Silk Road forums

Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: abdomen on July 20, 2013, 05:26 am

Title: Thread for terrible jokes
Post by: abdomen on July 20, 2013, 05:26 am
So I ordered this ecstasy from Silk Road, right?

I track it with USPS.

I nervously wait for it to get to the sorting facility, go out for delivery, et cetera.

I pick it up, you know, and it's real professional-looking, real stealth.

I open up the box, though, and it's got another box inside of it that's shaped really weird. It's rectangular on the left, but it's kind of scrunched-up on the right, and it curls up a little.

It's kinda shaped like Massachusetts.

At first, I think it must have gotten fucked up in transit, but it couldn't have been, since the outer box was fine.

Anyway, I get a razor blade and I cut the packing tape, and I open it up.

Nothing.

Fuck.

I look real hard, I figure maybe it's taped inside one of the flaps of the box.

Still nothing.

What the hell.

So I start up Tor, I go onto SR, and I write a really angry letter to the vendor.

I don't want to finalize, since I don't know if maybe it's packed away somewhere else that I didn't notice, or maybe if it got fucked up, or I have no idea what happened.

I'm pissed.

I don't know why he would waste my time sending me this box with nothing in it, all crumpled up to look like an East Coast state.

I really let him have it.

Anyway, a few minutes later, I see that I have a new message in my inbox.

I open it up and this is all it says:

"What are you complaining about? You did order twenty grams of empty MA, right?"
Title: Re: Thread for terrible jokes
Post by: livestr0ng on July 20, 2013, 06:26 am
HA! That had me in suspense.
Title: Re: Thread for terrible jokes
Post by: Ballzinator on July 20, 2013, 09:57 am
Posted a few not long ago:
What's big, gray and unimportant?
An irrelephant.
Slight variation of the same joke:
What's big and gray and calls from Africa?
A telephant.

What's brown and sticky and walks through the desert?
A caramel.

There's 10 kinds of people:
Those who understand binary and those who don't.

What do you say to a blonde with no arms and legs?
"Nice tits."

Why do blondes have no pubic hair?
Ever seen grass grow on a highway?

"You have cancer and you have Alzheimer's."
"Thank God it's not cancer!"
Title: Re: Thread for terrible jokes
Post by: abdomen on July 20, 2013, 05:18 pm
One time I tried to buy drugs off the Internet.

They never came.

The guy said it was 'seized by customs'.

Then he admitted he didn't send it.

Then he said he was hacked, and needed me to send payments again.

He changed his story about two more times.

I could tell it was a steaming Silk Load.
Title: Re: Thread for terrible jokes
Post by: livestr0ng on July 20, 2013, 08:46 pm
One time I tried to buy drugs off the Internet.

They never came.

The guy said it was 'seized by customs'.

Then he admitted he didn't send it.

Then he said he was hacked, and needed me to send payments again.

He changed his story about two more times.

I could tell it was a steaming Silk Load.
Ah. Nice. You're full of  'em.
Title: Re: Thread for terrible jokes
Post by: anom on July 21, 2013, 01:34 am
so this dyslexic guy walks into a bra...
Title: Re: Thread for terrible jokes
Post by: ShApEsHiFtInGsHaPeS on July 21, 2013, 09:10 am
knok,knock.
who's there?
jehova's whitnesses.
------------------------
where did susie go during the bombing?
everywhere.
-------------------------
what is better than winning gold in the special olympics?
not being retarded
-------------------------
what do you call a black guy selling drugs?
a pharmacist
------------------------
how do you starve a black person?
deprive him of food.
------------------------
what do you call a kid wit one arm, one leg and an eye patch?
names.
------------------------
what is white on the top and black at the bottom?
society.
and what is black on the top and white at the bottom?
rape
-----------------------
what's blue and smells like red paint?
blue paint.


and now i feel dirty. brb takin a shower.
Title: Re: Thread for terrible jokes
Post by: livestr0ng on July 21, 2013, 09:18 am
knok,knock.
who's there?
jehova's whitnesses.
------------------------
where did susie go during the bombing?
everywhere.
-------------------------
what is better than winning gold in the special olympics?
not being retarded
-------------------------
what do you call a black guy selling drugs?
a pharmacist
------------------------
how do you starve a black person?
deprive him of food.
------------------------
what do you call a kid wit one arm, one leg and an eye patch?
names.
------------------------
what is white on the top and black at the bottom?
society.
and what is black on the top and white at the bottom?
rape
-----------------------
what's blue and smells like red paint?
blue paint.


and now i feel dirty. brb takin a shower.
Anti-jokes! Yes, I'm glad somebody else thinks these are funny (maybe in a wierd way).

How do you make a plumber cry?
Kill his family.
Title: Re: Thread for terrible jokes
Post by: Raoul Duke on July 24, 2013, 08:10 am
What's brown and sticky?
a stick

--
Whats 12 foot long and wrapped round a cunt?
a turban

--
How do you make a hormone?
don't pay her

--
How do you make antifreeze?
Hide her nightie

--
Gay bloke walks up to a scouser in a bar and whispers 'do you want a blowjob?'. with that the scouser leaps up and beats the living shit out of the gay guy, drags him outside and leaves him in the gutter. he goes to sit back down at the bar and the bartender says 'what was that all about, what did he say?' the scouser goes 'dunno, something about a job'

--
told a girl down the pub i can tell a girls birthday just by feeling her breasts. she says 'go on then, when was i born'. after a few minutes fondling she starts getting impatient and demands 'well, when was i born?' i wink at her and say 'yesterday'

--
it's not rape if you shout 'SURPRISE!'

--
What do you call a blind stag?
No idea

What do you call a blind stag with no legs
Still no idea

--
What's brown and you wouldn't want to find it in your kids bedroom?
Jimmy Savilles cigar

--
Europe has decided it is no longer acceptable to call people illegal immigrants or asylum seekers. They should now be addressed as Travellers Without Authority To Stay. or TWATS for short

--
Paddy says to Murphy 'have you seen the news? 3 cliff walkers have fallen to their deaths'. 'Unbelievable' Murphy says 'i can't believe they all had the same name
Title: Re: Thread for terrible jokes
Post by: tbart on July 24, 2013, 06:33 pm
guy walks into a bar with a caputin monkey on his shoulder and orders a whiskey

while bartender is pouring, monkey jumps down onto the bar, runs down and picks up a couple marichino cherries and eats them. Then he eats a couple of peanuts. Then he jumps over to the pool table, picks up the cue ball, eyeballs it and puts it in his mouth and swallows it.

bartender: hey, did you see what your monkey just did?
Patron: Yeah, he likes to eat anything he can put his hands on - i'll pay for the cherries and peanuts.
bartener: Naw, i'm talking about the fucking cueball - he swallowed it whole!!
patron: oh, sorry bout that - i'll pay for that too

and he finishes his drink, pays for everything and leaves

2 weeks later he returns with the same monkey on his shoulder & orders a whiskey.
while the bartender is pouring, the monkey jumps down onto the bar, runs over to the marichino cherries, picks one up and sticks it up his ass, pulls it back out and eats. Same with the peanuts, puts one up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.

Bartender shouts - "hey, did you see what your monkey just did?"
Patron responds "Yeah, he likes to eat anything he can put his hands on - i'll pay for the cherries and peanuts."

bartender: "Naw, i'm talking about him putting them up his ass first and then eating them!!"

drum roll..............

Patron: "oh, ever since the cueball, he likes to check things for their fit first"

Title: Re: Thread for terrible jokes
Post by: Rastaman Vibration on July 24, 2013, 10:10 pm
Bear says to the Rabbit
"Hey, does shit stick to your fur?"

Rabbit says
"Why.... no"

So the Bear pick up the Rabbit and wipes his ass with it
Title: Re: Thread for terrible jokes
Post by: MeowFlakes on July 25, 2013, 03:55 am
Q:Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
A:because the "P" is silent