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Discussion => Newbie discussion => Topic started by: HardcoreWillNeverDie on July 04, 2013, 11:32 am

Title: who is evil: Alcohol or Me
Post by: HardcoreWillNeverDie on July 04, 2013, 11:32 am
This post is not about how cool I was. I am actually just ashamed and sorry.....

I think I have never really enjoyed drinking alcohol in my life.

Very seldom after drinking I get the feeling it feels good. Opposite to it, trying other types of mind-alternating substances (cannabis, cocaine, lsd, speed) it felt often (but not always) good, great, divine.

One more thing: when I drink, I drink a lot or then not at all.
I cant enjoy drinking a bottle of beer or a glass of wine or whisky or whatever liquid it would be. When it is a party and people are ordinary (it means they just know alcohol is the only way to alternate their mind and mood  :P), 9 of 10 times I would stay sober and 1 of 10 times I would get totally drunken (Remember the movie"Hangover"  ;D :o)

I made once a list of all my "hero alcohol actions". It is a long list with many details but I wont post all of them.
I just want to mention some of those crazy things I have ever done while being totally drunken:

1. I am 16. Our school band performs a concert in front of the whole school including all the directors, teachers and so on. I am singer and totally drunken. Result: drums, guitars, mics flying into the first row and injuring our director and some other teachers.
2. I am 17. It is a disco party at school. There comes a group of people we know but we dont really like them. Result: 2 guys slightly injured, one guy got more seriously injured and needed to go to the hospital. The whole school saw me doing it with a knife I had in my pocket that evening. 2 years lasted all that police shit with investigations and so on. Anyway I just got the money penalty cause it was possible to bribe the police (A.C.A.B.  >:()
3. I am 19. I am drunken and bored. I visit a friend in the night. At some point I dont like what he says. I grab a knife and start to run behind him (actually just for fun), he takes everything very seriously. Result: I get bored because he closes himself in the toilet, and I jump out of the balcony (2 floor) and break some ribs.
4. I am 22 and hardly having any driving experience. Drunken I steal my father“s car and I drive the whole day (around 200km altogether) through the city (never did it before; my father would never let me drive without him). I dont remember how I took the car and most of the time I dont remember driving it. There were with me some younger friends who were not as much drunken as I was but who were stupid enough to drive with me deadly drunken. Result: no people killed on the streets, no accidents, but the engine broken (uh, it was expensive to repair it)
5. I am 23 and visiting my best friend. I love his parents more than own parents, so they are all like a second family for me, I have a key from their flat. Drunken I steal 500 euros from their cupboard and run away to have some fun with prostitutes, cocaine and more alcohol
6. I am 24 and it is winter. As a student I share a car with 3 other persons. They all leave the next day to Paris and they plan to take our car, to drive 100 km to the airport and leave it there in the car park. The evening before I get drunken and I take this car. I am so drunken and it is winter and slippery that I end up in a ditch. After that I go to sleep. Result: The next morning my friends miss their airplane because they dont find the car and when they finally find it (while studying I lived at that time in a small village), the car is in the ditch.
7. I am 26 and visiting some good friends who live in another country. We drink non-stop 4 days long. After this I come back home and continue to drink. Result: I tried to rape my girlfriend, so she ran away to other friends of us. Those 2 friends came back with my girlfriend and tried to take away all the alcohol (because I would not stop drinking) which was at my place. Another result: attacking good friends with a knife and a baseball racket. No one injured but ambulance coming later to take me to the hospital because I started to hallucinate after nearly 5 days of drinking non-stop.
8. I am 28. It happens like this that I am in the other country and my girlfriend having her birthday. We decide we skype. Result: being drunken (+having some viagra with me) I fuck the whole day 2 chicks I got to know the night before in a night club. Another result: girlfriend did not get her birthday congratulations. I finally reached her 3 days after her birthday because I was drinking 3 days non-stop.

I am interested if many of u guys, having too this kind of alcohol problems?

P.S. I know cocaine can be rather aggressive but I had never offended anyone while being high on cocaine
Title: Re: who is evil: Alcohol or Me
Post by: adamiz on July 04, 2013, 11:50 am
Seriously man. Can't say you are evil, cause I don't know you. But if I knew those before I meet you I wouldn't talk to you.
Don't take it personally though.

It a very good thing that you share all these, maybe it will lighten your soul and harmony.
Don't know where you have got all the aggression (maybe too much tv) but as a friendly advice I would suggest stopping drinking and why not trying some yoga and meditation classes.

No one is evil, we adopt and imitate  the characteristics of our surroundings.

Sincerely

Adamiz
Title: Re: who is evil: Alcohol or Me
Post by: zxydwx3 on July 04, 2013, 11:56 am
That's a tough one. I was bad the last few years but especially the last year I drank. Driving around sipping from beers or liquor cooler at all hours, even in the early morning. Sneaking out to my vehicle or even worse, bringing alcohol onto construction jobsites while working. I often wonder how I didn't kill myself or others.

I do hope that expressing your demons was helpful to you. Good luck and god bless.
Title: Re: who is evil: Alcohol or Me
Post by: dontek on July 04, 2013, 12:03 pm
The use of alcohol. And you're an alcoholic whether you wish to believe it or not. I have much experience with alcoholism and best way I can put it, is liquid bi-polarism. If you keep drinking, I think you already know that it's going to get worse and worse, but it's on you if you wish to travel down that path or not.

And imho, you posted quite a bit of identifying shit in your post there. I am hoping that your anonimity on SR and these forums aren't of a concern for you.
Title: Re: who is evil: Alcohol or Me
Post by: blackya on July 04, 2013, 12:24 pm
HardcoreWillNeverDie,

damn, man, you are really Hardcore  :D :D :D

I hope too your post can kinda release your inner pain

Do not drink and drive, smoke and fly  ;)

Cheers
Title: Re: who is evil: Alcohol or Me
Post by: redalloverthelandguyhere on July 04, 2013, 12:47 pm
If your clever, you will just become teetotal. Some guys (and girls) have a genetic predisposition towards alcohol abuse. If you cannot just have a few social drinks and end up obliterated, best give it up.

I used to drink a lot. Social drinking in work. We had to drink to work out contracts. Whilst it was fun I soon realised that my tolerance was going up and up. I decided to give up drink for a few years and now I'm just a social drinker who drinks maybe 4 pints and that is ok for me. I smoke hash also as that limits my drinking.

Good luck.
Title: Re: who is evil: Alcohol or Me
Post by: HardcoreWillNeverDie on July 05, 2013, 02:46 pm
A big thank you for all your thoughts expressed here.

Just to summarize it:

I drink really seldom, maybe 2-3 times a year. As I said it does not bring me pleasure and I cant enjoy social drinking with 2-3 glasses of wine for example.
2-3-4 days non-stop drinking comes because of hangover on the next day. I start in the morning again with 2-3 beers to kill the hangover and end up my evening with vodka, whiskey, whatever and after all that I am drunken again. So I agree I am in this way 100% alcoholic.
I dont watch TV because it shows 95% of the time just rubbish to manipulate us. I read books, I love philosophy and psychology, nature, sun, water. I hardly offend people and I get tears when I listen to emotional music. I love cannabis  :).
But really no idea why alcohol effects me like this: aggressive and no borders!!!

P.S. Yes, it was helpful to let the demons go out of my soul. that is why I wrote this post yesterday

P.S.S. And of course when revealing some details of my alcoholic actions I made everything that my anonymity stays safe.

Again thank you people and have a nice weekend  :) :)
Title: Re: who is evil: Alcohol or Me
Post by: buttonboy1234 on July 05, 2013, 02:49 pm
Life's hard.

Ditch alcohol it's doing you no good.

Use mdma, pills.. not depressants. However the high and clarity you experience on mdma could be a problem if you've an addictive personality, but it seems it'd do you better than alcohol as that's addictive and easy to become dependent upon.
Title: Re: who is evil: Alcohol or Me
Post by: Herujuana on July 05, 2013, 03:39 pm
I used to drink like you, only never did quite the brazenly stupid shit you did. But I definitely can relate to your story having seen my friends go down your road. I would stay on a 6 pack a night drunk for weeks at a time. Then get coke and do that till it was all gone, maybe 2 or 3 days. Then sleep like a baby for a couple of days and swear to god I wouldn't do any of it again. Getting married sure slowed me down some. But not completely. Then, having a kid slaps you in the face with a reality check. Can't be much of a father all fucked up all the time. But I still partied occasionally. I would HIGHLY suggest you some support for those times you do want to drink and you know you really shouldn't be doing it. Definitely keep smoking the weed cause that's what helped me most. Don't drink or smoke much anymore. I still can't conrol my drinking so I usually don't do it. But when I do I stop at a 6 pack, of high end beer. And that's just enough to get me to be a fucknut. To my wife and others around me. Then, I smoke some and fall asleep, instead of doing dumb shit. As if downing a 6 pack wasn't dumb enough! Also, I don't recall if you mentioned if you smoke cigarettes or not. But for me, it was the cigs that kept me going back to booze. Sounds strange, yes, but true. Nothing's better than sitting down to an ice cold beer (or 6) and a fresh pack of marlboros. I kicked that habit too.
Title: Re: who is evil: Alcohol or Me
Post by: LordEddard on July 05, 2013, 04:59 pm
I don't buy into the notion that alcohol (or any other drug) brings out the real you, like people are fond of saying. Drugs alter, they dont magnify. And alcohol is one of the most powerful and dangerous ones out there. I'n not knocking it, but people need to know that when they get blackout drunk they turn into Dr. Jeckyl.

You are, though, addicted to alcohol. And it's a rough one to get off of. If it makes you feel any batter, I once became blackout drunk at a best friends wedding. During the reception, I told my best friends mom that I wanted to shank her like an inmate. Needless to say, I'm no longer friends with him or his entire family. And I have absolutely ZERO recollection of making the comment.
Title: Re: who is evil: Alcohol or Me
Post by: tealcelluloid on July 05, 2013, 05:00 pm
alcohol = poison
Title: Re: who is evil: Alcohol or Me
Post by: Niki10 on July 05, 2013, 05:22 pm
Fuck alcohol,

drop acid  8)
Title: Re: who is evil: Alcohol or Me
Post by: youcantouchthis on July 05, 2013, 05:40 pm
Alcohol is no good.
Start dealing with psychodelics or serotonin goods.
Don't start with dopamine stuff like amphetamine, mephedrone etc.
It's not a suggestion, but it would make things better than they are now.

Thank you
YCTT
Title: Re: who is evil: Alcohol or Me
Post by: HardcoreWillNeverDie on July 06, 2013, 03:19 pm
Some of you wrote I am an alcoholic and I should get off of it.
But honestly I dont feel bad if I dont drink. It doesnt feel like I would miss it.
But does it make me an alcoholic when I drink 2-3 times a year? I have learned how to control myself. Most of the time. But sometimes comes a situation like those I've written about and I lose control. But it just comes when I feel kinda "free to drink". Lets say if I am invited to a birthday where my parents, family and other relatives are, I would not drink like this and would not threaten people with a knife.
Often I am invited to have party with other people where only alcohol is. And often I dont go there because I dont feel like drinking. Not because I am afraid I will lose control and drink like crazy, no!!! most of the time it is just this inner disgust to alcohol. I would better smoke a joint, snort a line or swallow some Hofmann's stuff ))) But sometimes I do go to a party and it can be then 50/50. Other I dont drink but socialize nicely with other people or I do drink so much that fire comes everywhere I pass by >:(
But once again this last way of drinking comes mostly because of the fact that other mind-alternating substances are not available and then I have nothing to do but just drink and drink a lot :D

Anyway thank you for attention
It helped me to release some of my inner pain!!!