The true story of DrX, Quantik, and Stratton. Sums up the state of the bar game currently

I'm fucked up so here is a long childrens book version of the DrX and Quantik story.

TLDR: jack and the bean stock rewritten with DrX, Stratton, and Quantik. I'm no author so only read if you're bored or whatever.

There once were two smilingly ordinary dudes that live ordinary lives. Until one day one of the guys stumbled upon a magic bean vendor. This guy, Quantik, was skeptical, but had some cash so he bought the magic bean. The bean vendor told him to plant it in his back yard and it would grow a crazy plant that would be dope as fuck. Quantik did this and sure enough, this big ass vine looking plant grew. One morning he went outside and found some more of these little beans on the ground. He convinced some people to try them and they all got hella fucked up. Quantik began collecting these beans and selling them. Demand went up and he could not gather them fast enough. So he decided to climb the bean stock and find the source of these beans, in order to make more. He discovered these machines that were pressing these beans and he began taking more and more of them. Eventually he needed help gathering so he brought on a friend, named Stratton. Stratton helped with the set up for a while, but decided he could do more with it. While this was going on Quantik's neighbor had been finding small amounts of these beans and doing the same thing, selling them. He, DrX, couldn't find where they came from and couldn't decide if he wanted to find the source. One day he heard a knock on his door and opened it to find Stratton standing with bags full of the beans. DrX took interest when Stratton claimed he could teach DrX how to make the beans himself. Stratton then went up the stock one night while Quantik was sleeping. He stole as many of the pressers as he could and gave them to DrX. DrX then began too producing mass quantities of the beans and undercut Quantik's prices and his product. Quantik seemed ruined and disappeared for a short amount of time. DrX and Stratton felt like they were queens. But they didn't know where these magic pressers came from. The giant. The giant learned that some pressers were missing from his bean castle and he began a search. Eventually finding bags of the beans and tracking down DrX. DrX was soon found and the Giant shut him down and stolen the pressers back. Quantik had known this would happen and had been working on making more brand and finding more pressers. When DrX went down Quantik stepped back up to run the magic Bean game solo. Establishing trusted men to sell his magic beans and help create his magic bean empire. This empire still stands today and if you get onto the Darknet you can see the shadow it casts simply by clicking the category "benzos." The tale continues to this day and Quantik laughs himself to sleep every night while remembering how he won against DrX in the magic bean market battle.


Comments


[34 Points] Idontusexanax:

You forgot the part where Quantik kills everyone with cursed fent beans.


[20 Points] VS_THROWAWAY_REDDIT:

TL;DR

Quan learned how to press pills first and made a killing doing so, unfortunately he didn't do it solo and one of the guys who he brought onto the original operation (Stratton) jacked Q for some of his equipment to start his own team/brand with DrX. Out of revenge and jealousy because DrX had better marketing skills and offered better prices and more selection to his product he got so mad he put things into effect that would exonerate himself from any true guilt (so he could sleep at night) and let's just say that DrX/Stratton both got caught up and are now in legal trouble because of the police finding out about their operation. There's no real way to prove anyone's real involvement in any of this except for the fact that there's a sealed 5th defendant that will not be getting charged for his testimony. There's alot left to be answered but this was a jack and the bean stalk version of the quite intriguing story.


[16 Points] mutterfucker:

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[6 Points] None:

Ha, nice story. You forgot the part where DrX and quantik has had so much butt sex, they said fuck the magic beans and just started plugging straight powder solution


[6 Points] None:

[deleted]


[3 Points] barsonbarson:

wow i didnt wanna read this wall of text but thank you sir, that was hilarious


[5 Points] Foremanchan:

Thank you for this wonderful illustration of Canadian bartardism


[3 Points] CandyKoloredKlown:

I am so glad I read this. I'm not even into benzos, but this was awesome.


[3 Points] procowtipper:

Bartender, I'll be having what he is having.


[2 Points] simplythetip:

Good read. I need a bean stock like that. Also, ignore the assholes, they hate creativity.


[1 Points] qsift2:

goals


[1 Points] None:

what the fuck is this


[1 Points] soBartarded:

Quantik probably typed this up while jerking off


[1 Points] MO_Drugs:

So I am confused - Who is SWIM, Jack or the Giant?


[1 Points] NoWayGringo:

Paragraphs dude


[1 Points] an_illegal_smile:

It's "stalk", you idiot, not "stock."