Comments on: Online Dating Advice: Same-Sex Messaging http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/10/online-dating-messaging-advice-same-sex-charts/ The Official Blog of OkCupid.com Sat, 22 May 2010 04:30:59 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Nick http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/10/online-dating-messaging-advice-same-sex-charts/comment-page-1/#comment-10477 Nick Tue, 27 Apr 2010 10:15:23 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=409#comment-10477 This is nice and all, however, I'm sending long ass messages as a guy, and receiving short little nothings from girls. Frustrating. God! This is nice and all, however, I’m sending long ass messages as a guy, and receiving short little nothings from girls. Frustrating. God!

]]>
By: Just saying http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/10/online-dating-messaging-advice-same-sex-charts/comment-page-1/#comment-10141 Just saying Tue, 20 Apr 2010 05:57:14 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=409#comment-10141 I won't quote studies because I don't have them at my finger tips. However, women in our society are rewarded and encouraged to be communicators from a very early age. Men are encouraged to be doers and hands-on. Likewise, since adults support these behaviors in children (on the same lines as pink and blue), the converse is also true. I'm not saying there is any physiological basis for this (I'm not saying there's not either), what I'm saying is that socialization plays a large role in this whole process. I won’t quote studies because I don’t have them at my finger tips. However, women in our society are rewarded and encouraged to be communicators from a very early age. Men are encouraged to be doers and hands-on.

Likewise, since adults support these behaviors in children (on the same lines as pink and blue), the converse is also true.

I’m not saying there is any physiological basis for this (I’m not saying there’s not either), what I’m saying is that socialization plays a large role in this whole process.

]]>
By: this gay guy http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/10/online-dating-messaging-advice-same-sex-charts/comment-page-1/#comment-8020 this gay guy Wed, 17 Feb 2010 09:36:19 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=409#comment-8020 Men and women are wired differently. We just are. Not dramatically differently, mind you, but there are distinct differences, particularly when it comes to sex and courting. To be general, women like to talk with more content than men. Male communication tends to have fewer words and to be more direct. Both styles of communication have their advantages. Of course women are more likely to respond to a message that contains more words, within reason. And I think it's accurate to say that men get put off by someone showing too much interest, as in the case of very long contact emails. I certainly do. Men and women are wired differently. We just are. Not dramatically differently, mind you, but there are distinct differences, particularly when it comes to sex and courting. To be general, women like to talk with more content than men. Male communication tends to have fewer words and to be more direct. Both styles of communication have their advantages.

Of course women are more likely to respond to a message that contains more words, within reason. And I think it’s accurate to say that men get put off by someone showing too much interest, as in the case of very long contact emails. I certainly do.

]]>
By: SFGirl http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/10/online-dating-messaging-advice-same-sex-charts/comment-page-1/#comment-4125 SFGirl Wed, 04 Nov 2009 12:10:56 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=409#comment-4125 Thank you for your words, morganari. Very well put!! You are a sociologist aren't you? If not tecnically, you can go ahead and call yourself one. I majored in sociology, and find all of this amazingly fascinating. Thank you for your words, morganari. Very well put!! You are a sociologist aren’t you? If not tecnically, you can go ahead and call yourself one. I majored in sociology, and find all of this amazingly fascinating.

]]>
By: E http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/10/online-dating-messaging-advice-same-sex-charts/comment-page-1/#comment-1905 E Sat, 03 Oct 2009 05:43:16 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=409#comment-1905 You guys are cool and so are all that use gnuplot ;-) You guys are cool and so are all that use gnuplot ;-)

]]>
By: PoorYorick4u http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/10/online-dating-messaging-advice-same-sex-charts/comment-page-1/#comment-1488 PoorYorick4u Tue, 22 Sep 2009 23:04:16 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=409#comment-1488 Fascinating blog entry. Thanks for posting this, OkC. I loves me some stats! Fascinating blog entry. Thanks for posting this, OkC. I loves me some stats!

]]>
By: flowchart to my heart (and other parts): OKCupid’s trend blog | Eros Daily Musings and Digressions http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/10/online-dating-messaging-advice-same-sex-charts/comment-page-1/#comment-1366 flowchart to my heart (and other parts): OKCupid’s trend blog | Eros Daily Musings and Digressions Sat, 19 Sep 2009 01:00:18 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=409#comment-1366 [...] include Online Dating Advice: Same-Sex Messaging (what words do and don’t work in messages to women and men), Online Dating Advice Part 1 (very [...] [...] include Online Dating Advice: Same-Sex Messaging (what words do and don’t work in messages to women and men), Online Dating Advice Part 1 (very [...]

]]>
By: hn http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/10/online-dating-messaging-advice-same-sex-charts/comment-page-1/#comment-1331 hn Fri, 18 Sep 2009 00:09:02 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=409#comment-1331 Yes, that's kinda missing in the article: are these numbers for *all* users, i.e. including straight people messaging same-sex, or are these just messages sent by "the gays"? (Also, it would be interesting to analyze just the cross-over: what do straight people talk about among themselves? And how great is the lesbian-straight girl hookup success rate?) Yes, that’s kinda missing in the article: are these numbers for *all* users, i.e. including straight people messaging same-sex, or are these just messages sent by “the gays”? (Also, it would be interesting to analyze just the cross-over: what do straight people talk about among themselves? And how great is the lesbian-straight girl hookup success rate?)

]]>
By: morgainari http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/10/online-dating-messaging-advice-same-sex-charts/comment-page-1/#comment-1296 morgainari Thu, 17 Sep 2009 05:23:42 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=409#comment-1296 jasia says: September 15, 2009 at 10:35 am "Most of the people on OKC are straight" I don't know why you would assume that? To all of the comments about "girls are girls and boys are boys": linking a person's biologically (or otherwise) determined sex organs with their gender identity, and then imposing a set rule/assumption as to how it determines their thought processes and what sorts of things are important to them, is at the very least short-sighted. Gender and human behavior is not that simple. Hell, determining SEX is not that simple, if you are aware of the multitude of variations that nature produces. The comment about same-sex messges likely to be based on friendship is an interesting one, although I don't necessarily agree with it. I do think I should add "messages sent to mis-matched orientation users" to one of the filters that should have been added to the survey, if it wasn't. It's not really helpful to label the article as "Dating Advice", if it includes positive results for messages sent to the 'wrong' gender due to either party's sexual orientation. jasia says:
September 15, 2009 at 10:35 am
“Most of the people on OKC are straight”

I don’t know why you would assume that?

To all of the comments about “girls are girls and boys are boys”: linking a person’s biologically (or otherwise) determined sex organs with their gender identity, and then imposing a set rule/assumption as to how it determines their thought processes and what sorts of things are important to them, is at the very least short-sighted.
Gender and human behavior is not that simple. Hell, determining SEX is not that simple, if you are aware of the multitude of variations that nature produces.

The comment about same-sex messges likely to be based on friendship is an interesting one, although I don’t necessarily agree with it. I do think I should add “messages sent to mis-matched orientation users” to one of the filters that should have been added to the survey, if it wasn’t. It’s not really helpful to label the article as “Dating Advice”, if it includes positive results for messages sent to the ‘wrong’ gender due to either party’s sexual orientation.

]]>
By: Crittergrl http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/10/online-dating-messaging-advice-same-sex-charts/comment-page-1/#comment-1267 Crittergrl Wed, 16 Sep 2009 18:14:46 +0000 http://blog.okcupid.com/?p=409#comment-1267 It does make sense that same sex messages are more likely to be based on friendship, and thus more likely to be responded to easily. It does make sense that same sex messages are more likely to be based on friendship, and thus more likely to be responded to easily.

]]>