How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get

October 5th, 2009 by Christian Rudder

Welcome back, dorks. We’ve processed the messaging habits of over a million people and are about to basically prove that, despite what you might’ve heard from the Obama campaign and organic cereal commercials, racism is alive and well. It would be awesome if other big websites would go out on a limb and release their own race data, too. I can’t imagine they will: multi-million dollar enterprises rarely like to admit that the people generating those millions act like turds. But being poor gives us a certain freedom. To alienate all our users. So there.

When I first started looking at first-contact attempts and who was writing who back, it was immediately obvious that the sender’s race was a huge factor. Here are just a handful of the numbers that illustrate that:

The takeaway here is that although race shouldn’t matter in messaging, it does. A lot.

First of all, how do we know that race shouldn’t matter? Are we just making some after-school-special assumption that “true love is colorblind?” more compatibility usually
means more replies
No, we’re not: we know race shouldn’t matter to replies because the races all match each other more or less evenly, and reply rate correlates to matching. That is, more compatibility generally means more replies.

On OkCupid you create your own unique matching system, and that means your better matches are people you actually want talk to. Below is a graph showing match percentages vs. reply rates for a random sample of 500,000 people.As you can see, in general, the better you match someone, the more likely you are to reply to a first message from them.

We can see this principle in action when we look at our trusty control, the Zodiac. Here are the match and reply rates side-by-side, with similar rates colored yellow. There’s no real need to inspect the numbers; just observe the similar colors.

  • Throughout this post, yellowish colors are short-hand for “neutral” and red and green indicate “strong preference.”

People of the various Zodiac signs match each other all at roughly the average rate, and, as we would expect, they reply to messages similarly. In general, the correlation between match percentage and reply rate means that whenever we compare the match/reply charts for a given breakdown of the population, they should look about the same. However, this, like so many other fine assumptions, totally breaks down when race gets involved:

Again, don’t bother squinting, just check out the colors. We’ll soon look very closely at these tables.

So here’s last week’s compatibility by race table (I explained how we can confidently measure “compatibility” in that post). This is a blow-up of the leftmost table above:

As you can see, the races all match each other roughly evenly: good news. It means all other things being equal, two people, of whatever race, should have the same chance to have a successful relationshp. But now let’s look at the table of how individuals actually reply to each other’s messages. First we’ll examine messages sent by men to women (I know our gay readers are interested in same-sex versions of these tables, there’s a link to them here and at the end of this post):

The numbers on the perimeter of the table are the weighted average rates for each column/row. Here’s what we can know:

  • Black women write back the most. Whether it’s due to talkativeness, loneliness, or a sense of plain decency, black women are by far the most likely to respond to a first contact attempt. In many cases, their response rate is one and a half times the average, and, overall, black women reply about a quarter more often that other women.
  • White men get more responses. Whatever it is, white males just get more replies from almost every group. We were careful to preselect our data pool so that physical attractiveness (as measured by our site picture-rating utility) was roughly even across all the race/gender slices. For guys, we did likewise with height.
  • White women prefer white men to the exclusion of everyone else—and Asian and Hispanic women prefer them even more exclusively. These three types of women only respond well to white men. More significantly, these groups’ reply rates to non-whites is terrible. Asian women write back non-white males at 21.9%, Hispanic women at 22.9%, and white women at 23.0%. It’s here where things get interesting, for white women in particular. If you look at the match-by-race table before this one, the “should-look-like” one, you see that white women have an above-average compatibility with almost every group. Yet they only reply well to guys who look like them. There’s more data on this towards the end of the post.

Let’s see what happens when it’s the women writing the messages to men.

  • Men don’t write black women back. Or rather, they write them back far less often than they should. Black women reply the most, yet get by far the fewest replies. Essentially every race—including other blacks—singles them out for the cold shoulder.
  • White guys respond less overall. The average reply rate of non-white males is 48.1%, while white guys’ is only 40.5%. Basically, they write back about 20% less often. It’s ironic that white guys are worst responders, because as we saw above they in turn get the most replies. That has apparently made them very self-absorbed.

Finally, here are a couple tables that shed further light on our discussion. These are site-wide answers to a couple user-written match questions. They barely need any explanation: one comments on the other, really. Together they shed more light on the theory/practice schizophrenia of people’s racial attitudes.



It’s surely not just OkCupid users that are like this. In fact, it’s any dating site (and indeed any collection of people) would likely exhibit messaging biases similar to what I’ve written up. Any dating site probably
has these biases
According to our internal metrics, at least, OkCupid’s users are better-educated, younger, and far more progressive than the norm, so I can imagine that many sites would actually have worse race stats. But like I said at the beginning, we’ll probably never know. See you next week.


(Addendum to original post)

Same-Sex Data for Race vs. Reply Rates

As promised, here are the same-sex versions of last week’s charts and tables. In general, they show that straights and gays share many of the same inclinations, but the prejudices of the latter are perhaps a bit less pronounced. I should say at the top that some of the sample sizes for the various race/gender slices presented here are rather small (for instance, OkCupid doesn’t have many lesbians of Indian descent), and that accounts, I think, for some of the scatter-shot nature of the color tables. Race preferences are not nearly as stark here as they are with the heterosexual data.

See for yourself:

Still, there are a few conclusions we can draw:

  • Blacks get fewer responses. We saw this with the straight data, too, and here it’s true of both gay and lesbian senders. Black gay men get over 20% fewer responses than non-blacks, which is about how straight black men fared. Black women, on the other hand, do relatively much better with gays than straights. While they’re still the least replied-to group, the discrepancy is much smaller in the lesbian community.
  • Whites respond by far the least to anyone.. Both white lesbians and white gay men write the fewest replies. In fact, across the two charts, whites respond about 15% less often than non-whites, and white gay men show a marked preference for other whites. On the other hand, gay white women don’t have the segregationist tendencies of their straight counterparts; they just dis everyone. Whereas last week we saw that straight white women strongly preferred other whites to the exclusion of other groups, lesbian whites respond to all 9 racial groups roughly evenly, and, in general, the lesbian community seems relatively colorblind. Only Indian lesbians receive a response rate far off the average, and as I said above, the sample size there is limited and the results might be skewed by chance.
  • Asian lesbians are in demand, and they’re picky about other races. Gay Asian females are replied to the most, and, among the well-represented groups, they have the most defined racial preferences: they respond very well to other Asians, Whites, Native Americans, and Middle Easterners, but very poorly to the other groups. Latin women also express a clear preference, for Whites and Asians.
  • Men prefer Middle Easterners. Gay men and straight men both respond best to Middle Easterners, and the preference is quite dramatic. I’d be interested to hear any theories why this is so.

As we did last week, we can see that all groups think, theoretically, that interracial relationships are acceptable, yet again whites are the least willing to have such a relationship themselves. This time it’s the men, not the women, who prefer most to keep to their own: it’s interesting that both in reply patterns and in their answers to these two match questions, the behavior of white straight women and white gay men are so closely parallel.

To our friends in the gay and lesbian communities: thanks for being patient and waiting for this data. We will do gay-centric articles in the future, I promise. Lately, since we’ve been dealing with complex and data-intensive subjects like race and reply rates, we’ve had to restrict ourselves to straight data in the primary post. We felt that adding a discussion of gay and lesbian trends alongside straight ones would triple the length of an already long and dense post and surely more than triple reader confusion. We will keep looking for ways to present the information you rightly expect; for now, it will be in addenda such as this one.

1,557 Responses to “How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get”

  1. ClosingMyAccount says:

    Having a strong attraction to certain physical features does not make you racist. I think that only liking those features in a certain race makes you racist. If you claim that blond hair and blue eyes are the deciding factor, then would you be willing to date a black woman with blond hair and blue eyes? Of course not and that my dear is why everyone keeps calling you racist.
    As a society media has a great influence on what people think is attractive. Black women and asian men are portrayed as the least desirable and also happen to be the least likely to get married. (according to the US census)
    I am a black woman who dates all races. I live in the south, so I am very aware of how the world views me. I simply don’t care. I know who I am and that’s what matters to me. If some people prefer not to date me because of my race, so be it. People who cannot see beauty in all forms do not interest me anyway. I was intrigued by OKcupid because I thought the “so called” educated and progressive attitudes would make a difference in this dating site. Sadly this is not the case. If you read the forums posted everyday, you can’t possibly be surprised at the numbers in this study. I see a ton of racist forums daily. The numbers just echo the attitudes of the site users.

  2. Kate says:

    “just passing” hit the nail on the head. By saying that this limited data proves that ALL people are racist or are most likely racist, you yourself are being racist my friend.

    Furthermore, this study is far from scientific. I suggest before you go making such a sensationalist and insulting statement that you learn proper research methods. As some people have pointed out in previous comments, most people of certain races who do not feel comfortable dating people of other races choose to utilize dating websites geared specifically toward that race. It is socially acceptable to have, for example, dating websites that clearly encourage only blacks to sign up. Generally, people of indistinguishable mixed western European ethnic backgrounds (“whites” to lessen future verbiage) tend to just use the “normal” dating sites like OkCupid. If this assumption is true (which I would bet a buck it is), your sample data is VERY skewed toward non-white participants being more open to interracial dating.

    I’m not saying people aren’t racist. I AM saying that your data proves nothing and flies in the face of the most basic rules of research science — even beyond the little I mentioned above. Next time get a more diverse cross-site sampling which includes “race-specific” sites as well as sites like OkCupid and OKC’s direct competitors and learn how to conduct research…BEFORE you insult your clients’ morality and common human decency. Just saying.

    No skin off my back. I’m not an OKC customer…and now I never will be.

  3. m says:

    is there a way i can configure my login page so i don’t see these blog postings?

  4. -Grey- says:

    People often feel more comfortable around someone who understands their cultural upbringing.

    There is and will be for the foreseeable future some degree of cultural divide between races, whether we like it or not.

    Thus, to some degree statistics will show that people of the same race are more likely to feel comfortable around each other.

    There are of course MANY exceptions to this, self included. I’m only speaking from a generalized sociological view.

  5. Tony says:

    Too bad you guys don’t want to analyze by MALE HEIGHT — then you’d discover something eugenically horrifying:

    Females HATE guys shorter than 5’10, and are eugenically DEDICATED to making sure that their genes are never propated. In fact, the shorter a guy gets, the fewer replies he gets.

    The female planetary eugenic conspiracy against short males is SO devoted, that other females will actually AGGRESSIVELY cock-block any guy they even see talking to another female — especially if that female is a friend of theirs, or even a female they just met! And why? To eugenically “cleanse” the short male from existence, of course!

    Now, you guys COULD study THIS, but apparently you’d rather talk about something much POLITICALLY SAFER, such as racism.

  6. Tony says:

    By the way, in the above comment, it should read “other females will actually AGGRESSIVELY cock-block any SHORT GUY they even see talking to another female”.

    …And let me also add that the females don’t even care if the short guy is talking to the other female because THE OTHER FEMALE INITIATED the conversation — they will still go into viciously aggressive “MUST COCK-BLOCK ALL SHORT GUYS” mode, nonetheless. They would much rather the other girl be date-raped or impregnated and abandoned by a pussy-spoiled tall guy, than a short guy who most likely is a much more admirable and down-to-earth human being.

  7. WRX says:

    i really wish they didn’t use the word racism in the study. The results are what they are and they are mostly true. Calling the results racist turned this discussion into a “what is racist” coversation instead of focusing on the results of the study.

  8. mr_cell_o_phane says:

    @Mart: “Being attracted to pale skin is racism?”

    Yes, dumbass. Are we arguing about the definition of the word now? Being attracted to blue eyes doesn’t have a hot-button name because it’s apparently not enough of a force in society to have caused things like, you know, slavery. If it did, it would be called eyeism and little kids would be correctly taught that it’s bad.

    Maybe we would have less of the really bad kinds of racism if people were able to understand and admit that they contain a little bit of less-bad racism like wanting to bone white girls, practically baked in from birth. (Avenue Q to the white courtesy phone, please.)

  9. Scott says:

    Racist is a false catch-phrase used by people that do not really know what it means. It is one of the most overused words in todays society. 90% of the people that are called racist, are actually not. Shit, I get called a racist simply for following the religion of my ancestors (Odinism).

    Everyone has a preference in physical looks or even pure genetics. The same as everyone having a preference for religion, nationality, philosophy, and other social aspects. The same as everyone having a preferred gender. Or preferring kids/no kids.

    It’s time to either revert the term racist back to it’s dictionary definition, or eradicate it.

  10. tencardspread says:

    A puppy is running loose at a busy intersection without a leash. In and out of traffic until finally someone stops and tries to coax the dog over to them. The owner of the dog pulls up and starts screaming at the other person that they are calling the cops on them for “stealing their dog”.

    Is the dog owner:

    A. White
    B. Black

    Is the person trying to save the dog from imminent danger:

    A. White
    B. Black

    Now, how many people think that the dog owner was white and the Samaritan black?

    Wrong. Dog owner was black, white girl trying to help. And that white girl was my daughter. I was driving my vehicle, which is not as nice as the black guys truck trying to be sure this puppy was kept safe-we do dog rescue and have dog treats and loop leashes just for situations like this. And had I known that a black person owned that puppy, I would have been just as quick to stop and help it. That is the difference between being racist or not. Not what a dating site says.

    Why do people spend so much time trying to prove that white people are racist. I’ve got news for you-We don’t care about your race! But not because we are racist. Most white people are just as busy trying to keep their jobs, their kids out of trouble, their bills paid, etc. just as any other race. I think people of other races think whites are just sitting around in our smoking jackets, sipping brandy and giggling at everyone else. Or we are all watching NASCAR. I don’t care who messages me-so long as it’s not something stupid, I will message back-because I’m not rude. But if you are a black man it’s not going to be a love connection. Not because I’m racist, but because it is not the look I like. That said, I prefer the Asian-American culture over the African-American culture. Why do you think that is? Because I have more RESPECT for the Asian- American culture as a whole. That doesn’t make me racist because I can recognize that and am willing to say so on a public forum. I also prefer coffee ice cream over chocolate-does that make me racist?

    Do you seriously think that Blacks, Hispanics, etc. are less racist then whites? Have you been a white person visiting Japan? Seriously. Look at the comments posted on here by Blacks. I myself have been called a “spic” by some “lady” who has a bi-racial daughter. I guess because my hair and eyes are dark. Do you think I didn’t come back w/something so cutting that she looked like she was going to cry? Oh you better believe I did. I think people of color are the first to invoke a racist remark – white bitch, cracker, etc. because it’s ok for them to-white people don’t go around saying Nigger, not to their friends, and certainly not to random black people-even if they do piss us off. You know why? Because if we think you are an asshole it’s not because you are a person of color, it’s because, well you are an asshole. And white people can think that about you if you are not white and not be racist. Because we are thinking that about other white people too. I’m sure people are thinking that about me right now ;)

  11. monkeipeg says:

    Some of the lame excuses and comments I’ve read to today on multiple sites about racism, race, and interracial dating have made me literally give up on humanity. I’m not dating a guy unless he’s blind or feral, and completely without the negative aspects of the lifelong brainwashing we call culture.

  12. Davin says:

    Everyone here seems to have an opinion on what is racist and what isn’t. I don’t think many could even give the definition, yet the seem to all be experts on what is an isn’t racism.

    Ignoring the absurdity of ‘race’, which is a pretty euro created concept. We all are Homo Sapiens, and there are no scientific names for any sub-races. The concept of race is entirely political and was designed for the purpose of dehumanizing one another. Without dehumanization you can’t have grand wars or conquering. Without one another to fight, we would all turn our own governments and the uber-wealthy.

    All of this debate and misdirection of anger keeps us from chopping off the Rockefeller’s and politicians heads in a modern French Revolution.

    I know this article means well, but it is the very thing that keeps the situation alive.

  13. Marc says:

    I have one question, what does a “nerdy”, “somewhat effeminate” African-American as myself do to get a girlfriend? Sometimes I feel like there is no room for a guy like myself.

  14. david says:

    white men are not shitty, they still respond more than any group of women….

  15. Angus says:

    Hey Marc, try and be interesting and quit complaining.

  16. TheVoiceOfReason says:

    @ Richard

    It’s very obvious that you dont know what the real definition of racism is. This is a form of racism it’s called SYSTEMIC RACISM. For some reason whites are dumb to think that racism is ONLY slavery, apartheid, and the Jim Crow era. NOT! It seems as if racism was a major in college blacks would be at the 600 level and whites would still need remedial class. Racism comes in many forms and what happening on the OK.Cupid site is a form of racism stemming from the idea that anything non-white is ugly and inferior. Whites believe it because they PRACTICE it. Practice what you preach or at least be honest about where you stand so people will know how to treat you. A racist is a racist because racist believe that they are the best.

    PLEASE BEFORE ANYONE POST ANYMORE COMMENTS LEAVE YOUR BIG WHITE EGO AT THE DOOR. IF YOU CAN’T BE HONEST THEN DON’T BOTHER.

    -it is what it is

  17. M says:

    As a dark skin black woman, the numbers have verified a suspicion I’ve have had for a while about my experience in the “virtual” dating world. However, while the immediate emotional and correct response is the validation that racism is a just an ugly part of the human condition, I would go further in stating that this could be a simple translation of “Darwinism” at play. A “natural selection” if you will…a subconcious form of “eugenics”.

    As of the age of western exploration the message has been and still is stated (consiously and unconsiously) that DARK is BAD and WHITE is GOOD. Thats just a fact, so for the average person, why would they gravitate to an EMOTIONAL/CARING RELATIONSHIP with and going further to PROCREATE with a being that are PRECEIVED as BAD.

    While I know this rationally, it does not mean that emotionally, I do not experience the rejection that comes not just from men outside my “race” but also within it!

  18. BoyJupiter says:

    I guess I agree somewhat with the comments that our media is saturated with portrayals of beautiful white folks, so the culture that ensues would produce a generation that prefer white people.

    The other excuses are less convincing – for example, “In my experience, I haven’t been attracted to Asian guys, so I now filter them out automatically to … Read moresave time.” It amazes me that people who post things like that don’t see how generalising a racial group is inherently bigoted.

    This denial is obvious in the finding that while 94% of the sample said that inter-racial marriage was not a bad idea, only 64% said they wouldn’t strongly prefer dating someone of their own race.

    PS – Homos, stop being illiterate. Christian clearly wrote: “I know our gay readers are interested in same-sex versions of these tables, and I will produce them next week.” :o)

  19. Mart says:

    @TheVoiceOfReason

    Whites this, whites that… Your post is the most racist one here. Read your own post and replace every time you typed “white” with “black”. Now do you see it? Racism works both ways you know?

  20. frantik says:

    This blog posting makes me wish OKC had race preferences (that are not shown publicly). they should affect match percentage or something.

  21. DTron says:

    I’m a non white dude but I got to say, you guys should lay off the white guy bashing. Sure it seems like they got it good, high reply rates and what not but there’s no need to point the figner and talk smack on them.

    There’s no affirmative action for dating and people should be free to choose who they want to date.

    All in all, I thought this was an excellent analysis. Very insightful.

  22. Chad says:

    I’m a white male and I can’t imagine ever discounting a date simply because of her race, but that’s just me.

    This study, however, is a waste of time. Simply put: attraction does not equal a feeling of racial superiority or that someone else is inferior. That’s all this study represents: attraction. I was under the impression that people couldn’t help who they were attracted to? I thought attraction was biological? I mean that’s the argument the gay community will make. “We can’t help who we are attracted to. It’s who we are!” So gender attraction is different from racial attraction?

    Some people like red heads while others prefer brunettes. This is a bad thing motivated by a desire to dismiss all others as inferior? Give me a break.

    This is a weak attempt to create controversy where none should exist. A meaningless attempt to manipulate statistics into something that will get people talking. Or is it designed to get us pointing fingers and insulting one another? What a great idea for a dating site:get us mad at one another.

    P.S. @TheVoiceofReason Why aren’t you out protesting real racism such as Affirmative Action, a very clear attempt to prefer some while avoiding others simply because of their race.

    Mart is right, you’re the most racist one here. Replace every time you’ve written “white” with “black” and you would, hopefully, see it in an instant.

  23. Scott says:

    @Mart

    Indeed, but remember, you can only be racist if you are white.

  24. shadow_seat says:

    @marc

    I’d like to know that as well. I’m mixed and at times, I feel I have no “place” in the dating arena.

  25. Jay says:

    I think this topic is rather interesting, and I think the people who either got offended or talked bad about this blog are lame and need to be more open-minded and not just assume that because it’s about race, it’s racist. If anything, this whole blog was just about facts. Plain and simple. So, NO! Okcupid is NOT racist, some of it’s user’s are. Deal with it.

  26. Chris McCall says:

    This study just illustrates what everyone already knows: white people are more race-conscious than non-whites and everyone wants to fuck white girls. Huge surprise.

    The only standout to me was the Native American emphasis on ethnic purity, but now that I think of it, who can blame them?

  27. Sanguinairius says:

    I find it fascinating that a lot of replies here are screaming “Racist!” but fail to remember it goes both ways. Avenue Q puts it very well, “Everyone is racist” and they are right. -Everyone- is. Call it what you like, Whether you are Black, White, Hispanic, Male, Female or Androgynous everyone uses the word “Preference” or what have you.

    I’m a bit disturbed by the fact that as soon as someone says Racist it all immediately falls onto “because they’re white!” or “because they’re black!” a bit ironic no? Everyone screams for equality and not to be judged, but in the end they do the same.

    I admit, I have a “preference”, just as I’m sure each of you do as well. Am I racist? Yes I suppose I am. Why? because apparently by finding certain features (blue or green eyes, ashen white (gasp! I said white!) skin, and red hair) to be attractive, I am immediately racist by default. Does that mean I’m close-minded to anyone who doesn’t have pale skin, blue or green eyes and red hair? No, not in the least.

    What most of you forget is that just because someone has a “Preference” for certain features, physical or otherwise, it doesn’t always mean that they are set in stone. Would I date someone who was Black, Asian or some other race? Certainly, if they fulfilled what I was seeking in terms of personality.

  28. anonjoe says:

    what is the big deal about asian girls worshipping white girls? or white men do not date black women?
    I am an asian man and I have zip chance of getting married here and I am not upset with the poll results. I think sometimes minorities, in this case, blacks and asian men, do not realized this is a white oriented nation. So naturally, whites are the ideal mates and they set the standards for everything from worshipping the worthy god to beauty in America. I don’t have any problem with asian women worshipping and dating men. Where I live I see tons of young asian women married to old white men. This is their, old white men,’s country…. there is no point in hurting oneself over something you are neither part of or wanted. imo

  29. Chris says:

    I am so tired of white Americans saying they aren’t racist. Its ingrained in your upbringing as a white American. Accept it. Embrace it. Be freaking aware of it. And stop telling people you “don’t see color” because that’s as irritating as heterosexuals telling me when they call something gay, they mean the bad kind of gay, not the me kind of gay.

  30. Lyndse says:

    I totally resent the idea that has SUDDENLY been handed over to people that already felt that they were being “discriminated” against. That racism is keeping them from getting replies from people that they are reaching out to. I especially resent being called a racist or people imagining that I am.

    Preference is not racism. I can’t believe how many butthurt commenters on here say that it is. Is a preference for tall guys discriminatory against short people? Sure I guess at the very root of it, but don’t you have the right to be turned on by what you’re turned on by? What about a preference for men by men? Is it discriminatory toward women? What about a preference for an older partner as opposed to someone younger? Is that discriminatory against people that are younger than you? What if you like green eyes more than brown eyes? What if you’re into bigger girls as opposed to skinny girls, or vice versa? I mean, I could go on and on.

    The long and short of it is, we all have a specific idea of what we find attractive. And guess what? You’re using a DATING SITE, where people are going to take one look at your photos and decide then and there if they are interested in dating you or not. Maybe in the real world you can reasonably expect people to see more than just your face. I know full well nobody returns my messages because I’m a bigger girl, but I don’t hold it against any of them. Their preference is not for girls like me… and maybe if they met me in real life their minds would be swayed by something other than my appearance.

  31. TheVoiceOfReason says:

    @ Mart

    You can’t say I’m racist for pointing out the obvious. Like I said leave you ego at the door. You look just like one of the people who call folks racist just for bringing up race. this uuber liberal idea that you can just erase color by not bringing it up is racist in itself because when discrimination does happen it does not allow minorities to point out exactly what is ailing them (their race and ethnicity) therefore letting people off the hook. I’m not the one in denial you are. I am still right on the fact that it’s white that misuse the meaning of racism not blacks. Racism does not go both ways in this society because black do not have enough social and political power to oppress. You just don’t want to face the fact that you bought inot society’s ideal of who’s hot and who’s not.

  32. Larnelle says:

    This was very interesting test but it is not racism. Racism is hatred or intolerance of a certain race or races and/or the BELIEF that one race is superior compared to other races. Prejudice is more closer to this issue. Prejudice is making opinions of people base on stereotypes. Prejudice doesn’t even need color.

    So the phrase everyone is a little racist is dead wrong but the phrase everyone is a little prejudice is right. We are all humans and we learn best from past experiences. Racism is still a problem but not as big as prejudice which people translate as racism but it is not.

    Once everyone realizes that every individual is different, we need to respect and treat everyone the same, and know that everyone talks differently is when racism and prejudice will be no more.

  33. Shiggity says:

    Haha, this is awesome. It proves that people are indeed attracted to different races differently. It’s not racism (necessarily), and clearly OKCupid’s staff member here is using “Racism” as a term to sensationalize, but attraction is such a basic concept that a pattern will emerge despite no one’s inherent discrimination or prejudice toward anyone.

    There may be indeed a few thinking “naw, she’s black and I don’t date colored people,” but mostly there’s a glimpse at the picture, a once-over of the profile and their message and they make it or break it. If they can’t even fake it, then you don’t want to take it. NOW GO BAKE IT

  34. AnonJoe says:

    Here is my edited post. I made some typos earlier. what is the big deal about asian girls worshipping white men? or white men do not date black women?I am an asian man and I have zip chance of getting married here and I am not upset with the poll results. I think sometimes minorities, in this case, blacks and asian men, do not realized this is a white oriented nation. So naturally, whites are the ideal mates and they set the standards for everything from worshipping the worthy god to beauty in America. I don’t have any problem with asian women worshipping and dating white men. Where I live I see tons of young asian women married to old white men. This is their, old white men,’s country…. there is no point in hurting oneself over something you are neither part of or wanted… Otherwise you could be in a world of hurt as the 6th finger… Why put yourself thru so much stress? unnecessary stress? imo.

  35. Sharazel says:

    What a load of horseshit! Voiceof”Reason”, you truly are a foul bigot. Your mindset is as much the cause of the “oppression” of minorities as any continuing actions of white people. It is disempowering and ridiculous. Racism, in my book anyway, is the idea that you can judge an individual’s character and qualities by their race. That’s all. Don’t try to shove your self-serving pseudo-definitions down everyone’s throats.

    OKCupid should really be ashamed of all the interpretations they’ve put along with this data. They assume that all the bias is recipient bias. They don’t even consider that there may be statistical differences in language skills and usage from the senders. I see over and over again that profiles list good communication skills as a must.

    Finally, the ugly truth is that online dating is a risky business. Unlike many other forms of dating, you are very likely to be meeting someone who has no other connections to you or your friends. You have only what they present themselves as. The fact is that statistically, some races are more likely to rape or act in other criminal ways towards women than others. Women are not obligated to take greater risks with their safety for the sake of some vision of dating equality. Higher crime rates amongst those ethnic groups are their problem, not the problem of the women on OKCupid.

    OKCupid, you should be ashamed for doing anything to shame women for protecting themselves. You should be ashamed for promoting race-consciousness that can only harm our society. You should be ashamed for placing all the blame on the recipients, when you know as well as any that education levels and quality to vary statistically by race. These are problems of society in general, not of the users of your service. As you have stated, most here have enlightened attitudes on these issues, but they aren’t seeking societal change on here, they’re seeking a suitable mate. Screw you.

  36. Jani says:

    I am 24 years old, mixed race female — most often mistaken for being half-black. In person, I’m often approached by black men (all ages) and non-black women (all ages). I didn’t expect any different when I went on OKC. There was a little deviation, but not much — online, I’m approached by black men (all ages), white men generally above the age of 30, and non-black women (all ages). My highest matches are about 80% non-black, male or female.

    @B. “R Card”? Race isn’t a card. It’s a suit. The colours are a part of what makes a deck, or in this case, any given society — whether you want to talk about it, or read about it, or not.

    OKC is a dating site — their goal is to have a successful website for its purpose, helping people find people for friendship/dating/sex — they’re not trying to represent the world on the whole. All the post is doing is making the claim that race is a factor — and to a certain percent of people, it is, and there are numbers to substantiate that.

    @blip. Having a preference does NOT make you a racist.

    If you say someone who doesn’t pursue a match made with certain race of people because they don’t find them physically appealing or sexually arousing is racist, it’s like saying someone who exclusively dates the opposite sex is sexist. What if you don’t like to date people shorter than you? Does that make you a heightist?

    Also… you probably won’t sweep a girl off her feet with the line “you just THINK you’re not that into me because of white supremacy.”

    It’s really easy to throw out the -isms and -ists once the root word appears in a headline, but sometimes people to forget that “race” and “racism” have different meanings. And when you move to the word “racist” — it’s a label, a designation — and it’s often an ugly double standard that colours everyone ignorant.

  37. di says:

    @Mart-

    Asians are timid= stereotype.

    you say you wouldn’t discount anyone, and yet you say you are less attracted to people of a different skin tone than yourself. what you fail to see here is that it is so obvious to anyone who doesn’t think that way that you have a subconscious way of thinking that people who look like you are superior. why else would you look for people based on something they can’t help? it is not the same as being gay, because that is an inherent trait one is born with. your idea of ‘beauty’ based on skintone- that is learned.
    i already made a reply to address this point. please read it

  38. ADPatton365 says:

    ^So, black people CAN’T be racist because they don’t have the power? A white woman that prefers white men is racist, but a black woman that prefers black men is not?

    What complete and total crap.

  39. CJ says:

    I think it’s very telling that all of the people of color are saying, “Yep, these results seem to accurately reflect my experience,” while the white people are desperately trying to explain, rationalize, and justify how they have all miraculously escaped being affected by hundreds of years of institutionalized racism.

    And it is NOT just OKC. On other sites, I regularly see people exclude racial groups from their lists of whom they will date. And fairly often, they will check every single group except for Black/African American.

    Can that really be just a random “preference,” like preferring vanilla ice cream? If so, shouldn’t that kind of preference be more evenly distributed across the population? And if it’s not utterly random, then where would that preference come from?

    We learn those types of preferences from the world around us. It doesn’t make us bad, it just means that we are influenced by our culture (which happens to have a long history of privileging and preferring white people over everyone else).

    It’s not about blame and shame. It’s about beginning to notice how the world around us can affect us, even without our knowledge or desire.

  40. Jackie says:

    This is interesting. I would really like to know the effects of age on responsiveness. Do older women make first with younger men as often as older men do? And how do people respond?

  41. Andi says:

    Simply put…

    Race is a social construct (meaning there is no scientifically supported biological evidence and the only people that support that there is are in fact racist themselves) designed to divide ethnicities into a hierarchy with White consistently being at the top and Black consistently at the bottom, to acknowledge oneself as a “white person” one must ignore your original ethnicity. Or shuffle back and forth depending on the occasion. “White people” have also consistently been in charge of deciding who stands where within this hierarchy (based mostly on skin color and hair texture…did you know North Africans and people of middle eastern descent are categorized as white racially) and have maintained political, social, and economic power. The British empire didn’t really end, did it? Well, not from the view of a Person of Color.

    People of Color, a term itself that only exists due to “White” implying homogeneity regarding the “others”. Just like how back in the day “Chinese” was considered an entire race. If you don’t see how something is wrong with that, you probably have some racism you need to work out.

    Black is a recently cultivated ethnicity that exists due to slavery in the the Americas. I am Black. I know many African Americans; however, I am not one of them. I’m no more African American than my Ukrainian American ex-boyfriend considering that although all humans originated in Africa, none of my family, or descendants have originated from there in centuries and centuries. Blacks were not immigrants, we have cultivated a different tongue, culture and history (though all that is incredibly unappreciated, and ignored unless being acknowledged in a disrespectful way) and therefore should not be considered African American, in my humble opinion.
    Barack Obama=African American
    Michelle Obama= Black. Get it?
    I can’t bring myself to tack American on to the end of Black due to the simple fact that we were not allowed to vote until the 60’s and what “Black History Month” implies.

  42. Andi says:

    There isn’t a definition for racial preference, but there is one for racial profiling.

    Racial profiling is the inclusion of racial or ethnic characteristics in determining whether a person is considered likely to commit a particular type of crime or an illegal act or to behave in a “predictable” manner.

    That definition is referring to racial profiling within the judicial system or law enforcement. Can anyone honestly say that “racial preference” and “racial profiling” don’t have the same basis of ” the inclusion of racial … characteristics in determining whether a person is considered___________” fill in that blank with any adjective and test it out on your own. Make sure to also try filling the blank with “a viable option as a partner or mate”.

    Preference assumes a real or imagined “choice” between alternatives and the possibility of rank ordering of these alternatives, based on happiness, satisfaction, gratification, enjoyment, utility they provide.

    What should race have to do with that?

    P.S Only racism will cause anyone to bring up Affirmative Action.

  43. Andi says:

    Preference does insinuate discrimination when it involes race. Discrimination takes many forms but includes exclusion and rejection.
    It’s really quite simple people. I don’t have a preference. I used to prefer white men, but I was being racist. You see how I did that? You guys try now. If you can’t admit to the social conditioning to see pale skin as both literally more attractive and the status it symbolizes, you’re probably racist.

    If you insist that you’re “proud to be white” you’re being racist. You’re saying you’re proud of your social status that allows you to feel superior, behave superiorly and ignore the affects it has on people of color. It also degrades both your humanity and ethnicity
    People of color can be prejudiced, but not racist- we simply don’t have the power and the means do so.
    Don’t start about how white people are a minority, that cannot be true seeing as how white people make up 70% of the U.S.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Race_(U.S._census)#Race

    Notice how white people do not know how to racially categorize hispanics/latinos, notice the effort and how it’s very heavily based on how heavily your european heritage is mixed with people of color (ah, don’t you just love that term)

    When I refer to white people I refer to people who choose to exist within that construct that is based on racism and superiority. I know and love many people of European descent that reject “white”, acknowledge and therefore respect their culture and ethnicity while respecting how appearing to exist as a “white person” effects both them and people of color daily due the fact that it’s ignorant to willingly ignore and deny white privilege and willful ignorance leads to the slippery slope that is racism.

  44. Diogenes says:

    “white guys are shitty” — I guess, if you think that a response rate that is 50% higher than the response rate of women of any race is somehow “shitty”.

    Oh, and here’s an idea. Try correlating to more than one variable at a time. You’ve got enough data. In particular, try normalizing your data for the factors that the “common wisdom” hold to be true: height and income on the part of men, youth and number of children on the part of women. I’ll bet you’ll find that the race factor disappears.

    When you’ve done that, please note that I’m not denying that racism exists, only that it’s far more perniciously pervasive than merely who responds to whom on a dating site.

  45. Emma says:

    It does kinda bother me that white people are instantly labelled as racists because they are white. I mean, yes, many whites are racist. But many Indians, blacks, Chinese, etc are racist also. It’s kind of a racist stereotype– all whites are racist. :\

    Certainly, it’s not as damaging as racism against other races in the US. Whites have a definite privilege. Whites have more privilege over nonwhites than men have over women, even.

    But little is accomplished in raging about how every white person is inherently racist. Addressing the societal mechanisms that further racist indoctrination in children would be much more useful. That is, improving public education, increasing support for poor families, etc. Blacks in this country are disproportionately poor and poverty tends to lead to crime, and crime keeps families poor. It’s a vicious cycle.

    But I can’t tell you how many bright young black students are snuffed out by black peers accusing them of trying to be white. Black culture has a horrid perspective on education, which is that it’s a “white” thing. Bettering one’s self academically is “white.” And that’s fucked up.

    And there’s nothing accusing random white people of racism is going to do about that one. That’s going to have to be fixed by black role models who aren’t criminals and who don’t glorify criminals. I mean men and women like the Obamas, who go out and accomplish things in a very public way, but not just the artists and entertainers like Beyoncé and Tyra Banks.

  46. Andi says:

    You might actually get me to pay for a member ship at this rate. Good Job! Thanks for being willing to address this publicly.
    Andi

  47. Jessie Maims says:

    di

    “Why else would you look for people based on something they can’t help?”

    So you don’t look for mates based at least partially on height, facial features, and/or age?

    Also, does anyone who believes that they are mutable have suggestions about how someone possibly could “unlearn” racial preferences? Because like I said before, while they aren’t hard-wired, as some contend, they feel a lot like hard-wiring to the people that have them. Even if they “expand their horizons”, they’re likely to use approximation of their “most desired” group’s features to measure attractiveness in other racial groups (you know, the “sure, if she looks like Halle Berry/Alicia Keys” guy), which kind of defeats the entire point, is probably occurring anyway, and will have little to no effect on these numbers because most non-white people tend to not look almost exactly like white people.

  48. Qui says:

    I’m sure now that the R word has been thrown in there are a lot of people willing to jump on everyone in sight.

    Here’s the thing, some people are racist, some people are not.

    If you think that she didn’t screw you because you’re black, white, hispanic etc, than the race card might not be your problem.

    I come from an urban area where cultures stick together and there are very large behaviour/lifestyle differences between races/cultures. Dating within my own race is -easier- and lets face it, we’re all on here to make life easier in some way.

    I say that it is easier because rather than transend (sometimes very large) gender gaps/drama of interracial coupling/language and understanding barriers sometimes it’s easier to just get to know someone who is already on a similar wavelength.

    Of course, that’s not to say that I wouldn’t be willing to do that if I really clicked with someone.

    Anyways, I’m sure I’ll get flamed but I’m curious. Hypothetically, a black guy sends me a message that says a one liner and he clearly hasn’t read my profile, I don’t reply to him because I’m not into one liners, at the same time, any white guy who leaves me a one liner gets ignored too. -Am I a racist because I didn’t reply to the black guy?

    The only way I could see this data as relevant would be if attraction could be guaged. I like attractive men, white, black, asian, hispanic, attractive men work for me period.
    You’d have to compair my attractive level to the average attraction level of an asian women to one particular asian male to see if I’m ‘more attracted to white males’

    So, if 9 guys contact me a day.
    4 white, 2 black, 2 asian, 1 hispanic
    – the hispanic guy hasn’t read my profile and only asked me ‘what’s up’ – I think this is the guy, not the fact that he’s hispanic (as I doubt this one guy is enough to say that all hispanic men typically reply one liners)
    + one of the asians is attractive but his profile suggests we don’t actually have anything in common, I reply anyway to see if we do (there, a case in which I reply but I may not actually be interested)
    2 white guys I’m not attracted to
    1 white guy I reply to because he’s not attractive but I think we could be friends
    1 white guy I think is cute and talk to him more
    the last asian seems awesome and he’s totally into gaming, COOL GAMING BUDDY – replyed to him.
    1 black guy, cute but he moved too fast and started talking about my ass

    So, I may have only ended up talking to the one white guy but
    a) white had a 4 in 9 chance
    b) his personality jived
    c) I was attracted to him

    Now, according to post number 2, I’m a racist because I say I’m not a racist.
    Whatever, I find the fighting and pointing fingers to be pointless and retarded.

    I’ll date whoever is
    attractive to me
    single
    kinky
    fun
    understanding
    compassionate
    open minded
    geeky

    Do I care what colour your skin is? No.

  49. James says:

    @Jessie, it may be very difficult at this point to unwire that mindset. The only way to do so is through experience. For those that insist on dating outside their race, like Asian women, experience with Asian men. For those that insist on dating their own race, like a good portion of whites, experience dating outside of whites. But not just dating for the sake of dating. They will have to meet someone that attracts them and fits the above criteria over and over and over again.

    It’s just not gonna happen if you keep clinging to “This is my preference” and primarily pursue that race.

    Oh, and I’ve dated white girls before and I’m Asian. But they’ve all been from areas with a pretty decent sized Asian population. Are they less racist? Yeah, I’d say so. They’re more open to dating outside their race.

    However, the big question is: Are white girls that live in less Asian towns and don’t date Asian men “as a preference” racist? Perhaps not consciously, but they’re inherently racist, and when I say inherently, I don’t mean genetically or biologically; I mean they inherited from the media and their general environment (like family, friends, lack of exposure, etc). If you’re an Asian guy, stop being so bitter about it. Go out, be yourself, show them what an awesome person you are and incite some change in their “preferences”

  50. lordofthekinks says:

    “But being poor gives us a certain freedom. To alienate all our users. So there.”

    what a line!!!!!

    i wish others were as honest!!! Poverty is a precursor to truthfulness and honesty then??

    another interesting subject to analyse thru okcupid!!

    looking at the chart of racial choice and the practice – Hypocrisy all around!!!

    or maybe it is the age old cultural, social deep set bias of “white” is pure/good, “black” is bad/evil, and everything in between is polluted! ;-)

    will the paradigm change?? will “black” be ever pure/good?

    on a metaphysical level, Black equates to nothingness, and white equates to presence of something.

    But the irony of the above statement lies in the fact that something has to be inset into nothingness!

    something will always be a subset of nothingness. right? and yet nothingness is considered inferior to something! tragedy!