Nardil/phenelzine, an MAOI, decades old, enormous amount of misinformation on the drugs in general, particularly the risks, and, IMO, the strongest, all around most effective, antidepressant and anxiolytic when used properly. I was dealt a particularly raw deal since birth, nothing else except treatments that are still in trials (ketamine and NSI-189) are worth trying (already tried Parnate, NE effect is far too strong), and they only make things more bearable my a small amount, but never anywhere close to a cure.
I don't know if it's available in India or an Eastern European country, but if a vendor was willing to take a large custom request for it, along with an additional fee due to being something they don't normally sell, that would be great. Anywhere where medication is cheap would be best.
This will likely be misunderstood by many, but if I can't get it I'm most likely going to die eventually, or be driven to the breaking point. I don't want to give information about my life story or circumstances, things went beyond words a long time ago.
A psychiatrist isn't an option because I can't get a prescription for it here.
The Grand Wizard has checked with his men (OK, the Grand Wizard searched the product lists of his suppliers) but came up blank. Nardil (phenelzine) is an MAO inhibitor: you have to avoid red wine, hard cheese, tofu, yeast extracts and chocolate lest you get a potentially fatal blood pressure spike, but you probably knew that already. It's generally not fatal, but we saw somebody on Nardil pass out in the 1980s after eating a chocolate bar so the dietary requirements are serious. MAOIs aren't prescribed that often in the States anymore because they have been supplanted by safer antidepressants but they do actually have a pretty good record for efficacy. (Most of the post-Prozac antidepressants barely score above placebo if that in clinical trials).
You talk about ketamine: were you taking small oral doses or did you use it like ECT? Take enough to go into a K-hole and your brain frequently resets, leading to pronounced improvement in depression. If you can get Ketamine and a syringe, a large IM dose with a spotter or in a safe location might help. (We hesitate to play doctor but have lost several friends to depression. Given a choice between suicide and a K-hole, the Grand Wizard will recommend a K-hole every time).
We just dropped Gotmilk a note: if anybody can find an uncommon drug he can. We will also keep our wraparound sunglasses peeled and if anything comes up we will let you know. In the meantime best of luck. Depression is a killer and we hope you are able to find what you need. If we can find Nardil we will sell it to you at cost.