Comments on: How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/10/05/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/ The Official Blog of OkCupid.com Sat, 22 May 2010 04:30:59 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: KitKat http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/10/05/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/comment-page-24/#comment-11794 KitKat Thu, 20 May 2010 22:01:22 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=818#comment-11794 Its not racist to prefer dating someone of one race over another, however, it IS racist to turn someone down solely because of their race. Race is solely a phenotype in our genes. That means it really only alters appearances. And because of this, people of certain races can have features that you find unattractive (for example: for me, I really hate the color of White and Asian men's penises, lol. I can overlook that and date a White or Asian man, but I'll be grossed out by his penis). So in that respect, some people can be a little "biased" against certain races because of the physical features that may be inherent in a person of a certain race. And of course, cultural differences exist between the races as well so people may be a little "biased" against certain cultures and as consequently certain races too. These things are both completely fine. These things have little to do with racial preferences, the actual thing you are preferring just happens to be slightly related to the race of the person. However, to say that you believe that a man/woman of one race is better than a man/woman of another race SOLELY because of their race is racist. That's the definition of racism, "The belief in the superiority of one race over another". Sorry, there's no real getting around that. And the fact that EVERYONE would prefer every other race other than Black women is unsettling, but sadly not surprising. This possibly shows that there could be some unconscious racism feelings in our society, more than likely because of all the highly negative stereotypes of Black people in general. That also explains what Black women do not respond well to Black men. That is not the fault of the individual subjects in the study; and I definitely don't think that they as individuals are racist. Plus, with so many stereotypes its really no wonder people prefer everyone else over Black women. But thankfully, the validity of this study is rather questionable from a psychological standpoint, as the article does not really follow any APA standard. I don't mean that offensively, however, its quite clear that this study is missing some crucial elements that would secure external and internal validity. I would suggest a study of actual dating habits rather than responses to an online dating site is in order? Because people's real life dating habits may be a bit different when they are able to form a first impression based on both the person's appearance AND the person's behavior at the moment. Perhaps I'll do my dissertation on this :). Its not racist to prefer dating someone of one race over another, however, it IS racist to turn someone down solely because of their race.

Race is solely a phenotype in our genes. That means it really only alters appearances. And because of this, people of certain races can have features that you find unattractive (for example: for me, I really hate the color of White and Asian men’s penises, lol. I can overlook that and date a White or Asian man, but I’ll be grossed out by his penis). So in that respect, some people can be a little “biased” against certain races because of the physical features that may be inherent in a person of a certain race. And of course, cultural differences exist between the races as well so people may be a little “biased” against certain cultures and as consequently certain races too. These things are both completely fine. These things have little to do with racial preferences, the actual thing you are preferring just happens to be slightly related to the race of the person.

However, to say that you believe that a man/woman of one race is better than a man/woman of another race SOLELY because of their race is racist. That’s the definition of racism, “The belief in the superiority of one race over another”. Sorry, there’s no real getting around that. And the fact that EVERYONE would prefer every other race other than Black women is unsettling, but sadly not surprising. This possibly shows that there could be some unconscious racism feelings in our society, more than likely because of all the highly negative stereotypes of Black people in general. That also explains what Black women do not respond well to Black men. That is not the fault of the individual subjects in the study; and I definitely don’t think that they as individuals are racist. Plus, with so many stereotypes its really no wonder people prefer everyone else over Black women.

But thankfully, the validity of this study is rather questionable from a psychological standpoint, as the article does not really follow any APA standard. I don’t mean that offensively, however, its quite clear that this study is missing some crucial elements that would secure external and internal validity. I would suggest a study of actual dating habits rather than responses to an online dating site is in order? Because people’s real life dating habits may be a bit different when they are able to form a first impression based on both the person’s appearance AND the person’s behavior at the moment. Perhaps I’ll do my dissertation on this :) .

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By: nicola http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/10/05/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/comment-page-24/#comment-11784 nicola Thu, 20 May 2010 18:17:34 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=818#comment-11784 for a while it bothered me, now I must brag. I am black, and yeah... I've done a skinhead. and it was the best EVER. I believe he's more racist now, once he went black, he NEVER came back. Its always worth a try. For the record, he initially pursued me... yes I look black. No doubt. If people don't have like similar interests, and desires then it will not work. Regardless of race. It all depends on each individuals mentality, upbringing, and desire. I had alot in common with the skinhead, we could talk for hours about anything. I've never experienced that with anyone black, brown, yellow, etc... Am I racist, no. Stupid? sometimes. It was mutual passionate physical attraction, my color didn't matter. His mentality didn't matter. We got into the moment. But it happened. And it was beautiful. This wasn't okcupid, but aol. Same category of like Messages and race. Had to share. for a while it bothered me, now I must brag. I am black, and yeah… I’ve done a skinhead.
and it was the best EVER. I believe he’s more racist now, once he went black, he NEVER came back.
Its always worth a try. For the record, he initially pursued me… yes I look black. No doubt.
If people don’t have like similar interests, and desires then it will not work. Regardless of race.
It all depends on each individuals mentality, upbringing, and desire.
I had alot in common with the skinhead, we could talk for hours about anything. I’ve never experienced that with anyone black, brown, yellow, etc…
Am I racist, no. Stupid? sometimes.
It was mutual passionate physical attraction, my color didn’t matter. His mentality didn’t matter. We got into the moment.
But it happened. And it was beautiful.
This wasn’t okcupid, but aol. Same category of like Messages and race.
Had to share.

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By: liler http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/10/05/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/comment-page-24/#comment-11600 liler Mon, 17 May 2010 03:37:06 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=818#comment-11600 this is extremely interesting. do you have any data for people interested in the same sex? this is extremely interesting. do you have any data for people interested in the same sex?

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By: Milovan http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/10/05/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/comment-page-24/#comment-11409 Milovan Sat, 15 May 2010 00:12:42 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=818#comment-11409 I didnt say I dislike them, I said they are repulsively unattractive they can be nice folk but they are still unattractive I find dark skin and afro-asiatic facial features to be repulsive, always have. Why do queers even have an opinion on issues dealing with men and women, its none of your business. Your business would be anything dealing with sexual deviance. No one takes the opinion of a circus freak, why would anyone straight consider a queer opinion? we don't tell you how to be queer, don't tell us how to be straight I didnt say I dislike them, I said they are repulsively unattractive
they can be nice folk but they are still unattractive
I find dark skin and afro-asiatic facial features to be repulsive, always have.

Why do queers even have an opinion on issues dealing with men and women, its none of your business. Your business would be anything dealing with sexual deviance. No one takes the opinion of a circus freak, why would anyone straight consider a queer opinion?

we don’t tell you how to be queer, don’t tell us how to be straight

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By: Luke http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/10/05/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/comment-page-24/#comment-11323 Luke Thu, 13 May 2010 20:58:54 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=818#comment-11323 First of all, I wish you had put same-sex issues in here. That might change the proportions a bit. Secondly, as a white gay man, I will respond equally to white, black, Latino, Native American, Middle Eastern, and Pacific Islander, as I go by what I find attractive, rather than by skin colour. I have to admit that I don't find many Asians attractive, but even those get a respoinse. Frankly, I find it just as racist for any ethnic variation to dislike white men as a white man disliking other races. First of all, I wish you had put same-sex issues in here. That might change the proportions a bit.

Secondly, as a white gay man, I will respond equally to white, black, Latino, Native American, Middle Eastern, and Pacific Islander, as I go by what I find attractive, rather than by skin colour. I have to admit that I don’t find many Asians attractive, but even those get a respoinse.

Frankly, I find it just as racist for any ethnic variation to dislike white men as a white man disliking other races.

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By: Cailen Cambeul http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/10/05/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/comment-page-24/#comment-11284 Cailen Cambeul Thu, 13 May 2010 07:04:45 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=818#comment-11284 So you are saying that because I or anyone else does not choose to write to people we find unattractive that we are racists based on that alone? Do you further mean that I must we must single out the black ladies and write to them rather than the white ladies so you wont call us racist? LOL I find you to be the racist here. What will you be doing next, finding ways to promote paedophilia through the manipulation of guilt and prejudices? So you are saying that because I or anyone else does not choose to write to people we find unattractive that we are racists based on that alone? Do you further mean that I must we must single out the black ladies and write to them rather than the white ladies so you wont call us racist? LOL I find you to be the racist here. What will you be doing next, finding ways to promote paedophilia through the manipulation of guilt and prejudices?

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By: Milovan http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/10/05/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/comment-page-24/#comment-11280 Milovan Thu, 13 May 2010 06:34:30 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=818#comment-11280 ha ha sorry black girls I'm not attracted to you and never will be all other non whites I don't want you either I want my own kind only race mixing disgusts me, I find it similar to mutt dogs my kids will be white come on kiddies, don't bs yourselves you all want a whitey we are the most beautiful race we have the most geniuses too we all know there's racial differences not just in looks but in other places as well every race has their strengths and weaknesses our weakness is recessive genes meaning race mixing destroys us that's why all halfbreeds never look white and always look and usually act like the other half do I think I am superior too you? in some ares yes, in other ares no, but defintely no overall I find it funny that non whites who deny race as a factor always want to breed up into white, don't you have any loyalty to your own? don't you know that you're not only destroying my race but your own as well do you want pure bloods of your own kind to continue to exist? or do you promote the extinction of your own? ha ha
sorry black girls I’m not attracted to you and never will be
all other non whites I don’t want you either
I want my own kind only
race mixing disgusts me, I find it similar to mutt dogs
my kids will be white

come on kiddies, don’t bs yourselves you all want a whitey
we are the most beautiful race
we have the most geniuses too
we all know there’s racial differences not just in looks but in other places as well

every race has their strengths and weaknesses
our weakness is recessive genes meaning race mixing destroys us
that’s why all halfbreeds never look white and always look and usually act like the other half

do I think I am superior too you? in some ares yes, in other ares no, but defintely no overall
I find it funny that non whites who deny race as a factor always want to breed up into white, don’t you have any loyalty to your own? don’t you know that you’re not only destroying my race but your own as well
do you want pure bloods of your own kind to continue to exist? or do you promote the extinction of your own?

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By: George B. http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/10/05/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/comment-page-24/#comment-11248 George B. Thu, 13 May 2010 00:29:03 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=818#comment-11248 You know, I really started to suspect some of what this research has tried to prove. Generally, I respond to just about everyone who writes me, if out of nothing more than common courtesy, but when I, being a Black man, e-mail white women, I almost never get a response. I promise, at one point, I sat and thought,, "Maybe the bulk of white women simply like white men above most.!" I don't know, but the way I see it, race should not play such a big role in who we are attracted too. Just my opinion! You know, I really started to suspect some of what this research has tried to prove. Generally, I respond to just about everyone who writes me, if out of nothing more than common courtesy, but when I, being a Black man, e-mail white women, I almost never get a response. I promise, at one point, I sat and thought,, “Maybe the bulk of white women simply like white men above most.!” I don’t know, but the way I see it, race should not play such a big role in who we are attracted too. Just my opinion!

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By: lowflyingfork http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/10/05/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/comment-page-24/#comment-11246 lowflyingfork Thu, 13 May 2010 00:20:51 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=818#comment-11246 Oh, Bob. Of course someone's gotta come in with the fat-hatred. My profile states explicitly that I'm overweight (and white), and I get messages all the time. So are you saying nobody wants to date fatty, but men just can't read? Sorry, dude, but lots of guys dig us bigger chicks. Your personal taste notwithstanding. Just so you know, I am not interested in you, either. Apparently idiocy levels are STAGGERING in commenters named Bob! Oh, Bob. Of course someone’s gotta come in with the fat-hatred.

My profile states explicitly that I’m overweight (and white), and I get messages all the time. So are you saying nobody wants to date fatty, but men just can’t read? Sorry, dude, but lots of guys dig us bigger chicks. Your personal taste notwithstanding.

Just so you know, I am not interested in you, either. Apparently idiocy levels are STAGGERING in commenters named Bob!

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By: lowflyingfork http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/10/05/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/comment-page-24/#comment-11245 lowflyingfork Thu, 13 May 2010 00:18:24 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=818#comment-11245 I'd like to know if these reply rates were also correlated with message quality. Also I want to know why white men are so desirable across all races! I’d like to know if these reply rates were also correlated with message quality.

Also I want to know why white men are so desirable across all races!

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