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Discussion => Drug safety => Topic started by: Leapfrogger on January 19, 2013, 06:17 pm

Title: LSD for the Suicidal: for those who knew they were going to have a bad trip...
Post by: Leapfrogger on January 19, 2013, 06:17 pm
...but took it anyway.

This post was intended for 3jane's rumor mill thread but it kind of took on a life of its own.

I promise you that it is probably more readable than it looks to be at first glance. If you're interested, please continue on...

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So, full disclosure: I've only taken acid one other time, and when I took it, there was a "problem with the dosage"...

(I took one hit;
nothing happened whatsoever;
took another four hits;
woke up with my dresser thrown across the room, a bloody nose, six missed calls from my parents)

Dosage issues not withstanding, it would be putting it mildly to say I was in a very dark fucking place when I took all that acid.

Set and setting.

I had "setting" taken care of: a free night, my own bedroom, and a roommate who didn't really mind being told the bang that had just awoken him was a result of me tripping on acid.

"Set", on the other hand, was a different story: I was taking acid in a last ditch effort to stop- or perhaps hasten- my impending suicide.

I wanted to kill myself and I wanted to see if acid could talk me out of it.

(I don't have children, in case you were curious.)

I'm not the first person to approach LSD with that mindset, and I won't be the last.

"Set and setting" doesn't just mean "having your own bedroom"; it means "knowing when to say no."

But really, who the fuck is going to say "no" at this point? You've already figured out Bitcoin, and hopefully PGP...

And really, the acid DID *technically* work: I didn't kill myself.

I'm not being facetious. Would I still be alive today if I HADN'T eaten all that acid, even though eating it resulted in a so-bad-that-calling-it-bad-simply-reveals-the-poverty-of-language-for-talking-about-this-kind-of-stuff "bad trip"?

Had I decided not to take all that acid, would there have come a drunken night when I was just the right combination of sad and lonely and angry and bored and just fucking TIRED that I would have taken my roommate's .38 magnum out of the case, fumbled some bullets into the cylinder, and
finally,
blown the back of my head into my pillow?

Did the acid, in some strange way or another, "talk me out of killing myself"?

We'll never know.

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Well! Since the acid disaster (or was it a Great Success?), I've redeemed myself somewhat as a psychonaut: I taught myself to cultivate psilocybin mushrooms and even tripped on some of them- tripped very fucking hard as a matter of fact! But all those beautiful, overwhelming, psychedlic experiences, while reminiscent of acid, were not quite acid, and I was quite okay with that, and so was anyone else who was anywhere near me on The Night Leapfrogger Took Five Hits of LSD.

So, in order for tonight (last night) to be a success, it just had to be not a disaster.

Well let's just say... I now know what it's like to have a lovely experience on acid.

I DID take three hits, because that's how I roll, but more importantly because I wanted to prove to myself that I could handle a high dose of LSD without losing my mind and, lo and behold... it seems that I can.

(A friend who was there That Night cautions: "We're not out of the woods yet.")

The setting's about the same: my own bedroom, no roommate to speak of.

Set? Well, I don't want to kill myself.

So all set. I took all three hits.

So we know I'm not going to kill myself. What to do?

I'll watch Ted.

Ted. The 2012 live-action comedy, starring Mark Wahlberg and Seth McFarlane.

I'd never seen it, but had heard good things and thought it would be a fun movie to watch to kill some time for two hours before inevitably getting on with the business of figuring out the rest of my life.

Well, what a weirdly appropriate choice Ted turned out to be. I mean, some of the scenes were shockingly, uncannily reminiscent of what I experienced on the night I took acid (minus the talking bear!) But more striking than some of the more obviously acid-inspired visuals- and I'm not someone who throws around descriptions like "obviously acid-inspired"- was the theme of the whole film: how to deal with a half-remembered, maybe much-more-achingly-painful-than-you're-willing-to-admit-to-yourself childhood, a childhood made slightly more bearable by a very precious imaginary friend (in my case, friends)--- friends you could never quite bring yourself to take off life support and---

...let's not delve into that too deeply right now. ("We're not out of the woods yet.")

And don't be fooled by the deus ex machina ending- they just didn't want people hanging themselves on the way back from the theater. Ted is probably the *darkest* comedy I've ever seen, and it was a hell of a lot better choice than fucking Avatar.

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In closing, some very realistic numbers for people who are planning a trip around this very acid and don't have the luxury of living on a commune:

I took three hits fourteen hours ago. I am still tripping very, very hard. I am enjoying it, but I would not be enjoying it if I knew I had somewhere I had to be in the next ten hours.

And as much as it pains the intrepid psychonaut inside me to say it, I have to say: I would find it very difficult to justify taking MORE THAN TWO HITS of this acid at once, unless I were
1) living in a foreign country with
2) a piano and
3) no soul within screaming distance.

(Note: the recommended "talk yourself out of potentially killing yourself" dose remains as high as you need it to be, though, honestly, five is probably gonna do the trick, and don't blame me or 3jane for anything that happens as a result.)

Plan your MLK weekend accordingly.
Title: Re: LSD for the Suicidal: for those who knew they were going to have a bad trip...
Post by: sickboy on January 19, 2013, 07:19 pm
Ted was okay I guess.
Title: Re: LSD for the Suicidal: for those who knew they were going to have a bad trip...
Post by: Leapfrogger on January 19, 2013, 08:01 pm
Ted was okay I guess.
+1
Title: Re: LSD for the Suicidal: for those who knew they were going to have a bad trip...
Post by: asdfsquared on January 19, 2013, 08:03 pm
Quote
I am still tripping very, very hard.

I was somewhat confused about the point of this post until I read that.

Enjoy your trip, man, glad it was positive.

When you come down, it is important to remember that not all lessons taught by hallucinogens are true. They can be a powerful tool for personal change, but they convince you of some pretty illogical stuff in the process. Once you come down, its important to reanalyze what you've been taught by acid and make sure that it makes sense logically. The strong feelings associated with what you've learned during a trip often cause people to skip over re-thinking them with a critical eye later, especially at high doses.

For example, TED is not that deep. You say that you found it to be deep because of the underlying story that set the stage for the rest of the movie, and reminds you of many people's real life. Well, characters and story lines in any movie must be in line with real human experiences and emotions, or else the movie will not be believable, and will suck. On LSD, any movie can seem deep. Imagine how much depth you can find in movies that are actually meant to be deep. Just sayin'
Title: Re: LSD for the Suicidal: for those who knew they were going to have a bad trip...
Post by: Leapfrogger on January 19, 2013, 09:03 pm
"Meant to be deep"- oh dear.

I will concede that maybe I was reading a little too much into the storyline, but I honestly don't think I was. All I said is that it was weird how the themes touched on all the things that made my first acid trip so devastating.

Not part of some greater plan. Just weird. A weird coincidence.

I apologize if my post read like an essay about why Ted is the greatest movie ever made. This was not my intention. The film may or may not have been "meant to be deep" (I don't need any lectures about how to consume pop culture, thanks), but let's move on.

tl:dr Ted was okay, let's talk suicide
Title: Re: LSD for the Suicidal: for those who knew they were going to have a bad trip...
Post by: valakki on January 19, 2013, 09:08 pm


When you come down, it is important to remember that not all lessons taught by hallucinogens are true. They can be a powerful tool for personal change, but they convince you of some pretty illogical stuff in the process.

so true. i once realized on a combo of mushrooms and speed that "eating is for suckers". and i promised myself never to eat again......