessings. These blessings are realized
    when the righteous enjoy the good things of life which the wicked
    often overlook in their pursuit of whatever.”

    Just a reminder to the Black women feeling sorry for themselves. At one point in the USA Asian women were considered the lowest of low – typically seen as nothing but prostitutes and low caliber women who were only good to service men. With patience and time that has turned around and they are doing quite well. They have the pick of the liter while at one point they were often looked down upon as women as are Black women today. You wouldn’t believe some of the things, terms and sayings that were used to describe Asian women. they were also often ridiculed about thier looks and race. Well look at them today!! Don’t believe me just do some research. i say that to say this: things may be tough now, but with patience and CONFIDENCE it will turn around.

  8. Jacob says:

    “race shouldn’t matter to replies because the races all match each other more or less evenly”

    Uh…don’t you mean: We’re working to refine our metric to reflect real preferences? I think this means your instruments are a bit off.

    More importantly, there’s nothing racist about not wanting to date someone from another race. Sometimes it’s just a preference. Racism is giving your friend shit if they want to date another race. Racism is not hiring someone because of race. Racism is still prevalent and dangerous. But let’s keep my dick out of the civil rights movement, thank you very much.

  9. 808heartbreak says:

    .First off…my defintion of race is that it is assumptions(stereotypes) based on someones outside appearance.

    This was an interesting read! (Both article and comments) I am a black woman from Los Angeles. On this site I am hit on by white men, black men, other and hispanic men(in that order) . The funny thing is that I have never dated a white male. I get hit on by them in the real world as well. I am far from racist. And its not that I don’t find them goodlooking or less interesting. Its just a path I have yet to take. I have dated plenty of mixed men. I actually prefer black and________ men.

    We all have personal preferences! We also, date according to our city, some people just aren’t open to dating other races due to the fact they aren’t familiar with a certain race. And all they know about people is race. (Go
    back to my above definition of race). I have noticed that there are not a lot of black people on this particular site so the number of who messages who is interesting

    If someone loves to date every race and ethnicity…good for them. Only date your own race…do your thing. Only like other races…awesome. its all personal preferences!

    How many of us say one thing and do others?I do! I admit my prefences change by the hour. Who knows who I will end up with.

  10. aj says:

    you got issues jae. you look up statistics just to validate the shallow nature of your own relationship. sad.

  11. Blackharvard says:

    Ha. This confirms what i have said all along. My moms white and my dads black and im a punky-indy type dude. So the pool of women that im in to on cupid is vast but those are in to me are few. Thank God I look good so i can at least pick up shallow dumb chicks. What Cupid is saying is that They have done all this matching mumbo jumbo but people still follow their dumb cultural biases. Its it not even that other races dont find black men attractive. Black men are the most fetishised group of people next to asian women. So its perceptions of what other people will think of them that stops then from finding their personal Mandingo. Good on you Cupid for posting this.

  12. AZDuffman says:

    If race should not matter, why write an article on it? I think some people date interracial just to prove to the world “they are not racist.” Here’s the deal, there is nothing wrong with you finding one race more attractive and interesting than another. You are not hurting anyone by doing so. In the future you should try to find a more relavent subject to blog about.

  13. Whatajoke says:

    This is really pathetic. White men are more prone to hurt women, yet asian, hispanic, and white women select white men more often. This is all a successful smear campaign executed by white corporate, government, and science executives with media news clips and articles and blacks being infected with stds. A majority of black males, who have enough money to pay for a racist dating website, are sensable enough to keep themselves healthy. But, as with mind control ad commercials, these types of women think the american dream is to be with a white male just because he has stringy hair (if any), and a pink penis.

    It’s a pathetic reality about this country and the mindset of women. Sadly, the education level of 98% of the US population is rather low, so essentially we’re gonna have to deal with racist ignorance on a daily basis.

    And to add to this fucked up article, they didn’t tell you that white and asain admin techs manipulate communications between black males and white females. So, to say the response is low between them can’t be trusted by the data seen in this article.

    YES, they can monitor what you email and message. The truth: DON’T TRUST A DAMN THING A WHITE MAN TELLS YOU. FACT.

  14. Francis M says:

    Although this can’t be seen as directly racist or sexist it is inolving race and gender so in an indirect way it is racist and sexist.

    There was also seemingly an unobjective criticisms of “white males” I am a “white male” and I agree with the criticism of “white males” but not because I’m of a different race. I agree with the crticism because it may be true and because I have a different mind set than average. I agree mostly with the criticism of “males” and not because I am envious. If another race was getting more attention can we really say that those men would not be the same way as”white males” are now?

    I think if the objective here is truely non racist in every way, and truely about Match%, then it should deal with Mind set,behaviour, and social skills and not race. WHo can argue with that?

    I am what is considered a very deep individual who is slightly eccentric. I never got responses and it has nothing to do with my looks and I am white and I respond to almost every one. Accept for those who seem desperate because it does not seem healthy and it seems opportunistic and/or goal orineted and possibly not because of “Love” and genuine interest in me as a person.

    Ultimately I think that human beings can not be reduced to numbers
    and percentages and certainly not some old Roman pagan practice. We escaped that long ago. Separation of church and state should be applied here.

    Think with you hearts some times and not with your heads all the time.

    Upon viewing this statistical data.One has to ask themselves these questions:

    why any one would be so interested in collececting this data?

    Is it merely a more evolved much more intellectual way of being racist?

    Is the data being collected to try and find how to disrupt the social atmosphere of things or could it be used for such things?

    Is it the lack of relationships or bad luck with relationships that makes this sort of data appealing?

    If some one was having good luck in relationships would they still be so interested in collecting this obsessive numeric data?

    I know for one I have horrible luck with relationships and I’ve never been in one. I’m a “white male” and 26 and never been kissed and it isn’t because of my looks or race. I was drawn to this topic. Ask yourselves why?

    This does not interest me though because it has less to do with Match% and social behaviour then it has to do about race.

    Look into the social skills and behaviour of the individual not the race of some one because then it appears that the fuel behind the study was rooted in racism and a possible desire for assimilation and not the impowerment of the individual.

    This, I think, is evolved racism in a big obsessive way. I may be wrong, but that is my opinion and it seems we are entitled to free speech on okcupid.

    It is for sure we will have our follies but it is with free speech that we come to an understanding. That was born of Thomas Jeffersons quotes.

    I voted for Obama and I drink tea I don’t send tea.

    Make your guess based on all that and my “white male” response to it. Ask yourselves whether all “white males” are “shitty” and “fairly even handed about it”?

    Or is that the type of “Male” in gereral that has good luck with women because of an accepted mentality?

    At the time Rome fell other peoples beliefs ripped the Roman dogma to pieces and exposed it for it’s absurdity and the Romans at the time used the zodiac. The Emporers feared this and persecuted people or all races,nationalities,religions,and creeds as they had always done to try and protect their power.

    Super powers do not belong to any one race reguardless of the race of the peoples who made it possible for power mongers to become what they do.

    Power mongers are White,black,Asian,Male ,Female,Hispanic/latino/latina,Arab,christian,jewish,muslim,pagan,hermaphrodite/androgenous. THe list goes on and on.

    Power mongers have tradionally been male though. I think if one were to get religious, as the zodiacs reference implies one may get here, then they may think that the power mongers can be collectively personified as what is wrong with this world and all of exsistance.

    ALL One may need to know:
    “Live and let live”,”Treat others as you would have them treat you”, ” do not judge or you shall be judged”

    It should not be much more complicated unless you are trying to control others in some way or change things.

    You can change YOU you cannot change Others and that is the difference.

    Thank you for reading my ramble and it may be un-objective but it’s true.

    THink with your hearts sometimes not always with your heads and ignore racism in every form for it seeks to deceive you.

    If your only goal in life is to find a woman of a any one particular race then you are racist and you may become sexist. It is no wonder then why women in general might turn away from you if you are sexist and when entire cultures become sexist it is no wonder why many women might turn away from it eventually. That can be changed with the setting of the sun and not rise again with it.

    That is all you need to know and I think it is very simple.

  15. Intrigued says:

    Color me not surprised.

  16. Anonymous says:

    I am thinking specifically about a couple parts of the article.

    First, it didn’t say “people are racist”, it just pointed out that race is a much larger factor than match % in getting responses.

    Second, it noted the response to the big “race” questions. To me those numbers look like OKC users don’t think race is as big a factor as the response stats might indicate.

    But think about that question. Would you STRONGLY prefer to date… Well, no, not strongly. That makes me feel uncomfortable. I never have. I’m not really inclined STRONGLY to start doing so. But I’m not STRONGLY opposed to it.

    That’s not surprising, that most people choose to answer in a way that would indicate evenhandedness. If you think about the KKK as your standard of someone STRONGLY preferring their own race, most people are going to say they don’t STRONGLY prefer it.

    So then I asked myself honestly if I’d respond to someone black, asian, hispanic, middle eastern, indian — I think I’ve only been contacted by whites and asians. And I thought, no, I probably wouldn’t respond to someone black, hispanic, or middle eastern, indian…

    And if I’m honest about why, it’s a bias. I know with some races it has to do with some fairly extreme memories of being “hit on” by men from those cultures in ways that I found *incredibly* offensive. With other races it has to do with an assumption that the culture is overwhelmingly patriarchal. If their message and profile were’t eloquent…then I would probably not respond.

    And you know what? I have the same exact bias against white “frat guys” and white men more than 3 yrs older than me. I think “probably sleazy” and ignore it. I don’t often respond to geeks, even though I am one, because I think geeky guys are going to have a Madonna-Whore complex, be moody, and have low self esteem.

    I’m a judgmental person. I’m also willing to change my judgments. But I think some perspective is in order here because…

    Matching or no matching, at the point of initial contact, this other person is all but a nonentity and my personal biases are going to be more compelling to me than the match score. It’s easy to dismiss someone at that stage, to let the slightest of subconscious “eh…” make the decision.

    So it makes sense to me that liberal people who don’t strongly prefer their own race would still let race (or any indicator of stereotype in appearance) be a huge factor in their initial response to a message.

  17. Intrigued says:

    Me again. What I think would be more telling is the number of searches filtering by ethnicity. It’s not so much who you respond to, but who you actively look for, that says more to me about biases. I know that I end up in some guys’ search only because I list that I’m Asian (as well as black). They might say something, but I’d be an exception rather than part of the norm.

    I’m quite certain that this filter also affects the stats for looks. There are attractive ethnic women and men who are not going to get rated because, quite frankly, they aren’t being found due to being filtered out in the first place.

  18. Raven says:

    This is not surprising, kind of sad, Totally get it.

    Im hispanic, but rarely date black guys anymore, I did a lot more when I was younger but not anymore. I live in a primary White hood and the young arty hipsters seems to like me to a point of fetishizing, however on OK CUPID I have trouble attracting the guys that I actually like. For the most part I get no responses from the White or Asian dudes I think are hot. I get contacted mostly by black men. I do respond if they are polite, but just to say I am not interested and good luck. I dont want to be rude. The sad thing is that im pretty hot most rate me between a 8 and a 10. In real life I know I would have a better shot at some of these aloof corner lurking white/asian dudes but alas. Not on OK Cupid.

  19. Åttiotvå says:

    So now people have to date and marry and have kids with people of other races to not be racist, and oh, we also gotta lie and say that we don’t often find other races unattractive, even though it’s pretty damn fucking obvious and proven several times that northern european “lines” are universally attractive. Super-racist people, oh nooooo!

  20. YetAnother says:

    Let us not kid ourselves, racial biases exist all around the world. I’ve had a chance to travel to and live in many countries, and everyone has preferences, biases, prejudices.. whatever name you want to give them.

    Does distribution of wealth and 20th century post colonial world order give white people and “upper hand”? it does. Does this extend to dating preferences? it does. But it’s no different than Hollywood movie dreams being desired all around the world, or American fizzy beverages being gulped with alacrity rarely seen since wine tasting at the last supper.

    But you will see the same preferences among social divisions in any country. Sheikhs in the Middle-east, Habeshas in Eastern Africa, Upper Castes in India, Slavs in Russia and so on. In America, it just happens to be race because it is so racially diverse.

    The question is why do these biases exist? Logic suggests we use stereotypes as filters. And each stereotype sells a dream of what the future could be. I just so happens that white people have more favourable dreams associated with their stereotypes in America (reference post colonial world order).

    In other words, everyone wants a few things from their partners (at least here) – an open mind, wealth (enough to live comfortably), good looks, education, good lifestyle, a fun and progressive social demeanour etc. The stereotypes, at least the ones I’ve seen prevalent, seem to favour white men and women.. irrespective of what the ground truth is.

    OKCupid! >> I would be interested in seeing a demographic breakdown of your analysis. How do these communication trends vary by states / cities, age groups, education level, income, children and looks (height, body type).

    I suspect this breakdown will likely unearth the drivers for the patterns you see here.

  21. Joseph Bolden says:

    I recently left a new social site that starts with a Z.
    its has a younger group-I’m an older black guy.
    Anyway after placing my photo on the Z’s site I let it go for awhile.
    Then one of the women replied with a two middle fingered salute.
    (Meaning I’m not her cup of tea in looks)

    For along time after this I thought. I was being honest placing my photo
    online for all to see and I get a negative response for my troubles.
    I guess being slighly older is the thing. That I had nerve enough to place
    my ugly mug on the new site. But she could’ve not responded to my pic
    at all but I she wanted more than just to hurtful.

    I responded by having friends on another site defend me and decided it was
    best to got to a truly adult site with names like (buddies, bang, and what is
    as popular overly ample women’s body magazine.)

    Eventually I unsubscribed (wasan’t paying money so I was insulted for free.
    These are really explisit XXX-RRR sites are for serious bed springing, wall thumpin’
    folks who want nothing more than to be skin on skin, mature, adult fun and not the
    Z site the double digit woman was on who is probably still giving signs to other not
    as bad looking fella’s as I.

    Oh, if you any of you know this person tell her thanks for
    the nudge off Z’s site it led me to better more reality situated sites with women who are
    more into giving guys not perfect looking a chance to be more than an ugly face punch-
    line joke for some bitter young lady. (Oh, well it probably won’t get back to her and she’ll
    savage some other poor slob just trying get a date with another person on the Z site.
    That’s how life is but it doesn’t have to stay that way.

  22. Monica says:

    I think it’s weird that folks get so hung up on effin numbers that they don’t see what works for them.
    In my case, ever since I started on okcupid, i git alot of emails from guys. Mostly white. Why? I don’t know and frankly dont care. Yes I got screwed up emails(mostly from wannabe thugs), but i kept on the task at hand. The date I did pick ended up being a great guy. Soon after we ended up dating. It’s been a year now, so it looks pretty good.
    I guess what I am saying is this: if you are a fun person..people will want to know you. If you are a stick in the mud, you will run all potiential suitors off.

    Don’t take life so damned seriously…No one gets out alive anyway..

  23. Luvagoo says:

    Everyone’s a little bit racist. It’s a fact.

    I…would most likely not set out to message someone of a different race to me, but if they messaged me, and it was just as engaging as the next, I would definitely answer.

  24. John says:

    If you think ok cupid is worse try some of the other sites, especially those that don’t allow you to send messages (or make you pay for them). For every 100 contact requests I send out I get 5 responses or so. In 3 years of internet dating a woman has only sent me a message maybe 3 times.

  25. Mikko Kemppe - Dating In Black And White says:

    I find this article very interesting. I think an interesting question emerges from the article which is whether it is racist to want to date exclusively your own race on the basis of wanting to propagate it?

    We say it is a preference to date one race over another, and I agree. But what if your motive or reason for not dating someone outside of your race is that you want to preserve your own, does that make you a racist?

  26. Justaguy says:

    This is for Mikko,

    Wanting to date your own race merely for the misplaced sake of “preserving” it is in the very core of racism. If you cannot see how obvious that is please let me enlighten you. Look up Eugenics and Naziism it is in a nutshell exactly what you described. Outdated ideas like that nearly sicken me when I see that other people are ignorant enough to believe in it.

    I wouldn’t dare presume but I would guess you are Japanese and I find that probably out of all the other Asian countries Japan has it worst with embedded racism. As far as preserving the “race” goes, Japanese is not a race, more than likely the historical Japanese “race” is a combination of Chinese and Pacific Islander ethnicities. This is evidenced language structure which uses Chinese derived characters for writing but with a language structure with enough similarities to Indonesian or Malay to see a relationship.

    Nobody wants to be called a racist but if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck…

  27. Observant says:

    I knew this was going on but to see it in black and white like this is really shocking. This really does prove that the media has shaped our ideas when it comes to beauty standards. The whole idea behind racism in this country was to keep white privilege intact. The fact that most minorities, both men AND women, prefer white partners is shocking, and proves that racism permeates this society, even to this day.

    The interesting thing is that this survey is probably much more accurate than a poll because most people would deny that they prefer a white partner when in reality, when they think no one is watching, the truth comes out.

    Wow, this is very revealing, and disappointing as well.

  28. Mikko Kemppe - Dating In Black And White says:

    @Justaguy,

    Thanks for the comment! So would you go as far as to say that a white person who wants to have white children is racist, for example? The reason I raise that question is because I don’t think most people realize how far our loyalties might go as far wanting to have children of our own color.

    Eugenics practiced controlled breeding as an attempt to improve human population to increase the occurrence of desirable heritable characteristics. Is that the same thing as wanting to preserve your own race if you respect everyone’s choice to have any color children they wish?

    Your presumption about me being Japanese was little off. But I give you this. My language is remotely related to it :).

  29. IT IS WHAT IT IS says:

    If you are looking for a pair of shoes that have certain qualities and you walk into a room that has 50 pairs of shoes – 40 being all red and the other 10 being all blue – what are the probabilities that you will most likely choose a red shoe b/c the pickings are much more vast? You may find a blue shoe that fits all your needs but for the mere fact that there are triple even almost quadruple more red shoes to pick from, that gives the red shoes an advantage. Not b/c they are necessarily RED, but b/c they are just much more in supply. More pickings.

    I think what we are seeing here is a number of things (no pun intended) and not simply people just “wanting some white meat” b/c that’s all we see on cable and in movies. For a White woman it completely makes sense that she may have the luxury or desire to stick with White men only or as a first choice b/c to her advantage she has plenty to choose from. She doesn’t need necessarily to look to minority males for companionship b/c even put together they do not equal the total of White males in this country. She has a better likelihood of meeting a White male with her desired qualities than maybe a minority b/c White men are in much more vast supply. For a Black woman it would be SILLY and foolish to sit and try to find SOLELY a man of our own race (they make up a little less than half of the 12% of Black overall) and Black women even outnumber Black men. So If Black women make up say 7% of the 12% of Blacks and Black men make up 5% and she is looking for a particular male with particular qualities – doesn’t it make sense that she would have a higher probability of finding a Non black one simply b/c there are waaaaay more of them?

    Whites are the majority in America. They are everywhere – they are the red shoes. Are their shoes any better than others? NO. But there are just more of them to choose from. For a Black woman like myself looking for certain qualities and characteristics in a male, just by sheer numbers my likelihood on meeting a White guy with those qualities is higher than meeting a Black one. Especially when you throw in where I grew up, where I live, places I frequent, my job and last but not least my values.

    The fact is, there are minorities on OK cupid and other dating sites that are seeking White partners maybe b/c they do not fit into the mold of their own cultures.

    meaning, there are many minorities who live in predominately White areas, work in predom white jobs etc. therefore, you become more attracted to what you are exposed to daily. I can say as a Black woman I do not relate to what is deemed “Black culture” or Black groupthink. I feel more comfy in all White or mixed settings than Black. And that is simply b/c I grew up around mainly Whites and in very diverse communities..

    And even for the Blk women who grew up in all black settings, they TYPICALLY don’t venture out of their race for intimacy HOWEVER, there are many who want to b/c while they may have grown up around all Blacks, they may not share the “black” value systems they were raised in.

    The numbers benefit Whites overall. I think we see this on the site (where they are the majority) and in the real world – or rather America, where they make up around 73-75% of the population.

    I understand about beauty standards and how it affects those who are at the top and bottom of it. Believe me as a Black woman I know especially since Black women are most adversely affected by them. However, while the MAJORITY of White males prefer their own (it makes sense why wouldn’t they? they have more White women to choose from anyway), even if only say 7%- 10% of the overall 35% are willing to date out or marry out, A Black woman still benefits since we only make up a small percentage. Its not about attracting all White men, its about finding an open minded one who has the qualities you seek. The fact and hard reality is, as a Black woman, I will most likely find a compatible White mate before I find a compatible Black one – SIMPLY b/c of the numbers. And White men and White women are more likely to find a compatible WHITE partner before a compatible minority one.

    IT IS WHAT IT IS FOLKS.

  30. Ok here is the deal says:

    I would also like to add to the Black women here. Online dating is a BEAST for anyone. Unless you look like a supermodel its going To be tough. And as you can see for Black women, it gets even harrier when you throw in the race. I truly believe its simply b/c men have so many other women to pick from based on numbers alone, that Black women may not be at the top of the list b/c there is so little of us to choose from.

    This post is going to be a hard jagged pill to swallow. I know there are a lot of White and Non Black men out there with serious racial baggage, but there are still many who are very good people with open minds who would date a good woman regardless of race. but I have to present the other side of the coin.

    I just outlined above what we Black women are up against. Beauty ideals and numbers. If you are seeking to find a male outside of the race (especially WHITE) remember they have a boatload of White women to pick from. there are a bunch of White women running around – from TOP NOTCH to FUUUUGLY and everything in between. If Black women fell of the face of the earth tonight, many men would still get laid. WHY? because we don’t nearly put a dent in the female population in America for it to affect anyone BUT maybe Black men – MAYBE. But if White women fell of the face of the earth tonight – white men would be in deep doo doo. If a White male chooses he can pretty much live his life dating and mating with White women ONLY and still have a pretty active sex and intimate love life.

    Why am I saying all of this. I wholeheartedly believe a Black woman who has a lot going for herself and who has it together PHYSICALLY CAN compete for the best of any men out there – provided the Non black men are not stone cold racists.

    But the hard reality is (and believe me I had to face this myself is) with all that’s working against us, we reaaaallly need to come with our A Game.

  31. OK here's the deal PART 2 says:

    I can’t tell you how many times I hear another Black woman saying how she can’t attract men of another race, but then I look at who is saying it and I have to wonder why she thinks she doesn’t need to fix some things PHYSICALLY to make herself more competitive or appealing against other races of women who are outnumbering her and who have it together physically. There are some Black women who really believe that by default they should get a date or asked out b/c they are nice etc. yes that is good but seriously we are competing for love. And the fact is men are visual. have your stuff together! there are a number of things she may not have considered. Its easy to blame it all on racism, b/c then you don’t have to look to improve some things about yourself. Not every White man has racial baggage and not every White man is racist. but the fact is as Black women we do not have the luxury to half step in the dating game. That means WEIGHT needs to be in tip top shape. YESSS I said it!

    Look at your online dating profile and pictures. Look at it again and again. Get someone else to look at it. have them look again. What can you fix to make yourself or your profile look more appealing? What does your pic look like? Is it blurry? tacky? bad lighting? Are you overweight? (if you are FORGET IT). I just browsed through some of the Black women’s profiles here and honestly – we need to do better – Yesss I said it! Remember I am coming from a place of love and wanting all my beautiful sisters to find that ONE.

    And yes you could be the most perfect Black female specimen and there will be a number of Non Black men who still wouldn’t look your way. Who cares! There are many others who will. You don’t want the racists or the ones with racial baggage anyway.
    Last let me say this. Does it suck that we as Black women MAY have to work just that much harder at getting a date? YEP. I don’t think its fair, but life isn’t fair. It is what it is. You either do it or you don’t.

    This post may seem shallow, but I do often wonder when I read some Black women crying the blues online about all the Non black men who won’t message them back. I do have to admit many times I wonder what these women look like and/or what their profiles and pics look like. And when I say “look like” I am not talking about features, but rather are you HONESTLY looking your best to where a White male or Asian who would most easily find a woman of their own race, take a second look?

    *ok throw the rocks now*

  32. BindieRock says:

    Another interesting idea is that of individual minorities who have, in essence, marginalized themselves Just by having the wherewithal and desire to be on OKCupid, we are, none of us, representative of the population as a whole. Perhaps for minorities this works to skew us away from people who would be happy to respond to us.

    Anecdotal evidence:
    I’m a black male who happens to be pretty far from the expected black “standard.” I’m kind, thoughtful, caring, intelligent, and have a good sense of humor. I’m quite a catch and don’t feel bad about admitting it. However, on here, my response rate is terrible. Many black women with whom I’m compatible aren’t interested in black men. Many non-black women are either leery about dating a black man, are also opposed. We’re I a gambling man, I’d place money on black women dealing with the same problems only worse. I think the issue is more one of place than being a larger social trend.

    For a seasonal metaphor: the best salesman in the world would still have trouble moving Yankees merchandise in Fenway Park. Not to say no one will buy, but one could pick better places.

  33. Junis says:

    After looking at the interesting statistics on this website, I am now going to become an anti-feminist. I am a non-white British male (39) of Pakistani descent and already am a mysognyist. It is not Islam that has made me a mysogynist, but Britain’s racist culture. I have lived for 18 years in this country and no woman has ever been my buddy or partner.

  34. Woman says:

    Wow, so black people have an online penalty of 10% for being black. And white people are race-neutral. Interesting. Well, at the end of the day, I could’ve told you that, lol.

  35. CC says:

    Are Jews included in the White category? Perhaps they have a strong preference only to date other Jews, and this is skewing the data for Whites?

  36. Jessica says:

    I am sad. I am black and I am a woman. I knew it was because of my race.

  37. Citation_Supplied says:

    This is an excellent data set. I am an Asian male, and my experience on okc has been dismal. I’ve had much better luck approaching random girls at a grocery store than on this site. Or any other online dating site, for that matter.

    What this implies is the following. For a non-white male, online dating is basically a waste of time. Just go out and display your charms in person. It is not as convenient, but at the same time, your chances are far better.

  38. Jer says:

    I hate to tell you this Cit, but online dating isn’t any better for white males. I think these stats are crap.

  39. Jeremy says:

    I have never seen anything that made me happy to be the race I am; however, it’s washed out with the melancholy I feel identifying with a Black woman I recently saw on The Tyra Show. Don’t Black women, with their wonderful personalities, deserve love as much as the rest? Where does the fear that underwrites for prejudice stem from in men?

    Thank God, OKCupid users are more racially aware than others around the world, but shouldn’t this be an issue of concern for us all? One of the graduate students at my university was conducting research on the dislodging of intrinsic racial preferencing in human psychology, but his research was inconclusive. We can make an impact, though.

  40. bitBM says:

    Speak for yourself please,

    While I do agree with you somewhat, I think Suicidal’s reaction is inherently human and I don’t fault her for it. I guess I don’t fault her for it because I’ve felt that way lots of times given my on-going battle with ptsd and depression.

    Then again I rarely think about race and my dismal chances of ever meeting someone. I tend to preoccupy my attention with everything but this stuff.

  41. Bob says:

    This has probably already been said, but you’re not factoring in overweight and obese rates for each race.

    Black women are apparently getting significantly less replies than all other women — and this should be entirely understandable. Please refer to the following data from the CDC: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hus/hus09.pdf#067

    Overweight/obesity rates from 2003-2006 show that the percentage of white women who were overweight (including obese) was 57.4%. The actual breakdown is 32.5% obese with another 24.9% categorized as overweight on top of that.

    However, a staggering 80.5% of black women are categorized as overweight or obese. In fact, 54.3% of black women are obese, with another 26.2% on top of that categorized as overweight.

    Weight is a serious issue when dating, especially when we’re talking about obesity. Obesity is an extraordinarily serious health issue. Besides the fact that it is widely considered unattractive, on an anthropological level, everyone is trying to find the best possible mate for themselves. People, biologically speaking, are looking for the strongest mate, the healthiest mate, the one most likely to give them strong offspring. Obese people very obviously don’t fit that criteria. Again, not only is obesity generally considered physically unattractive, but it is also entirely anthropologically unattractive.

    This tells us that, yes, black women are receiving disproportionately less replies; however, they are also disproportionately less attractive as a mate than the other races listed above.

  42. lowflyingfork says:

    I’d like to know if these reply rates were also correlated with message quality.

    Also I want to know why white men are so desirable across all races!

  43. lowflyingfork says:

    Oh, Bob. Of course someone’s gotta come in with the fat-hatred.

    My profile states explicitly that I’m overweight (and white), and I get messages all the time. So are you saying nobody wants to date fatty, but men just can’t read? Sorry, dude, but lots of guys dig us bigger chicks. Your personal taste notwithstanding.

    Just so you know, I am not interested in you, either. Apparently idiocy levels are STAGGERING in commenters named Bob!

  44. George B. says:

    You know, I really started to suspect some of what this research has tried to prove. Generally, I respond to just about everyone who writes me, if out of nothing more than common courtesy, but when I, being a Black man, e-mail white women, I almost never get a response. I promise, at one point, I sat and thought,, “Maybe the bulk of white women simply like white men above most.!” I don’t know, but the way I see it, race should not play such a big role in who we are attracted too. Just my opinion!

  45. Milovan says:

    ha ha
    sorry black girls I’m not attracted to you and never will be
    all other non whites I don’t want you either
    I want my own kind only
    race mixing disgusts me, I find it similar to mutt dogs
    my kids will be white

    come on kiddies, don’t bs yourselves you all want a whitey
    we are the most beautiful race
    we have the most geniuses too
    we all know there’s racial differences not just in looks but in other places as well

    every race has their strengths and weaknesses
    our weakness is recessive genes meaning race mixing destroys us
    that’s why all halfbreeds never look white and always look and usually act like the other half

    do I think I am superior too you? in some ares yes, in other ares no, but defintely no overall
    I find it funny that non whites who deny race as a factor always want to breed up into white, don’t you have any loyalty to your own? don’t you know that you’re not only destroying my race but your own as well
    do you want pure bloods of your own kind to continue to exist? or do you promote the extinction of your own?

  46. Cailen Cambeul says:

    So you are saying that because I or anyone else does not choose to write to people we find unattractive that we are racists based on that alone? Do you further mean that I must we must single out the black ladies and write to them rather than the white ladies so you wont call us racist? LOL I find you to be the racist here. What will you be doing next, finding ways to promote paedophilia through the manipulation of guilt and prejudices?

  47. Luke says:

    First of all, I wish you had put same-sex issues in here. That might change the proportions a bit.

    Secondly, as a white gay man, I will respond equally to white, black, Latino, Native American, Middle Eastern, and Pacific Islander, as I go by what I find attractive, rather than by skin colour. I have to admit that I don’t find many Asians attractive, but even those get a respoinse.

    Frankly, I find it just as racist for any ethnic variation to dislike white men as a white man disliking other races.

  48. Milovan says:

    I didnt say I dislike them, I said they are repulsively unattractive
    they can be nice folk but they are still unattractive
    I find dark skin and afro-asiatic facial features to be repulsive, always have.

    Why do queers even have an opinion on issues dealing with men and women, its none of your business. Your business would be anything dealing with sexual deviance. No one takes the opinion of a circus freak, why would anyone straight consider a queer opinion?

    we don’t tell you how to be queer, don’t tell us how to be straight

  49. liler says:

    this is extremely interesting. do you have any data for people interested in the same sex?

  50. nicola says:

    for a while it bothered me, now I must brag. I am black, and yeah… I’ve done a skinhead.
    and it was the best EVER. I believe he’s more racist now, once he went black, he NEVER came back.
    Its always worth a try. For the record, he initially pursued me… yes I look black. No doubt.
    If people don’t have like similar interests, and desires then it will not work. Regardless of race.
    It all depends on each individuals mentality, upbringing, and desire.
    I had alot in common with the skinhead, we could talk for hours about anything. I’ve never experienced that with anyone black, brown, yellow, etc…
    Am I racist, no. Stupid? sometimes.
    It was mutual passionate physical attraction, my color didn’t matter. His mentality didn’t matter. We got into the moment.
    But it happened. And it was beautiful.
    This wasn’t okcupid, but aol. Same category of like Messages and race.
    Had to share.