Comments on: Your Looks and Your Inbox http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/ The Official Blog of OkCupid.com Wed, 24 Sep 2014 13:49:54 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.2.9 By: LR http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/comment-page-12/#comment-34653 Sun, 29 May 2011 21:26:58 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=1238#comment-34653 It’s no wonder guys are working hard like crazy to look attractive to a girl. They post pictures of themselves provocatively dressed and digitally enhanced, fashion model-looking photos of themselves online to get girls because girls are extremely shallow when it comes to guys. And if guys don’t look like male fashion models or Brad Pitt, they get ditched and go nuts, stalking and killing the girl who ditched him as well as the other hot, handsome guy she’s with.

]]>
By: Azi http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/comment-page-12/#comment-34410 Mon, 16 May 2011 16:34:33 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=1238#comment-34410 I don’t rate people by their pictures. I rate the by the content of their profile and how compatible I think we would be. I find that most of my female friends who use this site feel the same way. It’s more the profile that says a lot about them then their picture.

]]>
By: insonmiacgrl http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/comment-page-12/#comment-34277 Sun, 08 May 2011 10:56:35 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=1238#comment-34277 Harsh on staff! You’re all above medium. But, both winning pixs are doing the half smile. Not the full- like the mediums, and the mediums are older. Should take away be do the 1/2 or try to look younger and wear a tank top?

]]>
By: Artemisdraw http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/comment-page-12/#comment-34179 Tue, 03 May 2011 19:15:36 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=1238#comment-34179 I think this shows, overall, that looks are more important to men than they are to women – not that women are “crazy” in writing or responding to less-than-model-looking guys, but that maybe they are more realistic in recognizing and accepting that looks don’t count for everything. Does that mean guys are shallow because the looks are what draw them in to begin with? No. It’s just a function of how men operate differently from women. From what I’ve noticed, men are ultimately interested in the same kinds of quality interaction, personality and connection that women are interested in. It may just be that the looks are what get them interested to start with. I would bet that the results would settle out a LOT differently if OkC charted the success rate of relationships by attractiveness over the long term, versus simply an initial response, which would be a lot more telling.

]]>
By: nowcinterested http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/comment-page-12/#comment-34092 Sat, 30 Apr 2011 02:37:06 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=1238#comment-34092 Hi,
I ( nowcinterested ) wonder why people are so unwilling to take a moment and write back to someone else. If a man or woman takes the time to contact you, you should at the very least be polite. Give them a chance. Life is all about the journey. You never know who or where your next great relationship will come from. He might be your soul-mate!
And if you happen to be good looking or intelligent or wealthy… count your blessing and be kind. As an attractive woman I have always been thankful and know it was just luck from my genes. I don’t know about other women but I almost always write back if someone emails me. Just about the only time I don’t is if I did not get your post, or I get a feeling that he is SPAM or he is very rude sending me what he thinks are hot sex shots.
Remember we all deserve a little kindness. Write and respond.

Another thing to note is that some (older) women were raised to let a man know you are interested, send clear messages and let him take the next step. If you recieve an email saying I was adding you to my favorites list or gave you 4 or 5 stars there is a good chance I want you to write to me. And If I write please write back even if you think I am to far or not what you are looking for.

Thanks nowcinterested

]]>
By: daveo http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/comment-page-12/#comment-33906 Sun, 24 Apr 2011 00:26:54 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=1238#comment-33906 Well we already knew women were completely nuts. Where’s the news here?

btw, the one’s you’ve rated near the top, I would rate “probably jailbait.” They remind me of my niece, who’s in high school.

The ones you’ve rated as in the middle, are very attractive to me. But, I’m a little bit older.

]]>
By: cestglenn http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/comment-page-11/#comment-33774 Thu, 21 Apr 2011 23:46:17 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=1238#comment-33774 CL – dang girl – what’s the problem? Everyone has avoidance/social phobia. Seriously. It’s not pathetic. Recognize it, cope and enjoy. Breathing helps too. :)

]]>
By: zephyr8blue http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/comment-page-11/#comment-33765 Thu, 21 Apr 2011 21:16:21 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=1238#comment-33765 this is really interesting… I wish they had the graphs for the gay okcupid members.

]]>
By: Erik http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/comment-page-11/#comment-33374 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 03:41:11 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=1238#comment-33374 Looks are a touchy subject when dealing with a dating site, that should be self evident… While the stats are interesting and revealing in ways, do you think this article serves the user base or gives a significant portion of it something else to feel bad about?

]]>
By: Iconian http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/comment-page-11/#comment-33269 Tue, 19 Apr 2011 21:49:25 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=1238#comment-33269 I have quite a few things to say, but I think I’ll first respond to CL, who wrote most recently. What you say makes me really sad, in several ways. It’s my guess that you’re worried about eventually feeling rejected if you were to actually go on a date with a guy. So there are lots of things I could say, but I’ll just say this: consider that while YOU may be scared of rejection, you are yourself in a way actually rejecting the guys who have messaged you. In the last month I’ve contacted probably thirty different women on three different sites, and I think about six or seven of them have even replied, and none of them were interested in actually meeting, and it’s burnt me out quite a bit. In some ways talking to people in real life is a lot easier, because you can actually engage them and respond to the things they say while you’re talking. So, to CL and others, please consider that there are some nice guys out there, maybe some guys have hurt your feelings, but consider that if so much of the time you just don’t reply to guys, you may be hurting our feelings too. Give us a chance. And if you’re worried about the possibility of an actual date, just keep in mind what they say about meeting someone you met online–meet them in a public place, like a restaurant, maybe a park, anywhere with people around.

Now, about this article. I really think there is a “Princess” mentality among many, quite possibly most, women. I knew it before I started online dating. By and large, women want their prince, and men want a princess–or maybe a supermodel or actress or whatever. You want someone you’re compatible with, attractive, friendly, and so on. But I think that something everyone, both men and women, need to do is be willing to CONSIDER. Online dating really has shown me recently how really, really shallow both men and women are.

It’s been somewhat of an amazement to me, because I’ve come to realize how shallow so many people really are, and it’s not just about physical attractiveness. The most obvious form of shallowness is when you’re only willing to look at or reply to or go on a date with someone who’s physically attractive–but there’s more to it than that. For me, the most surprising instances of shallowness I’ve found have been among supposedly more intelligent, educated people. This is just an example, but some of the highly educated people out there are unwilling to even CONSIDER anyone who is not of a similar level of education. To me, that is a big example of shallowness. If you’re basing your entire assessment of a person on what’s written in their profile, I think you’re doing yourself–and those you’re looking at–a big injustice. There might be someone out there’s who nearly perfect for you, but because you are only willing to even LOOK at someone who meets your requirements, you could be passing up some very good possibilities. And in the end, though you might “get what what you want”–i.e., you might get the guy who has the doctorate just like you wanted–you might realize in the end that it wasn’t really what you wanted, because his degree amounts to a hill of beans when he’s abusive, or a cheater, or he’s lousy in bed, or is boring to be around, or or or.

My point is that I think everyone needs to broaden their perspectives a little bit, or a lot. Do you get a message from a guy that’s overweight and smokes and drinks a lot? Instead of just glancing at his profile and then choosing not to reply because of those things, maybe you should at least message him–give him a shot. You might have ten other guys who have also contacted you, but until you REALLY get to know someone, how do you know what they’re like? Consider that for one thing, people CAN and DO change, maybe not often–but what if that guy who doesn’t seem like a catch has never felt appreciated by anyone in his life. Maybe you could actually make a difference. Maybe decided to stretch a little and broaden your horizons, maybe in a year this guy would become practically a perfect match for you, even though today there are a few SUPERFICIAL qualities he has, SURFACE aspects of who is as a human being, that make him seem like a poor catch, but in the long run aren’t really part of his deeper personality, or who he is as a person. Men and women would both do well to CONSIDER many more possibilities than they do.

Does that mean that you have to completely ignore your feelings about people, and your personal likes and dislikes? NO! As this article pretty accurate demonstrates, guys in particular pretty strongly prefer to message pretty women, and I am one of them as well. I would say that most of the women I have sent a message to in the last month were average or above average. I know there are some people out there who wish that everyone would entirely ignore physical attractiveness and just focus on the other traits of a person, or the things they wrote about in their profile. But personally, I don’t believe there is anything wrong with preferring attractive people. But I think the key is not to exclusively focus on them–be willing to CONSIDER others, even if they aren’t so attractive. There are lots of different traits a given person can have, and I would say that your best bet is to view a person holistically, and be willing to consider everything you can about a person.

Remember, just because you message a person, whether you’re replying to them or initiating contact, doesn’t mean that you’re ready to marry them or spend the rest of your life with them, or even necessarily meet them. I think everyone would be much better off to look at the messages and communication you have with people on dating websites as opportunities for learning about people, to find out more about them and see just how compatible you may be with each other. Don’t let someone’s profile be a final judge about them. Get to know them first, and then judge. Message the less attractive women. Reply to the men who don’t sound like such great catches. Keep your options open. You might find that it’s worth it.

The truth is, I think this is really more important for women to understand than men. If you’re a woman who wants to be treated like a princess, you should maybe try acting like one more. I don’t mean that in the sense of a diva or a spoiled, naughty, haughty brat. One of the most important things that makes the good characters from fairy tales and myths and such so likable and worthy of emulation is their love and kindness–not just for the handsome, dashing, and brilliant nobles, but also for the ugly, ignorant, and even crude peasants. What kind of a princess won’t even communicate with her subjects? What kind of a message does that send? And what kind of person will you ultimately end up with if you only care about the guys who on the surface seem to be what you want?

Ultimately, I believe that communication is one of the most important aspects of any healthy relationship. And if you won’t even consider communicating with another, whether you are a man or a woman, do not be surprised if you end up miserable with someone who has lost interest in you, or has even left and broken your heart. If there are things in someone’s profile that you really don’t like the sound of, then DO communicate about them, DO attempt to address them and seek out answers and see if there can be some sort of reconciliation. Don’t just skirt over your concerns and totally ignore the red flags. But remember to also focus on the positive.

Anyway, there are probably a few more things I could say, but this post is already long enough.
Iconian

]]>