Comments on: Exactly What To Say In A First Message http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/14/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/ The Official Blog of OkCupid.com Sat, 22 May 2010 04:30:59 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Arizona Glass http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/14/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/comment-page-8/#comment-11719 Arizona Glass Tue, 18 May 2010 22:15:05 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=330#comment-11719 As a former member of OKCupid, I now understand why the men I met on that site were so weird! They listened to this advice! Please don't take this seriously. Just be yourself, if it's meant to be, it will be. Relax. As a former member of OKCupid, I now understand why the men I met on that site were so weird! They listened to this advice! Please don’t take this seriously. Just be yourself, if it’s meant to be, it will be. Relax.

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By: kathy http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/14/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/comment-page-8/#comment-11385 kathy Fri, 14 May 2010 19:10:10 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=330#comment-11385 So by response rate is it correct to assume that a "please don't write me again" response would count the same as "lets go out"? If so this study doesn't really let you know what would be good to say, just what would prompt the person to hit the reply button at all. So by response rate is it correct to assume that a “please don’t write me again” response would count the same as “lets go out”? If so this study doesn’t really let you know what would be good to say, just what would prompt the person to hit the reply button at all.

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By: Josh http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/14/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/comment-page-8/#comment-11149 Josh Wed, 12 May 2010 04:16:56 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=330#comment-11149 Did you guys eliminate outliers among your sample? I.E. did you get rid of people who get more emails than most (someone who receives an email like "you're pretty" might be more likely to receive many emails, and thus might respond less often). Did you guys eliminate outliers among your sample? I.E. did you get rid of people who get more emails than most (someone who receives an email like “you’re pretty” might be more likely to receive many emails, and thus might respond less often).

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By: Susan http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/14/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/comment-page-8/#comment-11136 Susan Wed, 12 May 2010 01:22:25 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=330#comment-11136 Dang, I messed up big time with the comment I posted for your blog analyzing which users send, receive and reply regarding online messages. I forgot to delete my first attempt to explain my point so the (long ass) comment I sent is probably confusing. So, forget that but believe me when I say that I ABSOLUTELY AGREE with this blog and think that it should be mandatory reading. That other comment was about to be a whole lot longer because I was about to blab on about exactly what you are conveying in this blog. THANK YOU! Dang, I messed up big time with the comment I posted for your blog analyzing which users send, receive and reply regarding online messages. I forgot to delete my first attempt to explain my point so the (long ass) comment I sent is probably confusing. So, forget that but believe me when I say that I ABSOLUTELY AGREE with this blog and think that it should be mandatory reading.
That other comment was about to be a whole lot longer because I was about to blab on about exactly what you are conveying in this blog. THANK YOU!

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By: PD aka zipstrip http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/14/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/comment-page-8/#comment-10370 PD aka zipstrip Fri, 23 Apr 2010 17:25:09 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=330#comment-10370 LOL great info? my profile clearly shows me as an atheist, just never met the god dude and I am unwilling to take some one else`s word for it. I do wonder when some one contacts me with a handle like devout christian, religious fanatic or in their profile they list god as the most important thing in their life. To me it always sounds like they already have a partner that they will put ahead of me. I am not opposed to some difference in views and opinions from a partner, I am not looking for a female clone. We don`t have to agree on everything, just respect the differences. I will not attend church, just my view that it would belittle your belief in it, and I have no interest in you belittling my beliefs. Waz up? how`s it going? hola? older, hello, hi work for me, ya we fought a revolution for the right to butcher the kings English, but it is nice to talk on the same level. A picture may or may not make you beautiful, mine is current as of last year, I reserve the right to form my own opinion if we should get to a meeting point. All is not as it may seem? A some what proper and honest profile can make you interesting enough to meet. I do meet people in real life though that I also have no romantic interest in, so it is just an option. Dishonesty means failure to me though, be yourself and be content with that. Not looking for perfect, just perfect for me. Divorced x2, I have played daddy, banker, teacher, and been a shoulder to cry on to two women that have had issues, and always will. Not looking for a do over, show me you have made an attempt to stand on your own feet. Certain terms in a profile scare me, there are things we would all like to do, there are things we all want. I am comfortable with what I have and can honestly attain. How did some of you ladies do the things you list as likes? With some one else providing the financing? Picking up the tabs for it? A constant trail of debt? No thought or planning for the future? I want it now? no clear view of reality? My income is accurate and listed, I know what I can afford, LMAO and who I can`t, sometimes it is not cheaper to keep her! I don`t need high priced baggage, no matter how good it looks! For me this is not a numbers game, open and honest, and if you are not happy with yourself you would never be happy with me, because I don`t need you, I may love the right person, and I am looking, for a partner, for life. LOL great info? my profile clearly shows me as an atheist, just never met the god dude and I am unwilling to take some one else`s word for it. I do wonder when some one contacts me with a handle like devout christian, religious fanatic or in their profile they list god as the most important thing in their life. To me it always sounds like they already have a partner that they will put ahead of me.

I am not opposed to some difference in views and opinions from a partner, I am not looking for a female clone. We don`t have to agree on everything, just respect the differences. I will not attend church, just my view that it would belittle your belief in it, and I have no interest in you belittling my beliefs.

Waz up? how`s it going? hola? older, hello, hi work for me, ya we fought a revolution for the right to butcher the kings English, but it is nice to talk on the same level.

A picture may or may not make you beautiful, mine is current as of last year, I reserve the right to form my own opinion if we should get to a meeting point. All is not as it may seem?

A some what proper and honest profile can make you interesting enough to meet. I do meet people in real life though that I also have no romantic interest in, so it is just an option. Dishonesty means failure to me though, be yourself and be content with that. Not looking for perfect, just perfect for me.

Divorced x2, I have played daddy, banker, teacher, and been a shoulder to cry on to two women that have had issues, and always will. Not looking for a do over, show me you have made an attempt to stand on your own feet.

Certain terms in a profile scare me, there are things we would all like to do, there are things we all want. I am comfortable with what I have and can honestly attain. How did some of you ladies do the things you list as likes? With some one else providing the financing? Picking up the tabs for it? A constant trail of debt? No thought or planning for the future? I want it now? no clear view of reality?

My income is accurate and listed, I know what I can afford, LMAO and who I can`t, sometimes it is not cheaper to keep her! I don`t need high priced baggage, no matter how good it looks! For me this is not a numbers game, open and honest, and if you are not happy with yourself you would never be happy with me, because I don`t need you, I may love the right person, and I am looking, for a partner, for life.

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By: Joseph Bolden http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/14/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/comment-page-8/#comment-10065 Joseph Bolden Mon, 19 Apr 2010 23:21:43 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=330#comment-10065 Let me get this straight. I don't have to net/cyber write just write like I've been educated? Works for me. But as for being too explicit I am guilty of that probably because I wanted to be honest after all I'm not in a club/bar where you had to dance great, dress look great, and ask women to dance. Oh, in groups if you ask groups of women or friends to dance and they all say no - its like a multiple perfecta of rejection way beyond 3 strikes and your out. I've never stayed in bars past two to see if I could snag any lady too smashed to think or move. I may try that, it also helps that I don't drink. Another reason to go to pure Adult sites for less dance on more in double backed beast in bed (I'm just cutting out the energy dance takes from you and placing it where it should be to bed, in bed, and afterwards, more bed. This really freakin' works for me and women comply or they'd still be in bars avoiding men getting drinks spilled on them like the popular pink song. Let me get this straight.
I don’t have to net/cyber write just write like I’ve been educated?
Works for me. But as for being too explicit I am guilty of that
probably because I wanted to be honest after all I’m not in a club/bar
where you had to dance great, dress look great, and ask women to dance.

Oh, in groups if you ask groups of women or friends to dance and they all
say no – its like a multiple perfecta of rejection way beyond 3 strikes and
your out. I’ve never stayed in bars past two to see if I could snag any lady
too smashed to think or move. I may try that, it also helps that I don’t drink.

Another reason to go to pure Adult sites for less dance on more in double
backed beast in bed (I’m just cutting out the energy dance takes from you
and placing it where it should be to bed, in bed, and afterwards, more bed.

This really freakin’ works for me and women comply or they’d still be in bars
avoiding men getting drinks spilled on them like the popular pink song.

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By: Natedog http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/14/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/comment-page-8/#comment-9965 Natedog Sun, 18 Apr 2010 18:55:50 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=330#comment-9965 I love this website and these statistical trends. Even though, I disagree with the writers opinions on there not being a God just like his politics, I can appreicate the depth of research he went to. This is not a formulation for being someone else to get a female because no matter how you write an opening the woman will never email you back if there is no physical chemistry. Good job!! I love this site! I love this website and these statistical trends. Even though, I disagree with the writers opinions on there not being a God just like his politics, I can appreicate the depth of research he went to. This is not a formulation for being someone else to get a female because no matter how you write an opening the woman will never email you back if there is no physical chemistry. Good job!! I love this site!

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By: Brummelbrow http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/14/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/comment-page-8/#comment-9942 Brummelbrow Fri, 16 Apr 2010 17:25:46 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=330#comment-9942 so wait a minute. are you trying to say I'm on THE WRONG SITE for meeting someone? well, if these girls are interested in nerdish atheist guys who don't want sex, then I'll just head back to utherverse where potential prospects seem to love the real me, which I also try to be on here as well. (minus the sex... of course) so wait a minute. are you trying to say I’m on THE WRONG SITE for meeting someone? well, if these girls are interested in nerdish atheist guys who don’t want sex, then I’ll just head back to utherverse where potential prospects seem to love the real me, which I also try to be on here as well. (minus the sex… of course)

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By: succulentcactus http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/14/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/comment-page-8/#comment-9930 succulentcactus Fri, 16 Apr 2010 06:10:06 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=330#comment-9930 One reason I got on here is to find more like-minded people on things that are important to me that I can find quite as quickly or easily in everyday life. One of those intangible things is being non-religious (ideally atheist-agnostic, but safer bet is atheist). So, even if they’re super attractive physically, and have awesome profile and qualities, I still cannot bring myself to message them. If I wanted another Christian friend I could go to the church my mother goes to and meet someone at one of their social functions. If there were atheist or agnostic churches or functions, it would make me less likely to come to a site like okC. “…atheistic churches..” haha. Good job okC for reporting that and letting me know there’s more atheists on here that I had thought! lol. One reason I got on here is to find more like-minded people on things that are important to me that I can find quite as quickly or easily in everyday life. One of those intangible things is being non-religious (ideally atheist-agnostic, but safer bet is atheist). So, even if they’re super attractive physically, and have awesome profile and qualities, I still cannot bring myself to message them. If I wanted another Christian friend I could go to the church my mother goes to and meet someone at one of their social functions. If there were atheist or agnostic churches or functions, it would make me less likely to come to a site like okC. “…atheistic churches..” haha. Good job okC for reporting that and letting me know there’s more atheists on here that I had thought! lol.

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By: Anonymous http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/14/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/comment-page-8/#comment-9915 Anonymous Wed, 14 Apr 2010 20:53:48 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=330#comment-9915 And here I would think I hate self-effacing men. I wonder if I really don't. And here I would think I hate self-effacing men.

I wonder if I really don’t.

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