Welcome back, dorks. We’ve processed the messaging habits of over a million people and are about to basically prove that, despite what you might’ve heard from the Obama campaign and organic cereal commercials, racism is alive and well. It would be awesome if other big websites would go out on a limb and release their own race data, too. I can’t imagine they will: multi-million dollar enterprises rarely like to admit that the people generating those millions act like turds. But being poor gives us a certain freedom. To alienate all our users. So there.
When I first started looking at first-contact attempts and who was writing who back, it was immediately obvious that the sender’s race was a huge factor. Here are just a handful of the numbers that illustrate that:
The takeaway here is that although race shouldn’t matter in messaging, it does. A lot.
First of all, how do we know that race shouldn’t matter? Are we just making some after-school-special assumption that “true love is colorblind?” more compatibility usually
means more repliesNo, we’re not: we know race shouldn’t matter to replies because the races all match each other more or less evenly, and reply rate correlates to matching. That is, more compatibility generally means more replies.
On OkCupid you create your own unique matching system, and that means your better matches are people you actually want talk to. Below is a graph showing match percentages vs. reply rates for a random sample of 500,000 people.As you can see, in general, the better you match someone, the more likely you are to reply to a first message from them.
We can see this principle in action when we look at our trusty control, the Zodiac. Here are the match and reply rates side-by-side, with similar rates colored yellow. There’s no real need to inspect the numbers; just observe the similar colors.
- Throughout this post, yellowish colors are short-hand for “neutral” and red and green indicate “strong preference.”
People of the various Zodiac signs match each other all at roughly the average rate, and, as we would expect, they reply to messages similarly. In general, the correlation between match percentage and reply rate means that whenever we compare the match/reply charts for a given breakdown of the population, they should look about the same. However, this, like so many other fine assumptions, totally breaks down when race gets involved:
Again, don’t bother squinting, just check out the colors. We’ll soon look very closely at these tables.
So here’s last week’s compatibility by race table (I explained how we can confidently measure “compatibility” in that post). This is a blow-up of the leftmost table above:
As you can see, the races all match each other roughly evenly: good news. It means all other things being equal, two people, of whatever race, should have the same chance to have a successful relationshp. But now let’s look at the table of how individuals actually reply to each other’s messages. First we’ll examine messages sent by men to women (I know our gay readers are interested in same-sex versions of these tables, there’s a link to them here and at the end of this post):
The numbers on the perimeter of the table are the weighted average rates for each column/row. Here’s what we can know:
- Black women write back the most. Whether it’s due to talkativeness, loneliness, or a sense of plain decency, black women are by far the most likely to respond to a first contact attempt. In many cases, their response rate is one and a half times the average, and, overall, black women reply about a quarter more often that other women.
- White men get more responses. Whatever it is, white males just get more replies from almost every group. We were careful to preselect our data pool so that physical attractiveness (as measured by our site picture-rating utility) was roughly even across all the race/gender slices. For guys, we did likewise with height.
- White women prefer white men to the exclusion of everyone else—and Asian and Hispanic women prefer them even more exclusively. These three types of women only respond well to white men. More significantly, these groups’ reply rates to non-whites is terrible. Asian women write back non-white males at 21.9%, Hispanic women at 22.9%, and white women at 23.0%. It’s here where things get interesting, for white women in particular. If you look at the match-by-race table before this one, the “should-look-like” one, you see that white women have an above-average compatibility with almost every group. Yet they only reply well to guys who look like them. There’s more data on this towards the end of the post.
Let’s see what happens when it’s the women writing the messages to men.
- Men don’t write black women back. Or rather, they write them back far less often than they should. Black women reply the most, yet get by far the fewest replies. Essentially every race—including other blacks—singles them out for the cold shoulder.
- White guys respond less overall. The average reply rate of non-white males is 48.1%, while white guys’ is only 40.5%. Basically, they write back about 20% less often. It’s ironic that white guys are worst responders, because as we saw above they in turn get the most replies. That has apparently made them very self-absorbed.
Finally, here are a couple tables that shed further light on our discussion. These are site-wide answers to a couple user-written match questions. They barely need any explanation: one comments on the other, really. Together they shed more light on the theory/practice schizophrenia of people’s racial attitudes.
It’s surely not just OkCupid users that are like this. In fact, it’s any dating site (and indeed any collection of people) would likely exhibit messaging biases similar to what I’ve written up. Any dating site probably
has these biasesAccording to our internal metrics, at least, OkCupid’s users are better-educated, younger, and far more progressive than the norm, so I can imagine that many sites would actually have worse race stats. But like I said at the beginning, we’ll probably never know. See you next week.
(Addendum to original post)
Same-Sex Data for Race vs. Reply Rates
As promised, here are the same-sex versions of last week’s charts and tables. In general, they show that straights and gays share many of the same inclinations, but the prejudices of the latter are perhaps a bit less pronounced. I should say at the top that some of the sample sizes for the various race/gender slices presented here are rather small (for instance, OkCupid doesn’t have many lesbians of Indian descent), and that accounts, I think, for some of the scatter-shot nature of the color tables. Race preferences are not nearly as stark here as they are with the heterosexual data.
See for yourself:
Still, there are a few conclusions we can draw:
- Blacks get fewer responses. We saw this with the straight data, too, and here it’s true of both gay and lesbian senders. Black gay men get over 20% fewer responses than non-blacks, which is about how straight black men fared. Black women, on the other hand, do relatively much better with gays than straights. While they’re still the least replied-to group, the discrepancy is much smaller in the lesbian community.
- Whites respond by far the least to anyone.. Both white lesbians and white gay men write the fewest replies. In fact, across the two charts, whites respond about 15% less often than non-whites, and white gay men show a marked preference for other whites. On the other hand, gay white women don’t have the segregationist tendencies of their straight counterparts; they just dis everyone. Whereas last week we saw that straight white women strongly preferred other whites to the exclusion of other groups, lesbian whites respond to all 9 racial groups roughly evenly, and, in general, the lesbian community seems relatively colorblind. Only Indian lesbians receive a response rate far off the average, and as I said above, the sample size there is limited and the results might be skewed by chance.
- Asian lesbians are in demand, and they’re picky about other races. Gay Asian females are replied to the most, and, among the well-represented groups, they have the most defined racial preferences: they respond very well to other Asians, Whites, Native Americans, and Middle Easterners, but very poorly to the other groups. Latin women also express a clear preference, for Whites and Asians.
- Men prefer Middle Easterners. Gay men and straight men both respond best to Middle Easterners, and the preference is quite dramatic. I’d be interested to hear any theories why this is so.
As we did last week, we can see that all groups think, theoretically, that interracial relationships are acceptable, yet again whites are the least willing to have such a relationship themselves. This time it’s the men, not the women, who prefer most to keep to their own: it’s interesting that both in reply patterns and in their answers to these two match questions, the behavior of white straight women and white gay men are so closely parallel.
To our friends in the gay and lesbian communities: thanks for being patient and waiting for this data. We will do gay-centric articles in the future, I promise. Lately, since we’ve been dealing with complex and data-intensive subjects like race and reply rates, we’ve had to restrict ourselves to straight data in the primary post. We felt that adding a discussion of gay and lesbian trends alongside straight ones would triple the length of an already long and dense post and surely more than triple reader confusion. We will keep looking for ways to present the information you rightly expect; for now, it will be in addenda such as this one.
Its not racist to prefer dating someone of one race over another, however, it IS racist to turn someone down solely because of their race.
Race is solely a phenotype in our genes. That means it really only alters appearances. And because of this, people of certain races can have features that you find unattractive (for example: for me, I really hate the color of White and Asian men’s penises, lol. I can overlook that and date a White or Asian man, but I’ll be grossed out by his penis). So in that respect, some people can be a little “biased” against certain races because of the physical features that may be inherent in a person of a certain race. And of course, cultural differences exist between the races as well so people may be a little “biased” against certain cultures and as consequently certain races too. These things are both completely fine. These things have little to do with racial preferences, the actual thing you are preferring just happens to be slightly related to the race of the person.
However, to say that you believe that a man/woman of one race is better than a man/woman of another race SOLELY because of their race is racist. That’s the definition of racism, “The belief in the superiority of one race over another”. Sorry, there’s no real getting around that. And the fact that EVERYONE would prefer every other race other than Black women is unsettling, but sadly not surprising. This possibly shows that there could be some unconscious racism feelings in our society, more than likely because of all the highly negative stereotypes of Black people in general. That also explains what Black women do not respond well to Black men. That is not the fault of the individual subjects in the study; and I definitely don’t think that they as individuals are racist. Plus, with so many stereotypes its really no wonder people prefer everyone else over Black women.
But thankfully, the validity of this study is rather questionable from a psychological standpoint, as the article does not really follow any APA standard. I don’t mean that offensively, however, its quite clear that this study is missing some crucial elements that would secure external and internal validity. I would suggest a study of actual dating habits rather than responses to an online dating site is in order? Because people’s real life dating habits may be a bit different when they are able to form a first impression based on both the person’s appearance AND the person’s behavior at the moment. Perhaps I’ll do my dissertation on this :).
Kitkat, what?
“Its not racist to prefer dating someone of one race over another, however, it IS racist to turn someone down solely because of their race. ”
I think people are missing or forgetting the term discrimination in the discussion. Everybody actively discriminates in any market we can think of; whether it’s the sexual market, job market, or supermarket. Discrimination on the basis of race is what we are dealing with, not outright “I hate ethnicity X” racism. Because someone doesn’t write you back and they are of a different race does not mean that they hate you. It MAY mean that they are rather discriminate in their dating habits.
A real interesting corollary to think about is: how does discrimination in the sexual marketplace translate into other areas? For instance, a white female senior exec in a position to hire somebody who has never dated outside her race, much less associated with people of a different race…is she willing to promote somebody of a different background just as readily as she would a white man? Or if there’s a black owned store and a white owned store (let’s say you can tell because the whole family works there) selling identital products and equal distances to a asian female’s house, which does she end up frequenting more often?
I would theorize that people’s biases just don’t stop and end in a certain areas and they tend to overlap, no matter what. If people have such strong bias in their dating habits, they are likely to have biases in other areas, such as the the job market, where you live, where you raise a family, and so on. And the sad thing about it is that being that human beings are imperfect, discrimination on the basis of race will continue happening. I dream of a society where nobody told any big lies, but that’s not happening either.
Since when did Black women start caring for other races of men and CARING what other races of men thought of us? I am guessing its maybe a small minority of Black women who want to date out the race. Because most offline attractive Black women I know prefer Black males and may step a little over the line for a Latino or dark mediterranian type.
I don’t know very many Black women who talk about dating out of their race mainly b/c many of us feel that Black males typically are physically more appealing and superior to the eyes than other races of men.
i cannot get mad at any person of any race finding their own superior over another. Black women looking to date out the race are better off with ethnic men of other minority races. I can’t see myself with a White male. We’re too different, different beliefs, i find white skin repulsive and unnattractive.
MILOVAN,
As a Black woman i can truly say the feeling is mutual. Your whitish skin is a turn off and repulsive. It resembles dead flesh or raw chicken. I also find White people tend to have an wet dog ordor b/c of the hair they have that resembles dog fur. I am not trying to be mean but these are things i hear MOST Black women say when the subject of dating out the race comes up with White males.
I will say the only thing i find attractive about Whites is the color of eyes they get. That’s it. The lips (or lack thereof), funny shaped bodies and skin are repulsive. Even the hair which is like dog/animal fur.
“Its not racist to prefer dating someone of one race over another, however, it IS racist to turn someone down solely because of their race.”
This sentence has contradictory logic. Are you trying that hard to be PC that you’ve lost all common sense? If you prefer to date someone of a specific race, then logically you may turn someone down from another race because you want to make yourself available for a person of whatever race it is that you prefer to date. That doesn’t mean you have to be ugly about it, either. Are people so sensitive about race now that they’ve bought into the idea that they have to be open to dating someone from every race for fear of being labeled a racist. Go to a homogenous country and try to date the locals. If they seem a bit reserved or hesistant is that because they are racists? That term should be deserved for the hateful people who deserve it rather than thrown around so loosely because someone doesn’t want to date a specific race. You can’t help who you’re attracted to anyways. I have many friends who stated, “I won’t date X.” Sometimes they’re talking about my own race. I hardly view them as racists. People that think like you should wake up and realize what racism truly is.
This study is bogus. I dont dispute the fact that most people want to date within their race but dont paint the false picture that all non-whites(especially black women) are biting at the chomps to get a taste of white flesh.
You people are using percentages where they do not belong. Most of the people on this dating site are white. Most of the whites want to date other whites. However the vast majority of whites that are seeking co-ethnics dont necessary effect non-whites and whites open to IR dating from getting together. This data is presented in a way that suggest all groups are equally represented on this dating site.
Say I have 100 Asians, 50 of which are open to dating whites. Now, lets say I have 10,000 whites 100(1%) of which are open to dating Asians. Thats 50 Asians and 100 white people that are interested. That’s more than enough white people to meet the demand of Asians looking to date them. The fact that 99% of white people dont want Asian mates means nothing. In this case the hard numbers tell a very different story than the percentages do.
As far as your response rate chart goes, this could be a case of the non-whites contacting the “wrong” whites(those who dont want IR relationships)
I suggest you all invest in better statisticians/statistics generating software.
I JUST FIND IT FUNNY…….I AM A BLACK WOMAN. NO WONDER I KEEP RUNNING INTO THESE CRAPPY RELATIONSHIPS. LOL. NOT THAT I SOLEY BASE MY EXPERIENCE ON THESE STATISTICS, BUT IT IS INTERESTING…….WHAT ARE THE BLACK WOMAN STEREOTYPES AGAIN????? YEAH SORRY I’M A BIT BEYOND THAT OR AT LEAST OBLIVIOUS TO THEM…..EITHER US BLACK WOMEN HAVE TO KEEP TRYING, BESIDES OUR FIRST LADY FOUND A GOOD MAN, A DAMN GOOD MAN. HARVARD GRADUATE. SO I THINK THERE’S HOPE FOR US YET……;)
The one real-life speed dating study I’ve seen about this comes to similar conclusions (http://faculty.chicagobooth.edu/emir.kamenica/documents/racialPreferences.pdf), although it is a more positive picture for black women and a more dismal one for Asian men. Also, it found that people who grew up in more diverse areas were *less* likely to be open to interracial relationships, so it might not be true that OKCupid = more progressive = more friendly to interracial relationships. I’d be interested to see the data by state.
wow, what about the asian men? wtf!? asian man needs some love’in too!
Blah blah Blah. I am sick of hearing about how preferring to see someone of your own race is not racism. Wake up people! Let’s think about it for a second. Logically speaking, if you prefer something over another you think it is better than the other. (Unless you’re a masochist). So if you strongly prefer to date someone of a specific race you are saying something about that race is superior to others. Hmmm how does that not sound racist? COME ON!!! I am particularly disgusted by the Caucasian statistic on if they would strongly prefer to date someone of their own race. Caucasian males and females are at about 55%, while virtually every other ethnic group is 70% or higher. It makes it even worse that I am in a very predominantly white area of the US and am myself not white.
Here is my experience when browsing through matches. I am not very hesitant to message women, of any race. I message them all, some of them I don’t even find very appealing, but I do it anyway because I haven’t once met anyone through online dating and would like to try it. Here are some of the things I have noticed… (I’m a 5’10”, Pakistani male, decent body build, 21 years old, and a college student)
– I don’t draw as much interest from black girls on okcupid as I do in person.
This one is surprising to me, because outside girls of my own race (pakistani, indian, some middle eastern), I feel like I draw the most interest from black girls. I kinda look like Drake and they dig it haha. My theory is that in person I convey pretty easily that I’m a self-confident guy who can handle himself, where as online the stereotype of the weak, nerdy Asian male may be applied to me. I think black girls prefer a more rugged man.
– I don’t even bother messaging white 9s or 10s anymore.
On a scale of 1-10, the ones I would rate 9s or 10s are the ones who are obviously really hot, well educated and witty. Black/middle eastern/white, a sexy girl is a sexy girl to me and I wouldn’t have any hesitation to date any race 9 or 10. But I don’t message the white 9s or 10s anymore because they WILL NOT RESPOND.
Regardless of how well we match and how well thought out and witty my message was. The white ones will simply not respond. Black and middle eastern ones will (even if it ends up not going anywhere, they at the least acknowledge my effort lol).
My theory on this is that a 9 or 10 white woman simply cannot see herself being with any other race than a white man. That is her true ideal, and since she is a 9 or 10 and pretty much has her pick, she doesn’t even bother with other races, white is a pre-requisite. Other races of 9 and 10 do not have that pre-req, and thus I am given a response- only to fail later down the road in being unable to keep their attention or fucking up somehow.
– more to come as I think of them…
Any data on Lebians as well? would be interesting to see the outcome of that – beeing lesbian myself
Hmmm… how many people were polled? If you’re going to say 20% of (this group), how many people = 20%? That’s just an example. THe percentages are arbitrary without that information.
Black women polled in this study may have visited here to specifically date outside of their race. Majority of black women don’t like men of other races, they are wholly dedicated to black men. I am one of those women, the idea of dating outside of my race has never even crossed my mind. So to me, whether a man of a different race responds to a black female matters very little. I only feel sorry for women who choose to go that route. Come back sista! There are some gorgeous, sexy, virile black men out there waiting for you! LOL (Just don’t mess with mine and we won’t have a problem) LOL
I notice someone was butt-hurt about my comments that I date my own race exclusively because I do not find other races attractive, and sorry but I find your kind the most repulsive , it’s funny that you mention smell, we whites have noticed a black smell also
I have heard wet dog before on some stupid comedy show so I have heard it before, (I know you didn’t make that up)
if you’ve ever heard any racial jokes about your kind you’ll know I’m not lying about your smell either, what’s funny is before I could never put my finger on the exact black smell (to describe it) until I was at the gas station the other day and a truck was filling up and I smelled black
it was diesel fuel, when joking with a few friends all of them agreed blacks smell like diesel
most of those race jokes I was talking about are way more vulgar saying stink and other very offensive things but to me, diesel
you compared our hair to that of a dog, we compare your’s to a sheep
I have noticed some of your people talk about “good hair” when it is straight instead of nappy, making me think some of you don’t like your own hair
(I really can’t see how you could possibly prefer something different to yourself but on the other hand I see why as I personally do not find it attractive)
I wasn’t trying to offend everyone with my comments, just plain telling the truth
I think political correctness has gone way too far if people have to constantly apologize for telling the truth
people these days use the race card for everything, most of the time when they are wrong and there was no real discrimination at all
if things keep going the way they are people will get sick of it and it will become trendy to be racist
I don’t care what race card anyone pulls if I think your ugly I’m not going to date you, period
so we have confirmed white and black smells here so far, huh
I don’t notice a white smell but hey, I’m white
you probably don’t notice that you smell like diesel
has anyone noticed a mexican or asian smell? just curious
not offended by your comment as I don’t care if you like me or my kind or not, I’d sure never date you, I do detect that you hate my comments though as you had my name on it
as far as the skin tone I find yours repulsive, but I’ll leave it at that, if I go into detailed descriptions it will surely make everyone angry unless your a whitey like me
I glanced at a few comments and quickly stopped to avoid becoming angry. I personally am an equal opportunity dater. I love men. Period. I tend to date either white or black man, and quite honestly love them equally. I’ve dated Asians, Hispanic, Latinos and a mix of the all. I find the information supplied about online dating to be sad, but true. From this black woman’s perspective at least.
Without knowing anyone or their personal experience, I can only speak of my own. I’ve had negative and positive experiences with men that trust me, have little to do with their race and more to do with their (or lack thereof) social skills, morals and upbringing! Life’s too short to spend time analyzing racial differences between a potential mate. I’d rather expand that energy into analyzing whether or not he and I are compatible. Race aside.
As an attractive black woman I love White, Black, Spanish, Asian, Mixed men and everything in between! It sucks to try to meet you (of other races) online, but luckily for me, I have little problems meeting you (men of all races) in the non-digital world. I like to cover all my bases.
My piece of advice is that use the information supplied and act accordingly. Its not written in stone, and its not in relation to the real world. Try other traditional ways of meeting singles than online dating. Guess what? It still works!
Hopefully this one RAVE will displant any negative RANTS. If any of you available gentleman are in or around Boston and see me at a bar, chat me up if you think I’m cute, because trust me, I’m probably on my way towards you to do the same!
say whatever the hell you want if I think your ugly I’m not going to date you.I’m attracted to my own kind big deal.As far as a “white” smell, I think that’s funny because we say the same thing about you.Look at any jokes page you’ll see I’m not making that up.But we don’t say wet dog about you, it’s hard to describe the “black” smell but everyone knows it.I am not attracted to whatever you want to describe your hair as being either.With black people I think the smell comes from your sweat or skin, I don’t think it comes from your hair.What do you think of halfbreeds as far as smell/hair? to me they have the “black” smell and hair.If you think whites are the only ones to think this way, you obviously don’t speak spanish as I have heard many hispanics say the same thing and I’m not talking about racists here, I’m talking the majority of regular white people here and every hispanic I’ve talked to if the subject came up.Let’s be honest people how many of you can smell a black person behind you without turning around and seeing them?I can.
You say you like our eyes, thank you.By the way I’m not offended by your post I think it’s funny and I don’t mind people telling the truth.If I told you what a lot of us say about dark skin it would only offend everyone but lets just say, not good.
I have not noticed a smell with other races with the exception of asians/arabs but with them I know it comes from their food, so that is obviously not a physical trait with them.As far as shape I find asian women to be too plain no curves and I find black women to be too much curve for lack of a better word.Facial features I prefer my own as well.
as far as IR
I wonder how anyone could want a kid that doesn’t look like they do.I just don’t get it.
I look like my dad, I would want my son to look like me too.
Remember people just because someone is not attracted to you does not mean they are discriminating against you, they could still be your friend or give you a job whatever, your just not getting in their pants.
Here I am a nice black mixed female i dont mind dating anyone black,white,Asian they all can be attractive but some men get stuck up on race before they even know my personality,
Get off the derogatory comments.
Interesting! I’m black/east-indian, so I fit in everywhere.
White women by far prefer dating their own race….. yet if you go to a club in most Western European countries, you will find most non-white (mainly black or Middle Eastern) immigrants with a white woman. And at workplaces I know with only a few women and a few non-whites (with the rest being white men), it’s the non-whites who get the white women… With the few white men who have women, having mainly white women.
OK, maybe that was not as scientific as this study. But maybe OKcupid’s not representative of dating sites… or dating sites are not representative of the real world?
They say whites prefer whites so why are all these white men always messaging me? Obviously the white guys are lying about their preferences on the questions and doing the exact opposite. To the white women who prefer white men take care of your men so they leave me alone. I only get messaged by white guys, I’m multi racial I think the data is inaccurate. Even in public i get approached more often by white guys, white girlfriends get upset since their white and can’t get a white guy.
After reviewing all of the comments left here, I truly flabbergasted. I am black woman and as someone had said earlier and like I tell my friends, I am an Equal Opportunist. I just want a good man – color does not matter. And frank sistahs, there aren’t enough good black men to go around. So how about giving the other white chocolate a chance? Or some Latino flavor or some Asian candy?
Yes you may that you want your children to look like you or your parents? Guess what, they will, it’s all genetics. They will have your eyes, your nose and whatever else you are to pass on. The shade might be a little off but I think that biracial children are the most beautiful children there are because of the fact that stereotypes and misconceived notions about colors and race are dismissed to create a beautiful child. I hope one day I’ll be able to create one.
I have spent some time in Japan and I am telling you, EVERYONE really needs to open their eyes to ALL possibilities. Sistahs, give them a chance – there are some wonderful surprise out there for you. If you really think that you are going to find your soulmate within smaller parameters of being solely black, you are only kidding yourself. And good luck finding one!
As for me, I love Black, White, Latino, Asian, you name it. I am for it! And if you really want to find something worth while and that lasts in your life, I suggest you do the same and let it go!
Shameless plug here – if you are interested in a wonderful, insightful black female in the New England area, by all means, hit me up!
I’d be interested in seeing this study expanded upon! One assumption I’ve made in the past is that a self-declared left/liberal leaning woman would be open-minded to give a non-white guy like me a shot. In real life, and online, I’ve found this assumption to be wrong by a long shot. Let’s break these numbers up by those identifying themseves as left, vs right, vs centric or independent.
Always good reading these trends, keep up the good work!
It becomes racist when you look at the bigger sociological picture….it’s very clear that image is important and has a strong influence on us regardless of whether we want to believe that personality is the most important factor or not. And where does image come from? Culture, media, stereotypes…. And lets be honest, the media still glorifies white people. Hey…I’m not against white people, I just realize from my own experience and from observation of others that people of all ethnicities look at white people with a certain admiration. It’s a similar phenomenon with asian americans. How many male asian americans do you see in the media? How many females? A LOT MORE females, right? And you see how that has affected the correllations up above.
Anyway, just my thoughts as a sociologist….
To the original post, kitkat, preference is not a bad thing….but understand that your preference has been influenced by so many factors.
I agree with SD Arch – the media does play a huge role in shaping perspective. Black males have been accepted as potential partners for Whites and Asains to a higher degree than Black females, despite the fact that Black females are generally better educated than Black males. I think part of the success of the perception of Black males as mates is due to the media profile of virile, successful Black men (often with White women). It’s not just that Black women can’t get dates online: Black actresses can’t get roles, and Black models aren’t present at levels that correlate to Black women’s purchasing power. Why is this? Do our standards of beauty not allow for dark skin that doesn’t come from the tanning bed, full lips that don’t come from injections of botulism, and T & A that isn’t surgically implanted?
As a Black woman who rarely dates Black men (their choice), I can say that White men do approach me when they see me in person. It seems as if you’re allowing streotypes to influence you way too much when you go online guys. Your loss!
My own experience as a Black male has been this. I will respond to anyone who sends me a message. For me, and the other person, it could go anywhere. I never know until I send a message first, or respond to the message. I have answered alot of the ice breakers. Some of them have turned out to be Black women. I write back because me and the other person have something to share. It is the same with other people I want to write to. What I notice, along racial lines is this. If it is a Black woman, she is more likely to write back. I recently wrote to a Hispanic female. She responded almost immediately. With a white woman, I have noticed that I almost never get a reply back. In a way, race seems to affect who will respond back. I don’t think race should be an issue. If I see a person that I think I might like, I don’t think race should be the issue, Black, White, Hispanic, Asian, Pacific Islander, etc., it shouldn’t matter, and it doesn’t matter to me. The fact that it matters to other persons out there can be disturbing to me. I will admit to being nervous at first when I am making the first move, writing that first message. Sometimes I don’t write a message at all. On the occasion that I do write the first message, I use this method: Try and find the common ground and write from there, be straightforward and honest. I am still single to this day for some reason. To be honest, I have never really dated, nor had a girlfriend.
I think another issue is that I am considered what some people think of as a “stereotypical African-American male”. Anyone who knows me would say that. I think some people might not know what to make of it.
BLACK WOMEN & CAPS LOCK:
Get off the dick. What the hell is it with women who act all superior to have horrible grammar and have a disability when it comes to typing without the use of caps lock?! I would think someone who claims not to be a nerd or a loser would spend LESS time and effort in communicating on the internet. Typically those who use caps lock have absolutely nothing insightful to say, they just want to post their vote without proper representation, explanation, or retrospection.
As a white male living in WA, USA: I will stand tall and say THIS is the reason why I dont date black women. Needless to say, if I encountered a black woman who didnt have this compulsion to type like a sped, or to judge everyone without thinking at all, I would be more than happy to date them. I dont consider myself racist because my best friend is black. And guess what? He’s a very kind, respectful dude. It’s the person that matters, im just tieing together correlations and patterns I observe.
So please, stop throwing around the phrase “white people are racist”. It’s getting annoying. I encounter it everywhere I go, when I walk by people without looking at them, theyll call me out and say “ooh look at him all special”. The fact of the matter is, im busy – on my way somewhere, and I AM too busy to care about you. And I dont think that neglect was a detriment at all to me seeing as that’s the first thing you said about me.
It is disgusting how much racism I found in this post’s comments. I’m really disappointed that there is still so much racial prejudice in our time. I am a white female and I am proud of being capable of finding attractive men and women of any race and skin color. I think we must all actively try to leave behind our racial prejudice because they stand in the way for achieving happiness. Is it truly worth it to let the opportunity of meeting someone wonderful pass just because we feel they don’t have the right skin color? I know it is hard to overcome this kind of prejudices but if we all gave it a try the world would certainly be a better pace to live on. Please excuse my grammar and spelling mistakes since I’m not a native English speaker
I was at first offended to see how undesirable black women are amongst all races but after some thought, I finally understood somethings. I’m black, I grew up abroad. I’ve now dated all races come to think of it. I have noticed that I am more attracted to white men and Middle Eastern men for some reason but if you are cultured, educated, have a good heart, looking to date long-term, and can hold a great conversation, I’ll give you a try. I can offer the same. So, if there’s anyone in Boston that can match that, and over 5’10” (hey, I’m five 5’8″), hit me up or say hi if you ever see me.
Wooooooooooooooooow, this post and everything that is said just shows that regardless of what goes on in the world, no on will look past race. Its like a THORN in America, that the color of your skin limits such small minded people, it takes one to know one. I don’t fit in this category because LOVE has no boundaries
IMHO, being a racist and being discriminating are not the same. I am discriminating in what I like and whom I want to be with because that’s what I prefer, the same reason that I prefer tea over coffee, seafood over beef, and women with little or no make-up over with heavy make-up, non-smokers over smokers, etc.. It doesn’t mean that what and whom I don’t like are inferior. I am just choosy.
On the other hand, to be a racist means that you sterotype based on visible characteristics, whether it is colour of skin, age, height, weight, etc., then you pre-judge their worthiness and deem one type superior than the other. This is not choosines but prejudice.
Has anyone noticed that there are more white people who use online dating than any other race? This may effect the way questions are being answered. If there are only 10 men of your race in your local area and 1000 white men at some point you probably throw your hands up and give it a try. Also I could be that more whites prefer their own race because 1. They have the numbers to choose from 2. They are more racist/stereotypical minded and what have you. 3. The media and their upbringing gives them and inflated vanity. The truth is, anytime, anyone has decided that they prefer only their race, is because of some issue with other people groups and they are generalizing. Most people have honestly not thought about it, haven’t met someone outside their race that the wanted to date or have found more commonalties with their own race, maybe social circles don’t allow for exposure or are just looking for that inner person to connect with, whom ever they might be. If we are all very honest every race has traits that some other race would find attractive or unattractive. People in interracial relationship have found all of the feature traits that they like or find acceptable, and have found the similarity’s of person-hood greater then the surface racial differences. Statistics and numbers ought to be approached carefully, with insight and wisdom.
All of this deserves a quote form one of my favorite movies…
“I suppose things are better now, but… I don’t know. People still hate each other, they just know how to hide it better.”
Very nice information.
What of we white women who PREFER other races? I have a fondness for dark/black hair, medium or med-dark skin tones, big noses, and big asses. Means I have a predilection of Mid Eastern men and Latinas. (Feel free to take offense if you have a small nose and a small ass and think I’m a total bigot.)
Whatever floats your boats, peeps. My preferences haven’t kept me from getting swivel-neck over the occassional black woman shaking what her god gave her or gangly white fella in a tweed jacket and glasses. I don’t think that finding a certain set of features is any more loathsome than someone preferring blondes, brunettes, or redheads (wewt, representin’!).
That being said, Yellow Fever is sorta creepy. What’s up with that, white dudes?
And to assuage Milovan’s deep concern over the smell of black people: the last black fellow I was with did not smell like diesel. He smelled like a mid-grade fragrance and deodorant, which is probably more care for one’s scent than Milovan, personally, has even taken.
The moral of the story is that we should revel in the buffet of beautiful, sexy variety. Anyone disagree? Well, siktir!
The difficult question is where preference in physical attributes ends and racism begins. I myself find hair shorter than shoulder length to be off putting. Even more so I find curly hair repulsive. If a particular race is genetically predisposed to very short tightly curly hair, is it raciest that I give them little more than a cursory glance? If a black woman finds other black men more appealing if they are very dark skinned, and she doesn’t like white men, is that raciest? Or is it merely an extension of their preference for darker skin?
Being male much of my attitude words any particular woman dependent on weather or not i find them attractive. That being said i do find that american black men in particular have adopted a socially abrasive culture. I do not know the origin of this, but I do know that you don’t see it anywhere else. It is my opinion that this is the source of most of the racism in this country. Seriously. Go to england there is no racism there because the incoming ethnic groups don’t sequester themselves. They mix with everyone else and assimilate. Segregation ended in the us in 1964, but the different races still more or less separately. Everyone wants to blame each other but i think we do it to ourselves.
why is everyone’s panties in a bunch??? I could’ve told you the answer to this study without taking samples. I’m a black woman and I’ve actually been contacted equally by every race… but that’s just me. I tend to reply to the white guys more because there are so few black men, with even fewer attractive ones. I’m sure the same goes for black women. But that doesn’t mean I don’t like black men. In person, I will date black men, but here, there are just slim pickings. If the site has a TON of whites, you will find more than a few who are attractive. so take that info and add in racism/stereotypes, you get lonely black female, online anyways, haha. not a big deal, move on. its not real life!
The word “racist” has become so over-used and misused that it now has no more meaning than any other casual slur. That is unfortunate, as Hitler must now be considered only slightly worse than your average white person at the expense of all white people. How about we just stop playing the race card and be honest – most people are not racist, but those who throw the word “racist” around at anyone who disagrees with them are, in fact, racist.
As for the subject at hand, do not fail to note the law of supply and demand. If any one group receives substantially more solicitations than any other group, it should be expected that they respond at a lower rate. Does the object of everyone’s attention at a party dance with everyone who approaches her? Of course not. At some point she wants to sit and talk with someone, and there is not time for the others. Such is the case with white males receiving more solicitations than others. You might be correct in asserting they are impolite for not responding, but they are only behaving the same as any other quantity in demand.
As for black women, I suggest you ladies keep gunning and do not become discouraged or offended. The statistics here apply to a group and not to you as an individual. That is, your success is largely driven by the quality of your initial contact rather than by some preordained success rate. You have somewhat of a cultural image to overcome (not helped by some of the hateful responses here), but if you are a quality person, you will eventually find happiness with someone. Some men need to make the rounds before they start to look at the heart that beats beneath the flesh. We are all children of God. Keep trying.
Lib white female here. We seem underrepresented in the commentary, lol, don’t be shy ladies!
The only ‘cold-call’ messages I’ve ever received from non-white dudes are requests for marriage by guys who aren’t from my country. I’m listed as married by civil union to a guy and interested only in dating females. I’d love to be friends with these guys who must surely have a wealth of life experience and I’d probably learn a lot from them, but if they come out in their first message saying what they want is marriage, well, sorry but that’d be bigamy.
So what am I meant to do? I’ve made things very clear on my profile. I’m sick of saying ‘sorry, no’ in replies. I don’t want to be insensitive, I just feel these chaps aren’t making the right ‘pitch’ if they want to get to know me. For the record I do message local non-white boys from time to time, though given the region I’m from they wouldn’t be african or hispanic. I never seem to get non-white lady matches which is sad
Actually maybe it’s location that’s part of the problem – if whities live in whitey-heavy communities and regions, locality’s going to be at least some kind of factor, hmm… I’d be keen to look at some stats behind that. I suspect there’s prejudice at work just because I guess whities don’t like their worldviews to be upset, heh heh, more narcissism than racism… but living around other white people isn’t likely to help matters.
That said, the stated tendency for people from mixed-race hometowns to pick cis-race pairings sounds just like my hubby’s story. He’s white but grew up in a low-SEG and very diverse area. In his case I think it was part of his aspirations to move to a city and get some white privilege that drew him to meet more white girls. Ironically most of his work friends are not white, but it’s a really boy-dominated industry he works in so… I guess it never translated to dating?
I know this thread is old but I’m genuinely troubled by these stats and I’d like to get to the heart of these worrying preconceptions.
hmmm i like all races of men and women and im a black female,everybody get along and have a drink:)life’s to short .
I don’t think it’s racism. Some people just have aesthetic preferences.
I am a Latin Caribbean Man and I think the study is very accurate, I also agree with the comment from the guy about the odor/smell, but that can be because of a cultural, food or just hygiene factor, not because of races or anything. I also agree that white and Latins get along better than lets say White-Black or Latin-Black (By black i mean “African Americans”. As a black women said here: The cultural difference is just to strong. This however have nothing to do with racism or anything like it, its about liking or not liking. I hate when people tell you that you are discriminating someone because you don’t like em’ because of color, or because she is overweight, etc. I have have people (specially girls) telling me that i discriminate heavy women, but what the heck am I gonna do if I don’t like them? Or black “African American girls” once again i just don’t like em, i don’t find them appealing to my eyes. I have a lot of friend who are heavy or black and i love them to death, but as far as dating i don’t like it. So that make me a racist?
By the way, i like what we call shobby girls lol….when i say heavy i mean overweight “fat”
From Lucid (who ought to rethink his handle):
“I dont consider myself racist because my best friend is black. ”
Oh this classic line still makes laugh unto to the point of tears. Thanks for the giggles, Lucid.
For the record I’m a Black female with an Asian (Korean) SO. My ex, was also Asian. If this relationship fails, the future SO will more than likely be Asian as well. So, who cares if the study Asian males aren’t getting love across the board; they’ve won me over culturally.
Lucidlivin, thank you for proving the point with your posting. You are pretty much the perfect example of racist bias in action.
And before you ask: I’m a white male myself.
Essentially, the reason you state is that you attribute traits of a few to the entire group for Black women, and then somehow try to wriggle out of it by pretending there is some sort of truth in it, which somehow is supposed to absolve your prejudice. It doesn’t. Let’s face it, several of the black women who commented come across as more educated than you.
I wish your kind of person would educate themselves. That would certainly reduce the uncomfortable amounts of racism I encounter daily when talking to other white males. Really, it’s annoying. Grow up, confront your biases, and move beyond them. Or are you a child?
I am no specialist in human psychology or whatever, but just the current facts (not only in okCupid survey) support the idea that in general racism is on the rise, especially in Europe. I will mention here just one thing that I have heard from my white female friends.They said, most of the time they have been approached by a non-white male (with sexual intention, of course) and have rejected their proposal for some personal reason, they were immediately branded as “racist”. When they did the same to a white male, at least they could escape without being branded as what they are not. So, it seems that refusal breeds hatred and hatred breeds refusal…
“It’s interesting that white males do manage to reply to Middle Eastern women. Is there some kind of emergent fetish there?”
It’s the bellydancing.
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Joan Swenson
I’m not sure why people don’t consider the fact that race is just like any other feature of physical attraction…you may just not be attracted to Asians or Blacks or Whites. If you don’t find men with long hair attractive, is that wrong? What about women weighing 350lbs? Why is race any different than that? It’s just one of the things you may or may not find attractive about the person, physically. People are too quick to throw out the racist card.
Black people are annoying and intimidating that’s all it is. I don’t want to be around a black woman who screams about every stupid thing. Honestly would you?
I love this article. I actually wrote a journal entry about it on my old profile. A lot of people said white guys aren’t interested in black girls because I live in Texas and it’s just not accepted in the south. XD I found that to be hilarious. I don’t care what race I date to be honest. I figure as long as we get along, I don’t care. -Shrugs-