Cantina Marketplace Planning a Comeback lol

If you don't know what i am talking about than go over this Cantina Marketplace Megathread (the funniest DNM fail ever). This time they fail before even launching anything, while trying to phish attention in some funny way lol

They are planning a come back with this url: cantinamarketplace.i2p

Be warned!

I am even going to provide you now with their launch announcement lol:

========The Official Release Notice From the Cantina Marketplace owner " Greedo"=======

"Dear Community

It is with great joy that I announce the release of the a new generation of the drug marketplace. Cantina Marketplace has completly revolutionized the drug industry in unprecedented ways.

Welcome back to security!

What we pride ourselves in most, and have developed to perfection is the protection of our users. We have many groundbreaking features making ordering from our market as safe as ordering candy from Amazon.

Over the last 4 months, we have have worked tirelessly on innovative security features unrivaled by any other market of it's kind. This overhaul marks the dawn of a brand new era for hidden services. The secuity features we've implemented would not have been possible without the feedback from the community and funding from our investors.

Those who have supported us throughout the year long developement have not gone unnoticed, the ideas and feedback from the community have been listened to, and pushed us to develop the features insisted on by the community for so long and never delivered, till now.

Nearly all of the features people have been yearning for have been created, implented, and developed to perfection.

Just some of the features our brilliant team has developed is:

  • Multisignature escrow system

  • Automatic encrypted messages (no more pgp!)

  • Utilisation of i2p browser (far more secure then tor)

  • Buyer stats + vendor feedback for customers

  • Customizable profiles

  • Instant Messaging

We are still in heavy development with more awesome features we are extremely excited about. Soon to be announced!

Open, And Ready For Buisiness!

While we are still in heavy devlopement the site is completely functional, and surpasses by light-years every other market of it's kind. While we just opened to the general public we have had a substantial economy for months, once again the community has blown us away with it's support. Never did we expect to have a bustling economy before annoucing public release.

There is already many reputable vendors who have signed up and vending at the Cantina!

If you are currently a vendor on another market, you can message "Greedo" on our forums and fill out the vendor application, if accepted you can get a free vendor account.

No more unbearable slow loading times!

The use of the i2p browser has allowed for loading times more then twice as fast as TOR, which relies on a outdated relay system designed years ago. I2p offers faster load times and is just as secure as TOR, it's a win-win. This combined with our purchase of top knotch servers and our beatifully optimized code has us able to boast the fastest load time of any marketplace, ever. The market loads nearly as fast as non hidden service sites!

We hold NONE of your funds!

We have developed a magnificent system that keeps all your bitcoins on the site held in your own blockchain.info wallet. The program keeps a watch on the wallet, so whenever balance changes on blockchain.info address funds are automatically added/subtracted from your marketplace account.

When making a purchase you simply send the funds directly to the wallet of the vendor! We are very excited about this feature because it offers complete security of your funds, you dont have to worry about us running off with your money!

We are wholehartedly devoted to the communtity, and always willing to listen to feedback.

Your opinions matter to us, we love hearing from the community and work our hardest to deliver exactly what is wanted. Infact, we will even pay for bright ideas. on our "suggestion" reward thread

Instant Messaging. Awesome!

Yep, that's right Instant Messaging!

No more waiting forever on a response from a vendor, if the vendor is online and has IM enabled you can talk, instantly!

Have skills? We are looking to expand our team!

If your experienced and a silled developer, let us know!

We are also looking to hire administrators who are dedicated to the cause, ethical, professional, and adept to customer care. You must be an active member in the community and active on the forums for your application to be reviewed.

If you are qualified for a position, let us know!

We look forward to seeing you around the Cantina!

Yours Loyally

Greedo"


Comments


[14 Points] TerribleDNMAdvice:

It needs a 'connect to Facebook' button, too.


[7 Points] None:

AHAHAHAHAHAH


[4 Points] InfinitelyOutThere:

Are you fucking kidding me? this is all the evidence you need that Cantina is probably ran by a 14 year old.


[4 Points] tonyeverready:

Ladies and gentlemens,

It is with great pride that I, Tony Everready the Third, announce to you the rebirth of one of the most historic deep web markets; the Cantina Marketplace. As newly appointed Senior Vice President of Flux Capacitorial Operations I am humbled to announce to you some of the newest improvements and ground-breaking features that the Cantina has to offer this community.

But that's not all! Our technology and science teams are working on private drone transport from your vendors location directly to your doorstep. A few features include: real-time tracking through our mobile application, stealth drone and an invisibility cloak.

You can contact our administration team below (remember, Safe-mail is NOT safe. We recommend using Gmail):

Administrator and President: jamesrichardson[at]gmail.com

Secretary of Defense: doctorclu

Secretary of Finance: MettaDPR

Secretary of Interior: Coachella


[2 Points] durgsrbad:

Their attachment to the 'Cantina' 'brand' - if you can call it that - just beggars belief. Maybe they don't have the 80 bucks to register a new name.

Having said that, fuck I'm looking forward to this. Haven't seen a really meaty clusterfuck for me to get my teeth into for ages.


[2 Points] ciphersexual:

How'd you get the official launch announcement?


[1 Points] sharpshooter789:

I'm starting to feel like a darknet veteran. Even if I never heard of catina before I would have avoided this market. The first four paragraphs suggest this guy is full of shit. The bullet points below seal the deal and shows he doesn't know what hes talking about.


[1 Points] A_box_in_a_cage:

Will we see the return of U/whyusheep ?


[1 Points] iamjustsomejerk:

lol. as soon as this site goes live, i'm gonna have one of my hacker friends who's good with sqli and xss attacks set to work on it. i'd be willing to bet he can get the admin login credentials and have that shit-hole of a site completely defaced and utterly unusable within a day.


[1 Points] UndefinedExperience:

Cantina Marketplace has completly revolutionized the drug industry in unprecedented ways.

These guys have got to be fucking kidding.


[1 Points] mad87645:

The Official Release Notice From the Cantina Marketplace owner " Greedo"

So can we call SQL injections "Han shooting first"?


[1 Points] 13tom13:

lol none of that is revolutionary, failed before it started lol. im gunna stear clear for sure. How many people would use just i2p anyway - no tor gateway and no pgp encryption hmm. Who would trust there automatic encryption over pgp anyway


[1 Points] FedoraWearingAlien:

okay so wall of text incoming, not in the right order, doing 100 other things right now.

Welcome back to security!

Holy shit I'm keking so fucking hard right now.

Instant messaging

if anyone trusts this you're an idiot

Automatic encrypted messages (no more pgp!)

Using javascript? yep pointless.

The secuity features we've implemented would not have been possible without the feedback from the community

cannot wait to audit this fucker and lol @ community i.e the people who pwned you.

Utilisation of i2p browser (far more secure then tor)

LOL GIVEN THE FACT THERE'S AN EXPLOIT FOR I2P WHICH DEANONYMIZES RIGHT NOW? OKAY

What we pride ourselves in most, and have developed to perfection is the protection of our users. We have many groundbreaking features making ordering from our market as safe as ordering candy from Amazon.

what the fuck am i even reading right now.

We hold NONE of your funds!

lol

The program keeps a watch on the wallet, so whenever balance changes on blockchain.info address funds are automatically added/subtracted from your marketplace account.

LOL, this could be abused so easily.

Instant Messaging. Awesome!

i'm gonna lol irl if this is just some cometchat clone or something that's equally exploitable.

I don't know what I just read but this kid needs to /quit