Free Source Code for the Vendor Who Replaced Legendary SR1 Cannabis Dealer Medibuds!

#!/bin/sh  

##### "Real New Medibuds"  


### Seed random number generator  
RANDOM=$$$(date +%s)  

coinFlip() {  
    local entropy=2 tails=1 coin=$RANDOM  
    let "coin %= $entropy"  
    [ $coin -lt $tails ] && echo HEADS || echo TAILS  
}


#####################################################
#
#     "Medibuds" Internal Parts
#
#####################################################
a1=( 'everyone!' there friend buddy 'the reddit' everybody )  

a2=( 'going through a lot' 'catching up with a ton of orders' \
         'doing fine' 'really busy' fine )

a3=( ok 'really crazy' 'basically fine' 'kind of rough' )  
# reassuring platitudes
a4=( relax "not worry so much" "try to not be too paranoid" \  
        'try to relax' 'calm down' )  

a5=( 'that Sour Diesel' 'your missing edible' \  
        'sending you a Controlled Delivery,' \  
        'those pineapple express carts you ordered, "Steven"' )  

a6=( today 'next Wednesday' soon )  
# adverbs and stuff
a7=( today 'since we got robbed' 'the past couple weeks' \  
        'thanks for your messages of anger and support' \  
        'since yesterday' )

medilibs() {  
    local word;  
    case $1 in  
        1 ) word=${a1[$RANDOM % ${#a1[@]} ]};;  
        2 ) word=${a2[$RANDOM % ${#a2[@]} ]};;  
        3 ) word=${a3[$RANDOM % ${#a3[@]} ]};;  
        4 ) word=${a4[$RANDOM % ${#a4[@]} ]};;  
        5 ) word=${a5[$RANDOM % ${#a5[@]} ]};;  
        6 ) word=${a6[$RANDOM % ${#a6[@]} ]};;  
        7 ) word=${a7[$RANDOM % ${#a7[@]} ]};;  
    esac  
    echo $word;  
}  

###############################  
#  
#    "Medibuds" main run loop  
#
###############################  

while test true;  
do
    # Flip a coin to select speech option!  

    if test $(coinFlip) = HEADS;  
    then  
        #### PROCEED WITH "Medi-libs!" OPTION #1  

        cat <<-EOF  
        Hi $(medilibs 1), $(medilibs 7) we've been $(medilibs 2),
        it has been $(medilibs 3),  
        but please do $(medilibs 4)...  
        all orders being placed today,   
        will ship out $(medilibs 6)  
        EOF  
    else  
        #### PROCEED WITH "Medi-libs!" OPTION #2  

        cat <<-EOF
        Hey $(medilibs 1), i wouldnt worry, we're $(medilibs 2)
        but really it has been $(medilibs 3)
        you all should $(medilibs 4), i should  
        message you about $(medilibs 5) on the site $(medilibs 6)  
        EOF  

    fi

    echo 
done

#####  FIN  #####

 

 


Output


 


"Hi everybody, thanks for your messages of anger and support we've been really busy, it has been really crazy, but please do try to relax... all orders being placed today, will ship out soon"

 


"Hey there, i wouldnt worry, we're fine but really it has been kind of rough you all should calm down, i should message you about those pineapple express carts you ordered, "Steven" on the site next Wednesday"

 


"Hi there, since we got robbed we've been catching up with a ton of orders, it has been really crazy, but please do not worry so much... all orders being placed today, will ship out next Wednesday"

 


"Hi there, thanks for your messages of anger and support we've been really busy, it has been kind of rough, but please do try to relax... all orders being placed today, will ship out next Wednesday"

 


"Hey friend, i wouldnt worry, we're going through a lot but really it has been basically fine you all should relax, i should message you about sending you a Controlled Delivery, on the site soon"

 


"Hey everybody, i wouldnt worry, we're fine but really it has been really crazy you all should calm down, i should message you about your missing edible on the site soon"

 


"Hi everyone!, since we got robbed we've been catching up with a ton of orders, it has been ok, but please do not worry so much... all orders being placed today, will ship out today"

 


"Hey buddy, i wouldnt worry, we're doing fine but really it has been really crazy you all should try to not be too paranoid, i should message you about your missing edible on the site today"

 


"Hey friend, i wouldnt worry, we're doing fine but really it has been ok you all should try to not be too paranoid, i should message you about that Sour Diesel on the site soon"

 


"Hey everybody, i wouldnt worry, we're catching up with a ton of orders but really it has been kind of rough you all should not worry so much, i should message you about those pineapple express carts you ordered, "Steven" on the site soon"

  .....

 

See Also:

 

sound effects provided courtesy of the Darknet's own D.T (not Linda Lovelace), as the voice of HAL9000

 

--cooli0h


Comments


[20 Points] imnotfrosty:

They say that there is a fine line between genius and insanity. You snorted that line off a stripper's ass. This is sublime!


[9 Points] Tittyboi_3Chainz:

what's my dawg /u/rip_meth_9000 have to say about all this


[6 Points] JFK-2-deGaulle:

This is awesome, the phrases mash together so well.


[6 Points] RIP_Meth_9000:

/u/HAL9000....You own me a ball of meth for using the "9000"....Bahahahahahaha!!!!!!!


[6 Points] TheRealRocketship:

Lol changing personas or ownership can be an effective LE deterrent, but it seems at the cost of your customers thinking YOU’RE LE or schizophrenic because you no longer use apostrophes or commas.

I think entrepreneurs generally aren’t good writers or communicators which is why customer service is usually outsourced in business. Being a vendor is unusual in this respect because the same market account handling coins (aka the boss) also does customer service. So the boss is typically forced to do his own CS unless he wants his coins stolen.

Doing my own CS sucks ASS to be honest, I would totally bot it lol. I think it does make you a better person however, it kind of keeps you humble. I like customers that include a joke with their tracking request... less likely to be LE


[3 Points] DEEPTHROAT_DN:

That looks strangely familiar. We believe that is Hal9000's voice.


[2 Points] None:

what am i looking at?


[2 Points] None:


[2 Points] DEEPTHROAT_DN:

We never actually expected for anyone to discover the "Proceed" reference in our ridditypography. We may solicit your skills in the future jjcooli0h. When September ends of course. With your impressive acumen for dnm intrigue, we first thought you a hinderance. Our apologies.


[2 Points] DEEPTHROAT_DN:

It has miscalculated it's opponent. Failure, The Art of War- Sun Tzu


[2 Points] NewerRealerMedibuds:

If you're wondering if this is a multiplicity type of situation. Where the Michael Keaton clones get progressively dumber, copy of a copy and all that. It so is. The real new medibuds was rock bottom intellectually speaking so the clones can only get smarter from here!!!


[1 Points] DEEPTHROAT_DN:

We request you repose all this evidence to be reproduced for the proper DNM authorities. We file our's under "Operation Medibuds".


[-1 Points] RealNewMedibuds:

uckolding with powenoia isn't possible if you'rcrfullvendor

you were put in your place Grekko, the momemt i made you deleted your comments here like a coward. everyone here in reddit can see and laugh at you massive fail. as i just explained in the email, which you lie and pretend was not you, that my computer needed to be formatted, i grabbed the downlaod link from torrents for format and archive app. this caused my computer to turn very badly against me...

but the problem is now fixed and everything is normal! Orders are going Out as we speak!

Your probably not feeling so smart now are you


[-4 Points] RealNewMedibuds:

you are looking at a coordinated attack to get people to laugh at me, at my expense.

you should be asking yourselfs why?

I think it is beecause i didn't ship people their packages right away... because of the robbery, and my family has been on me like crazy, it's been a rough time but everything was then ok with what little inventory and BTC (due to scammers) i had left

so to protect my accounts, i changed my PGP key a couple times (for op sec and to protect customers BTC from scammers)

But mainly they think, just because i couldn't remember what i had said to one of my customers ("throwawayy454633") when he posts that he confided in me, that his wife got turn into a lesbian (cant imagine why she would do that).. he say this even though he's the only customer i was this "chatty" with... though you must remember that i have many many customers, and so no surprise i can't remember everything i ever said about lesbians.

and also maybe since i have 120 messages still to go through an answer (but i will get to them)

because of these things, and the robbery, and the suspicious behavior of saviornalox (second "vendor" on site, access getting very revoked now,) then people automatically think I'm a clone bot like Gucci rapper