Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: Real_Drugs on August 12, 2013, 12:07 pm
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I know that some might consider this thread a bit sad and desperate, but I believe it is a good thing.
I thought I would make a thread where anyone can post whatever they want. Maybe you are feeling a bit depressed and want someone to talk to, maybe you a really happy or excited about something and you want to tell someone. Maybe you have had a lot of coke or meth and cant shut up et cetera.
I have seen a few threads where there have been some suicidal people who really need someone to talk to, you are welcome here.
In real life, even though I am quiet old, I do not have many friends and am quiet lonely. Since finding the SR community I feel like I am a part of something.
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I will start off.
I often wake up in the morning and think, I am not doing drugs today, and I truly think that. But then the day goes by and I get tempted and all of a sudden I have snorted a line and I enjoy it, but then the thoughts come into my head which make me a bit depressed about it. I'm by no means a drug addict, I just use impulsively sometimes.
I love drugs, and have no regrets about doing drugs, life is all about experiencing as much as you can I like to think.
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I know that some might consider this thread a bit sad and desperate, but I believe it is a good thing.
I thought I would make a thread where anyone can post whatever they want. Maybe you are feeling a bit depressed and want someone to talk to, maybe you a really happy or excited about something and you want to tell someone. Maybe you have had a lot of coke or meth and cant shut up et cetera.
I have seen a few threads where there have been some suicidal people who really need someone to talk to, you are welcome here.
In real life, even though I am quiet old, I do not have many friends and am quiet lonely. Since finding the SR community I feel like I am a part of something.
I like this idea a lot! People need a place to just open up or vent
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I know that some might consider this thread a bit sad and desperate, but I believe it is a good thing.
I thought I would make a thread where anyone can post whatever they want. Maybe you are feeling a bit depressed and want someone to talk to, maybe you a really happy or excited about something and you want to tell someone. Maybe you have had a lot of coke or meth and cant shut up et cetera.
I have seen a few threads where there have been some suicidal people who really need someone to talk to, you are welcome here.
In real life, even though I am quiet old, I do not have many friends and am quiet lonely. Since finding the SR community I feel like I am a part of something.
I like this idea a lot! People need a place to just open up or vent
Thanks a lot. I think that there is a lot of people that should talk about things, good or bad, but don't because they don't feel like they can. So here is a bit of encouragement :).
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Perfect!
What should we start off with?
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Perfect!
What should we start off with?
Anything you like! Anything on your mind? something that has been bugging you lately or for a while? Or anything that you're happy about?
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I guess finally getting this new profile functional! Still mad about the coins I lost on my old one
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I guess finally getting this new profile functional! Still mad about the coins I lost on my old one
How did you loose the coins, buddy?
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Phishing
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bastards got away with 10 coins that were mine & 5 that were my partners
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This thread :'). I'll be your friend! ^_^ and yeah... The past few days haven't been the best for me, but I'll be alright. Maybe I'll talk about it once I have my coffee. Be back in a bit.. Time to take the trip downstairs to the holy coffee maker!
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So, who's doing what today?
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I don't work today so I'm probably just gonna chill, play some guitar and relax. :)
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No work for me right now, either. Start class in a couple weeks
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Right on man! That's exciting. I can't wait til I start school. My parents and nobody can really help me out so It's been a work in progress, but it'll be okay.
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Right on man! That's exciting. I can't wait til I start school. My parents and nobody can really help me out so It's been a work in progress, but it'll be okay.
I feel ya', man! I've been doing it on my own for the most part. Lucky my parents are letting me stay with them while I'm in school
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Hi guys, I have been bummed too lately, maybe its something that is going around..the heat and humidity blues..
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Well, this is why Real_Drugs created this thread. Care to say whats on your mind?
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I forgot I already created a thread about it haha. I would, but it's already out there.
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Any luck on the road, lately?
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Me? Well, not really. Due to a silly predicament I got myself into. Family members aren't always honest when they say they're going to pay you back haha.
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I know how that is
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Anyone else ever just sick of worrying about shit. I have alphabet soup, ocd,gad ..but not like crazy ocd I have to do something 600 times.
Eventually I get tired of myself and shake myself out of it, worrying about things doesn't do anything ..at least that is the logic I use to get over it.
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My bubba wants me to talk to him.
TALK talk to him about what I went through with my ex. He never heard the whole story.
How do I talk to him about it? How do I start it off? I've only told one person, and it was the hardest thing to do. How do I tell a painful story all over again? I hate the crying.
Today is my exes birthday. I found out he was released from jail a few weeks ago. He used to be really paranoid about going to jail. Said that he was beat by cops and that he would kill anyone before ever going back. His mug shot was the worst. He's really short, shorter than me. 5 foot 5. He looked horrible. He said that he had these visions of the future...
He had a vision of what happened when I broke up with him. He said I became a prostitute. A stripper. A crack whore on the streets. This is what I'm supposed to be now that I left him. So far he's wrong.
God he was always so stupid....
I've never hated a single person in this world other than this man. I never wished a single person dead except him.
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People at my job like me.
They actually like me.
And I like them too. I bet we would be friends if I wasn't under the bar hopping age.
I really need this job, it's all I have after I left behind my family.
All I want to do is take off.
After my dad died it felt as though my whole family died. The reason I'm strong is because of him. Of course there was my mom and brothers, but they've always held something against me.
My mom told me she never wanted me. My dad is the only reason I'm alive and walking. When I was born I was really white, she didn't think I was her child, so my father and the nurse held me for the night.
Of course, the next day she took it back....
She's a bitch. The minute I got financial aid for college she begged and manipulated me until she either had cash in her hand or I was in tears.
She even tried to say that the reason why her license got taken away was because of me. That because I called the cops and told them that she hit me SIX years ago, they took away her license this year.
I didn't call the cops, my brother and his girlfriend did. I was laying down and she was piss drunk. I told her to just leave me alone and she started punching me in the stomach while I pushed her away. When the cops came they saw how fucked up she was and took her to detox. She was home three days later and continued to have her license and drive SIX YEARS AFTER THAT.
But, she got her third and final fucking dui this march so what do you think they're gonna do?
They mail my mother so many rehab facility papers that it's not even funny.
I'm so happy I'm not a minor.
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bastards got away with 10 coins that were mine & 5 that were my partners
That fucking sucks, one annoying thing about the deep web is that IRL if someone robs you, there are ways to get your money back, if you are robbed here, you're more then likely never going to have the slightest clue as to who took your money or get it back.
[/quote]Anyone else ever just sick of worrying about shit. I have alphabet soup, ocd,gad ..but not like crazy ocd I have to do something 600 times.
Eventually I get tired of myself and shake myself out of it, worrying about things doesn't do anything ..at least that is the logic I use to get over it.
I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I spend so much time worrying, especially before I go to sleep, that I over hype every problem I have till it becomes so stupid. I even sometimes worry about potential situations that are so unlikely to happen.
My bubba wants me to talk to him.
TALK talk to him about what I went through with my ex. He never heard the whole story.
How do I talk to him about it? How do I start it off? I've only told one person, and it was the hardest thing to do. How do I tell a painful story all over again? I hate the crying.
Today is my exes birthday. I found out he was released from jail a few weeks ago. He used to be really paranoid about going to jail. Said that he was beat by cops and that he would kill anyone before ever going back. His mug shot was the worst. He's really short, shorter than me. 5 foot 5. He looked horrible. He said that he had these visions of the future...
He had a vision of what happened when I broke up with him. He said I became a prostitute. A stripper. A crack whore on the streets. This is what I'm supposed to be now that I left him. So far he's wrong.
God he was always so stupid....
I've never hated a single person in this world other than this man. I never wished a single person dead except him.
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People at my job like me.
They actually like me.
And I like them too. I bet we would be friends if I wasn't under the bar hopping age.
I really need this job, it's all I have after I left behind my family.
All I want to do is take off.
After my dad died it felt as though my whole family died. The reason I'm strong is because of him. Of course there was my mom and brothers, but they've always held something against me.
My mom told me she never wanted me. My dad is the only reason I'm alive and walking. When I was born I was really white, she didn't think I was her child, so my father and the nurse held me for the night.
Of course, the next day she took it back....
She's a bitch. The minute I got financial aid for college she begged and manipulated me until she either had cash in her hand or I was in tears.
She even tried to say that the reason why her license got taken away was because of me. That because I called the cops and told them that she hit me SIX years ago, they took away her license this year.
I didn't call the cops, my brother and his girlfriend did. I was laying down and she was piss drunk. I told her to just leave me alone and she started punching me in the stomach while I pushed her away. When the cops came they saw how fucked up she was and took her to detox. She was home three days later and continued to have her license and drive SIX YEARS AFTER THAT.
But, she got her third and final fucking dui this march so what do you think they're gonna do?
They mail my mother so many rehab facility papers that it's not even funny.
I'm so happy I'm not a minor.
You seem like you have a lot of shit on your plate. Is it something that only upsets you when brought up, or on your mind a lot? If it is on your mind a lot don't you think it might be a good idea to try and talk to some of your close friends and family IRL. Your ex seems like a dick, obviously you are doing better without him.
You have a job which seems to be respectable which is good. Sorry about your Dad, but those things happen and all though they suck, you have to learn to deal with them. Maybe talking to your brothers would be a good idea?
All though things seem tough for you at the moment, don't worry at least you seem to be going somewhere, I know everyone says it: but it could be a lot worse. :)
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It's on my mind everyday. I know it would be great to talk about it, it's just weird, trying to start it up. I feel a hundred times better without my ex, I know it would be beneficial to talk about it.
It's kind of my first real job, I work hard and I get recognition for it too! I've already worked my way up quite a bit, hoping to go further. It's a respected business, and people are surprised IRL when I tell them where I work and what I do because I'm young :O :] :}
Talking to my family seems like a bit of a lost hope, my father kept us together, he kept the peace, and now that he's gone it feels like we all just don't see a reason to talk to each other. We fight with each other all the time. I kinda feel better without my brothers in my life. My mom and my brothers think that as long as they are supportive financially then they don't have to be emotionally supportive. That they could tell me I'm an ugly piece of shit and throw twenty bucks on me and it'll be fine. It's always been that way, so I feel as though my best bet is to keep them at a distance. I've tried to let them in, to talk to them about serious shit and stuff, but they don't take it serious. They think I'm just being a whiny little bitch when in reality all I want is for us to be a family. I'm not really bent over it anymore, but it still kind of irks me when my mom acts as though I've never reached out. I'm more in a state of wanting to start my own family (not anytime soon) over fixing things with my current family.
I'm going through a tough patch, yes, but things will get better as long as I keep working for it. It is true, things could be worse. I want to start accomplishing stuff because I want to, not because my family approves of it.
I don't want to go to college until I live life a little. I've got more money coming my way. I don't have a license but I want to buy a moped...
Or save up for a RV and travel.
I used to be confined to a small room, but now that's over. I want to see the world more and more every day. Since my last relationship I have seemed to have lost friends. But I'm ready to make new ones, even though I'm really shy IRL.
It feels good to be part of SR. It's something cool, something that a lot of people never even get the chance to run into. I've had plenty of new experiences because of this place and even though there's a crap ton of shit people on here, there's a lot of cool people too.
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It's on my mind everyday. I know it would be great to talk about it, it's just weird, trying to start it up. I feel a hundred times better without my ex, I know it would be beneficial to talk about it.
It's kind of my first real job, I work hard and I get recognition for it too! I've already worked my way up quite a bit, hoping to go further. It's a respected business, and people are surprised IRL when I tell them where I work and what I do because I'm young :O :] :}
Talking to my family seems like a bit of a lost hope, my father kept us together, he kept the peace, and now that he's gone it feels like we all just don't see a reason to talk to each other. We fight with each other all the time. I kinda feel better without my brothers in my life. My mom and my brothers think that as long as they are supportive financially then they don't have to be emotionally supportive. That they could tell me I'm an ugly piece of shit and throw twenty bucks on me and it'll be fine. It's always been that way, so I feel as though my best bet is to keep them at a distance. I've tried to let them in, to talk to them about serious shit and stuff, but they don't take it serious. They think I'm just being a whiny little bitch when in reality all I want is for us to be a family. I'm not really bent over it anymore, but it still kind of irks me when my mom acts as though I've never reached out. I'm more in a state of wanting to start my own family (not anytime soon) over fixing things with my current family.
I'm going through a tough patch, yes, but things will get better as long as I keep working for it. It is true, things could be worse. I want to start accomplishing stuff because I want to, not because my family approves of it.
I don't want to go to college until I live life a little. I've got more money coming my way. I don't have a license but I want to buy a moped...
Or save up for a RV and travel.
I used to be confined to a small room, but now that's over. I want to see the world more and more every day. Since my last relationship I have seemed to have lost friends. But I'm ready to make new ones, even though I'm really shy IRL.
It feels good to be part of SR. It's something cool, something that a lot of people never even get the chance to run into. I've had plenty of new experiences because of this place and even though there's a crap ton of shit people on here, there's a lot of cool people too.
The most important thing here is that you have a great attitude and outlook. I think things are going to continue to get better for you.
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Contributin'.......
The only way to reverse despair, misery, and especially self-righteous anger is to create an honest gratitude list, and then review it every day before you finish your second cup of coffee and start the day.....
Add or subtract to it as you see fit.
I was so morbidly pissed off when I started it, the only entry on it for a week was that I was "grateful" for "gravity."
I could accept being grateful about some shit totally and completely out of all human hands...
It didn't happen overnight, it took about 5 years to get out of the morass of despair that ate the best two decades of my life.
Today I am happy, despite the shit life deals me.
Peace.
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Great advice, DA.
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Hey all! I saw your thread as I was browsing and decided to dump a heavy load off my shoulders which has been eating me alive IRL. So here goes nothing.
This year in June late in the evening I was waiting for, someone I would have considered a younger brother, my buddy to drop my phone off which I left in his car by accident. So I walked outside my house to grab my phone from him and the moment I grabbed my phone from him I saw that it had been locked out, or someone had tried to guess the password and failed three times. I thought to myself as why this was and what did they try and do with my phone. As the two kids were VERY VERY close friends of mine, I started to walk down my street. Also I live in the suburbs in a development with barely any traffic other than my neighbors. As I walked down the street I noticed the car starting to come back up my road to exit the development, so I am waving my hands and I know he could see me I mean I just literally talked to them a second ago. As they are moving to me at what seems to be a slow speed, I start walking towards the car down my hill and this is when my life changed forever.
The next thing I know I'm jumping over the bumper of the car, smashed into the windshield, rolled over the top and held onto the sides of the car as I am yelling at the top of my lungs for "my buddy" to stop the car. Meanwhile the passenger, also my friend of 18+ years, is screaming at the driver to stop the car. Im panting for him to stop the car dude as the speed just kept increasing. What seemed to be hours, were merely seconds. Time felt like it was standing still and the last thing I remember is him swerving outside of my house and me losing my grip. I woke up in Trauma during plastic surgery and had no idea what was going on.
I later found at that my so called friend had left me in the street to die. If it wasn't for the passenger in the car I would most likely not be here today and would have bled out right in front of my own house. I came to find out that the passenger made the driver let him out of the car and the driver just took off. Thankfully he was a true friend and he got a hold of someone to take me to the hospital, which i do not remember anything. I thank this kid almost every other day for being there, but when I think about life, this whole thing just put me in a depression I have not been in for years and I have never wanted to be in again. I am a very caring, giving and loving person. My happiness in life comes from helping others and sometimes while I attempt to help others I bury myself. I can not even look in the mirror without hating myself. I am full of emotion and love for this world in which I feel I am now missing because I do not have the desire to even meet new people or for that matter to be seen in public. I generally do not leave the house without some sort of hat on, shit sometimes I don't even want to leave my room without something covering my face. My teeth are shattered and I have not eaten normal food for over two months, oat meal, ice cream, mash potatoes, etc... I just feel like I am missing life and what I wanted to make of it.
In all honesty this forum and the people involved with it have given me an outlet or a purpose in life, where people can not judge me for what I look like, or there 4 year old kid doesn't stare at me for 5 minutes straight as I try not to make eye contact as it brings tears to my eyes. I just feel stuck in a rut and honestly this time around I didn't know if I had the fight in me to beat this depression. I use to love being active and I was such a social person and definitely a people person who everyone loved. I am so self conscience and I wish I could go back. No amount of money is worth the mental fucking i've been taking from this whole thing. I guess what I wanted to say was thanks for giving me some where to vent and let it all out cause there really is nothing better than talking about your problems. I may have rambled on a bit about certain things, but again I thank all of you for being so kind and I hope all continue to spread the love and may peace be with you all.
Thanks for letting me vent, much love GV!
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Just thought i'd pop in and say Hi to all! and to say I think this is a great Thread where people can
vent openly without being judged. I'm relieved to know there are still some cool people out there!
Respect to you all.
Salad.
8)
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Hey all! I saw your thread as I was browsing and decided to dump a heavy load off my shoulders which has been eating me alive IRL. So here goes nothing.
This year in June late in the evening I was waiting for, someone I would have considered a younger brother, my buddy to drop my phone off which I left in his car by accident. So I walked outside my house to grab my phone from him and the moment I grabbed my phone from him I saw that it had been locked out, or someone had tried to guess the password and failed three times. I thought to myself as why this was and what did they try and do with my phone. As the two kids were VERY VERY close friends of mine, I started to walk down my street. Also I live in the suburbs in a development with barely any traffic other than my neighbors. As I walked down the street I noticed the car starting to come back up my road to exit the development, so I am waving my hands and I know he could see me I mean I just literally talked to them a second ago. As they are moving to me at what seems to be a slow speed, I start walking towards the car down my hill and this is when my life changed forever.
The next thing I know I'm jumping over the bumper of the car, smashed into the windshield, rolled over the top and held onto the sides of the car as I am yelling at the top of my lungs for "my buddy" to stop the car. Meanwhile the passenger, also my friend of 18+ years, is screaming at the driver to stop the car. Im panting for him to stop the car dude as the speed just kept increasing. What seemed to be hours, were merely seconds. Time felt like it was standing still and the last thing I remember is him swerving outside of my house and me losing my grip. I woke up in Trauma during plastic surgery and had no idea what was going on.
I later found at that my so called friend had left me in the street to die. If it wasn't for the passenger in the car I would most likely not be here today and would have bled out right in front of my own house. I came to find out that the passenger made the driver let him out of the car and the driver just took off. Thankfully he was a true friend and he got a hold of someone to take me to the hospital, which i do not remember anything. I thank this kid almost every other day for being there, but when I think about life, this whole thing just put me in a depression I have not been in for years and I have never wanted to be in again. I am a very caring, giving and loving person. My happiness in life comes from helping others and sometimes while I attempt to help others I bury myself. I can not even look in the mirror without hating myself. I am full of emotion and love for this world in which I feel I am now missing because I do not have the desire to even meet new people or for that matter to be seen in public. I generally do not leave the house without some sort of hat on, shit sometimes I don't even want to leave my room without something covering my face. My teeth are shattered and I have not eaten normal food for over two months, oat meal, ice cream, mash potatoes, etc... I just feel like I am missing life and what I wanted to make of it.
In all honesty this forum and the people involved with it have given me an outlet or a purpose in life, where people can not judge me for what I look like, or there 4 year old kid doesn't stare at me for 5 minutes straight as I try not to make eye contact as it brings tears to my eyes. I just feel stuck in a rut and honestly this time around I didn't know if I had the fight in me to beat this depression. I use to love being active and I was such a social person and definitely a people person who everyone loved. I am so self conscience and I wish I could go back. No amount of money is worth the mental fucking i've been taking from this whole thing. I guess what I wanted to say was thanks for giving me some where to vent and let it all out cause there really is nothing better than talking about your problems. I may have rambled on a bit about certain things, but again I thank all of you for being so kind and I hope all continue to spread the love and may peace be with you all.
Thanks for letting me vent, much love GV!
I am very glad you posted, buddy. Really seems like you're on the right track to feeling better. I must say. I think you're dealing with the problem in a normal way, a bit of time is what you in my opinion. Best of luck mate, if you want to talk, feel free to post again or PM me.