Keeping my vending life separate from my real life...

I have vended in the past. On and off since SR2. It usually ends up consuming me and I push everyone in my life away because I just constantly feel like a shady fuck from living a double life. I end up alone, isolated and just consumed by money and material shit.

I back away, my life gets pretty normal but I literally have no other skills because I have sold drugs in one way or another since I was 14 years old.

I can get an OK job making $20 per hour but the real money just keeps calling me. Always. The addiction to money creeps into my inner most being. I like nice, fancy, shiny crap.

Is there anyway for me to live this double life and not have the darker side of it consume me? Being an isolated DN vendor is literally the loneliest I have ever been in my life. But I was making fucking bank.


Comments


[22 Points] JelloCreationist:

Take more vacations with loved ones. Set monetary goals and mandatory breaks from vending. Take more classes at your local community college. Read a book.


[12 Points] DooshNozzzle:

COMPARTMENTALIZE. That's the name of the game. you need to compartmentalize... Vending keeps me pretty busy but I have normal healthy relationships, I go to the gym, I have a partner, I have friends who I spend time with and good family ties.

Maybe treat it like a normal job... then forget about it when you finish work for the day. Put your laptop away and go do something fun with your friends. Enjoy the money you are making while vending! Otherwise what's the point?


[7 Points] purpletastesgood:

i have the same problem. i'm really lonely too. i'm sorry. i have no solution for you. i just want to let you know that you're not alone.

but stay strong. don't vent to someone close to you because they WILL betray you if they have a weak moment. i skirted around the idea of telling someone close to me. i loved this person. i thought we had trust. i told this person that i am involved with drugs but not that i was a vendor. this person eventually ended up blabbing their big fucking mouth to a lot of people. i'm glad i didn't tell this person that i'm a vendor. i'd be in prison now.

my plan is to continue vending until i have enough money to retire. then i'll settle down and start a family when i'm emotionally ready. in the mean time, i'll continue to fuck bitches and get money.


[4 Points] None:

Its lonely as fuck.

Make friends with other vendors, atleast you can bitch to them about stuff, even if its just over IM/IRC. Then suck it up, hang out with normal people that do normal shit and pretend to be that boring too.


[2 Points] okestree:

Be stronger mentally. Just bend and don't let it consume you. Simple. It's all in your head, people act like they have no control over their shortcomings but they absolutely do. So get ahold of yourself. Grab life by the balls, sell drugs, make bank, have friends and a life.


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[1 Points] drimilr:

See a therapist. All the dark shit can be spouted to them and they can help you compartmentalize.


[1 Points] None:

Adopt a more ascetic lifestyle for at least 6 months. Stop vending and get the worst most boring job you can fathom, that pays in dogshit. Eat just 1 meal per day. Rice, or beans. Salt your beans on the weekends for a treat. No drugs, just work, books, and prayer. Go to the gym every day and punish yourself with grueling weight sessions. You need to stone for your materialistic behaviour.


[1 Points] StealthySally:

Take vacations and travel. See the world and absorb some culture.


[1 Points] gritty_city:

Set goals that you want to achieve via vending (assume monetary) and put all your efforts towards getting there. If you feel it vending makes your life shitty, then don't do anything to delay reaching your end goal (ie don't spend money stupidly as it will not make you feel better). Tell yourself that once you reach that goal you are out and free to a normal life, stick to that 100% and just try and improve yourself along the way. You have to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.


[1 Points] specialkstore:

Just go to Church every Sunday and depoit a paper wallet in the collection plate , the Lord will take care of you my RAFIKI


[1 Points] islambolt:

Vend until you've made enough money to life off of for the rest of your life, you have to understand money is just something people want for goods, rather then chasing after money chase towards actual material things, cars, house, etc. once you've made enough money to buy all of these things and still have enough to live off of, stop vending, money is an infinite number and you will continue to chase after it for infinity, objects have a set price the chase eventually ends, DONT GET GREEDY, you have one life, live if how you want.


[-12 Points] schwillynelson89:

yeah learn a god damn skill and contribute to society. we already have enough drug dealers in the world, sorry to be harsh but seriously.