Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: raynardine on February 01, 2013, 09:07 pm
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I ran out of medication, which is one of the few things that keep me alive.
Now the only thing keeping me tied to this world are the very few friends who I have, who have sworn their lives to me.
I cannot abandon them, I'm responsible for them, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
Would you suggest some music, especially happy hardcore, something that can take the edge off?
Thank you.
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I don't know about music but whenever I get depressed I just try to contemplate the nihilistic side of life.
When you are ready to die and have nothing to bind you to the mortal realm you are for the first time ever, completely free. Your actions can no longer have meaningful consequences because life has proven itself to have no meaning. I look at soul crushing depression as an opportunity. I can walk up to that hot chick and tell her I would love to be inside her. I can see what taking 20 hits of acid really feels like. I can run up the credit card by booking a trip to Rome. Nothing matters because I simply don't care. Normally during these reckless exploits I experience a shift in perspective that allows me to appreciate that by not caring about anything at all I am truly able to fall in love with life again by exploring sides of it that were always lost to me through reason and fear.
Oh, and listening to Jewel when I'm down never hurts either... love that chick for some reason.
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When you are ready to die and have nothing to bind you to the mortal realm you are for the first time ever, completely free. Your actions can no longer have meaningful consequences because life has proven itself to have no meaning. I look at soul crushing depression as an opportunity.
True, but there isn't really a lot I can do. Even if I don't care about my own life, I'm responsible for others who I do care about, which limits my options.
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When I get really REALLY down , I like Pink Floyd's "Learning to Fly" - the song commits suicide for me instead of me comitting suicide.
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'Learning to Fly" works for me, but I like to find something that seems in a much worse state than me. Another, and I don't remember the name or artist, is the song on GTA4 about the "Junkie walking through the twilight - Tryin' to find my way home...". I don't think that qualifies as Happycore, but cold rainy days cheer me up. I should have been born a Brit...
;)
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I listen to Floyds live in Pompeii. It's like a religious experience. 1.5 hrs of pure bliss.
But yeah, music has gotten me through some very traumatic times. Especially Floyd.
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Exercise and sex are really the only natural quick fixes that I've proven to work on myself.
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This one is an instant mood lift for me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3M2II2b1FV4
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Because I am a massive dork, and the Doctor is my hero.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7sN2ijzhdk
40 minutes of awesome. Always ALWAYS cheers me up.
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I listen to Floyds live in Pompeii. It's like a religious experience. 1.5 hrs of pure bliss.
But yeah, music has gotten me through some very traumatic times. Especially Floyd.
Yeah, I rented that video years ago - fuckin' awesome, esp "Echoes".
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Thanks, guys.
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OH I almost forgot.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBYD9_8NeZc
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Happy hardcore is exactly the kind of music that would get me severely depressed and despaired about life :)
That being said, I only listen to music that matches my mood, e.g, if I'm depressed I'm gonna listen to depressive music, go figure.
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Don't worry, be happy, Don't worry, be happy
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I've moved away from Happy Hardcore as it only lasts so long without decaying into empty words that aren't backed by my emotions. I now enjoy some bands that have amazing musicality to match their intense lyrics; they're on the deathcore/progressive metal side but their songs actually mean something. They speak about societal issues and about how corrupt this world has gotten. Especially if your live force is motivated by making a change in this world and standing against all of the oppression caused by the few people by whom we, as the human race, are controlled.
Try some of these Bands-Their Album combos:
As Blood Runs Black-Allegiance. Their songs My Fears Have Become Phobias, In Dying Days, and Strife(Chug Chug) are probably my singles favorite of all time.
Molotov Solution-The Harbringer.
Veil of Maya-[Id]. Amazing riffs and lyrics that go along with a trip
Within the Ruins-Invade. My favorite album of all time; listen to the song Ataxia for an amazing instrumental song with a theme of Good vs. Evil that vehemently shows how they fight exist to this very day.
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They speak about societal issues and about how corrupt this world has gotten. Especially if your live force is motivated by making a change in this world and standing against all of the oppression caused by the few people by whom we, as the human race, are controlled.
The problem with this is if I'm suicidally depressed, enumerating all the shit that's wrong with the world, society, and everything doesn't exactly help.
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They speak about societal issues and about how corrupt this world has gotten. Especially if your live force is motivated by making a change in this world and standing against all of the oppression caused by the few people by whom we, as the human race, are controlled.
The problem with this is if I'm suicidally depressed, enumerating all the shit that's wrong with the world, society, and everything doesn't exactly help.
They speak about societal issues and about how corrupt this world has gotten. Especially if your live force is motivated by making a change in this world and standing against all of the oppression caused by the few people by whom we, as the human race, are controlled.
The problem with this is if I'm suicidally depressed, enumerating all the shit that's wrong with the world, society, and everything doesn't exactly help.
Go a little further than that, you're almost there. Reach the point where your life has no purpose for itself and your very being is a testament against the corrupt forces. As you asymptote towards the point of no return, soon your life will mean nothing anymore. And there's nothing after this, why not dedicate it to cause chaos and malice against the very people from whom your pain derives? Or, if you don't think you're capable of it--and just by reading your thoughts and by your verbiage, you're an individual with at least a 130 IQ in a desolate situation, forced to mix along with this chimp-brained population, without the resources to pull yourself out of the situation--then just go ahead and end it.
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They speak about societal issues and about how corrupt this world has gotten. Especially if your live force is motivated by making a change in this world and standing against all of the oppression caused by the few people by whom we, as the human race, are controlled.
The problem with this is if I'm suicidally depressed, enumerating all the shit that's wrong with the world, society, and everything doesn't exactly help.
So there was a guy who wrote a book after living as a Jew in the German concentration camps in World War II. He came up with this therapeutic technique for helping people that had lost all hope that he called Logo Therapy. It was actually a fairly simple process that went something like this:
Patient "Man I wish I was dead."
Doctor "So why don't you go kill yourself than?"
The idea of the question is simply that everyone who has not killed themselves has a reason for staying alive and more often than not if they simply focus on that reason they can stop focusing on all the bad stuff. I don't off myself because it would crush my mom and deny me an opportunity to demonstrate that my life long arrogance was actually there because I do have some meaningful contribution to make to the world as a whole through the unique insight I have on the way we as a people behave.
I'm suicidal because of the tedium of daily life. It gets boring. Wake up, brush teeth, drink coffee, pay bills, go to the grocery store, cook food, kiss girlfriend, watch TV, go to sleep, repeat. I have a hard time finding hope in that cycle because it seems to happen over and over and over again. But, with the smallest bit of effort I can throw my laptop in my bag and go somewhere to write for a few hours. I can go meet a pretty girl somewhere and see if she'll flirt with me or not. I can change the cycle with nothing more than a thought and so I'm not controlled by it or stuck in it, I'm simply most comfortable there and so once I appreciate that I have opted to live my life it's easier to appreciate that it is the life I want to live.
Sorry, in a writting mood today.... guess I should go back up the laptop and go hit on a barista for a while now!
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I can't say much about happycore, but Doing the Unstuck by the Cure ALWAYS puts a smile on my face. It's so incredibly manic that you can't help but pick up some of those vibes.
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Go a little further than that, you're almost there. Reach the point where your life has no purpose for itself and your very being is a testament against the corrupt forces. As you asymptote towards the point of no return, soon your life will mean nothing anymore. And there's nothing after this, why not dedicate it to cause chaos and malice against the very people from whom your pain derives?
I don't see how that helps. I mean, if all I wanted to do was cause chaos and destruction, I don't doubt for a moment I could not cause entire cities to grind to a screeching halt without particularly trying. It's not really all that hard to pit people against each other. Humans have a tendency toward warfare, anyway.
Or, if you don't think you're capable of it--and just by reading your thoughts and by your verbiage, you're an individual with at least a 130 IQ in a desolate situation, forced to mix along with this chimp-brained population, without the resources to pull yourself out of the situation--then just go ahead and end it.
Heh. Not that it really means anything or matters, but according to the Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale version Four, I scored 156 last time. I don't usually tell people that, but meh. Doesn't matter anyway.
I forget what the percentile was, but it made me pretty depressed. I gave up trying to find a girlfriend would could possibly understand me that day.
I wonder if anyone can at least understand how lonely it is knowing that it's entirely possible no one on the planet could possibly be an even match.
It sucks.
The biggest thing that depressed me these days is that even though I keep my easily-bored and hungry mind occupied with studying things like steganography, organic chemistry, experimental cryptosystems, and 7 other hobbies which I'd prefer not to mention here, it still feels as though I'm wasting away.
I could become so much more, but I just lack any motivation to push myself.
Why should I? People have such low expectations, I could be drunk as hell and still pass the bar. It's just.. why should I work hard to really do great things when all I'll get is punished for it?
I'll still be alone in the end.
EDIT: Actually, I just remembered something my psychiatrist recommended I join, called the Prometheus Society. Mensa is weaksauce compared to Prometheus Society, but my goal is even higher.
I searched for more exclusive High IQ Society, and sure enough, one exists: Mega Society.
According to Wikipedia:
The Guinness Book of World Records stated that the most elite ultra High IQ Society is the Mega Society with percentiles of 99.9999 or 1 in a million required for admission.
and
To qualify for membership in the Mega Society via the Mega Test, aspirants must earn a score corresponding to an IQ of 171 or more (SD = 15) on a test accepted for admission by the society.
Now this sounds promising. This would be a real challenge.
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So honestly, if having an advanced intellect is the burden that you find crushing you down there really is a predictably easy method of passing your time on this planet...
Become a mad scientist.
Were it not for a near insatiable desire to fondle new breasts I would without a doubt get a degree in bio-chem and plot the destruction of the world. I've always been sort of an environmentalist at heart but the whole notion of recycling and sustainable agriculture seems to miss the low hanging fruit which is that there are simply too many people on the planet and the only holistic approach to saving the planet is to construct a pathogen that fixes that issue.
It sounds like you are on your way with the chemistry set and all. Now you just need the driving motivation to follow through. I would start with the Flu virus since it's already a pretty common bug. Set up a dispersal mechanism that utilizes public water systems but ensure that the onset of symptoms don't manifest for at least 72 hours. Plan it at a time of year when you can ensure dispersal not just through tap water but by infecting mosquito larva that will nest in public water reserves. After that all you need to do is...
Well, I've never really given it much thought, like I said, I can't figure out how to destroy humanity but keep all the boobs...
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So honestly, if having an advanced intellect is the burden that you find crushing you down there really is a predictably easy method of passing your time on this planet...
Become a mad scientist.
Were it not for a near insatiable desire to fondle new breasts I would without a doubt get a degree in bio-chem and plot the destruction of the world. I've always been sort of an environmentalist at heart but the whole notion of recycling and sustainable agriculture seems to miss the low hanging fruit which is that there are simply too many people on the planet and the only holistic approach to saving the planet is to construct a pathogen that fixes that issue.
It sounds like you are on your way with the chemistry set and all. Now you just need the driving motivation to follow through. I would start with the Flu virus since it's already a pretty common bug. Set up a dispersal mechanism that utilizes public water systems but ensure that the onset of symptoms don't manifest for at least 72 hours. Plan it at a time of year when you can ensure dispersal not just through tap water but by infecting mosquito larva that will nest in public water reserves. After that all you need to do is...
Well, I've never really given it much thought, like I said, I can't figure out how to destroy humanity but keep all the boobs...
A swiss or swede(I forget which) scientist already created a virus that could take out at least half of the population. I guess you could shoot for 99% :D
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Well, I've never really given it much thought, like I said, I can't figure out how to destroy humanity but keep all the boobs...
The problem with designing and releasing a super-flu into the wild is that it's a scatter-gun approach that is just as likely to hit friend as foe.
Besides, if anyone with half a brain actually maps the genetic sequence of the virus, it will make too much sense, and they'll immediately suspect that it was actively designed.
To imitate natural evolution, I'd have to obfuscate the code to make it look like it barely works at all.
Even so, my obfuscation may have an internal logic that could be discerned and perhaps even fingerprinted.
The last thing I want is to lose the last bit of hope that there's actually someone out there somewhere on the planet that stands a chance at being someone I won't have to pretend to be some normal dimwit for.
The only thing keeping me from giving up and swallowing enough pentobarbitol to kill a horse is that somewhere out there, there could be someone who would see who I really am.
However, it's not much hope, and since this is all anonymous anyway, I guess I can go back to giving people relationship advice and performing secret experiments in my bedroom.
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You know what would be really cool?
Creating a super-flu capable of wiping out 99.99% of the human population, deliberately making it obvious that it was designed with performance in mind, without obfuscating the fact that it's unnatural.
Then, to add insult to injury, I could include a non-expressed portion of the genetic sequence that's actually an encoded text file that could be a manifesto.
To encode it, I'd use either one base pair, or the other, which makes it more unnatural-looking and obvious that it's a message intended for the virologists and their employers.
I'd express my scorn, hatred and rage in it, and I'd laugh in their faces at their feeble attempts at halting the global epidemic.
Anyway, all of this is hypothetical. The only motivation I could have that would cause me to design such a virus is if the last person I loved was killed for any reason.
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Don't ever let me find out who your loved ones are. I'd love to watch the human race get wiped out.
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Don't ever let me find out who your loved ones are. I'd love to watch the human race get wiped out.
Duly noted.