Darknet Market Cigarettes -- BEWARE -- USED TO KILL!

My wife and I stumbled onto the darknet markets just a few weeks back, and thought it was really interesting. We're both in our 40's, so it's just completely amazing to us how you can now go on the internet and order drugs. This clearly is the way of the future.

As we browsed around, I noticed you could buy cartons of cigarettes for only $25 USD. This was a steal! We made our first order (from a vendor who shall not be named), and within 4 days, the cigarettes arrived. We were completely shocked and blown away.

What we didn't realize though, is that we were about to be.... really blown away.

My wife opened her pack first and said, "I wonder if they're as good as real cigarettes". She lit one up and within seconds, the entire cigarette caught fire. She tried blowing on it. Bad mistake.

Suddenly a bright flash blinds me, and my wife's head is engulfed in flames. We live in a rented apartment, and the landlord is a strange guy. Luckily there was a fire extinguisher in the house, but it was at the end of the hallway halfway up the stairs. I knew I had to act fast.

Meanwhile, my wife's head is glowing like a christmas tree, I'm sprinting to the fire extinguisher. Come back, put her head out in a huge cloud of carbon dioxide. I called 911 and she was treated for 2nd degree burns.

After she's picked up by the ambulance, I open my pack, thinking how I really need a cigarette. The odds of my cigarettes being so flammable is highly unlikely. Largest mistake of the entire event.

This cigarette goes up even more than the one before, and sparks are quickly showering onto my legs and chest. I took the cigarette out of my mouth and threw it at a wall just in time, because it exploded violently and put a hole through the drywall.

THESE CIGARETTES ARE NOT NORMAL CIGARETTES. THESE CIGARETTES PUT MY WIFE IN THE ICU. BEWARD OF WHAT YOUBUUY!!!


Comments


[112 Points] None:

Why would you buy anything off the darknet markets? This is a role play subreddit


[37 Points] AngryDiggerman:

r/thathappened


[33 Points] PsychoNautJohnII:

Yeah, don't tell anyone which vendor sent flammable cigarettes. Fuckin moron.


[33 Points] gotwork2do:

After she's picked up by the ambulance, I open my pack

ha ha ha, worst BS story ever


[21 Points] BrunoTheBigBlackMan:

What the fuck? is this story directed by Michael Bay or something?


[13 Points] None:

Fakest story I've read today, and I was on Fox news earlier


[6 Points] jadenpls:

Is this supposed to be funny?


[5 Points] _JustAnotherCustomer:

I bet the vendor named these "firecrackers" pesky vendors with their fancy names


[4 Points] None:

Ya man I boofed some cigs I got of the dnm's one time. Needless to say it didn't end well...


[4 Points] ForLol_Serious:

Roll your own cigs. Its like $25 for a big ass bag of tobacco and $5 for a box of tubes. It cost me like $35 for 6 weeks worth of cigarettes


[4 Points] ucriminal:

Send me link.. All the drugs are not doing the job.. I need some exploding Cigarettes NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


[3 Points] TheLastCig:

What the FUCK? Name and shame the vendor?


[2 Points] None:

you write very poorly


[2 Points] Goypride:

Still better than fentanyl laced cigarettes.


[1 Points] Triblado:

Welcome back to "Things that never happened"


[1 Points] TheCheeseConspiracy:

You have a fine imagination son, just don't start believing your own bullshit.