Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: thecatinthehat101 on July 08, 2013, 02:18 pm
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Feel down in the dumps got any good jokes????
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What do you call a fly with no wings ????? a walk...
Whats pink and hard ????? a pig with a flick knife....
Whats brown and sticky ????? a stick.....
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LOL :)
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Sorry bud i didn't see the "good" part in the title ;)
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What's big, gray and unimportant?
An irrelephant.
Slight variation of the same joke:
What's big and gray and calls from Africa?
A telephant.
What's brown and sticky and walks through the desert?
A caramel.
There's 10 kinds of people:
Those who understand binary and those who don't.
What do you say to a blonde with no arms and legs?
"Nice tits."
Why do blondes have no pubic hair?
Ever seen grass grow on a highway?
"You have cancer and you have Alzheimer's."
"Thank God it's not cancer!"
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each time I get told a good one I never remember them. jokes are the one thing that I have zero retention of... but here goes:
what do a hooker and bungee jumping have in common?
they both cost a couple hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.
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How does a black chick tell if she's pregnant?
When she pulls the tampon out, all the cotton is already picked.
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How do you make a dead baby float?
Rootbeer and a scoop of vanilla.
What does a baby look like in the microwave?
I wouldn't know. I close my eyes when I jack off.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle?
Nail its other hand to the floor.
What's the difference between a ferrari and a dead baby?
I don't have a ferrari in my garage.
What's the difference between a ferrari and a baby? x2
I didn't loose my virginity in the back of a ferrari.
What's better than smoking a joint with a baby?
Making a bong out of one.
How can you get high off a dead baby?
Depends on what it overdosed on.
What's the best part of having sex with 22 year olds?
There are 20 of them.
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What's big, gray and unimportant?
An irrelephant.
Slight variation of the same joke:
What's big and gray and calls from Africa?
A telephant.
What's brown and sticky and walks through the desert?
A caramel.
There's 10 kinds of people:
Those who understand binary and those who don't.
What do you say to a blonde with no arms and legs?
"Nice tits."
Why do blondes have no pubic hair?
Ever seen grass grow on a highway?
"You have cancer and you have Alzheimer's."
"Thank God it's not cancer!"
LOL ;D
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One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!"
"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.
Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."
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LOLERS ;)
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs trapped in the middle of the ocean?
Bob
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs laying in front of a door?
Matt
What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and an eye-patch?
Names!
Pretty lame ones but like one of the above posters, I always seem to forget the jokes I've enjoyed.
Hope you get to feelin better, mate
Cheers,
Snoopish
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What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ?
A bus full of niggers going over a cliff.
What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea?
A good start.
What do you call a nigger hitchhiker?
Stranded.
Where is the best place to hide a nigger's food stamps?
Under his work boots.
How can you tell when a black as been on your computer?
It is not there.
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What do 9 out of ten people enjoy ? gang rape.....
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What do 9 out of ten people enjoy ? gang rape.....
AWESOME
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Do u want graping ? its like rape but a bunch of us do it ;)
Think i better make clear rape is not a common thread in my life (i save it for special occasions lol)
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What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ?
A bus full of niggers going over a cliff.
What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea?
A good start.
What do you call a nigger hitchhiker?
Stranded.
Where is the best place to hide a nigger's food stamps?
Under his work boots.
How can you tell when a black as been on your computer?
It is not there.
What's the difference between a black man and a pepperoni pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
What's the difference between an overrun dog and an overrun black man?
There are braking marks next to the dog.
Why do black men get red eyes when having sex?
Because of the pepper spray.
A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who is driving?
The cops.
A Jew, a black man and a white man find a lamp. The genie says, "One wish each."
The Jew says, "I wish for all my people to be free in the homeland."
The black man wishes for the same.
The white man says, "All the Jews and niggers are gone?! I'll take a coke."
How do you blindfold a Chinese?
Dental floss.
Why don't black people marry Mexicans?
The kids would be too lazy to steal cars.
How do you kill a redneck?
Cut the brake lines of his house while he's sleeping with his sister.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and caviar?
One is black and comes on little white crackers and Michael Jackson is dead.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the road. The priest says, "We should go to my parish and fuck some altar boys". The rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
What starts with "N" and ends with "R" that you don't wanna call a black man?
A neighbor.
What do Mexicans have in common with sperm?
There's millions of them and only one works.
Okay, enough tasteless racism ;D
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Lol ;)
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Lol im neither racist or rapey but I do have a sense of humor, +1 karma for kicking this shit off :)
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Lol im neither racist or rapey but I do have a sense of humor, +1 karma for kicking this shit off :)
The fewest of us are. It's just jokes. We'll never live in a free society if we can't laugh about each other :)
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:doing my best Uma Thurman impersonation:
Three tomatoes are walking down the street... a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Poppa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, and smooshes him... and says, "Catch up!"
;D
What do you call a fly with no wings ????? a walk...
What do you call a fly with no wings & no legs?
A roll.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What has four legs and one arm?
A happy pit bull.
Where does virgin wool come from?
Ugly sheep.
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You guys are the shit its nice to have online friends that care that make you laugh thanks :)
P.S Why are Chinese phone bills so high? Cause they Wing the Wong number
What do you call a zombie ringing your door bell? A dead ringer
Best I can do.
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Why are Chinese phone bills so high? Cause they Wing the Wong number
Haha, that one's great :D
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What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ?
A bus full of niggers going over a cliff.
What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea?
A good start.
What do you call a nigger hitchhiker?
Stranded.
Where is the best place to hide a nigger's food stamps?
Under his work boots.
How can you tell when a black as been on your computer?
It is not there.
What's the difference between a black man and a pepperoni pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
What's the difference between an overrun dog and an overrun black man?
There are braking marks next to the dog.
Why do black men get red eyes when having sex?
Because of the pepper spray.
A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who is driving?
The cops.
A Jew, a black man and a white man find a lamp. The genie says, "One wish each."
The Jew says, "I wish for all my people to be free in the homeland."
The black man wishes for the same.
The white man says, "All the Jews and niggers are gone?! I'll take a coke."
How do you blindfold a Chinese?
Dental floss.
Why don't black people marry Mexicans?
The kids would be too lazy to steal cars.
How do you kill a redneck?
Cut the brake lines of his house while he's sleeping with his sister.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and caviar?
One is black and comes on little white crackers and Michael Jackson is dead.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the road. The priest says, "We should go to my parish and fuck some altar boys". The rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
What starts with "N" and ends with "R" that you don't wanna call a black man?
A neighbor.
What do Mexicans have in common with sperm?
There's millions of them and only one works.
Okay, enough tasteless racism ;D
awesome, funny as fuck
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Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "You man the guns, I'll drive.
Two cannibals were eating a clown - one says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
A guy was found dead, covered in hundreds and thousands in an ice cream van. Police say he topped himself.
A guy walks into the butchers shop and says to the butcher "I bet $1000 that you cant reach that piece of meat up there on the top shelf", the butcher turns around and looks at the piece of meat and says back "I could but the stakes are too high"
:o
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What is purple and doesn't fit?
A dead epileptic
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What did the penis say to the condom?
Cover me im going in!
What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?
Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear.
Girls are like biscuits - they are tough until they get wet.
Life keeps fucking you, but with no orgasm.
If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherfucker a reason.
Alcohol does not solve problems but neither does milk.
If you want to avoid snoozing your alarm clock, put a mousetrap on it.
What do men do after an orgasm? 1% do it for the second time, 1% Go to eat, 1% Fall Asleep, 97% Clear History
Sometimes during the weekends I drink some water - to surprise my liver.
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What is purple and doesn't fit?
A dead epileptic
;D +1
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Jim Apple finds introducing himself very problematic when holidaying in France.
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A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky." The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."
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"Did you know that making a girl laugh is the second best way to get a girl into bed?" I asked my date.
"Really?" she asked. "What's the first?"
"A big fuck off knife!" I replied.
"Ha-ha, you're funny," she said.
"Well done, you've made a sensible choice."
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My PC takes such a long time to shut down I've decided to call it Nelson Mandela.
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Sorry for the spam, I do love jokes
8)
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What do 9 out of ten people enjoy ? gang rape.....
When do all 10 people enjoy it?
When her secret is AIDS.
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Sorry for the spam, I do love jokes
8)
The full threads spamtastic dude !
Bit of string walks in to a bar n asks for a beer, the barman says im not serving u, are u a bit of string ? no im a frayed knot....
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A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively "You've got great hair!" The man looked around but couldn't see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer.
A minute later, he heard the same soft voice say "You're a handsome man!" The man looked around, but still couldn't see where the voice was coming from.
When he went back to his beer, the voice said again "What a stud you are!" The man was so baffled by this that he asked the bartender what was going on.
The bartender said "Oh, it's the nuts--they're complimentary."