Silk Road forums

Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: tedrux on June 26, 2013, 04:03 am

Title: What makes a Teddy's Soul Glow
Post by: tedrux on June 26, 2013, 04:03 am
Ive talked a lot about my issues here but I'm not 100 percent gloom doom creepy nuts perv fucker.
there are a few things that make me feel legitimately fulfilled and happy and content. spiritual things.
I love anime. fruits baskets comes to mind "I was so happy when you smiled, your smile broke through the clouds of grey..."
I genuinely used to have a passion for gaming. not just playing them but the philosophy behind the art of playing and designing them.  Legend of Legia comes to mind
"and though the scars of yesterday ramain, we can go on living as much as your heart be-leivs. you cant be born again although you can change. lets stay together always"
my love for 'her' was not pure. there were power games/controll issues/abuse. but I did have genuine love for her it just wasn't without other nasty caveats. I will always love her.
some hobbies were thinking and writing. I did neither in regular practice , as in in order to get good at them, but when I got to doing either I felt myself go in the zone and Id start shaking and going into it deeper and deeper and start doing it compulsively and then something would be produced that I had no idea where the ideas came from.
I guess thats all the good stuff.
oh, and I really used to love the part of the day when the sun would go behind the cloud in the mid afternoon (almost seemed like it happened always at the same time) and it would get cooler and darker but you werent blinded anymore.
also I used to not be able to touch plastic cups. not all plastic mind you, just the textured shit. made me cringe. so does metal scrapping.
when I was young i used to pretend I was in a movie screen and I had the bk kids as my audience . also I didn't like my mini basketball tee ball or tool set but I liked my tape recorder and I'd do shows and stupid recordings and pester people to listen. my mom was always annoyed with why I wouldn't stop asking why . id always count on my parents forgetting a punsihment so i could get away with stuff. whenever I wanted something and felt I was right and they didn't have a convincing reason otherwise (in otherwords self justifying excuses) id usually do what i was told not to do when they turned around. all these traits since I was really young. I'm a peice of shit. i always was . my mom said though she missed my growing out of cuddles phase. I used to love when she read to me . thats why I love story telling.
there really is though an ambivolence in me between wanting to share and just wanting to go away. however ones effect can be seen the others cannot. i guess attention whoring wins out more often then guilt by maybe a 55/45 split. maybe not idk. anyways thats stuff about me thats really genuine and pure. not that any one cares.
-t.bear
Title: Re: What makes a Teddy's Soul Glow
Post by: ChemCat on June 26, 2013, 04:06 am
That's the first step, teddy  :)


Hugs to you  :)

ChemCat

                                          O0
Title: Re: What makes a Teddy's Soul Glow
Post by: tedrux on June 27, 2013, 10:55 pm
21 people veiwed this post. only 1 reply, yes , but 21 people cared enough to give me a few moments of their life to share myself with . and thats pretty damned awesome thank you
Title: Re: What makes a Teddy's Soul Glow
Post by: murderface2012 on June 28, 2013, 01:11 am

Make that 2 replies Teddy!!
Murderface cares more than you know!!
With the types of blues and purples i see in your aura (I'm crazy i know!!).. you are extremely passionate when you want to be, but you are in a very deep mental path that keeps feeding on itself..
Change is good!!

Much love!!
Peace!!
MF out
Title: Re: What makes a Teddy's Soul Glow
Post by: Japan1980 on June 28, 2013, 01:55 am
Yo Teddy - more people care for you than you think my friend.

Don't do it, give yourself a slap, make some lifestyle changes and you'll notice a huge difference bud.