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Discussion => Drug safety => Topic started by: iCaNsee on September 25, 2012, 05:23 pm

Title: College/Lifestyle/Drug Advice
Post by: iCaNsee on September 25, 2012, 05:23 pm
Let me give you a little background.
/
HM
Title: Re: College/Lifestyle/Drug Advice
Post by: Joey Terrifying on September 25, 2012, 05:58 pm
sorry to say, dude, but:  you're fucked.

meth is a dead end road that i've walked myself before.  nothing good can come of that stuff save for your first handful of fun times.  it will wreck your body, poison your mind, and ruin your life. 

the opiate situation is also a dead end road.  opiates are a quick fix for pain but will just make your situation worse over time and turn you into a whiny little pussy when you don't have your medicine.

drinking with benzos is a shitty habit to get into as well.  just be careful with that stuff man, don't go too heavy handed with either the pills or the booze or you might not wake up in the morning.


you're young and as life goes on you're only going to get lonelier and more depressed as the birthdays start stacking up.  you gotta look for things in life that bring you peace and fully engage your attention in those things.  I think college is probably a bad choice for you right now because you seem aimless and discontent.  going to college when i was 18 was one of the worst decisions i ever made...it gave me nothing except some temporary dumbass friends, drug addictions, and massive debt.  better to just get a job for a while until you start to figure your shit out.

it sounds like you need something drastic tho.  i can't say what, exactly, but you need something.  maybe an epic travel adventure to somewhere interesting?  maybe you should build houses for poor people in central america?  lots of people say that doing charity work and performing good deeds for others helps combat their depression. 
or maybe a few cups of ayahuasca would do the trick?  or maybe surfing?  painting?  photography?  drumming?  hunting?  veganism?  wicca?  buddhism?  psytrance?  whatever it is, you need to figure it out.  cuz this shit you're doin right now ain't workin.

good luck, man, i'll be thinking about you.
Title: Re: College/Lifestyle/Drug Advice
Post by: Holly on September 25, 2012, 06:06 pm
Meth, no matter how pure it is, you'll start getting the paranoia soon.  After that you'll just destroy yourself.
Title: Re: College/Lifestyle/Drug Advice
Post by: JohnnyBad on September 25, 2012, 06:48 pm
I read your post iCaNsee. Thank you for taking the time to share with us your experience in an honest way. Although normally i would not admit it, your story has special significance to me.
I think what the others are saying about excessive drug use may be true. I would suggest looking for natural alternatives. These are just examples, what works for you may be different:
A) Study and Focus <- Ginseng
B) Relax relive Pain <- Prayer
C) Help Sleep <- Exercise
Two other important points in healing your injured back would be eating healthy and keeping your space clean.

What kind of athletics do you enjoy?
Title: Re: College/Lifestyle/Drug Advice
Post by: iCaNsee on September 25, 2012, 07:12 pm
Thanks for taking the time to read and reply guys, know that I do appreciate it.  I could have played any sport of my choice in college believe it or not I had been recruited at multiple universities I looked at but they were not the right fit for me.  I'm not religious, therefore prayer and all that bullshit is ... nevermind I don't even need to start ranting.  I was working full time for the past 10 months, my tuition is free here and I figured if I was ever to "fix" myself or my depression, university was my best chance.  I'm surrounding myself with good people, I am not around others who have habits like I do.  So far with a little bit of meth, xanax, and alcohol (which i previously hated), I've managed to well in the first few weeks of classes.  Like I said I'm majoring in chemistry and hadn't touched a calculator, pencil, or notebook since october.  I've never been so proud of myself (upon completion of studies and assignments),since in highschool I never did any homework or assignments yet still managed to do average. 

I had <30mg heroin to start this semester, so I've only gotten high 2 or 3 times on opiods since ive been here.

Honestly, I think the only thing that i could replace my substance abuse with and still have a desire to be alive is finding a girl whom i truly love and who loves me back.  I've never had a girlfriend although I am good looking, girls like me.  Over the highschool years my friends were older as were the girls I hooked up with.  I honestly just want to feel the emotion "love".  I know my family cares about me but I don't see myself surviving without self medication or a girlfriend to support me,
Title: Re: College/Lifestyle/Drug Advice
Post by: AdmiralSpanky on September 25, 2012, 07:29 pm
I've battled bouts of depression as well. St. John's Wort is now always handy in case I need a light pick me up. I would suggest reading up on it and seeing if it works for you. It's natural. It's legal. It worked for me.

I also have to agree that if you seem aimless in life, you'll be aimless in school which doesn't do you any good really. I've always been able to teach myself better than anyone else, so school for me was largely just for the pretty piece of paper at the end. It was massively expensive, and I didn't have any one thing that I really wanted to study.

As for the need to find someone to keep you going: I've been down that road man. It's not a good path. What happens when that person leaves your life? It's not pretty, I speak from experience.

The only way you'll be likely to actually find someone worth a damn is to be great on your own. Once I learned to enjoy being me all the time, I found someone who appreciated me for being me. Things got a hell of a lot better after that.

In the end, you'll have to figure it out for yourself since nobody can tell you what will make you happy. One thing that helped me was to take a Meyers-Briggs personality test. It gave me a clue about how I think and see the world, which enabled me to reconcile the differences in how I think/handle things and how others think/handle things. That, plus some generous amounts of bud, were game changers for me.

I hope you figure it out, brother!
Title: Re: College/Lifestyle/Drug Advice
Post by: Joey Terrifying on September 25, 2012, 07:36 pm


Honestly, I think the only thing that i could replace my substance abuse with and still have a desire to be alive is finding a girl whom i truly love and who loves me back.  I've never had a girlfriend although I am good looking, girls like me.  Over the highschool years my friends were older as were the girls I hooked up with.  I honestly just want to feel the emotion "love".  I know my family cares about me but I don't see myself surviving without self medication or a girlfriend to support me,

ah ha!  i hear where you're coming from.

my advice would be to forget all that shit.  find some girls to fuck around with, but don't go looking for love or you'll get the shit kicked out of you by life.  once you start living life on your own terms and become a confident, cool, and somewhat accomplished mo'fucka, love will find you.  then you realize you're stuck with her.

i know how clichĂ© this sounds, but its true:  you gotta love yourself first.

let that swim around in your head a bit and try to figure out what it really means to love yourself.  and fuck some college sluts while you're contemplating.

it hurts to live sometimes.  you just gotta look for the beauty in it all.
Title: Re: College/Lifestyle/Drug Advice
Post by: iCaNsee on September 25, 2012, 07:41 pm
Thanks once again guys.  I'm not suicidal or anything, depressed today but highs and lows is the story of my life.  I could wake up tomorrow and feel like a million bucks.   I'm really looking more for input on successful, intelligent individuals who habitually use opiates, stimulants (esp meth), and benzos. 

I know love will find me I am not desperate.  I've spent my whole life in my own head, I'm pretty stable being a loner.
Title: Re: College/Lifestyle/Drug Advice
Post by: JohnnyBad on September 25, 2012, 08:35 pm
I'm not religious, therefore prayer and all that bullshit is ... nevermind I don't even need to start ranting. 

Why would you even want to rant?

Consider substitute meditation for prayer.

Which sport do you like to play?
Title: Re: College/Lifestyle/Drug Advice
Post by: iCaNsee on September 25, 2012, 09:00 pm
I could've played my sport of choice at a couple of universities I toured but they weren't the right fit for me.  I'd rather not say which sport for rather obvious profiling reasons.. my choice.


input on the meth/xanax study/sleep college success yay or nay!

thats what im really interested in
Title: Re: College/Lifestyle/Drug Advice
Post by: AnimusVox on September 25, 2012, 09:23 pm
You're making your depression much worse by indulging in these substances. Steer clear of them, pump money into supplements instead of drugs, eat right, and exercise. It WILL be tough, but you can overcome this slump if you treat your body right. If you think you're going to be successful by abusing these substances, you're going down the completely wrong path as you're using them as nothing more than a crutch. Look into nootropics and caffeine (don't underestimate the power of a high dose of powdered caffeine) for studying and natural remedies for sleep. My guess is your more addicted than you think you are, but it's better to stop now than continue spiraling down until you get in trouble with the law, or even worse, kill yourself. There is absolutely no justification, no matter how right it seems in your head, to be feeding your body these drugs.

I know I'm digging a hole deeper but I honestly believe I won't be abled to get through college or life itself without using.

Words only spoken by an addict, my friend. Restore yourself and you can succeed.
Title: Re: College/Lifestyle/Drug Advice
Post by: BobSacamano1 on September 25, 2012, 09:45 pm
Let me give you a little background.

I am a freshman living on campus at a university majoring in chemistry.  My hopes are to get into the pharmacy program or chemical engineering after 2 years.

I suffer from chronic depression, anxiety, and severe ADHD.  I'm prescribed 54mg concerta which I took for over a year before I was educated enough to even understand what I was putting into my body.  I dropped out of highschool last year because I was unhappy and that year (last year) I worked full time, got my GED, and took a class at a local community college.  I was alone and depressed just as I have been my whole life.  I'd been doing drugs before last year, but mostly weed and experimenting with psychadelics.  Last year once I dropped out of school I stopped daily taking my ADHD medication and began abusing/selling it.  I soon experimented with opiates, stimulants, benzos, etc.

Drugs have always been of interest to me, and although sometimes I may take something for recreation, I truly believe that my drug use is self-medication.

On to my point:

I've been snorting meth to be abled to concentrate and complete my homework and studies so far this year.  If I don't take a stimulant I will stare at my notebook and physically be unabled to do anything.

I've been taking xanax to be abled to sleep at night, and drinking on top of the benzo. 

I suffer from chronic back pain and have been snorting heroin for the pain, also recreationally.






My question to all of you is, am I an addict waiting to happen?  I function much better when I have:

A) Meth to study and focus
B) An opiate to relax, relieve pain
C) A benzo to help me sleep (not so much taken to relieve anxiety)


When I'm sober I am severely depressed and all my thoughts are concentrated on the fact that I am alone and have been all my life, that I have no girlfriend or anyone whom I really love and can freely talk to vent etc, and that I need drugs to be happy and I'm a loser.


I'm smart, athletic, etc but I can't see myself succeeding without taking drugs.



Does anyone have success stories of using meth for the entirety of college?  Anyone have advice for beating depression?
I know I'm digging a hole deeper but I honestly believe I won't be abled to get through college or life itself without using.


please please please ask questions, give input.


peace and love

My initial thoughts are, before getting into the more in depth questions you posed, is that you arn't a drug addict waiting to happen, you are a drug addict, it has already happened. Meth+Heroin+Xanax??? With alcohol to boot obviously, I know college life at a large party university as good as anyone.  I understand you feel that all these substances may have some medicinal quality, but first of all that doesn't necessarily matter if you are physically and psychologically dependent on them.  The drug doesn't give a fuck about your reason for using it, it will do to you body what it does based on your amount and frequency of use and how the drug works with your body.

You obviously have serious underlying mental health issues that exacerbate your drug use/abuse. I myself have anxiety disorder (for which I am unmedicated, I have been on Zoloft previously and been addicted to benzos illicitly aka no Rx for more than a week, cause my docs know better, so I very occasionally indulge in benzos but mostly deal with my anxiety). I'm prescribed Vyvanse, and it completely baffles me why you would be using Meth when you could speak to a good doctor and get an extended release orally administered perscription medication that is far less addictive and harmful. The same goes for Heroin, although all opioids are addictive having a small Hydocodone or Tramadol prescription for your legitimate chronic pain is a hell of a lot different than snorting Heroin on the regular, believe me, I know how different those two things are.   Don't even get me started on the regular Xanax for your Meth comedowns, you need to either see a substance abuse specialist who is really legit, or just see an expert MD or something cause like someone said, according to your description you might be pretty fucked... that is if you don't act to seriously make changes, soon!

If you are smart and athletic, like myself, you can get a girl, seriously don't even worry about that, it will naturally happen once you get physically and mentally healthy. Maybe your depression is clinical, but a very good doctor can appropriately prescribe and monitor medication(s) so that you can live your life the way you deserve to.

With all that said, you need to stop taking Meth and Heroin asap. If you need to step down from each respectively by switching to Vyvanse (dextro-amphetamine) or adderall (not as recommended from my personal experience but much preferable to Meth) and some Vicodin for flares of back pain, than do so.  Otherwise, just stop.  I would not recommend stopping the Xanax abruptly unless it has been intermittent (3-4 doses per week or something). If you have been using Xanax everyday, make that the one that you keep taking although you should try to very slowly taper. Next, or maybe first, make an appointment with a legitimate EXPERT on this shit, not just drug counselor, but a MD that specializes in substance abuse and addiction, preferably a psychiatrist. That's all I have for now.
Title: Re: College/Lifestyle/Drug Advice
Post by: echo_ on September 25, 2012, 09:54 pm
The trick with drug addiction, is that when you find out you're addicted—you realize you've been addicted for a long time. It's slowly crept into your life, spent your money, and prevented you from developing your relationships and yourself. All of these draw from your self-esteem. Self-esteem must be nurtured, not drawn from. In order to live well, you have to know you are able, because of your history and will alone. This is the long term look.

Quote
I'm smart, athletic, etc but I can't see myself succeeding without taking drugs.
Title: Re: College/Lifestyle/Drug Advice
Post by: Ensine99 on September 25, 2012, 09:57 pm
From the sound of it you are already a drug addict

You NEED meth to study? no you don't, you might have a lot of help studying with an amphetamine, but you have a legal prescription for adderall/ other adhd meds, use that instead, and use it in moderation. meth is bad news, really bad news.

Stop taking Xanax to sleep and don't mix it with booze, this is just a problem waiting to happen, xanax every so often is fine, and booze every so often is fine, but they can really fuck you up when combined and its a bad thing to get hooked on.

Bad back pain? - I had to get back surgery, and go through 6 months of physical therapy, my back still hurts like a bitch sometimes, especially mornings. Heroin is not the answer, neither is pain medication (maybe advil?) but this is something you need to fix or it will just get worse. Get physical therapy, get regular massages/ massage therapy for muscle relaxation, do yoga /specialized stretches to help out. and most of all try to tone up your core just 25 sit ups a day for a month can help bring your pain level down from a 8 to a 5.

Also since you have both back pain AND problems sleeping you should really consider investing in a better bed.

My back pain literally went from a 10 - unbearable pain, had to roll around in bed for an hour before I could even stretch it to about a 2 in everyday normal life. and I did everything I posted in this thread, even though sometimes I slack off with the exercises, yoga, or sit ups, when the pain comes back I remember how important they are.
Title: Re: College/Lifestyle/Drug Advice
Post by: BobSacamano1 on September 25, 2012, 09:58 pm
Thanks for taking the time to read and reply guys, know that I do appreciate it.  I could have played any sport of my choice in college believe it or not I had been recruited at multiple universities I looked at but they were not the right fit for me.  I'm not religious, therefore prayer and all that bullshit is ... nevermind I don't even need to start ranting.  I was working full time for the past 10 months, my tuition is free here and I figured if I was ever to "fix" myself or my depression, university was my best chance.  I'm surrounding myself with good people, I am not around others who have habits like I do.  So far with a little bit of meth, xanax, and alcohol (which i previously hated), I've managed to well in the first few weeks of classes.  Like I said I'm majoring in chemistry and hadn't touched a calculator, pencil, or notebook since october.  I've never been so proud of myself (upon completion of studies and assignments),since in highschool I never did any homework or assignments yet still managed to do average. 

I had <30mg heroin to start this semester, so I've only gotten high 2 or 3 times on opiods since ive been here.

Honestly, I think the only thing that i could replace my substance abuse with and still have a desire to be alive is finding a girl whom i truly love and who loves me back.  I've never had a girlfriend although I am good looking, girls like me.  Over the highschool years my friends were older as were the girls I hooked up with.  I honestly just want to feel the emotion "love".  I know my family cares about me but I don't see myself surviving without self medication or a girlfriend to support me,

Wow, sorry I made my initial response based on your original post without reading the rest of the thread, You said you could have played any sport at at least the D3 level in college or what? Whatever, I am a sports junkie myself who is about to graduate college and who has an addictive personality and ADD. Sports son!!! Just play em, every fuckin day or as often as you can. I just had my 3rd shoulder surgery, and I swear as addictive as the hydros and oxies are, Basketball is way more addictive and that's what I'm striving toward, everytime I do PT (everyday) often times on painkillers, I dream about being able to play basketball again... GO for a run if you have to.

You say you are good looking and girls like you? That sounds like some good old natural confidence/self-esteem to me, you don't need drugs. You might want them, but you will find a chick either way, hopefully one thats a good influence but don't even worry about that! Why are you depressed again? I'm not trying to mock you I'm trying to simplistically illustrate how good your life is/should be and could be if not for all the insidious substances.
Title: Re: College/Lifestyle/Drug Advice
Post by: BobSacamano1 on September 25, 2012, 10:09 pm
What were you recruited for? Before starting to dislocate my shoulders and eventual surgeries I was recruited for Baseball, and probably could of played professional tennis assuming health but it was the same season and I chose baseball. If you are fortunate enough to still have the body to play, go play sports and stop doing drugs. Eventually maybe you can do certain substances in moderation with activity, but from what I gather right now you are doing drugs all day every day.
Title: Re: College/Lifestyle/Drug Advice
Post by: Joey Terrifying on September 25, 2012, 10:51 pm


input on the meth/xanax study/sleep college success yay or nay!

thats what im really interested in

i vote nay.  by the 1 year mark, your situation will be detrimental.  no fuggin way you're gonna make it through 4 years on that cocktail
Title: Re: College/Lifestyle/Drug Advice
Post by: iCaNsee on September 27, 2012, 02:23 am
Fuck, y'all said exactly what I knew I was going to hear and didn't want to.  Thanks for the positive push to get me right.  I will find my way somehow.. for now I can only go day by day.


til the next time :s