...from jerking off all fucking day!
Woke up, fell out of bed,
Dragged a comb across my head
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup of 4-FA,
And looking up I noticed I was late.
So I said fuck it, I'm calling out of work and going for my all time record.
8 hours was my official time according to my best friend that acted as referee, and who also had the day off from work because he is a cat. I edged for 8 dick scraping hours. Sure I took some short breaks to smoke 2 packs of cigarettes and drink a few bottles of Ensure, but I never stopped stroking, which is the only rule in this type of sporting event.
I had been training years for this event, sometimes 2 to 3 times per day, but nothing could have prepared me for what came next. Porn escalated faster than anything I have experienced in my life. One second I'm looking at anal, maybe some DP, then out of nowhere there is some chick fucking a dog, and I was only browsing xvideos. It's like the 4-FA enchanted my browser and unlocked hidden fetish porn that only I could see. I was able to create new archetype fetishes I have never seen before:
Anal + Space
Deep-throat + Muslims
Lesbians + Black Girls
...and so many more!
(I never knew there are black lesbians, i know crazy right?!)
I should be put to death for the explosion of cum that ended this marathon. As always the first tab I opened up 8 hours earlier ended up being the video that put me over the edge, a Japanese girl being gang-banged by like 20 guys. I pissed cum for 10 seconds, which was then immediately followed by regret that I had just wasted 8 hours of a beautiful summer day and 8 hours of very easy pay to ironically bukkake myself to bukkake.
I read the news today oh boy
Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire
And though the holes were rather small
They had to count them all
Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall.
I'd love to turn you on. - 4-FA
I would like for you to go into detail about the shame. Tell me about the shame