BREAKING NEWS straight from THE ALPHABAY OFFICES v3

Before we begin, something must be made very clear. I overheard someone speak of bringing offline street drugs into our offices. I will not stand for this and I will not allow this, anyone considering something so foolish is obviously sober from cut, street quality drugs and in no sound state of mind to conduct his or her official alphabay duties.

Not to mention I would like to formally introduce our newest staff, Botah. He has completed the our hazing rituals. As you well know we have a long standing tradition of forcing our newest members to smoke copious amounts of purple haze while listening to purple haze in a very small room while wearing a purple suit. Due to budget concerns we apologize for it being the wrong size and rather filthy.

Thank you. The rest of this newsletter will now commence.

In order to have a greater focus on our security at alphabay these are the measures we are implementing:

There are other matters at alphabay of great importance, equal to that of security and safety. The newly formed GRB has petitioned for office space and I would like to make it known that the PR office is cited for expansion and so is exempt from any office or department mergers even after the expansion period has concluded. The Scamwatch office might be cramped but it is the obvious choice if the merging of offices is required and no committee meeting rooms are to be converted to office spaces.

The PR office has also petitioned the unofficial company motto to change from "not my department" to "Trappy is great"

Committee meeting news and results:

Please note that we require a unanimous vote or an admin vote to make any vote binding.

The entire vodka committee has been fired for obvious reasons. Turn in your RussianExpress black card, your putin poster, and 2/5ths of your dignity. I cannot stand the sight of you monsters anymore, a new vodka committee will be formed tomorrow after your dismissal ceremony. Vote record: 7-0. Note: Soundproof the walls, my ears hurt.

New compensation methods have been voted on, here are the results:

Monero: Vote record 7:0

Dollars: Vote record 0:7. Note: who suggested this? You are stupid.

Chicken nuggets: vote record 7:0

Putin Posters: 6-1

Fullz: Vote record 2:5. Note: if you cannot aggregrate your own fullz are you even worthy of compensation?

Hugs: 3:4. Note: Well maybe if somebody stopped initiating chargebacks on our hooker affiliates we would still be able to secure contracts with their agencies. They did not blacklist us as the incident but finally did after all these chargebacks, what is wrong with you?

As a contingency measures:

In closing

The company store has now been closed due to a chargeback rate of 100%. It was perhaps not our best idea of generating revenue. A committee will be formed to investigate new streams of revenue. Floods are however prefered.


Comments


[83 Points] Dizzzope:

What the fuck did I just read lmao? How much meth/cocaine have you been doing Trappy?


[28 Points] TheLastCig:

As you well know we have a long standing tradition of forcing our newest members to smoke copious amounts of purple haze while listening to purple haze in a very small room while wearing a purple suit.

Can I partake in this without becoming a staff member?


[18 Points] RIP_Meth_9000:

We will feed the office tiger less, or possibly more cocaine.....

Does "Bahahahahahahahaahahaaaaaa!!!!!!!" in Ukrainian ;-)

Tiger Needs More Meth.....Here Kitty-Kitty ;-)


[10 Points] None:

  1. Fuck bitchez get money

  2. Give me a job


[8 Points] weedandsyrup:

in soviet russia alpha bays you


[4 Points] ignig:

I didn't read any of that shit but okay.


[5 Points] kathoragen:

You seem like the type of guy who snorts cocaine thru a golden vacuum straw.


[4 Points] DaturaToloache:

this stuff is 85% why I lurk in this sub. Funny nerds trapping - I have a crush on all of you.


[3 Points] Unknown_60:

Yes


[3 Points] CynicalElephant:

I feel ashamed for thinking this might actually contain something important.


[2 Points] __Maroon_Golf__:

I agree with all of this.


[2 Points] ScoopDat:

Wish I could see non sober folks's reaction after reading this. On a more topic worthy note. The existence of this posts' occurrence in reality lacks description. This had me like:

https://media2.giphy.com/media/jhYkl2eAi9esE/giphy.gif


[1 Points] AnthonyRange:

Sounds gucci bruh.


[1 Points] MrJuanPablo:

you must be high......


[1 Points] TRUMP4TW:

Damn trappy where you sourcing your new found crystal meth habit from.


[1 Points] None:

[removed]


[1 Points] alu_pahrata:

...wut?


[1 Points] drugsarecoolxd:

Being the kingpin of a drug selling website sounds awesome. I wonder how much Trappy makes...gotta be over 1 mil/year


[0 Points] doctorbasil:

ITT: shitpost from troll disguised as PR for selectively scamming market run by russian carders

how tf is u still #1


[-1 Points] None:

[removed]