Silk Road forums

Discussion => Silk Road discussion => Topic started by: ukmj on November 22, 2012, 11:07 am

Title: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: ukmj on November 22, 2012, 11:07 am
At least keep some spam off the front page:

What has 2 legs and bleeds?


Half a dog.


Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The holocaust
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: James Hardens Beard on November 22, 2012, 11:25 am
What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr. Dre

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The holocaust
Or, if you wanted to be really offensive...


What's worse than the holocaust?

finding a worm in your apple...
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: shitwassocash on November 22, 2012, 12:20 pm
Ahmed is on a train from D.C to New York the train is traveling at 125 mph. the distance between New York and D.C is 250 miles. How many will die in the blast?

What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.




I'm sorry.
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: fullbaked48 on November 22, 2012, 12:33 pm
Whats the definition of poverty? When you have to masturbate to feed your cat.


Who sucks more cock than Jenna Jameson?
The champ who spammed the fuck out of the forum just then.  Thanks for my first sr bullshit experience with a knob jockey spammer. 

Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: Methylparaben on November 22, 2012, 02:51 pm
What's six inches long with a big head that makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?




   Her miscarriage.   
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: Methylparaben on November 22, 2012, 02:55 pm
What went though John Smith's head as he stood on the 98th floor of the WTC?



   The 99th floor   
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: Methylparaben on November 22, 2012, 02:56 pm
What's the difference between a gay guy and a fridge?



   The fridge doesnt fart when you pull the meat out   
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: Methylparaben on November 22, 2012, 02:58 pm
How do you get a 6 year old girl to cry twice?



    Wipe the blood off your cock, onto her teddy bear     
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: Methylparaben on November 22, 2012, 02:58 pm
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?



None, because they can't change shit.
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: DonnyBerger on November 22, 2012, 03:03 pm
What do you call a black man who flys an airplane?
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: PrincessHIGH on November 22, 2012, 03:21 pm
This is funny and true at the same time!

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "FUCK". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories.

It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John).
It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).
It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary).
It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid).
As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck". Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations...

Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"

Fraud "I got fucked by the car dealer."

Resignation "Oh, fuck it!"

Trouble "I guess I'm fucked now."

Aggression "FUCK YOU!"

Disgust "Fuck me."

Confusion "What the fuck.......?"

Difficulty "I don't understand this fucking business!"

Despair "Fucked again..."

Pleasure "I fucking couldn't be happier."

Displeasure "What the fuck is going on here?"

Lost "Where the fuck are we."

Disbelief "UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE!"

Retaliation "Up your fucking ass!"

Denial "I didn't fucking do it."

Perplexity "I know fuck all about it."

Apathy "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"

Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"

Suspicion "Who the fuck are you?"

Panic "Let's get the fuck out of here."

Directions "Fuck off."

Disbelief "How the fuck did you do that?"

It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole."

It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty."

It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?"

It can be maternal- "Mother fucker."

It can be political- "Fuck Dan Quayle!"

It has also been used by many notable people throughout history...

"What the fuck was that?"
- Mayor of Hiroshima

"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?"
- Captain of the Titanic

"That's not a real fucking gun."
- John Lennon

"Who's gonna fucking find out?"
- Richard Nixon

"Heads are going to fucking roll."
- Anne Boleyn

"Let the fucking woman drive."
- Commander of Space Shuttle

"What fucking map?"
- "Challenger," Mark Thatcher

"Any fucking idiot could understand that."
- Albert Einstein

"It does so fucking look like her!"
- Picasso

"How the fuck did you work that out?"
- Pythagoras

"You want what on the fucking ceiling?"
- Michaelangelo

"Fuck a duck."
- Walt Disney

"Why?- Because its fucking there!"
- Edmund Hilary

"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?"
- Joan of Arc

"Scattered fucking showers my ass."
- Noah

"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head."
- John F. Kennedy
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: Errl_Kushman on November 22, 2012, 03:24 pm
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice.
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: DonnyBerger on November 22, 2012, 03:46 pm
What do you call a black man who flys an airplane?

a pilot you racist!
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: shitwassocash on November 22, 2012, 04:56 pm
How do you get a 6 year old girl to cry twice?



    Wipe the blood off your cock, onto her teddy bear   



ohgeez XD I thought mine were bad
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: James Hardens Beard on November 23, 2012, 12:28 am
What do you call a black man who flys an airplane?
A pilot, you racist :D
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: BoxofShapes on November 23, 2012, 03:18 am
Whats better than smoking a joint with a baby?

          Making a bong out of one.

How do you make a dead baby float?

          Root beer and vanilla ice cream.
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: fingertothefbi on November 23, 2012, 03:23 am
What was the last pizzas ordered to the world trade center?



Two large planes

lol
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: sunspotss on November 23, 2012, 03:28 am
Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?


A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.
 ;D
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: fullbaked48 on November 23, 2012, 09:51 am
Im assuming most here are US so 'hungry jacks' should be exchanged for 'burger king'  and I hope this is still relevant...

I walked into Maccas the other day and you wouldn't believe it, the girl at the counter was wearing a Burqa!  It was the first time I've seen someone in a fast food joint wearing something out of uniform.  You know, just the regular head garment, made from black cloth.

So yeah anyways, the next day I'm down the road and change it up with some lunch at Hungry Jacks.  Twice in the one week I couldnt believe it, there was another muslin woman working the counter.  I think she must have been from a different country or culture than the other one because her burqa was decorated with embroided patterns and stuff.

Then I realised......



.... The burqas are better at Hungry Jacks.


tricked ya!
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: DonnyBerger on November 23, 2012, 05:37 pm
the newbs panicing on here have been the biggest joke lately
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: DonnyBerger on November 23, 2012, 05:39 pm
How many Chelsea Managers does it take to change a Lightbulb?
 They don't know. The lightbulb usually outlasts them.


I like my rape victims like I like my latte
 Weak and skinny.

I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mum's bedroom.
 I can't believe it..
 She's a superhero!
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: Daft Phader on November 23, 2012, 05:55 pm
 A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm
 
His wife is laying in bed ,

The man says "This is the pig i fuck ..when your not around"

The wife replies "Thats not a pig,,,thats a sheep"

The man says "I wasn't talking to you"
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: grapepen309 on November 23, 2012, 07:53 pm
"A dyslexic guy walks into a bra."
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: thisworld on November 23, 2012, 10:50 pm
For those of you who don't know, Hellen Keller was a deaf, dumb, and blind girl.

How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her? Rearrange the furniture and leave a plunger in the toilet.

Why did Hellen Keller quit the debate team?  Her hands got tired of all the yelling.

What was Hellen Keller's dog named? Arraghrd!

Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away? You would too if your name was Arraghrd!
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: AussieBranna on November 23, 2012, 10:58 pm
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?
He sold his soul to Santa!

How many whores does it take to change a lightbulb? Who cares. They fuck in the dark, too.

Confucius say "Woman who sit on judges lap get honorable discharge"
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: Tunbear on November 23, 2012, 11:23 pm
how do you get a jewish girl's number ?
roll up her sleeve

whats the hardest part of eating a vegetable ?
the chair

whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of bowling balls ?
you can't move a pile of bowling balls with a pitchfork / there's not a pile of bowling balls in my garage

they say there's safety in numbers..tell that to 6 million jews
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: goblin on November 24, 2012, 12:59 am
At least keep some spam off the front page:

What has 2 legs and bleeds?


Half a dog.


Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The holocaust
half a cat, you asshole.

Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: James Hardens Beard on November 24, 2012, 03:24 am
It's not rape if your name is "Stop"
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: atomic flounder on November 24, 2012, 03:32 am
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only took one nail to hang the picture up.
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: buybuy555 on November 24, 2012, 05:50 am
i want to just start of with saying, u r all as funny as a burning orphanage  ;D

honestly guys u call these jokes, iv seen better lines made up from a dyselxic coke addict...  ??? i think even David Blunkett has seen the half of them before, well, emmmmm when i say "seen them" i might be exagerating as hes as blind as the catholic church is to fucking kids... just recently the pope was asked "whats a hindu"?  to which he replied "lay eggs", now thats grooming at the extreme...  :o




Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: The Cooler on November 24, 2012, 06:53 am
It's not rape if your name is "Stop"

winner !
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: Edawg420 on November 24, 2012, 07:15 am
So a guy is late for work.  he gets up and races off.  Definitely going about 75 in a 45mph zone he crosses over a bridge.  Sure enough a cop pulls him over.  The cop gives the guy the regular speech and they guy explains he is late and has to get to work.  Cop writes the guy a ticket and lets him on his way.


The guys gets to work and continues on his way.  Suddenly he gets a phone call from his wife she is going into labor.  he gets up and races home.  Just like before he is cruising at about 75mph and reaches that same bridge.  what do you know?  Sure enough the SAME police officer pulls him over.

The cop casually walks up to the cars and asks says " Well Mr Smith where you going that you have to be speeding all over the place"

The man replies " well you see i am a rectum stretcher"

The cop replies " A Rectum stretcher!?! what is that ?"

The man replies : "well i take this device and i stick it up into people's assholes and i stretch em out to about 6 feet"

the cop replies :  "What would anybody do with a 6 foot ass hole?"

the man replies:  IDK give him a radar gun and put him at the end of a bridge"
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: hillbilly300 on November 24, 2012, 08:43 am
It's not rape if your name is "Stop"

winner !

It's not rape if you yell "Surprise!"
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: hillbilly300 on November 24, 2012, 08:50 am
An Irish guy walks out of a bar...

....

Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: melonballer on November 24, 2012, 11:59 am
Retaking the first page! Sorry for spam.
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: DogStar on November 24, 2012, 03:21 pm
This is funny and true at the same time!

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "FUCK". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories.

It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John).
It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).
It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary).
It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid).
As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck". Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations...

Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"

Fraud "I got fucked by the car dealer."

Resignation "Oh, fuck it!"

Trouble "I guess I'm fucked now."

Aggression "FUCK YOU!"

Disgust "Fuck me."

Confusion "What the fuck.......?"

Difficulty "I don't understand this fucking business!"

Despair "Fucked again..."

Pleasure "I fucking couldn't be happier."

Displeasure "What the fuck is going on here?"

Lost "Where the fuck are we."

Disbelief "UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE!"

Retaliation "Up your fucking ass!"

Denial "I didn't fucking do it."

Perplexity "I know fuck all about it."

Apathy "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"

Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"

Suspicion "Who the fuck are you?"

Panic "Let's get the fuck out of here."

Directions "Fuck off."

Disbelief "How the fuck did you do that?"

It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole."

It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty."

It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?"

It can be maternal- "Mother fucker."

It can be political- "Fuck Dan Quayle!"

It has also been used by many notable people throughout history...

"What the fuck was that?"
- Mayor of Hiroshima

"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?"
- Captain of the Titanic

"That's not a real fucking gun."
- John Lennon

"Who's gonna fucking find out?"
- Richard Nixon

"Heads are going to fucking roll."
- Anne Boleyn

"Let the fucking woman drive."
- Commander of Space Shuttle

"What fucking map?"
- "Challenger," Mark Thatcher

"Any fucking idiot could understand that."
- Albert Einstein

"It does so fucking look like her!"
- Picasso

"How the fuck did you work that out?"
- Pythagoras

"You want what on the fucking ceiling?"
- Michaelangelo

"Fuck a duck."
- Walt Disney

"Why?- Because its fucking there!"
- Edmund Hilary

"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?"
- Joan of Arc

"Scattered fucking showers my ass."
- Noah

"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head."
- John F. Kennedy

love george carlin...
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: DonnyBerger on November 24, 2012, 03:28 pm
My wife and I were watching our wedding video.
 
She said, "Oh god, I hate the sound of my own voice."
 
I replied, "Then why do you never shut the fuck up?!"
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: Catgoesmeow on November 25, 2012, 12:19 am
I took my girlfriend out on a Cinderella date the other night. Do y'all know what a Cinderella date is?

It's where your girlfriend sucks and fucks you until midnight and then turns into a six-pack and a box of pizza.
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: CaptainTrips on November 25, 2012, 12:28 am
What went though John Smith's head as he stood on the 98th floor of the WTC?



   The 99th floor   

9/11 jokes are just plane wrong
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: chocky on November 25, 2012, 02:53 am
This thread made me sign up as a forum user.

This is the worst joke I know - if you can call it a joke...

What does it tell you when you find a dead woman, lying on the ground, with no arms and no legs and sperm coming out of her mouth and vagina?
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: chocky on November 25, 2012, 02:55 am
The floor is level.
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: James Hardens Beard on November 25, 2012, 03:55 am
What went though John Smith's head as he stood on the 98th floor of the WTC?



   The 99th floor   

9/11 jokes are just plane wrong
Everytime I hear them I just crumble down
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: DonnyBerger on November 25, 2012, 12:40 pm
I was at the local swimming centre when I saw a couple having sex in the pool.
 
I walked over to the lifeguard and said, "Aren't you going to do anything?"
 
He said, "I might have a wank if you fuck off."
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: lolita100 on November 27, 2012, 01:11 am
What do you call a plastic noodle?




AN IMPASTA!!
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: RoseKolodny on November 28, 2012, 03:53 am
Not _that_ good, but oh so sweet in a way;

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher says, “Okay , but don’t go in that field over there,” as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, ” Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. “See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? ”

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis bull……

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he’ll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs: ” Your badge. Show him your BADGE !”
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: RKL on November 28, 2012, 06:36 am
i used this one at work to piss the guys off.it goes like this...john do you have any mexican in you? john looks confused no i dont,then i say do you want some?they walk away shaking head mad.
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: squirrly5446 on December 02, 2012, 02:57 pm
Q: What is brown and sticky?
A: A stick :-\

Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: KripsyKreamer187 on December 02, 2012, 03:41 pm
When someone is telling a bunch of black jokes there are two options #1. HEY!, I have a black person in my family tree....I think hes still hanging there or #2. What do you call a black person that flies a plane?....A PILOT YOU FUCKING RACIST. Capitalized words need to be said in a loud/offended voice
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: sppa on December 02, 2012, 03:45 pm
Guy walks into a bar and orders a lemonade
Barman : Lemonade?! That's not like you. what's wrong?
Guy : Last night I drank 12 pints, about 6 large vodkas and a bottle of wine. When I finally got home I blew chunks.
Barman : Feeling a bit rough eh? That's no wonder, anybody would blow chunks after drinking that much.
Guy : You don't understand. Chunks is the name of my dog!
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: robotrippin on December 02, 2012, 08:13 pm
Ok, Here's some nasty ones, but remember, it's just a joke!

What do locking your keys in your car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common?
Both situations can be easily resolved with a coat hanger

What do you call a fag in a wheel chair?
Rolaids

Whats the difference between a Catholic Priest and Acne?
Acne doesn't come on a boys face until he's 13

What's the difference between a black guy and a pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing...you already told her twice

What's white and fourteen inches long?
Nothing

What is long and hard on a black man?
First Grade

Ok, ok. That's enough. Hopefully somebody laughed and nobody took it too serious 8)


Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: sitamaja1 on December 02, 2012, 08:53 pm
This is all good fun, no one take this too seriously please!


Here we go:

What do you say when you see a TV floating in the middle of the night?


DROP IT, NIGGA!

--

A nigger and 2 northmen are in a hot sauna. Then all of the sudden the nigger starts taking a shit in the sauna. Then one north-man says: "Oh look, the nigger is melting!"

--

Two dicks are walking around the city, when one tells the other: "Oh dude let's go see a porno!". The other replies: "Nah, I cba standing up the whole time, again..."

--

and this one is just a copy-paste, but this one is just too damn funny, lol.

Bush:   Condi!  Nice to see you.  What's happening?
Condi:  Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
Bush:   Great.  Lay it on me.
Condi:  Hu is the new leader of China.
Bush:   That's what I want to know.
Condi:  That's what I'm telling you.
Bush:   That's what I'm asking you.  Who is the new leader of China?
Condi:  Yes.
Bush:   I mean the fellow's name.
Condi:  Hu.
Bush:   The guy in China.
Condi:  Hu.
Bush:   The new leader of China.
Condi:  Hu.
Bush:   The Chinaman!
Condi:  Hu is leading China.
Bush:   Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi:  I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
Bush:   Well, I'm asking you.  Who is leading China?
Condi:  That's the man's name.
Bush:   That's who's name?
Condi:  Yes.
Bush:   Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi:  Yes, sir.
Bush:   Yassir?  Yassir Arafat is in China?  I thought he was in the Middle
        East.
Condi:  That's correct.
Bush:   Then who is in China?
Condi:  Yes, sir.
Bush:   Yassir is in China?
Condi:  No, sir.
Bush:   Then who is?
Condi:  Yes, sir.
Bush:   Yassir?
Condi:  No, sir.
Bush:   Look, Condi.  I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
        Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi:  Kofi?
Bush:   No, thanks.
Condi:  You want Kofi?
Bush:   No.
Condi:  You don't want Kofi.
Bush:   No.  But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
        And then get me the U.N.
Condi:  Yes, sir.
Bush:   Not Yassir!  The guy at the U.N.
Condi:  Kofi?
Bush:   Milk!  Will you please make the call?
Condi:  And call who?
Bush:   Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi:  Hu is the guy in China.
Bush:   Will you stay out of China?!
Condi:  Yes, sir.
Bush:   And stay out of the Middle East!  Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi:  Kofi.
Bush:   All right!  With cream and two sugars.   Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi:  Rice, here.
Bush:   Rice?  Good idea.  And a couple of egg rolls, too.  Maybe we should
        send some to the guy in China.  And the Middle East.  Can you get
        Chinese food in the Middle East?
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: KripsyKreamer187 on December 03, 2012, 09:07 am
Im not racist but, what do you call the Flintstones if they were black?.....Niggers
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: kip on December 03, 2012, 06:21 pm
What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire??
-See you next month.  :o
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: chil on December 03, 2012, 07:48 pm
offensive ?

why did Auschwitz showers had 11 holes ?

Because Jews had only ten fingers.
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: Edawg420 on December 03, 2012, 08:39 pm
Damn the last 2 were good... dirty and offensive ... just what a good joke is all about ahahaha
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: crazyburnout on December 03, 2012, 08:55 pm
Q: whats the difference between  a nigger and a snow tire?
A: the tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it

Q: what do you call a dead nigger in a field?
A: broken down farm equipment

Q: how many jews can you fit in a volkswagon?
A: 2 in the front 3 in the back and 10,000 in the ashtray

Q: why do midgets laugh when they run?
A: cuz the grass tickles their nuts

Q: what the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A: the pizza doesn't scream when you push it in the oven
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: Revolutionista on December 03, 2012, 09:53 pm
Whats black, has 8 legs and makes women scream?         gangrape

Whats the best thing about twenty-six year olds?     Theres twenty of them...

Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: echoman on December 04, 2012, 03:59 pm
LMFAO!
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: RKL on December 05, 2012, 01:22 am
Dad: son do you have any naked pictures of your girlfriend? Son:no. Dad:do you want some??
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: il postino on December 05, 2012, 02:11 am
Oldies but goodies:

What do you call it when Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles play tennis?     Endless Love.

Speaking of, has anyone seen Stevie Wonder's new album?   Neither has he.
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: il postino on December 05, 2012, 02:21 am
One more.

Why did Mark David Chapman shoot John Lennon?     Yoko ducked.
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: lordofcourage on December 05, 2012, 04:10 am
Got some quality shit in here, aha. Here goes nothing:

What do you a call a bear in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: XxWINxX94x23 on December 05, 2012, 06:40 am
Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Anyone who can run, jump or swim is over here (USA)

What's the difference between a bench and a mexican?

A bench can support a family of four

Black preist?

Holy Shit!



 
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: chil on December 06, 2012, 08:23 pm
Why do women have their anus and vagina so close ?

So you can carry them like a 6-pack.
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: samuelkane on December 06, 2012, 10:21 pm
i got a few that fit worst and most offensive. Disclaimer, translated from dutch i'm drunk and got no clue how they sound in english :

-Its the colour yellow and you can jump on it?

-A chick...

meh sounds pretty lame, take 2!

-Whats the difference between a dumpster full of sand and a dumpster full of jews?

-You cant unload sand with a pitchfork...

disclaimer: i'm no racist but you asked for offensive ;-)

As a final joke i'm going with the mandatory dumb blonde joke :

-How can you tell a dumb blund is having a real bad at the office?

-She's got a tampon stuck behind her ear and keeps asking everyone "If they've seen her pencil anywhere"



grtz,

sam

Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: Leopard99 on December 07, 2012, 12:36 am
Q: What did the Grateful Dead fan say when he ran out of drugs?

A: This band sounds like shit.

---------------------

Q: Did you hear the one about the gay pope?

A: He couldn't decide if Jesus was divine or simply fantastic.
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: danknugsdun on December 07, 2012, 03:08 am
Whats better than 27-year-olds?

20 7-year-olds.
Title: Re: Joke thread - lets hear your best, your worst and your most offensive
Post by: RKL on December 07, 2012, 03:40 am
man goes into to tattoo parlor,i want a 100 bill tattooed on my dick.tatoo artsist why??
3 reasons
 i like to hold my money
also watch it grow
and my wife likes to blow a hundred every now and then