What do I do?

So last week my girlfriend and I, well, ex as of about 2 days ago went stupidly retarded on my pretty huge stash of DNM substances. at one point I ate about 1.2 grams of meth followed by 0.7 gram of MDMA, All while shooting Ketamine, H, and coke. some DMT later and I feel like I visited a death realm, shit was so fuckin crazy, I overdosed twice on Visionary's fire H TWICE and didnt even remember it due to double fisting Xanaxman presses Im not sure why I was so reckless I have never ever been like that before in my life, it makes NO sense I almost felt like i had absolutely no control over my actions at all. I wish I was all tweeked out on meth so I was compelled to write another 6500 word meth fueled story of it because this was the most intense like 9 days of my life. after all was said and done I was out about $1200 worth of drugs, my sanity, and my pride. So my point is I was basically told spiritually if I start using again I will not survive this time. My problem is, at the beginning of all of this I placed an order with Visionary for some Hearts and Teslas and of course some samples of I dont even remember what but its going to be a huge pack of shit just like the first one. I am kind of worried because Its on its way. Today was day 16 though and it still hasnt showed. What would YOU do in this situation? I have no drugs in my possession right now for the first time since I started using the markets years ago. and I am positive I shouldnt have survived this past 9 days. I feel hella stupid posting this because its absolutely retarded how dumb I was but it really felt like it needed to happen because I am now sober and planning to stay that way out of mortal fear of what I experienced.


Comments


[9 Points] None:

Well obviously your body is telling to to stop and take a break. Everyone has different limits and it looks like youve reached yours. Id say that whatever price you paid for that new pack is miniscule compared to your life.

Id say to try and sell what you bought to recoop some funds, but it sounds like youll be too impatient to sell and just end up taking it. Id throw away whatever pack you received immediately. Get clean and if coming back into being a responsible user is for you, you can always come back.

Id choose life over any substance though. Check out /r/addiction or any of the other recovery subs linked in Drugs FAQs.

Be safe brother. Were here for you.


[3 Points] drugs_4_sale:

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[3 Points] lovelylittlegangster:

Is it worth it?

You seem to get high and have a miserable time (see your last crazy tweaked out thread). Probably time to quit.

Sensible thing if the drugs arrive would be to just bin them.


[3 Points] Anothersleeper:

Gentleness my friend, make amends in your daily life from now on. Gentleness. And remember, charity is not goodness, do not short change yourself, your heart of hearts knows you down to the smallest microcosm, it's time to grow. Hold tight! This was meant to happen, it's no fluke. You are well on your way.


[2 Points] Flakes2011:

If I was in your shoes I would honestly hope it doesn't come and just gets lost by usps. Listening to your body is the best thing you could possibly do. If it does come either destroy,sell, or give it away. It really sounds like it's time for a break. I know I new around here but if ya ever feel the need to just talk about anything you can message me anytime. Hope all goes well for you!


[2 Points] PleasePostProof:

Junkies remorse mixed in with a little bit of mental instability. I would personally stop vending to someone like you.


[2 Points] None:

[deleted]


[1 Points] mrsadeyes:

.


[1 Points] None:

[deleted]


[1 Points] TripAddict:

[deleted]


[1 Points] wtfshroomy:

holy shit how the fuck are you even still alive?? i still remember your review months back that led me to discover NRP amazing gellies when he was just starting up (which im tripping off 1 right now).

anyways, like everyone else has said already, a loooonnnggg sobriety break is in order. good luck and i wish you the best.


[1 Points] brightBlinker:

Simple solution:

Just send them to me and I will take care of them for you. You won't have to worry about the temptation or risks, I'll dispose of them securely and discreetly.

Problem solved.

But seriously, your psyche is telling you to slow down and re-evaluate your position in the world and the direction of your life. Heed its advice, maybe it's time for a break?


[1 Points] Juiced_up_Joe:

DarkKnight I think you see the anwser yourself in what you need to do! Im positive you can do it aswell just gotta be strong. Remeber the things motivating you to stay sober (if thats the plan) and whenever thinking about going back down that rabbit hole just remember the pain it caused you.

Somthing is smacking you upside the head telling you to get on your feet and run with your life in a positive direction.

One thing that helped me a lot was getting help. And I don't necessarily mean therapy. Reach out to your loved ones and express your pain and your want to change, people will want to help you and see you happy with yourself again.

I love you dude this post hit me hard and i'm a little groggy but im trying to just say that you need to listen to yourself and if you need help, no shame in getting it. And always if for some reason you ever feel the compulsion to vent or just talk please send me a PM.


[1 Points] xanaxmanthevendor:

i hope your ok darkknight it worries me to hear this kind of stuff, be careful take care of your self :( good luck on staying clean and always if your going to use, use safely


[0 Points] None:

If you can afford to dump the pack, just flush it. If not, have a trusted friend sell it off for you and split the profits with him/her. If the money isn't the issue at all...flush that shit (but please open the package so you don't clog your toilet and have to call a repair man to fix it and get busted). Also, do not dump it into the water supply that anyone consumes (lakes, rivers etc).

THAT SAID:

Stay clean, and give yourself a year. I was in a bad bad place at one point and I told myself if things are not better in ONE year (even just a little better) staying clean, I'd pull a gun to my head and just be done~different issues, I'm not suggesting you kill yourself, this was just MY thinking at the time. A year passed and I thought about my promise to myself every day. Every day doing small things to make things better for myself. The end of the year came and things were better. Not just a little, but a LOT. I wasn't rich or got some fantastic job or whatever, but I found happiness in things that were from inside me and not a chemical.

If you need to talk, I'll listen.

Stay strong.