The long walk back from the mailbox...

I had two orders that might have come today if shipped promptly...but no. Opening the box and seeing nothing...like finding out Christmas is cancelled. And now I'm sad and depressed as hell and about to be in w/d. Please somebody tell me you know what this is like. I feel real alone.


Comments


[51 Points] PeeturDoinkleburg:

Oh boy do I know that feel. It's been ages since I ordered anything but years ago during December I had ordered from a small time vendor that I'd gone through several times before. He was always on top of things, quick to reply and send product. This was back on SR1. Then, suddenly, offline for days and no communication. Funds were in escrow so exit scam didn't make sense. So I dispute it and suddenly vendor shows up. He was in a bad car accident and the driver (family member) died. He apologized and offered to send me an old school panda with my original order. I was like "fuck yes!". Then nothing, nothing, nothing. Finally I get refunded by SR. Vendor eventually shows up and says the person making the drops was stealing from them and not shipping. So, I ordered again, full escrow, and finally get my stuff.

The guy was probably being honest. Luckily I never lost my shit with him in my messages. But dude, this was a solid month of going to the mailbox, finding nothing, and walking back inside with my heart dragging behind me. Every. Single. Day.

Now, fortunately I had subs on hand and local connects so no w/d.

It's like: go to the mailbox, open.... sloooowly, sift through junk mail, hmmmm, doesn't appear to be in here, look again, still nothing, look again, still nothing, go through mail again, nothing... Realization hits. FUCK! It's Saturday.... no mail tomorrow... Fucking 48hrs at least!? I'd look around and see people carrying on, just going about their day. At this point it didn't matter how nice a day it was because then I'd just go inside and shift uncomfortably thinking the same thoughts over and over again about how nice it would have been to have gotten my pack. Color slowly drains from the world and time slows down. So focused on what could have been to avoid focusing on what's in store for me. I had such great plans and now..... panic sets in as I try to imagine doing ANYTHING without that opiate glow and motivation.

I start going over my weekend plans in my head, what can I cancel? How? How to get out of my plans? Damn it! If only that package was there! Then I start to fantasize about what I'd be doing if it had come. Ahhhh, so carefree, warm, and motivated. Damn it, I had a chance to pick up irl and didn't because I was waiting on this pack!! But now that opportunity has passed and here I am empty handed. FUCK!!!

On the bright side, as gloomy as it was, I survived of course. And those times always made me think about quitting. I'd think about how many people are outside right now enjoying themselves, free of chemical dependencies. Not tethered to a substance. Just complete in being themselves and seemingly happy. They have no idea what any of this is like. I was basically having neuro transmitters mailed to me when these people outside had their own and were getting along just fine.

Eventually, I did quit. And moments like that had a big part in it. So looking back, even though I was in such despair, I'm grateful for those times now. You're not alone! That pack will come. Keeping busy helped me take my mind off it.... sometimes.


[7 Points] asde8f83r3:

Hey, so it's Sunday. Turns out the sun rose this morning even though you never thought it was. You probably even went to check the mailbox today, fully knowing there was nothing in it - praying for a miracle to save you. "Just this once"... "please, God, it's me. Why make me suffer like this, what have I done?"

I remember when using opiates I had no IRL connects after moving states. I was importing heroin from Thailand and France left and right, the purest #4 in the world regurlarly and then if it was taking too long I'd order domestic Express Overnight. I'd take a half gram over a gram if I had to wait a few less days... anything to avoid that horror of the growing pit in my stomach of what's to come. I remember checking the mailbox, opening it several times.. walking out at night to see if a late delivery came by.. No.. how to deal with this. What do I have? What can I make by on? There has to be some.. somewhere. Search everywhere, come up empty.

I finally understand why a dog will sit there ALL day for the mailman and his head perks up and ears turn when he hears the truck coming. It makes my heart beat like a hummingbird just thinking about it - the potential that it came! And it finally does, and everything is ok... until the next time.

I will have a mail fetish forever, and honestly legitimate stress problems from these vendors being little devils. I am so glad that I quit that cycle... it's a half life. Not a full life. A life of a slave, a life without freedom. Life without truly living.

Your pack will show up Monday or Tuesday, and everything will be well. But when you feel great then, remember this feeling now as to not have it again.


[5 Points] MDMangel:

Never suffered wd's but I know the madness that comes from an empty mailbox.

https://www.reddit.com/r/DarkNetMarkets/comments/3pktis/stages_of_pack_paranoia/


[6 Points] None:


[4 Points] None:

That's the worst feeling. Especially if it's a Saturday. I can only imagine needing a pack to stave off w/ds and realizing it's going to be at least two more days.


[5 Points] yeahmynameisbrian:

Countless, countless times. I was so nervous on the drive home from work, every single time. I would think about it the entire day. And I would open the mailbox only to find that I would be suffering the whole night. It would be so bad that I would be in complete shock when I found it empty. I would look around the porch to make sure it wasn't there, check the back porch even though I know it wouldn't show up. Sometimes I'd see no envelope hanging out and my heart would sink, only to find a tiny box inside and I would be the happiest person on the planet.

I'll never, ever go back to that horrific cycle. Never. Sometimes I still get anxiety looking at the mailbox, even though I haven't ordered drugs in over a year


[3 Points] theshadowfax:

Sorry to hear OP, it does indeed suck. My favorite is when you get there on a Saturday and there's nothing there, then you get home and see an update from the vendor saying "will ship Monday"


[2 Points] Rollerpig23:

Don't know about with drowing but Chin up bro try doing activities to take your mind off it until your postman comes


[2 Points] ForgottenPWLol:

Hey i know im late, but yeah i experience the same, many of times before.. Youre best bet is like other say, get something to keep you "stable" enough to make into the darkness.. but just know man, its all coming, it will always come.. you may or may not expect it, but it comes.. The light at the end of the tunnel is nearing, shit if you're reading this, more than likely you have less than 36 hours until you see your prize. Just stay somewhat positive, and if you can, drink... dont be mean... but just drink enough until you can sleep/blackout ... not the answer no, but it will make another day go by.


[2 Points] ticomand:

It's a shit feeling for sure, but there has to be a back-up plan in place. Going cold turkey coz the post didn't arrive isn't a great strategy.


[1 Points] justaniceyoungman:

You are not alone. I burst into tears when my Fent didn't come a couple times. Only took an hour for the withdrawal to set in. When the pack arrives, the happiness will make you forget this. Seems like forever since those days but it's only been a few months...


[1 Points] topfinesser:

vendors a hugeee snake


[1 Points] None:

Dude buy some methadone and or suboxone... Appylove sells 7x40mg methadone capsules, it only took me one capsule split up a whole bunch of ways to taper off my last binge relatively easily... Shits a lifesaver, you need a backup if you are dependent.