So now that I'm finally in the clear, I figured I should post what I've been through in the hopes that maybe it could help someone, if they ever get stuck in a similar situation.
I had been buying my bud off DNMs for about a year and a half before all this went down, and in that time had managed to never get scammed, or lose a package. I kept my Opsec tight, I never sold to anyone else, and never smoked with anyone else, so I figured I was safe. I mean, I had read a million times that LE never really bothered with small time users.
So, one day I went to my mailbox, and there is my priority shipping envelope. I didn't notice anything wrong with it, it looked the same as every other piece of mail I had recieved. Anyone who didn't know what it was would assume it was one of those junk mail credit card offers, or something. I made the walk back to my apartment, put it on my kitchen counter and started to get ready for work.
I had maybe been inside for all of two minutes before I hear two loud knocks on my door, a man yelling police, and then my door is broke down. The time between the yell and the door falling in was maybe two seconds. Four cops come in, weapons drawn, and tell me to put my hands up and turn away from the sound of their voice. As soon as I do that I'm put down on my floor and handcuffed.
Right away they find where I put my mail, and start asking me who sent it to me. Mind you, I'm terrified at this point, and in my panic all I can do is say I don't know over and over again. They then ask me what was in the package, and again I say I don't know, because in my mind I'm thinking no way would they do this over an ounce of pot.
They lift me up and walk me to a police car, and I sit in there for about an hour while they take a bunch of boxes that I got ecig juice mailed in and for some reason clothes I had in my apartment. After this I get read my rights (which actually doesn't sound at all like it does on law and order) and find out I'm being arrested for possession with intent to sell. I get taken to booking, they put me in this room where I sit for what seems like forever. I'm just running through my head with everything I learned from reddit and every youtube "dont trust the police" video. After what seems like forever a guy comes in, and starts to talk about how sorry it took so long to get to me and stuff, and I ask for a lawyer before he's even done. He gets this kinda pissy look, and says "if thats how you want to play it" and leaves.
I always thought they kept like... a room of lawyers or something, ready to go, but it's actually almost two days later before i get to see anybody. I was kept in detention until then, which is basically just a room with a cot and a tv. When he finally gets there, he asks me what was going on, what they asked, what I said and I explain everything that had happened so far. He seemed pretty pleased I hadnt said anything, and then asks me to tell him what was really going on, and that anything I told him couldn't be used against me and how he would need to know to plan my defense, if it came to that.
So, I told him everything, and he says he didn't even know things like that existed. Considering he's a public defender in a pretty major city, I guess that proves anecdotally at least that people don't often get busted for DNM purchases.
He tells me to deny everything, that I didn't know who mailed me what, and just play ignorant of the whole thing. After this, he is with me for my police interview. They go over pretty much what you would expect. Who did I buy it from, who was I planning on selling to, that if I didn't know who sent it had I made anyone angry lately, etc.
I play dumb and keep to my line of, "I have no idea, I just picked up my mail that day like usual and this happened."
They tell me they know I had been purchasing for awhile, and had caught me on video buying a few times. Right then it kind of clicks that they had no idea where I ordered it from, unless they had a camera in my house. So I keep to my "I don't know nothing," line. I spend another few days in detention, and then I get brought before a judge, charged with possession with intent to distribute. I pay 500 for bail and get to go home.
I go back in for another interview, and they offer to reduce it to a simple possession charge, I would do 50 hours of community service and walk after that. I thought that sounded pretty good, but my lawyer told me to stick to I didn't do anything wrong story. I say no, and I get a court date.
I think I may have actually set a record for fastest dismissal. All they presented against me was that a package addressed to me had a controlled substance inside it. My lawyer basically said "I could mail a letter full of anything I wanted to every bully I ever met, make an anonymous tip, and get anyone arrested."
The judge asked the guy prosecuting if he had anything else to present, he said no, and bam. Charge dismissed. Didn't even have to go to a jury.
To be honest, I had a few things play in my favor that you can't really count on. I had no criminal record of any kind, and I was also in the process of moving and had my pipe and hookah already at the new place. I hadn't signed anything connecting it to me yet, which is why I assume they didn't search it.
But I really gotta say most of all, I didn't blab about anything when they asked, and I got a lawyer right away, who convinced me not to take a deal which would have given me a record. I realize there isn't any truly "new" information in this post, but if you ever get caught maybe something here can help you out.
Good lawyer, send him an xmas card.