Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: Festivalia on January 01, 2013, 12:55 am
-
:-X [REDACTED]
-
I remember when I was young and I was sat in a lesson, ICT I believe.. And one kid raised his hand and just as he opened his mouth to ask to go to the toilet, a brown slodge appeared to seep out of his trousers and onto the chair. The smell was horrendous and no one even laughed because the situation was so fucking intense, most were just in disbelieve. He then got up, didnt even say anything and walked out the room like penguin. We had to leave the lesson because it had to be cleaned up. Poor kid lol.
-
:-X [REDACTED]
-
hahaha i fuckin LOVE this thread!!!
i'm gonna share with all you lovely anonomous people one of my favorites!!!
so i was like 7 or 8, and it was christmas eve (no joke)... you can go ahead and visualize the 'typical' family holiday... christmas movies on the tube, egg nog, all that shit... my parents, sister and i were all sitting in the living room getting ready to open half our presents when there's a knock on the door...
my dad gets up and opens the door... and there's my uncle... naked, covered in head to toe ( literally) in shit!! all i see is his long natty hair, big saucer eyes, and shit... everywhere!!! we all stared in silence as my dad rushed him off...
it wasn't until i was older when my dad told me my uncle was high as fuck on lsd!!
i've got so many more!!
lol i love my life!!
-
might wanna discuss hooked on phonics as well! Fecies?
-
I've pooped myself a few times. But the number of times I've had to poop under extraordinary circumstances is quite high. I imagine stuff like that happens to like bomber pilots and stuff. Shitting in a bag in a bomber over Iraq. I actually read some article like that back in the day in a magazine or something. Pooping under extreme conditions is more honorable than just plain shitting yourself.
-
:-X [REDACTED]
-
Pooping under extreme conditions is more honorable than just plain shitting yourself.
Quote of the Year!!! ROFL
-
Not sure if this qualifies but i was dragged to a religious festival in india with a load of relatives and neighbours. The whole thing was a complete nightmare as i went down with toothache and dysentery. Anyway middle of the night semi delerious i have to go - the toilet is a field , no electricity no lighting nothing, so i put on my uncles sandals and just head out into the shitting field literally wading through shit. The following morning my auntie had a right moan about the person who had got the sandals all covered in shit (she had to clean them). Everyone new it was me but i didnt care cos i felt like dying anyway.
-
A few years ago, I gave a 250ug tab of Dalai Lama acid to this guy at a house warming party. He had never done acid before and was begging me for it. It wasn't that kind of party and no warning I gave him would deter him from trying this acid. I tried to convince him that set and setting were very important; he was having none of it.
A few hours later, he was trying to tell me that he hadn't come up on the acid. Anyway, I left him to it for a while and low and behold, he eventually came up. He was like a child that had just seen Santa, he was so excited with the visuals etc. Fast forward a couple of more hours and the party is winding down, with most people just smoking joints and chilling on the couches. Then someone noticed the poor fella on the acid taking a shit on the kitchen floor...it was the most bizarre situation I have ever seen! The worst part was that he obviously touched it with his hands and was leaning against the wall and left a shitty hand print on the wall.
His friends put him into a cold shower for about 20 minutes and he still didn't know what was going on! I haven't seen him since; I still wonder if he has ever forgiven me for giving him that acid!! :)
-
I remember when I was young and I was sat in a lesson, ICT I believe.. And one kid raised his hand and just as he opened his mouth to ask to go to the toilet, a brown slodge appeared to seep out of his trousers and onto the chair. The smell was horrendous and no one even laughed because the situation was so fucking intense, most were just in disbelieve. He then got up, didnt even say anything and walked out the room like penguin. We had to leave the lesson because it had to be cleaned up. Poor kid lol.
haha as soon as I got to: "slodge" I could no longer contain myself. ;D +1
thanks dude, have +1 back :)
-
:-X [REDACTED]
-
might wanna discuss hooked on phonics as well! Fecies?
Yeah! Something about it rhyming with the word "species" paired with typing well over 120wpm probably had something to do with that little typo. I also rarely re-read before hitting send, especially on such bullshit pointless posts such as this one. But hey, that's what the off-topic section is for, right?
If you would like to discuss how your parents called up "Hooked on Phonics" when you were a kid to correct your issues, that's all fine and good. Just do that on the "SPED kids from the 90's who now preach grammar and spelling on the darkweb" boards -or something. It's like you're being a douche for the sake of the bag. ::)
Please tell me you can take a joke! In a thread about shitting your pants you get offended from a little sense of humor? Some people are just to goddamn touchy. So my apologies for not being serious and offending your stupid fucking feelings more.
-
I think everyone here could use some fiber. This has been a Public Service Announcement.
-
All how you take it. Not in any way mad. Sometimes I hate attempting to convey actual emotion or tones because it can be read and taken so out of context. In this case I could see why though. Never intended for anything to escalate into hostility. My sense of humor IRL can be mistaken just as easy this could. Now back to our regularly scheduled program
-
Iv gotten the piss knocked out of me. Roomie did it because a cop answered my phone once when I got arrested. I got sense beat into me.
-
someone noticed the poor fella on the acid taking a shit on the kitchen floor...it was the most bizarre situation I have ever seen!
he didn't know what was going on!
hahhahhahahha... oh man I shit myself reading that... Hey do you have anymore of that acid? Sounds Gooooood!
Ok.... my story... Now this is f'ing true. Very tragic but true.
Due to chronic back pain I have to take opiate pain meds... Sucks right? Ok so I have experimented with cannabis edibles over the last few years. I have grown my own plants and make my own edibles... Now I had about 3/4 of a pound that I wanted to make some oil with. Rick Simpson Oil? Anybody? Ok so I am making this oil and I follow the directions he has on his site ( phoenix tears/ rick simpson ) ... Alright so now I have this DARK sticky liquid looking substance. Dosage is supposed to be the size of a grain of rice or maybe 2 or 3 times that for a heavy dose... So I am thinking I screwed this up and it will not be potent... So I take like almost a ( quarter of a cup! ) and drink that shit down. Tasted horrible. In about a hour I was very very stoned.. :P Ok..... I pass out......
NEXT thing I remember is flashes of bits of pieces of a hospital, doctors and nurses yelling, my wife, kids,..... man f'ing horrible. Ok so two days later I wake up in the ICU at the hospital. Now I am tied down to the bed! Man it still makes me so mad.... >:( so the blood test, or urine test... whatever they did showed THC and Opiates in my system. So they mark me a Drug user number one and tie me down so I cant escape I guess....
After not having any opiate pain meds for two days I was ready to shit myself.... I was yelling for the nurse... pushing that f'ing call button.... they are taking there sweet f'ing time.... I am like three feet off the bed still strapped and tied down and I f'ing spray shit across the hospital room! On the floor, on the bed, on the chair, and on me! Finally the nurse comes in and gives me a look like ??? god dam druggie shit his gown! man... after she had the staff clean the room and me.... she comes in with a air freshener and sprays down the room and say's... ( I thought you might like to get that smell out of here!)
-
I'm just saying. It takes some skill to secretly take a shit on a date, or to poop at work while things are in ovens, or to poop without toilet paper. Sometimes when you work construction there is no bathroom, so you take a bucket and a bag, and take a big shit in it and tie it off and chuck it in a dumpster, then go right back to using your new ass bucket.
I've pooped into a Gatorade bottle before. It was pretty difficult but had to be done.
-
I've pooped into a Gatorade bottle before. It was pretty difficult but had to be done.
This defiantly deserves a +1.. bravo brother, bravo 8)
-
I remember a fb post where a chav was complaining about getting held at wallmart for stealing, She shit herself in an isle, she was pregnant was her excuse so she decided to steal a whole new outfit. She seemed to think she was entitled to the clothes as she shat herself in walmart and they were obliged to clothe her.
She snick clothes into the toilet and changed, leaving her shit covered trousers there for staff to clear up...
The rant on facebook was along the lines of, and Im paraphrasing
"I cant believe those cunts tried to hold me after I had to get some clothes, I am pregnant I should be allowed to get new clothes when I have no money, I couldn't make it to the toilet.. blah blah"
Her friends chimed in with comments supporting her. I cant believe they would try and arrest you etc...
My only thought reading this was PLEASE HAVE NO MORE KIDS AND ABORT THE ONE INSIDE YOU.,
Ace
-
Nothing to special... a few times (3x as an adult 18-32) once at a baseball game, I have IBS, I did not make it, horribly emberising, but luckily, I was on free tickets in the club section, so nice bathrooms, a little privacy, I cleaned up, tossed em wrapped, and went back to enjoy the game, with no one knowing any better.
Other 2 times, have both been horrible hangovers with RBV farts(red bull vodka), and BAM, liquid fire straight out, but both times it has happened in front of my friends not at home, so its always a good coversation walking out the shitter, hey man, imma gonna go ahead and take out your trash... "why"...well I fucking shit myself, be happy I am taking care of it....
Same friend... shit in my GF's truck in traffic that he was borrowing about 2 years ago picking up furniture, so he no longer has any ability to talk shit.
-
someone noticed the poor fella on the acid taking a shit on the kitchen floor...it was the most bizarre situation I have ever seen!
he didn't know what was going on!
hahhahhahahha... oh man I shit myself reading that... Hey do you have anymore of that acid? Sounds Gooooood!
I wish I had some of that acid left! Was the best stuff I ever got my hands on...
-
I pooped myself at a party last week and had to throw my shitty underwear in a shower cap out a window into a bush and throw it in the woods on the way out. I drove back later and threw them away cuz it was my families house.
Whiskey shits.
-
I shit myself on acid once. Thought it was a fart but it didn't feel gaseous. I very much enjoyed the warm sensation in my pants for a few minutes but got distracted. It was cold night and my friend (also high on acid) told me that my trousers were steaming. When I checked, I noticed I had given birth to a very soft turd. I eventually went into some woods and wiped my arse with a handful of leaves. Felt really in touch with nature. When I woke up the next morning I realised that I had done a very bad job of wiping my arse as there was shite everywhere; my trousers, my hands, my bed.
-
Not 2 days ago at a nye rave at whp in manc im whistling away in the toilets trying to coax a possibly non existant piss out of my tiny mdma shrivelled penis when I hear a guy behind me say the exact words "oh fuck bruv my man over here has full on shit himself! Theres shit everywhere!" I turned to look at the stalls behind me and watched what must have been 5/6 classic fuckheads walk up to the stall push the door open to take a glance then run away. Whether they were his friends i couldnt say but poor bastard sounded like he was having a FULL ON psychological meltdow. Theres no mistaking the absolute pungent stench an out of water shit makes in an enclosed space and whether it was morbid curiosity or not I had to have a look. Walking over the guy had clearly got pissed off with being watched (understandably) and was standing with his back against the stall door. With relatively high bottoms it was easy to see 2 shoeless shit covered feet. Needless to say the remote thought of actually offering help to the guy was replaced by the fear if I talk to him he might try touching me in some ketamine induced mess so I preceeded to run away like a cowaed and try to forget what id seen for the remainder of the night
-
In this 5 minute clip there is a news reporter who shits their (white) pants:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGes6_ypp28
if it is faked, I don't wanna know.
-
Yes I have shit my pants. It was at work and I was coked up and rolling.
Luckily, by gods grace, I just so happened to have an extra pair of pants at work that day. And when I say gods grace it was gods grace.
because the sink and soap were not doing the trick.
-
Yes I have shit my pants. It was at work and I was coked up and rolling.
Luckily, by gods grace, I just so happened to have an extra pair of pants at work that day. And when I say gods grace it was gods grace.
because the sink and soap were not doing the trick.
How did you manage to get away with going into work rolling and coked up? Fair play man that takes some skill +1 ::)
-
When I was in highschool I was a pretty fucked up kid.
I was in math class and really need to go to take a shit (was farting a lot), we had this shit rule about only 1 student allowed out of class at 1 time (because what we used to do was 2 of us go 5 mins apart and not come back til the end of class). Anyway so I was sitting on my chair clenching my butthole trying to think about the math problem to distract myself from the flood of sludge held back like the water behind the dam in isengard (that scene with the ents is kind of foreboding).
For some reason I started drifting off into other thoughts... Somehow I started thinking about this blonde girl named Emma that was in my class. Now I mentioned I was pretty fucked up, so obviously my mind turns to fucking her and then to kinky stuff we could do. I think you know where this is going...
So I starting fantasizing about shitting on her stomach and then her grabbing by hard shit and using it to masturbate with (I think in real life you would need to use a condom so it doesn't break apart, but in my fantasy she didn't have to). Obviously I get rock hard at this thought and it distracts me from my fantasy and from clenching my asshole. Big fucking mistake about 5 milliseconds after I got an erection I started shitting watery diarrhea all done my legs all over my set and spilling onto the floor. I couldn't fucking stop.
There was a few seconds between the shit hitting the floor and people smelling it. I held on to hope that maybe this shit wouldn't stink, which based on passed experience is on the other end of the shit smelling spectrum from my usual sludge.
As soon as people noticed and started to turn around I deciding the best thing to do was to take my pants of, as I'm doing this and people start to yell and laugh at me I remember I have an erection. I'm wearing those boxers that have buttons on the front and my little 3-4 inch penis is sticking out the front, I'm just glad it isn't covered in shit.
I look up and the girl I was fantasing about is just staring at me. I realise I've lost any chance of shitting on her stomach.
I decide to leave my pants there and just run the fuck home (leaving my bag in my locker too). I get home covered in shit from the waist down and almost collapsing from dehydration and exhaustion. My mum doesn't let me inside and hoses me down with ice cold water, throws me a towel and dry clothes then tells me to fuck off back to school. I told her to fuck off and snuck into my room via my window.
School made me get counseling (people told them I was jacking off and using my shit as lubricant) and suspended me for 2 weeks externally then 4 weeks internally.
I tried dying my hair (with peroxide, like eminem style, thought it would make me look cool) so people wouldn't recognise me but it just made me stand out more.
I have never shit in public as bad as then.
-
^^ cool story bro - you hit the nail on the head with that first sentence. lol!
-
Ugh dude what the fuck did I just read?
Pants-shitting turd fetishist.
:o
-
This is the greatest thread of all time.
I was late for class and hauling ass down the freeway when all the sudden a wild fart appeared. With the discipline and training of a master level fartsmith I inched one cheek higher than the other creating a directional pressure release channel to omit my ball sack from a generous crop dusting my own pixie shit-dust.
To my surprise a hodge podge of turd soup blasted out and the force coupled with the size of opening created a pressure stream that properly sauteed my pants, car seat and center console. My eyes snapped to attention strait ahead and I just busted it into the medium with my truck disregarding the safety of myself and others. I was a wounded animal fleeing for his life (or change of animal pants)
I didn't go to class. Cuz fuck that shit.
-
Side story - I have a friend who got so drunk once, he went into my friends kitchen(at a college house party), whipped his dick out, and started pissing on the floor. One of the people who lived in the house went into the kitchen, and screamed "Dude! What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" and you just hear the interrupting slurred words from my boy: "DUDE, what are YOU doing? Are you GAY?! STOP LOOKING AT MY DICK! GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM DUDE!" ... lol
He was convinced he was pissing into a toilet. But he most definitely was not.
Continuing the side story (sorry for sidetracking) .....
I personally used to have an issue in college when I got too drunk and went to sleep I would often get up and sleepwalk trying to find the bathroom. One time my roommate went out of town and I apparently pissed in his clothes dresser drawer. He got back and was NOT too happy!
-
When I was in highschool I was a pretty fucked up kid.
this story gave me the biggest lol
-
One time I farted in school and it smelt like rotten tacos and we were in a small room and everyone was gagging. It was the greasiest fart I've ever encountered. I've made another man vomit with my viking farts.
-
A+ bruce
-
One time on holiday, in a hotel room, after waking up from a fucked up night...
We wake up to find a massive shit in the sink, shit all over the soap, and shit all over the floor.
The thing is the toilet was right next to it, and the sink was extremely high,they would have had to climb it to sit over it, and in their drunken state that would have been pretty hard. We've been working on theories that they shat there pants and tried to carry it to the sink to wash it.. or maybe that person wasn't familiar with hotels and thought it was a bidet or something..
With the 4 people in the room, to this day no-one has admitted to it, and one person insists it was the cleaner.
Also the day after some girls from the room next to us told us they found shit all over the slide in the pool..
Biggest mystery ever.
-
These stories really made me feel better about mine. Thanks for telling them. :)
-
Imagine getting sent to an address as part of your job. You arrive, ever the proffesional and in immaculate uniform. To find the aftermath of a student house party, drunk scantily dressed women every where you look. As you step into the house you realise that fart you let out while climbing out the van has gone from warm to very wet! You then proceed clear a path to the toilet, elbowing and shouting at the largest and finest mix of clunge ever assembled in one place. Kicking the bathroom door open only caused more seepage, but I was nearly there, I had nearly got away with out anybody knowing what I'd done.....The teenager vomiting into the toilet was going to be my last obsticle, but he must have seen the fear and urgency in my eyes as only a garbled mix of obsenities flew out my mouth. crawling on his knees out the door he actually wished me good luck.
I managed the biggest, dirtiest runiest poo ever achieved without a priest present. Luckily my CK boxers had absorbed the initial flurry. So I stuffed them in the top part of the toilet, hoping a student would get the blame...sadly a blocked overflowing toilet had different ideas. Roll on the job center.
-
Imagine getting sent to an address as part of your job. You arrive, ever the proffesional and in immaculate uniform. To find the aftermath of a student house party, drunk scantily dressed women every where you look. As you step into the house you realise that fart you let out while climbing out the van has gone from warm to very wet! You then proceed clear a path to the toilet, elbowing and shouting at the largest and finest mix of clunge ever assembled in one place. Kicking the bathroom door open only caused more seepage, but I was nearly there, I had nearly got away with out anybody knowing what I'd done.....The teenager vomiting into the toilet was going to be my last obsticle, but he must have seen the fear and urgency in my eyes as only a garbled mix of obsenities flew out my mouth. crawling on his knees out the door he actually wished me good luck.
I managed the biggest, dirtiest runiest poo ever achieved without a priest present. Luckily my CK boxers had absorbed the initial flurry. So I stuffed them in the top part of the toilet, hoping a student would get the blame...sadly a blocked overflowing toilet had different ideas. Roll on the job center.
What sort of job sent you here? Sound like a good gig! 8)
-
A very respectful and rewarding job. that usually had me dealing with scum. but on the rare occasion I go to a house of clunge, I shit myself!! I wont mention what job, cause that and the events that unfolded that day led me to be quite well known. even to people who had never met me. " You're that guy who shit himself" will be etched on my gravestone
-
I don't have any good pants-shitting stories (as an opiate user, I'm constipated quite a lot), just wanted to say that this thread has one of the greatest titles I've ever seen.
-
The best part is that he left a note that said "absolutely appalled. please don't call me" hahaha
Smooth. Guys a legend.
-
It's not so bad when I shit my pants now.
As an adult as it is usually intentional.
I often do it out of defiance. eg if my boss tells me to do something that I don't want to do (like work hard).
I find that it shuts people up when they are yelling at me.
I say "watch out or I will shit myself".
Then if they do not submit to my demands I just casually shit myself.
-
i was tripping with my buddy and his girlfriend on some 4-ho-mipt, and as they both started tripping hard, they opened up A LOT.
his girlfriend tells me that shes been shitting her pants lately and it makes her insecure, and the only way she will feel better about it is if she talks about it.
i didnt say a word. my buddy was just like "yeah but its not like i have to clean up your shit"
yet again, i did not say a word. i dont think its weird to shit your pants either, i just had nothing to contribute to that statement WHATSOEVER.
hope you enjoyed the story. ;D
-
Then if they do not submit to my demands I just casually shit myself.
is this still so when your mom refuses your request for cheese sandwiches? :-\
-
Then if they do not submit to my demands I just casually shit myself.
is this still so when your mom refuses your request for cheese sandwiches? :-\
When I use this tactic with mom though it's pleasure for us both.
She knows she's going to have to clean it up. Which of course she loves (even if I am not wearing my diaper).
Most other grown ups think I am to old to shit myself and act like they are disgusted.
-
If you ever need to seek revenge on someone, I suggest shitting into a bowl, putting a bunch of metal forks in the shit, in the bowl, place it in their microwave on high for 5 minutes. And leave.
im pretty sure microwaving a fork can throw sparks.
im all down with fucking with my buddies but im not trying to burn anyones house down =P
-
If you ever need to seek revenge on someone, I suggest shitting into a bowl, putting a bunch of metal forks in the shit, in the bowl, place it in their microwave on high for 5 minutes. And leave.
im pretty sure microwaving a fork can throw sparks.
im all down with fucking with my buddies but im not trying to burn anyones house down =P
I was joking, but for the record... I've put metal in microwaves. It doesn't throw an arc outside of the unit. All of the new ones have power-surge protectors built in, and they shut down if they arc up or overheat. What would actually happen before it flipped your breaker, would be electrify the turds til they explode all over the inside of the unit, causing quite a horrible smell. But again, it was a joke.
You didn't just give me negative karma for making a joke, did you? ... Someone just did. Uncool.
lol! no i wouldnt negative karma someone for something so insignificant.
i enjoyed the thought of microwaving a bowl of shit in my buddies house, had a good laugh
-
The greatest thread i have ever read , thank you.
I always seem to have extremely runny terds , but i have never shit my pants... thank god.
Back when i was about 16 at a house party , a guy got that wasted he shit his pants and who knows what he was trying to do but the bathroom was covered in shit all up the walls and all .. his name rhymes with shat too...
He basically had to chang his hole group of friends and moved out of town.