Silk Road forums
Discussion => Newbie discussion => Topic started by: Pwnedurmoma1 on August 23, 2013, 02:21 am
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Hey fellow SilkRoadians, i just ordered a package and in the meantime while i wait i thought i would post a few jokes that i found humorous, feel free to post any of yours, no matter how lewd or disgusting but please, if youre going to post a picture, no pornography, decapitation of animals or humans, or violence, aside from ww2 or 9/11 jokes...
Joke 1:
A businessman is getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knows his wife is always horny, so he decides to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn’t much like the idea of her screwing someone else.
So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation, to the old man.
“Well, I don’t really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don’t know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except a” said the old man, and then he stopped.
“Except what?” asked the businessman.
“Nothing, nothing,” said the old man.
“C’mon, tell me! I need something!” protested the businessman.“Well, sir, I don’t usually mention this, but there is the ‘voodoo dildo,’” the old man said.
“The voodoo dildo?” the businessman asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said, “Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!”
The old man said, “But you haven’t seen what it’ll do yet.”
He pointed to a door and said “Voodoo dildo, the door.”
The voodoo dildo rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said, “Voodoo dildo, box!”
The voodoo dildo stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, motionless.
The businessman said, “I’ll take it!”
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say, “Voodoo dildo, my pussy.”
He left for his trip satisfied things would be fine while he was gone.
After he’d been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dildo. She lay down, placed the box between her legs, and said “Voodoo dildo, my pussy!” The voodoo dildo shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she’d ever experienced before.
After three orgasms, she decided she’d had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off! So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she’d had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn’t been drinking, but that a voodoo dildo was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn’t stop screwing her.
The officer looked at her for a second, and then said, “Yeah, right. Voodoo dildo, my ass!”
joke 2:
Three couples—one elderly, one middle-aged, one young and newly wed—apply for membership in a church. The pastor informs them that the requirement for new parishioners is that they abstain from sex for two weeks. The couples agree and go their separate ways.
After two weeks, they return. The pastor asks the elderly pair if they were able to abstain for two weeks. "No problem at all, Pastor," replies the old man.
"Congratulations!" says the pastor. "Welcome to the church." He turns to the middle-aged couple and asks if they were able to abstain for two weeks. "It was difficult," replies the husband. "By the end of the second week, I had to sleep on the couch, but we did it."
"Congratulations on overcoming temptation," says the pastor. "Welcome to the church." He then turns to the newlyweds and asks if they were able to abstain for two weeks.
"At first it was no problem," says the husband. "But one day my wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf, and she dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."
"You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," says the pastor.
"We know," says the young man. "We’re not welcome at the supermarket anymore either."
joke 3:
The teenage girl asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
Dad says "Ok, but you know what you'll have to do for it"
So she starts to give him head but stops quickly and says "your d*ck tastes like shit!"
Dad says "oh, that's right; your brother has the car!"
joke 4:
One day it starts getting crowded up in Heaven, so St. Peter announces to the people lined up at the Pearly Gates that for the rest of the day only those with really hard luck stories will be getting in.
The first guy approaches and St. Peter says, “OK buddy, let’s hear the hard luck story.”
So the guy proceeds to tell him:
“Well, for the last few weeks I have been certain that my wife was cheating on me, so today I left work early and headed home with the intention of catching her in the act. I went into our apartment building and up to the 29th floor where we live, and I burst through the door and headed towards our bedroom. I could hear some noises being made, but by the time I flung open our bedroom door all I saw was my naked and sweaty wife. I started screaming at her and I tore open the closet doors and looked under the bed, but I couldn’t find anyone else. I was just about to give up when I suddenly heard a noise out on our balcony. I went out there and sure enough, there was a naked guy dangling from our ledge, 29 stories up. I was so mad that I started punching and kicking him, but he held on so I went back inside, grabbed a hammer, and smashed his fingers. He let go and plunged down all 29 flights, but the lucky sonofab*tch managed to hit the awning outside our building and bounce into the bushes. At this point I was so mad that I rushed into our kitchen, ripped the refrigerator out of the wall, dragged it onto the balcony and threw it down on top of him. It did the trick, but all that exertion got to me and I had a massive heart attack, and well, here I am.”
St. Peter says, “Yeah, that’s a hard luck story all right. Go ahead and go on in.”
The next guy comes to the line and St. Peter says, “OK, give me your hard luck story.”
The guy tells him:
“Well, I live on the 30th floor of an apartment building and I like to sunbathe nude on my balcony in the afternoon. I was out there today catching some rays when I suddenly heard a great commotion going on one floor below. I went to the end of my balcony and peered down over the railing, but I slipped and tumbled over it and started to fall down. Luckily, I managed to catch myself on the ledge one floor below, and suddenly a guy came out. I figured he would help me, but instead he starts punching and kicking me. I held on with all my might, but he eventually got a hammer and smashed my fingers, so I let go and fell down to the bottom. I must have hit our building’s awning and bounced into the bushes, by the grace of god I was still alive! I was just regaining my senses when I looked up the last thing I saw was this giant refrigerator falling down on me, and well, here I am.”
“Yep,” St. Peter says, “that’s a hard luck story alright. Come on in.”
A third guy approaches and St. Peter says, “You know the drill. Tell me your hard luck story.”
To this the guy responds:
“Picture this. You’re scared and cold and you’re hiding naked in this refrigerator. . .”
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bump...
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COKE leaves the source @90%
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Do yo mama jokes count?
Yo mama's so nasty I had phone sex with her and got an ear infection.
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This threads is full of win 8)
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okay, ill keep the thread alive
Yo mamma so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing
Yo mama is so fat, she got arrested at the airport for ten pounds of crack
Yo mama so fat she wore a yellow raincoat and people yelled Taxi!
Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
Yo mama so fat Mount Everest tried to climb her
Yo mama so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her.
thats my best
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You mama is so loose, every time I fuck her it's like throwing a hotdog down the hallway.
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You mama is so loose, every time I fuck her it's like throwing a hotdog down the hallway.
You tried so hard.
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You mama is so loose, every time I fuck her it's like throwing a hotdog down the hallway.
You tried so hard.
Bro that was fucking hilarious. If you didn't laugh eat a dick lol
Okay, how about this one....yo mama is so horny when you she gave birth to you she pushed you in and out in and out
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Hey fellow SilkRoadians, i just ordered a package and in the meantime while i wait i thought i would post a few jokes that i found humorous, feel free to post any of yours, no matter how lewd or disgusting but please, if youre going to post a picture, no pornography, decapitation of animals or humans, or violence, aside from ww2 or 9/11 jokes...
Joke 1:
A businessman is getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knows his wife is always horny, so he decides to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn’t much like the idea of her screwing someone else.
So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation, to the old man.
“Well, I don’t really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don’t know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except a” said the old man, and then he stopped.
“Except what?” asked the businessman.
“Nothing, nothing,” said the old man.
“C’mon, tell me! I need something!” protested the businessman.“Well, sir, I don’t usually mention this, but there is the ‘voodoo dildo,’” the old man said.
“The voodoo dildo?” the businessman asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said, “Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!”
The old man said, “But you haven’t seen what it’ll do yet.”
He pointed to a door and said “Voodoo dildo, the door.”
The voodoo dildo rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said, “Voodoo dildo, box!”
The voodoo dildo stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, motionless.
The businessman said, “I’ll take it!”
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say, “Voodoo dildo, my pussy.”
He left for his trip satisfied things would be fine while he was gone.
After he’d been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dildo. She lay down, placed the box between her legs, and said “Voodoo dildo, my pussy!” The voodoo dildo shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she’d ever experienced before.
After three orgasms, she decided she’d had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off! So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she’d had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn’t been drinking, but that a voodoo dildo was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn’t stop screwing her.
The officer looked at her for a second, and then said, “Yeah, right. Voodoo dildo, my ass!”
joke 2:
Three couples—one elderly, one middle-aged, one young and newly wed—apply for membership in a church. The pastor informs them that the requirement for new parishioners is that they abstain from sex for two weeks. The couples agree and go their separate ways.
After two weeks, they return. The pastor asks the elderly pair if they were able to abstain for two weeks. "No problem at all, Pastor," replies the old man.
"Congratulations!" says the pastor. "Welcome to the church." He turns to the middle-aged couple and asks if they were able to abstain for two weeks. "It was difficult," replies the husband. "By the end of the second week, I had to sleep on the couch, but we did it."
"Congratulations on overcoming temptation," says the pastor. "Welcome to the church." He then turns to the newlyweds and asks if they were able to abstain for two weeks.
"At first it was no problem," says the husband. "But one day my wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf, and she dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."
"You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," says the pastor.
"We know," says the young man. "We’re not welcome at the supermarket anymore either."
joke 3:
The teenage girl asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
Dad says "Ok, but you know what you'll have to do for it"
So she starts to give him head but stops quickly and says "your d*ck tastes like shit!"
Dad says "oh, that's right; your brother has the car!"
joke 4:
One day it starts getting crowded up in Heaven, so St. Peter announces to the people lined up at the Pearly Gates that for the rest of the day only those with really hard luck stories will be getting in.
The first guy approaches and St. Peter says, “OK buddy, let’s hear the hard luck story.”
So the guy proceeds to tell him:
“Well, for the last few weeks I have been certain that my wife was cheating on me, so today I left work early and headed home with the intention of catching her in the act. I went into our apartment building and up to the 29th floor where we live, and I burst through the door and headed towards our bedroom. I could hear some noises being made, but by the time I flung open our bedroom door all I saw was my naked and sweaty wife. I started screaming at her and I tore open the closet doors and looked under the bed, but I couldn’t find anyone else. I was just about to give up when I suddenly heard a noise out on our balcony. I went out there and sure enough, there was a naked guy dangling from our ledge, 29 stories up. I was so mad that I started punching and kicking him, but he held on so I went back inside, grabbed a hammer, and smashed his fingers. He let go and plunged down all 29 flights, but the lucky sonofab*tch managed to hit the awning outside our building and bounce into the bushes. At this point I was so mad that I rushed into our kitchen, ripped the refrigerator out of the wall, dragged it onto the balcony and threw it down on top of him. It did the trick, but all that exertion got to me and I had a massive heart attack, and well, here I am.”
St. Peter says, “Yeah, that’s a hard luck story all right. Go ahead and go on in.”
The next guy comes to the line and St. Peter says, “OK, give me your hard luck story.”
The guy tells him:
“Well, I live on the 30th floor of an apartment building and I like to sunbathe nude on my balcony in the afternoon. I was out there today catching some rays when I suddenly heard a great commotion going on one floor below. I went to the end of my balcony and peered down over the railing, but I slipped and tumbled over it and started to fall down. Luckily, I managed to catch myself on the ledge one floor below, and suddenly a guy came out. I figured he would help me, but instead he starts punching and kicking me. I held on with all my might, but he eventually got a hammer and smashed my fingers, so I let go and fell down to the bottom. I must have hit our building’s awning and bounced into the bushes, by the grace of god I was still alive! I was just regaining my senses when I looked up the last thing I saw was this giant refrigerator falling down on me, and well, here I am.”
“Yep,” St. Peter says, “that’s a hard luck story alright. Come on in.”
A third guy approaches and St. Peter says, “You know the drill. Tell me your hard luck story.”
To this the guy responds:
“Picture this. You’re scared and cold and you’re hiding naked in this refrigerator. . .”
lol.. joke 3 was just nasty.. lol