Advice for benzo withdrawal

Disclaimer; boring personal story ahead.

I am currently beginning my 7 week of going cold turkey from a multi-year benzo addiction. I had started my prescription for Xanax a while ago. My doctor never quite detailed my anxiety any further than an anxiety disorder. After a couple years, my tolerance was high enough that I felt that I was no longer able to treat my anxiety with any amount of benzo. I would still have a baseline of anxiety and taking my medication only seemed to keep me from experiencing withdrawal. My memory was and still is very shitty. I made the decision to quit, and had the mentality of I can overcome this on my own.

Halloween 2014, I was 2 weeks into my cold turkey from 4-5 mg's of klonopin daily usage. I was in bad shape. I took my kids trick or treating and abruptly stopped our night short when I lead my kids into a haunted house. I walked through the doorway and started jumping and twitching to the beat of a strobe light in the room. I remember not having any control over my body. I couldn't turn around and leave the strobe light. Apparently I had dropped to the floor and was handcuffed by local cops. My SO had known my entire situation, explaining that to the cops, they took me to an ambulance. At this point, I became coherent again and remember getting my finger poked to check my blood sugar levels. I believe that I was at or around low 40s. I get taken to the hospital. The hospital prescribed me 0.5mg klonopin and told me to follow up with my doctor.

I explained my situation to my doctor. My doctor wanted to stabilize me first, then work on a taper. I was put on 5mg diazepam 3 times daily. My baseline anxiety was never being treated and I was back to taking the medication to try and thwart the withdrawal symptoms. Months went by without me becoming stabilized. My doctor quit, moved her practice to another city. I was seen by a doctor at the same office. 6 week program, first 2 weeks were 2.5mg of diazepam twice daily, 2nd 2 weeks were 2mg twice daily, last 2 weeks were 1mg twice daily. I was breaking pills in half most of the time. I could feel the withdrawals about a week in. Not as bad as before, but still pretty paralyzing.

I am beginning my 7th week since completing the taper. I am in as bad of shape as when I had my seizure that Halloween. I am twitching horribly, my senses are being fucking tortured. One day I can feel every single sound as if it is resonating through my body. Another day I am extremely excitable and jumpy. Almost every day is filled with an underlying headache. Only to be interrupted by an impossible day and night of an extremely painful headache. Sleep is impossible. Work is impossible. I can feel every ounce of my body. Like when you lay on your arm for a while and it falls asleep, that's how I feel throughout my body.

People look at me like I'm on drugs. I am completely useless to anyone. I shake constantly. I get weird fucking brain zaps. I am scared to do anything. I'm even scared to write this fucking post but figured that my 4th attempt to do so is reason enough to ask for help.

I don't want to go to a doctor and be labeled as a pill hunter. I can't make a single fucking decision. I can't enjoy anything. I can't focus on shit.

I tried a single bite of a pot brownie yesterday and it was a horrible experience. As opposed to when I was on benzos and I could enjoy a buzz every once in a while. I can't enjoy anything now. Alcohol, vape, pain med, all put me into extreme panic. Laughing is even a hallow experience. I laugh so my kids see a better emotion out of me than my normal dry and fragile self.

I see that alot of you have had experience in this. I desperately need this to end. I am OK with being on a benzo for the rest of my life. I came here to purchase something to get me back to normal. But I don't trust my judgment at this point. I just want to be normal again.

Sorry for the shit post and shit formatting. I'm on mobile and I just can't put any more effort into this right now.


Comments


[2 Points] None:

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[2 Points] None:

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[2 Points] Bars4daze:

Don't take weed ffs. It'll make your anxiety jump through roofs. If you are experiencing brain zaps and shaking, inform your doc because that taper plan isn't working for you and can cause seizures.


[1 Points] stayshittin:

how many were you taking a day?


[1 Points] Flat_Chest:

Thank you all for the help. I didn't explain in detail about the incompetent doctors I had help me through this. They are the reason I won't go back to that office, and now I fear seeing a new doctor because I'll look like I'm trying to just score pills.

For clarification, I was up to 5 or 6 mg's of klonopin a day. I had to convince the doctor that what I had readread about using a long acting benzo like diazepam was recommended. I was substituted the 5 to 6 mg's daily of klonopin for 15 mgsmg's split up 3 times a day of diazepam.

I really just want to feel somewhat normal again. Whether that means sticking to this and eventually getting better, or getting back on the medication. My life is on hold and I can't take anymore time to get right. Fuck, I was a hard-working, attentive, full of quality emotions when I was on the medication.


[1 Points] globalcartel:

good luck dude be safe. youll be alright


[1 Points] MrGangGreen:

Have had withdrawal from 2 years of clonazepam with shitty doctors who wouldn't allow me to taper properly.

I used 50mg of promethazine at night and 25mg in the morning (this stuff is habit forming apparently but I took it for 2 weeks without problem, also has tolerance build up but hopefully you wont need to take it for too long).

Look into taking magnesium which is a NMDA antagonist which is said to reduce withdrawal and tolerance to benzos. You could also look into DXM (over the counter cough syrup) and ketamine which are both NMDA antagonists. I don't know enough about these drugs negative effects like excitoxic neuronal death. Might want to look into it though.

I would also recommend some nootropics (have a read on r/nootropics) like L-theanine which is known to help with anxiety and L-tyrosine which is good for people who are stressed out and helps bring you back to baseline. Possibly look into racetams like piracetam, aniracetam and noopept (noopept is the tits ;))

I would also recommend your usual vitamins maybe even buy a months worth of multivitamins with just your standard vitamins.

I'm not a doctor but benzo withdrawal sucks dick as you know so at least get a hold of some promethazine to calm the shakes and get you some rest. All the best


[1 Points] altecMI:

do a taper. drs are willing to help. use the ashton manual. taper taper


[1 Points] noonehear:

Bring the Ashton Manual to the doctor?

I've been through the brain zaps and it was while on a massive dosage of Effexor (300mg daily...). Definitely not fun. I ended up slowly weening myself off of that while also taking my rx'ed alprazolam. Now I just self medicate (not daily).

Keep your chin up and remember that you can do it! Yes you might go through a few nights of sweating and tossing and turning while weening yourself but it's all for the better.

Good luck man!