Nerds. As we all know, the Internet is a great place to pretend to be someone you're not. For instance, here's me in Second Life having a great time:

Anyhow, in many online situations, self-misrepresentation is totally harmless. Like, who cares if your Halo 3 avatar is taller than you are in real life? Or if flickr thinks you're single when you're really married? But in online dating, where the whole goal is to eventually meet other people in person, creating a false impression is a whole different deal.
People do everything they can in their OkCupid profiles to make themselves seem awesome, and surely many of our users genuinely are. But it's very hard for the casual browser to tell truth from fiction. With our behind-the-scenes perspective, we're able to shed some light on some typical claims and the likely realities behind them.

Let's get started.
"I'm 6 feet tall."
REALITY: People are two inches shorter in real life.
This whole post was inspired by an amusing graph we stumbled across while trying to answer the question Do taller guys have more sex? The answer, to a degree, is yes, and I'll expand on that in a little bit. But in this case what was more interesting than the sex was the (supposed) tallness of the guys.

The male heights on OkCupid very nearly follow the expected normal distribution—except the whole thing is shifted to the right of where it should be. You can see it better when we overlay the implied best fit below (pardon the technical language):

Almost universally guys like to add a couple inches. You can also see a more subtle vanity at work: starting at roughly 5' 8", the top of the dotted curve tilts even further rightward. This means that guys as they get closer to six feet round up a bit more than usual, stretching for that coveted psychological benchmark.
When we looked into the data for women, we were surprised to see height exaggeration was just as widespread, though without the lurch towards a benchmark height:

On a somewhat humbling personal note, I just went back and looked at my own profile, and apparently I list myself at 5' 11". Really, I'm a touch under 5' 10". Hmmm.
As for whether it even makes sense for people to make such an obvious and easily disproved exaggeration, the jury is out. We've found that taller people, up to a point, have more sex:

But as far as messages go, shorter women actually seem to get more attention:

These are the average weekly unsolicited message totals by height; you can think of these as the number of times a person is "hit on" out of the blue each week on OkCupid. a 5' 4" woman gets 60 more contacts each year than a six-footerThe genders are plotted on different scales because of the eternal fact that men almost always make the first move, so women get many more unsolicited messages.
It's plain from these two charts that women six feet or taller are either less attractive to men or are considered too intimidating to message. The data also raises the interesting possibility that these tall women are much more likely to sleep with a man who does approach them. Compare the 6' 0" woman to her 5' 4" counterpart: the taller woman gets hit on about two-thirds as much, yet has had slightly more sex partners.
"I make $100,000 a year."
REALITY: People are 20% poorer than they say they are.
Apparently, an online dater's imagination is the best performing mutual fund of the last 10 years. Here's what people are saying on OkCupid, versus what their incomes should be:
Use the slider to watch as people exaggerate more as they get older. As you can see, people advertise disproportionately high salaries for themselves. Just to pick a symbolic amount, there are consistently 4× the number of people making $100K a year than there should be.
Note that in formulating the "expected" lines for each age we were very careful to adjust for OkCupid's particular demographics: we compared every individual against the average not just by age but by zip code. Here a breakdown by gender of the exaggeration rates:

A woman may earn 76 cents on the dollar for the same work as a man, but she can fabricate, like, 85 cents no problem.
We did a little investigating as to whether a person's stated income had any real effect on his or her online dating experience. Unsurprisingly, we found that it matters a lot, particularly for men. This is a by-age messaging distribution:

These bold colors contain a subtle message: if you're a young guy and don't make much money, cool. If you're 23 or older and don't make much money, go die in a fire. It's not hard to see where the incentive to exaggerate comes from.
"Here's a recent pic."

REALITY: The more attractive the picture, the more likely it is to be out-of-date.
The above picture, for example, was over two years old when it was uploaded. How do we know? Most modern cameras append text tags to the jpgs they take. These tags, called EXIF metadata, specify things like the exposure and f-stop settings, gps information if your camera has it, and, of course, the time and date the photo was taken. This is how programs like iPhoto know when (and sometimes where) you've taken your pictures.
Analyzing this stuff, we found that most of the pictures on OkCupid were of recent vintage; site-wide the median photo age at upload was just 92 days. However, hotter photos were much more likely to be outdated than normal ones. Here's a comparison (the age of a picture below is how old it was when it was uploaded to our site):

As you can see, over a third of the hottest photos on the site are a year old or more. And more than twice as many hot photos are over three years old (12%) as average-looking ones (5%), which makes sense because people are more inclined to cling to the pics that make them look their best
Another useful (if somewhat unorthodox) way to take in this graph is to follow the horizontal gridlines. If you trace out from "20%", for example, you can see that 1 in 5 average-looking photos is at least a year old, meanwhile, among the hot photos, nearly 1 in 5 is at least two years old.
It also turns out that older people also upload older photos:

The upshot here is, if you see a good-looking picture of a man over 30, that photo is very likely to be out-of-date. Not to get personal again, but my own OkCupid photo shows a Burberry-dressed 27 year-old, strumming away on his guitar. Meanwhile, I turn 35 in a couple months and am writing this post in the same shorts and tee-shirt I've been wearing for a week. Time waits for no man, unless that man doesn't update his personal information.
"I'm bisexual."
REALITY: 80% of self-identified bisexuals are only interested in one gender.
OkCupid is a gay- and bi-friendly place and it's not our intention here to call into question anyone's sexual identity. But when we looked into messaging trends by sexuality, we were very surprised at what we found. People who describe themselves as bisexual overwhelmingly message either one sex or the other, not both as you might expect. Site-wide, here's how it breaks out:

This suggests that bisexuality is often either a hedge for gay people or a label adopted by straights to appear more sexually adventurous to their (straight) matches. You can actually see these trends in action in the chart below.
Again, this is just the data we've collected. We'd be very interested in our bisexual users' thoughts on this single-sex-messaging phenomenon, so if you'd like to weigh-in please use the comments section. Please note, everybody, that we don’t assume that bis should be “into both genders equally.” We only assume that they should be into both genders at all. The swaths of red and blue that you see in these sexuality charts represent people who message only one gender. The purple areas are people who send any messages, in whatever proportion, to both men and women.

In this chart, throughout the teens and twenties, the male bisexual population is mostly observably gay men. By the mid-thirties, it seems, most of these men are more comfortable self-identifying as gay and have left the bi population. By the end of our chart, 3 of every 4 bi males on OkCupid are observably straight. Meanwhile, the proportion of men who message both women and other men holds fairly steady.
The proportions for women are more consistent over time:

12% of women under 35 on OkCupid (and the internet in general, I'd wager) self-identify as bi. However, as you can see above, only about 1 in 4 of those women is actually into both guys and girls at the same time. I know this will come as a big letdown to the straight male browsing population: three-fourths of your fantasies are, in fact, fantasies of a fantasy. Like bi men, most bi women are, for whatever reason, not observably bi. The primacy of America's most popular threesome, two dudes and an Xbox, is safe.
In gathering data for this last section on sexuality, we found so much interesting stuff that we're making it the topic of our next post. We'll look at the messaging, searching, and stalking (!) patterns of gay, bi, and straight people and see what else we can learn about the sexual continuum. Until then, no lie: thanks for reading.
Yes, I’ve met men who had lied in their profiles about their age and their height, and posted way-old photos as well. Too bad you don’t have the data about lying about previous marriages. I once met a man online who told me he’d been married three times. He really had been married nine times!
On the bisexuality thing, I think it’s what people are looking to get from OkCupid. If I met more females socially offline, I’d be inclined to send out less messages to women. Unfortunately, it’s much easier for me to pick up men in real life than with women.
Also, not everyone who is bisexual is 50/50 in their gender preferences. I seem to lean more towards women in most cases as one of my last five relationships was with another man.
Maybe we should have a slider to indicate “How bisexual are you”
I know a bi girl on OKCupid who only contacts women because although in RL she likes guys and girls, she doesn’t trust men enough to meet one from the internet.
Hey! I OBJECT!!
Your income calculator says I make 50% of what I actually make. However, for a man it calculates my salary EXACTLY! Is it sexist?? Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that I work in a typically male dominated career?
since bi is the only option other than straight or gay, there will be a HUGE variety of people who write bi and dont identify that way. what about putting queer as an option? i personally date boys and girls (and people who dont identify either way) pretty equally but am much more likely to message girls because the guys can be pretty creepy. and while you are at it, there should probably be another option like transgendered or doesnt identify as either gender. its a dating site, and labels are important to people
I’m a bi male, and I’m equal-opportunity. I message men, women, and transfolk of various kinds. We do need more categories.
I’ve dated a few women from here, as so many have suggested the odds are just better: about 10 women open to men for every man open to men, as in life.
But I’ve also dated FTM transmen and gay men from here.
I live in a medium-sized town (~80,000) with about 2 degrees of separation. Most of the compatible bi poly folk I’ve already dated or have ruled out.
So I set my search criteria for the most elusive unicorn of all, in my experience: other bi men.
Heck, I’ve dated more lesbians than bi men. And again, I’m a man.
If there’s one pet peeve that has been confirmed for me by this analysis, it’s this: most bi-identified men are on here looking for women.
So while I prefer to date other bisexual poly people, I usually end up dating monosexual monogamous people who are open-minded enough to share this bi guy with others of any gender.
Still, I keep the faith that there is another bi poly guy out there for me. Somewhere
Odd that I am one of only 23% of bisexual women to message both genders. I do think a lot of people lie and say that they are bi just because some potential partners might find them more alluring for saying so. Honestly, it’s frustrating to me. Often times I will message a gal and not get a reply, and so it negatively affects my hunt for a “special someone”.
RE: photos
Younger guys are more likely to have newer photos because younger guys are more likely to carry hi-tech phones that photograph.
I was really diappointed when I met my date. His pic was an older one and it didn’t even look like him, down to no hair…. Eeek! What a shocker! That didn’t work out. Now I’m about to meet someone else , it scares the crap out of me! Why can’t people be real about themselves? Everything I’ve posted to my profile IS real. I even updated with a recent new pic. Am I a weirdo???
I am NOT in my 20’s,am considered attractive & definitely bi. Frankly I resent the straight girls using bi for “hotness factor” I GET more messages [and matches] from guys than women. I am interested in both. Messages to matches with Gay women, i have learned in my 4 months on OKC experience usually result in discrimination or putdowms for being bi instead of a “real Queer” One gal I dated even added “no bi girls message please to her profile after our date [Our date seemed to go well & was to a gay club but my history did come up.] So I am understandably wary of messaging the Gay women I’m matched with. Occasionally there’s a bi match…..i’ll message her if she appeals. Maybe OKC might consider matching more bi with bi.
Likewise , I message guys that interest me. A large percentage are looking at nothing but bi in my profile & are seeking fantasy, Easy to weed out. This does not speak to ALL men.
I have met a few genuinely compatable guys and one compatible bi woman through OKC, but it’s a LOT of weeding out,
@AW: “What about the lies people tell about their age. I’ve been out with/looked at profiles of men who are definitely lying about their age by about 3-7 years.”
I have to ask: why do you care? If you communicate with a person and find you have common interests & mutual attraction, are you then going to drop him/her because of what the calendar says? Or maybe not even look at an otherwise perfect match because you’re making assumptions based on that calendar date? If you are, seems to me you’ve just answered your own question.
Same goes for most of this stuff. I don’t bother to keep track of my age, ’cause I got fed up with people telling me to act it – by which they meant sit & watch TV rather than hike, bike, & ski. Haven’t been weighed since the last time I had a physical, but the belt’s at the same notch it has been at for years, which is good enough. As for income… well, it’s not how much I make that matters, but how much I have left after paying the bills each month.
You might have a lot better success if you stop obsessing about exactitude in minor details – do you want my weight after I’ve sweated off a few pounds with a day of biking, or after I’ve eaten dinner? – and focus on the person instead.
I identify myself as bisexual but, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I date both genders.
This is my dilemma : I am more physically attracted to women, but mentally I am attracted to men. So I date men. I would think that (if I were single) if the right girl came a long, I would have no problem dating her. But, as it stands, no woman has captured my interests. I have had relations with females, but it didn’t go far beyond that.
Maybe more people are in the same state of mind I am, or maybe they are faking it. Who knows?
I’m not single but happened to be directed to this very, very, enlightening blog article.
I have to agree with the comments made by cdfh about how the pool of available ‘hot’ photographs increases as you get older. I am 30 and I actually have very few very recent good photos of myself, I currently use a two year old company PR shot or a four year old holiday shot if I need to have a picture of myself for something like a social networking profile. Not so much a lie as the best photo I have of myself, although there is a good 9 year old photo of me that makes me look gorgeous.
Also on cdfh’s theme I observed many years ago that there is probably an equation of viability when it comes to age. I observed that the younger you are the tighter the age range of potentially successful mates but that this region has an almost predictable expansion over time (age matters less as you get older). Many people say that ‘age does not matter’, it does significantly affect the ‘viability’ of a relationship if not initial attraction and of course there are exceptions to every rule.
I would be interested in seeing if there is a correlation between age difference and relationship viability?
Bob
Wondering if there is as strong of a correlation between income and messages responded to. After all, previous posts have shown in male-female interaction on this site most of it is initiated by the guy. Frankly, I don’t think most women on this site are that shallow, but I also don’t think they initiate too many of the first contacts.
I’m 6’1″, generally girls I’ve met in the past have thought I was taller, like closer to 6’3″(only in heels). I assumed it was because other guys they’ve known lied about their height. Now it all makes sense…
As usual, OKTrends hits a home-run in interesting population analysis.
For my early 20s I did indeed identify as Bisexual in my profile here, as a “hedge” to protect myself from gay stigma and premature public “outing” to people who might identify me by photo. As I became more comfortable with myself I changed my sexuality to gay, but I do miss the great correspondence with women. When identifying as bisexual I received a lot more messages from women than men, and their messages were more interesting and thorough.
In past OKTrends reports I enjoyed the presentation of information, in true light-hearted OK Cupid fashion, but I was disappointed with the hetero-centrism, greatly look forward to the reports to come. The site has always been inclusive and a great way to mingle!
And I AM 6’4″, but most my pictures are at 2+ years old. Busted!
On the height thing (not sure if it was already mentioned, but I’m not going to look through >400 comments), have you taken into account that older people are shorter? The average age of the okcupid population is probably below that of the average American, therefore they’d be taller. I’ll also take this as a prompt to ask you to fix the metric-imperial conversion, it’s a bit off.
This was SO INTERESTING!!! Thanks!
I’d be curious to see the timeframe that the bisexuals are being evaluated? the life of the account? a few months? I have found many times that its often a situation where I have gotten bipolar about my bisexuality… and only actively sought one type of partner… even if they bi-label speaks to the wide range of life-experience.
“As a 5’9″ woman, I’ve discovered in my own personal practice that if I want to date someone taller than me, I have to assume anyone saying their 5″11 or 5’10 is shorter than me…But seriously — how do these guys think a material lie like this that can actually be proven bodes well for them? Just tell the truth – embrace who you are!”
Right so you’re saying that people should tell the truth but you will assume they are lying in any case, so they might as well.
the income thing is so obvious its not even just rediculous.
a site with a global user base that only alows you to put your income in USD?
so do i put the number i am paid and ignore the cunnency symbol?(bout 15k)
or do i put what im paid roughly converted to USD? bout 25k
or do i just not bother & leave the field blank… which is my answer last i looked.
sorry okc, but your data collection process is micned before you get started on that one
My height is reported as 5’4″.. and that’s close to the truth (5’3 3/4″) and love me a tall man.. yes I admit it I am one of those who swoons harder over a man that is 6′ plus and the taller the better. Think that has to do with a few things though:
1. feeling safe
2. him being larger makes me feel more petit
3. height associated mentally as him being stronger-tougher etc ( going back to to safety feelings there)
On the note of Income..I used your chart as was alarmed to find out that I truly make almost 3 times the avg for my zipcode..huh? I don’t have a college degree and don’t think I make alot of money, but I did report my income accurately.
That being said, I did once have a man from a dating site suggest my house wasn’t mine, that I couldn’t possibly afford it based on the type of work I do . How rude is that? I suppose though again with so many people misrepresenting themselves on line and even in the first few months of dating… this should be expected!
Now on the line of bi sexuality..
I have not posted myself as a bi sexual because i do not desire women approaching me nor men who are out to get their fantasies filled and have no real interest in me.
I am a bi-choosy sexual woman who is content with her current female friends and choosy about who they are. I am not currently looking for new female play partners and do not want a lesbian relationship and I do not play with women one on one. I do not require women sexually in my life as I do men. I do so in a situation where by we are sharing a male partner ( the ultimate male fantasy) therefore I only solicit men.
I did notice a few men who are surprisingly turned off by bi women. (Silly guys)
For now I will keep that part of my sexuality a surprise for a willing male partner who thinks I’m fabulous and finds that as a fantastic bonus and not a deterrent or a motivator to dating me.
happy hunting
Um, ok, you compare the height of men and women on OK Cupid with the distribution of height among US men and women. Notice anything amiss? That’s right: OK Cupid has a significant number of non-US members.
This really puts an honest person at a disadvantage up front. Be that as it may, I’m just not gonna lie. It would be found out when it counts, making all the effort a total waste of time. Why doesn’t everyone else get this? Or are they out to waste not only their time, but every one else’ too?
Nice article, but as with most statistics, be careful about drawing conclusions based on “thin” statistics. For example, I believe most men do not carry a camera with them everywhere they go (like many women do in their purse). Men don’t ask their buds to take pictures of them drinking and hugging their other friends. Men usually have much less photos than women and therefore are more likely to use an older photo.
About the salary. Only people with extremely low salaries, and people looking for a gold digger should be overestimating their salary. I used to not list a salary for myself, but I found out that many grown men do not make enough to even pay for a date, so I decided to show my salary. I considered lying about my salary – I actually was going to UNDER-estimate my salary to prevent attracting the wrong women, but I ended up claiming my actual salary. Men who make a descent salary and overstate it on this site are doing themselves a dis-service.
Notice to women – When estimating a man’s wealth, don’t just look at salary alone. A man in Silicon Valley can make $100,000 per year, but will have the same standard of living that someone in another part of the US will at $25,000 per year. Also consider how he spends his money. If he spends $30,000 on clothes per year, he will look sharp, but would you want to be with someone who spent 60% of his paycheck or maxed out his credit cards on bling? Or, is he rich because he is a miser? Food for thought.
As a woman who is bisexual, I would like to point out that most gay woman have trouble dating bisexuals. As a result, I have two profiles…one gay and one bi. As you might guess, I use my bi profile for contacting men, mostly. Would be curious to see if other bisexual females use this tactic as well.
Sounds about right.
What’s the payoff for honesty?
Re bi females who don’t message men, some of them might be hunters of the elusive “golden unicorn”. That is, they are involved with a guy, and want to find a female third partner, but other guys need not apply.
As that rare bird, and out male bisexual, you guys are so clueless about bisexuality, you should delete that part of the post, and send a personal apology to every bisexual on OKC. The term bisexual has never been used by a legitimate human sexuality researcher to describe only people who are equally interested in both genders. Lets go back to the first research on the subject. Dr. Kinsey scored sexual orientation on a 6 point scale. A “0” on the Kinsey Scale is someone who is exclusively interested in the opposite gender. A “6” on the Kinsey Scale is only interested in the same gender. We call a “0” heterosexual and a “6” gay or lesbian. Guess what we call everyone in between? I, personally, am about a 1.5 on the Kinsey Scale, which Kinsey described as mostly heterosexual, with occasional homosexual interest.
Let’s look at this in a practical way. How else am I going to honestly describe myself? I am primarily interested in women, so calling myself gay would clearly be wrong. If I say I’m straight, and I happen to get caught checking a hot guy out, I’m going to have some explaining to do, and said female may lose interest. On the other hand, when I say I’m bi, I filter out all the women who are turned off by bi guys, and I attract the ones who are. Sounds like a win-win situation to me.
I’m a guy. Ever since I set my profile to “Bisexual”, women have stopped messaging me. It’s almost exclusively men now.
A similar trend exists in the real world. There is a lot of ignorance about this sexual orientation, and also a sexist double-standard. If you’re male, saying “I’m bi” seems to get heard as “I’m gay” by other people. It’s almost understandable when you consider that some men DO use this label as a temporary one before coming out as gay, but your readers will know that’s not the case for all of us.
So, perhaps your findings are partly explained by biphobia: people feeling that this is a fancy way of saying “gay”. Don’t point the finger at us!
(PS: I actually am 6’2″-ish)
I’ve found that the Gay men on here are _not_ the type I’m seeking, so I don’t write them. Most of the Bi guys are only somewhat more interesting.
Damn, that’s where I’ve been going wrong… I’ve been honest! I really am 6 foot tall.
Right, time to make myself 6’2″
Then again, adding 2 inches to your height is nothing compared to the magic ruler male “adult” film stars use! lol!
Wow, where to begin with your erroneous conclusions about bisexuality?
Here is the big clue for you:
Searching behavior on OK Cupid does NOT correlate to sexual preference for bisexuals. I know it’s a big surprise to you, but your dating brokerage tool isn’t giving you that kind of data.
I am a bisexual woman in her mid 40s. I didn’t know I was bi till sometime in my 30s. At various times since then, when I have been single, I have been socializing with with a predominantly queer girl crowd or a predominantly straight crowd.
If you are “single, looking, and bi” you might not have access through your current social channels to one or the other gender as potential dates. When I am hanging out with queer girls and in the mood to date a guy, I might only look for men online (because I certainly am not going to meet them while socializing). Conversely, when my queer girl circle isn’t around/socially available, I might be meeting men to potentially date in person, but no girls, and therefore, search for women online. In either case however, it would be important for me to say up-front that I am bi, because male or female, if someone has a problem with that, we shouldn’t waste our time with each other.
In addition to erroneously assuming that the search behavior of a subscriber is directly correlated to their date-gender-preference and thereby directly indicative of their true sexual preference (how stupid!) you are also assuming that all of their “seeking” behavior is being conducted through your tool. I am sure your subscribers worlds do not revolve exclusively around OK Cupid.
Most bi people live their lives moving with straight or gay communities to greater or lesser extents. Some of us are in situation where all our friends are straight. We have no problem meeting opposite sex potential partners, but a big problem meeting same sex potential partners. Some of us socialize nearly exclusively with gay people, and then the converse is true.
The fact that someone is searching for only one gender on OKC doesn’t mean they are only searching for one gender to date — it only means that’s what they are using your tool for.
Another thing that you should keep in mind is that some bi people are not monogamous. (shock! actually, some gay and straight people aren’t either, but the difference is the bi non monogamous people tend to be a lot more honest about it). Lots of bi women, for example, are in committed relationships with men, who do not mind if they seek a girlfriend. In those cases, they would be seeking only women. But it clearly doesn’t mean they are lesbian.
In summary, searching behavior with your tool is that and ONLY that, it doesn’t belie the truth about a bi person’s true sexual orientation.
I am single and would love to meet someone. Lots of bi people have recommended your site because you actually have an option for bi’s. While I applaud you for that, your ignorant attitudes simply mirror the same tired prejudices we bi people have to deal with all the time from both straights and gays: “You are lying. You are really [straight/gay]. ” Given the attitude, I won’t be joining any time soon.
SHAME ON YOU!
@S: “As a 5’9″ woman, I’ve discovered in my own personal practice that if I want to date someone taller than me, I have to assume anyone saying their 5″11 or 5’10 is shorter than me…But seriously — how do these guys think a material lie like this that can actually be proven bodes well for them? Just tell the truth – embrace who you are!”
Be careful judging. If you were embracing who you were, you wouldn’t need to date a tall guy just to feel comfortable about yourself.
Would you list your weight if it was asked on the profile? Would you consider knocking off a few pounds if not a single person was responding to you?
Perhaps it’s easy to lie than to be invisible.
The comment on money is so true…
I’m 23 years old, and have a less than stellar income because I’m a PhD student. When I toot my own horn: I do some of the most intense mathematics known to man, I’m funny, social, about a 3-4/5 on attractiveness (according to male friends, females rate me 5/5) and yet I send ten messages per week into the black void. I’m not creepy about it either, my messages normally go
“What’s up.
Bla bla bla this thing (movie book whatever) I saw in your profile lol, you seem pretty cool, message back if you want to chat. :D”
And so I send about 3-5 messages per day into the black void since I joined. Thank you OkTrends for telling me that apparently the reason I’m failing is because I don’t have a fat enough paycheque. (hint, secretly I’m well to do and don’t need an income :P)
(tl;dr version is “fml, I’m great and girls don’t message me :<")
I’m a 21 year old bi man. I put my height as what my actual height is.
I message people who seem approachable.
I am mostly balanced, liking men and women pretty equally.
However, it may seem that I’m ‘gay’ in your statistics because a lot of women don’t reply.
Gay men seem to be a bit more excepting of a bi guy than straight women, or for what ever reason, women just don’t seem to reply. I will also tend to avoid ‘uber straight, uber christian’ women as I know that this will be even moreso true that they wouldn’t give a ‘bi’ guy the time of day. As far as people I message, well, your quiver thing seems to send me way more women to look at, so I probably send more messages to women actually. It’s a bit annoying really. I’d like the quiver to give me 4 matches, 2 male, 2 female. That would be ideal for me. Maybe you could also institute a ‘kinsey’ scale. some ‘bi’s are more of a 7 or a 3 rather than a direct middle 5 like me. Also, as other’s have said, a lot of bi people might just want to use okc to mainly find one or the other, perhaps because they are poly, and have a gf, that they are only looking for men, or visa-versa.
Hope this helps.
Alright. I’m a girl, and I identify as bisexual. In “real life” I could be considered almost a near-perfect “5.0” on the ol’ Kinsey scale. However, on OKCupid I’ve virtually only communicated with dudes.
The problem? There are tons more straight guys in the world than queer girls. When it comes to the Internet (particularly dating websites) it seems to me that the odds are even more skewed. Another possible factor in my case is my shyness: I don’t usually initiate anything, but rather wait for others to message me. I’m the last person to make overarching assumptions about something based on gender, but perhaps guys are more active when it comes to messaging?
I’m a bi-identified male who has only contacted males so far. To help explain the disparity in your chart, I should explain that in my case, this is the result of a couple of factors despite the fact that I can be attracted to both genders. One, I am attracted to men much more often than women. Two, at least as much as I’m looking for someone to date, I am looking for friends I can talk about guy stuff with, which generally means another guy. Three, I find it much easier to connect with female friends or potential dates in person than their male equivalents.
I knew women were shallow, but wow!! I always take an all honest approach to pretty much everything in life, but now seeing this on paper I realize I should definitely be lying about my income. All my guy friends say it’s necessary to lie about their income to get women to like them and now I see why. It’s sad money is so important, I have many other things to offer and I don’t want what I call a “legal prostitute” (golddigger).
Isn’t the income thing on the side a joke anyway? I make a good living, but that’s no one’s business but my own. I’m employed and you can see my job category to the side, so make your own determinations if you’d like.
Also, I don’t lie about my height (I’m probably actually a bit taller than the 6’3″ I list myself as), but I’ve been tempted to remove my height all together. While taller members may get more messages, most of these messages are nothing more than “I REALLY like tall men, you’re cute.” Listen, I have preferences too but I’d really hear from people who have something in common for me, not girls who fetish tall men.
I will say that, unfortunately, the old picture thing to totally true. At least my default photo is current. It’s not about deception, it’s about the lack of current photos I have in general
I used to be a member on OKC. For the most part, people are very honest – others not so much. For example; a guy had said he lives in Toronto, we really hit it off, etc etc. Then when it comes down to meeting time, he says he’s actually in NYC and hasn’t had time to change his profile.
Another guy said he was 5’10” and in reality, he was 5’6″ – I’m NOT that picky with height, I enjoy tall height but I prefer a good soul more. When we met up, I was wearing three inch heels. I’ m 5’3″ – let’s just say, we were able to look into each other’s souls.
As for the incomes – it’s really nobody’s business how much money I make and that goes twofold in saying I shouldn’t give a damn how much money someone else makes – so I choose the ‘prefer not to say’ option.
However, online dating is all in all a journey and a fun one to explore – good luck to all and remember that a little honesty can go a long way – I made some awesome male friends and female friends off of this website
Your income comparison is bogus. Because users are allowed NOT to enter income information, you can only compare income for users who CHOSE TO REVEAL THEIR INCOMES! This self-selected sample is highly unlikely to match the “expected” data from the general population.
So while it is possible that people are exaggerating their income, it is also possible that people who make high incomes are more likely to reveal their incomes. Every single person on OKCupid could be telling their truth and you could still see the trend you report here.
In fact, the same applies to height.
I love OKTrends but the bad science in this post was a disappointment.
This is ridiculous. Why would someone lie about something at all, much less something that would be obvious upon first meeting? I’ve seen women do it, and I guess men can do it, but it makes no sense to alienate someone just to waste his or her time. You are what you are.
True, I come from the perspective of someone who really is a tad over 6′, but I can’t see how that would be different if I was 5’4″. Are people thinking once they get their hooks into someone, by the end of the date, there might be a second date?
This is the first month I’ve EVER listed myself as athletic and toned. Because I’m bike riding like a fiend, getting ready for a ride across Iowa and a few long one-day rides in September. I earned it. I’d like to be able to maintain it, but without the summer heat and the outdoor activity, I will probably downgrade myself to average in January. I have to expect the same honesty is there in a woman’s profile. Otherwise, where’s will we find trust?
All I gotta say is “wow” and “informative”.
I never lie about my height, but since I am only 5’6″, it seems people assume I MUST be rounding up.. and I will be happy to update my pictures as soon as my iPhone gets here (about three weeks, according to Apple UK store). With the article, I am now thinking ti need to lie to be honest, since my truths are assumed to be lies..
To JAMES (below):
Whether or not women drop you because they find out that “what the calendar says” is not what you said in your profile, most will drop you when they find out you’re a liar. Pretty much automatic for me: lie about your age, height, marital status = no second date.
As for you saying you “don’t bother” to keep track of your age:
A. Of course you do!
B. Unless you lied about your birth date (you did, didn’t you?), OKC will keep track of it for you.
Sheesh, people; do you really expect to build a new relationship founded on exaggerations?
Men lie about their height depending on how short they are: the shorter they are, the more inches they add on. If a man says he’s 5’10”, there’s about a 95% chance he’s actually 5’7″, that’s my experience. Men who say they’re 6′-6’2″ have generally added only about 1″ on. And taller than that, the height tends to be accurate.
As to age–I once met someone who had subtracted 30 YEARS from his age. No wonder that photo was so blurry.
I question the source of these statistics. I would like some citations otherwise this is clearly a load of made up bullshit. Sorry I am not as gullable as others. I want proven and tested facts along with cited sources, not “mental guestimations.”
BI LEANINGS: well, i don’t see what the big deal. i’m bi, but i prefer one gender – tomboys or masculine women over the pretty boys that i like. so if i was searching for a mate online, i would probably message only ladies. doesn’t mean i don’t like males, just means i have a preference…and apparently other bi’s have one too. | of course those who are using the label as a ploy are in the wrong and should man or woman up and be honest; but liars exist in all sexualities.
I list myself as straight on my profile, but am in fact bisexual. I am a 1 on the kinsey scale, so I’m not VERY bisexual. However, I have met and even engaged in sexual activity with men on OKC. I don’t list myself as bi because although I am interested in men for sex, I don’t want to date men. Life is a LOT easier when not everybody knows I like dick. I’m sure I don’t have to explain why.
I have also seen at least one female who lists herself as bi but had a public match question that indicated she was unsure she would be ok dating somebody who had had homosexual sex in the past. That really made me think.
I’d be very interested to see your data about who messages whom cross-referenced with the “what I’m looking for” check boxes. I.e. people who list neither dating nor casual sex as interests and message both genders are not actually observably bi, they are observably interested in befriending people of either gender. What conclusions can be drawn about people who list themselves as non-bi, but message both genders?
Generally very interesting break down!
BTW, there is a basic flaw in your assessment of OKC user statistics vs. US population data. OKC is a self-selected and therefor NON-RANDOM sample. Indeed, political polls have this same problem, and are forced to go to great lengths to weight various responses to reflect that primarily old retired people respond. Is it possible that more affluent men are more likely to participate in online dating than others? I can see reasons why that might be, including intelligence level, education (remember, college educated individuals are much more open minded in general) internet access, and available free time. As to why taller men would be more likely to use OKC, I got nothing. I really am 6’1″ though.