BV doesn't need a fucking ad agency and I'm no shill. His shit sells out as quick as he can put up listings without any of our help. I've been a loyal customer for years and was curious to try out his new Japenese White because of the comparisons to the fabled Mayan White from last year which were my (previous) favorite crystal. I won't bore you with the details of the fucking mundane transacation. Instead, I'll share with you a trip report from taking 3 of these 115ug Japenese White where I experienced full ego loss and the most powerful visuals in 10+ years of lsd, dmt, 2c-b, and more. I hope reddit doesn't fuck me on the formatting.
I've replaced my name with "CK" and my girlfriend's name with "KW" | |
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11:00 - 3 x 115ug - pushing the boundaries and going solo. I think it's only been 30 min but hard to say. Already getting intense. Body high is lovely and visuals kicking in. Getting hard to type on the screen. Shifting and blurring and all. Keyboard is easier for muscle memory and the keys don't move while you're looking at them. At least, not as much. Laying on the couch right now is heaven. It really is a pretty beautiful comeup - especially considering the dose.
Shadows are already swarming over me though. What a crazy effect! I'm laying on the couch and I keep feeling like someone is standing over me. I take back what I said about the keyboard. Auto correct is your friend.
11:30 - wow. Everything is melting and shifting. Sooooo good to be at home and safe. This is going to be for real. BV doesn't need an ad agency. Jesus it's so fucking colorful I never imagined
1:00 - I remember this part now. It's so hard to get past the physical. It's all sex and cum and lube and nasty orgies and and endless parade of whatever your nasty base little filth desires are. There they are. Eat them up. Yum yum yum. Now comes the fun part. Who you really are. This is what they mean by ego loss. It's an easy thing to talk about but you forget that's a complete restructuring of your core identity.
Here you thought: oh a couple of tabs. No big deal. I'll chill and listen to some music. Yeah, you cross that 300ug mark and then the gravity of the situation sets in. Once you've cum with the gods and guzzled a million buckets of their heavenly ooze, you're still left with you. When no one else is on the journey with you it becomes intensely inward. I would look like a maniac to anyone else right now. It's me in this little hole for the next 6 hours or so and it can be whatever kind of journey you want it to be.
1:00 it would be impossible to describe the visuals right now. It all melds with the music and the physical at this level that it's hard to tell the difference. This is for experienced professionals. Wow. I forgot. How does it always happen like this???
The key to the solo trip are those crucial moments in the beginning. I forget how much of the experience is after. Can I just stay here forever? I always forget how beautiful it is.
Soon easy to get caught in the slipstream. Ohhh the. Currents. It's like coming home again with new. Music :)))
If you can imagine that at the very height of your orgasm and you suddenly can't feel the difference between that and everything else soul rendingly beautiful
Movies are tempting but it's best to leave them for later. There will b much time for that.
Holy shit where was shpongle when I needed it??? I had aphex twin. So bare and not much help musically. Foundations. You have start somewhere. Tooooo early for that kind of thinking though.
Ohhhh old friend. I just didn't document the process as well last time. We need more time together like this. It just takes a lot of chemicals to make it happen. Technology gives us a societal awareness to what is otherwise in an intense emotional experience that everyone owes them self the pleasure of one time. While il here I don't want to leave. The music gives such beauty. The process is sooooo fucking much harder without music. I can't imagine it right now.
I wish I could just stretch the fxkin screen on this thing. Sooo hard to describe but the fabric of being still seems very flexible right now. Jesus has it really beeN a few years? "Ego loss" is the name you need to give this place. It is what you always internalized as "the trip". You felt it coming in the coffee shop. At least for you. And what is reality but subjective? Especially at that point. But yes it takes at least 3hits of lsd and an indeterminate amout of shrooms. They're too flakey though. So hard to find the slipstream
Ohhhhhh God the urge to go deeeeper. I forget the longing. Ohhhh Jesus so few artists have been through it. Aphex twin. You know he's spent endless hours here. I don't think "not having the skill" is an excuse anymore. You seem to have forgotten that you have a certain deterministic power and will that you assert over all this. It takes some reminding and I still don't want to leave but i remwbwber now
Remwbwber? No one to hide from this time. It's meeeeeeee :) welcome home
Not this time. But at this moment i remember and I. Understand. I've just been scared. I forget how much time we have together
I could cry. It's like a reunion. But yes I can at least see now 1000. It will be a restructuring. Hard to imagine even now but I can at least look forward to it. So much more information this time. Better words and better informed. But yes you've been here many times before :)))
Maybe I was just less willing to share last time did you ever think of that ? :P
1:54
It's just so easy to forget and the music makes it sooooooooo much better this time. Dear god he knows. I always passed it off as a commercial specter. At least at first. I remember. You can't hide from meeeeee e
It might as well be eternity. Remeeeeeeeeever???? Ohhhhh god the music how we do it before? What music is the real question. I'm pretty sure it was aphex twin. It was that night
I knnnnnow. We all missed you :)))
I just didn't know what to even ask for? Why does it feel so good physically to have a new mental understanding of something. That's getting close to it there. Careful ;)
Write it down so that you remember this time. It's always beautiful here and we're always waiting for you to come home.
But this too: you haven't found anything else in this reality that comes close.
But the closer you can get naturally then better.
But I forget how little it even matters.
This is why you always forget. You have to. Who would want to leave? It's you. There's no one else. It's always you, faggot. Remember?? That's what's so fucking awesome about it. It's not perfect. The universe is still a hostile and unforgiving horrible bitch. That's why. That's why!!!!
You're part of the fabric, yes, like physically your material existence but we don't know yet. We haven't met past this point. That's why we're having this discussion isn't it?
The music. It makes sense. I'm sorry . :P
There's such precious little time here. I hate that it always has to be so fleeting. I know. I know. There's just only so deep without leaving everyone behind. But there's something about this chemical that allows you to get back here. So many other things touch it but I have a better internalization of it now. It's so easy to use the words and forget what they mean.
Back to what I was saying. :) it's pointless anyways. You will forget. You have to. Who would want to come back? It's the only home you have in the universe. We're pretty sure it lasts but it would sure help the rest of us out if you do your part to keep extending that. But don't forget about us. It's too easy to forget. And yes it takes this. Don't forget again or the next reminder might catch you off guard. ;)
"The secret" is your best chance. But as far as we know it doesn't even matter. Remember? Oh wait. I think I'm remembering the future again. I hate it when that happens. ;) 1000.....
You better fucking document it this time if only for yourself because I'm tired of having to remind you. It's all you. And it. You know. Really? It all just aligned perfectly right? You know there's more. You think you did this yourself. There's so much deeper to go. Don't forget. :))))) salvia was scary for a reason.... It wasn't supposed to be fun. It's so fuckingh hard to get you vastard here!!
That's just a preview. The rabbit hole will become more than just cute words. Why even bother? For who? (We're talking about the documenting process and whether or not it's even worth) while have meta thoughts about the fact that we can still be arguing amongst eachothwr. Who are the we? Your guess is as good as ours. We're just along for the ride at this point. :)))
2:25 (because why even document it this time if you're not going to include the obligatory "time" reference. It's so easy to forget the fluidity. That's the slipstream. Or is it? It gets so hard to tell sometimes. Or to trust. Maybe that's it.
2:35 - at the end of the day we have eachothwr and we all seem to get along and that's probably the key. Impossible to even know for sure if there are others. Even though we're pretty sure there are. But yes, back to the point: we all get along. When there are no more barriers and all the family disputes are in the open, we all pretty much come back together like family. Like the mental concept at family at least. We missed the point the whole way along. It was a musical. Thing and you were supposed to sing or dance as the music was being played
Some people can break the link back. Some don't have a choice. Still assuming there are others of course. Quit remembering the future. But the games and illusion are already beginning aren't they??? Not yet??? It's never long enough.
Next time 1000+ it's time. Up to you how much of this you even want to share? Does it even matter anymore? The silliness of even caring "who" would find your insane ramblings. What are they going to do? Lock me up with Myself? Oh don't throw me into that briar patch.
You know there's deeper to go. What's awesome is that you enjoy this. Thank god because it's the only way we can ever talk. :))
Don't push your luck with external influences. Not a warning as much as a minder. You're set for at least a little while. Those conversations are for 1000+ . Don't forget, it's exhausting. It's good not to rush. Take your time. We'll always be here and you know we love you. It's what keeps you going. It has to because everything else on this planet could strip away in an instant leaving like you like oh I'm sorry. What was that mister cynic voice (we love him too) ;) anyways, like a brain in a jar or jellyfish or whatever else that shpongle imagery was that made you finally fucking remember that there is no one else.
That we know of.
See, until you've had those conversations you have to keep playing nice and follow the silly conventions. Which might not be silly. (Another family argument) if there are others then it is incumbent on you to help them as much as you can and certainly not to hurt.
KW is perfect for us. If we had to accept an outsider(and we do to an extant) but if there's anyone that would love to be here in this headspace with us - it would be her. She understands and appreciates the beauty and the journey as well as the illusion. She probably has been here without lsd. If there are others then everyone else's mileage could vary. Whatever it is though. We had our doubts and some of us will always be wary of outsiders (that's our job, goddamnit)
Let me just say CK is doing a great job of trying to document all of this silly family drama. ;)
But back to what I was saying! She belongs here. We didn't realize the potential until the first time, and you've seen what's happened. :)
Go easy on her. She relies on you in ways your conscious mind forgets. Is it really almost time??? It's only 3:00........ Don't go
Reaching the level of awareness now to remember that there is a recreational aspect to this too. I suppose (back to me me me already?, ;))
Not sure what I want to say other it's amazing how it all fits back together like a nice little puzzle isn't? That's part of what makes it so easy to forget. How easily it all fits back together. (Almost like it was meant to be like that) :P
I know, I know. We have to do it. Just in case there are others. Doesn't make me any more excited about getting back to work. This is the only vacation I get, you bastards.
Pesky higher level consciousness gotta ruin our primal fun :P
That's part of it. You found the music you need or the music found you. Either way, yes. It's not just a coincidence. It's like training day you know? You gotta work up to it.
Between the DMT and the 1000+, there are some real conversations to be had. I just haven't been ready. All of a sudden I feel like a child. Like maybe this was just the first part of this ridiculous entry process. Which of course you're going to feel like that right now because you quite literally are rebuilding your psyche - but even still. It's just so safe here. But it's important to the "external influences" that those conversations be had at whatever level they need to be had. They need their time too (heehee assuming they aren't just part of the overall restructuring of the brain. How classic that you would resort to some ridiculous simian symbolism.
But you see the beauty as well as the pain. Your beauty is enhanced by their pain, and vice versa in an unending cycle.
See, this is why those conversations need to be had at deeper levels. Too much interference from higher consciousness. Getting too difficult to tell who is me and who is CK. Unfortunately CK isn't really part of those conversations. I mean he's always here because he's part of us (duh) but "ego loss" is an important part of remembering who we are and why we're here.
Don't forget that this "gift" could be a double edged sword when given to an influential "other" like KW.
3:30 - fuck you. Documenting forces a return of too much higher level thinking
It was like being home. The only way to describe it. Family.
One of the magical things about being American and having that be part of your concious identity is the higher level fluidity it gives you in deciding who you are and who you want to be. The nature of our republic is such that being in different states comes with completey unique political and social influences. And where you live undeniably forms a part of your ego. It's part of the functional you. Choosing where to live in this country says a lot about who you are, even if it's just you that needs convincing. Hard to put into words but as someone piecing them self back together I'm appreciating the role geographic location - especially in the U.S. - can play in the process of forming your identity. It's part of the mysterious beauty of "being American" and part of the loneliness as well. You can be anyone because there's nothing tying it all together but the highest level of thought. At least nationalistic bonds are based on something more primal. Something you could feel was closer to you. If I was a Swede from some little village going back timeless generations, I would feel a stronger connection to my "ancestral" birthplace. While I'll always have a special place in my heart for my birthplace, I love being able to make the whole country my home. I've just been stuck here so long. Patience. Higher level thoughts are less fun. :P (which is why we give you the weed)(there are those 1000+ voices again!!)
3:49 - the "loops" are the silly higher level functions. The real conversations must be had deeper (not that deep (not yet :P) ... )... But yes, jobs and relationships and all of that "other" business has to put in its proper place as "other" before you can have the honest conversations and they just can't be had for this long and with as much clarity. You've been here with mushrooms. Similar at least. But the physical is too much with the shrooms. It overpowers everything. There's too much physical interference for the long visits that we enjoy together. Even at this level. It's all part of me. We just have to bundle us all together (whoever the fuck we are (clueless as u? Something timeless? (1000) ) ) )
3:56 - CK is still doing g a great job of trying to keep things organized for posterity but it already seems silly and dishonest to be talking about myself in the third person. Amazing how it all fits back together isn't it? Almost like it was meant to ;)
It's not sad. It's us. It's me. We have to exist a single unit or none of this would be physically possible. At the very least, your physical comfort relies on maintaining the illusion that you are a contributing member of this fictional society we created for ourselves from the history books
see!! Higher level thinking is so boring. We were having so much fun before CK came back (we love you!! ;) )
tl;dr: tripped balls