Dad finds a dildo in my package

r/Aluminary12-Hey fuck face, I ordered a package off you and received a dildo(8.5in), which, my dad found, and now he thinks I anal blast myself at night. he tells me still loves me even though I'm different, and i like solid objects penetrating my asshole, can you imagine that conversation, you fuck. So, you're going to refund me or send me what i paid for, or I'll find You, take the rubber cock you sent, and best you till you're barely conscious and abuse every orifice on your body till your heart gives out. Please, test me you prick, I'll be waiting to hear from You. - bExodus


Comments


[57 Points] uEbrjuZxTDEwVhqS:

Maybe.... don't order drugs to your parents house? Your dad sounds like a cool dude and you are exposing him to compromise and yet the biggest thing you are worried about is your embarrasment. Take some time to re-assess your priorities.


[30 Points] ayeblinkin33:

Lol op measured the dildo


[30 Points] None:

Were there drugs inside the dildo?

Gotta check that battery compartment, son.


[21 Points] dopepopecope:

Sounds like someone is butt hurt.


[17 Points] None:

It's okay dude just order dildos all the time now and it will be like the perfect level of stealth you could ship a gaint bag of paste in the shape of a dick and ur dad would probably be like oh it's just some fucked up kinky shit


[11 Points] exyccc:

Op likes to anal blast himself


[10 Points] CocaineCowgirls:

I hate to crack this caper wide open but it's clear what happened. Mom ordered the dildo, you ordered the dope. Dad confronted mom about the dildo and she feigned ignorance and grabbed YOUR pack and said she ordered a pack of markers. Now you're moms blowing lines of your coke, dad thinks you take it up the ass, and you're slandering an innocent vendor when all this could have been avoided if dad got on the viagra.


[10 Points] None:

This made my day LMFAO


[5 Points] MitalikaSucks:

dafuq is this lol


[6 Points] None:

[deleted]


[6 Points] None:

this is hilarious


[5 Points] solidshitT:

received a dildo(8.5in) send me what i paid for

Whole 9in dildo?


[4 Points] samwhiskey:

This didn't happen.


[3 Points] someguynotsome:

It's new way to consume drugs. Try it you won't be disappointed.


[3 Points] Blockmane:

his dealer came through with some Fire Stealth


[3 Points] None:

Dildo your dad with it


[2 Points] KannabisNOLA:

Obviously a suppository of the good shit


[2 Points] Selectivescammer1:

Oh my god, that's embarrassing, kind of thing that happens to me....is good stealth though!

I think i'd just say to my dad, yeah it's drugs, look...its ghb like concentrated alcohol


[2 Points] GrandAlienOG:

Hey, it was an honest mistake from your dad. It was an accident so don't take it up the ass...haha


[2 Points] None:

[deleted]

What is this?


[2 Points] chefjoesb:

Take it like a man little boy...


[1 Points] Udaypbuh:

Sorry to hear you are going through a hard time OP.


[1 Points] forksquared:

This is amazing.


[1 Points] None:

LoL


[1 Points] mescaphysicality94:

Why didn't you day it was for some kinky girl you knew? Not very good in the heat of the moment, I suppose?


[1 Points] JohnElderly:

This...is...fantastic


[1 Points] ilovealcisneros:

Act as if.


[1 Points] None:

Some of the funniest things are people thinking you did something when you know you didn't. Awkward but kinda funny.