PSA: DEFINITIVE GUIDE OF HOW TO NOT GET CAUGHT ON THE DARK NETS FROM A PRO

Background: I am a second year Yale student with over 200+ successful package deliveries from basically every country. I also have great experience as a vendor - I know my shit, trust me.

Rule #1: Always ship to a fake name, don't be a tryhard moron who insists he's so comfortable he's going to start ordering meth and gay porn straight to his real name. Rule #2: Do not order from vendors with a lot of reviews. Who do you think the feds are tracking when they log on to the dark net - the vendor whose brand new with just one or two good reviews, or the established vendor with 500+ shipments? The more reviews a vendor has the less you can trust that he hasn't been compromised. I don't care how many positive reviews his meth gets - don't trust a dude with over 100 reviews. Rule #3: Order international at all costs. I've studies at Yale Law so I know my shit and believe me - it is a lot easier to deny a random foreign package full of drugs being shipped to you than it is to deny a package shipped from a neighboring state. In the USA you could even get charged twice for ordering from another domestic state (ie, possession of meth in two separate states). Plus if a package gets caught by international customs it'll get thrown away. If it gets caught within your country its another deal. Customs agents are way too busy to find your small stash of meth. Rule #4: Know what countries are safe and which are hot. Avoid Canada or Britain. Canada takes forever to get a package anywhere this time of year anyway because it's covered in snow and icy roads. Netherlands or Amsterdam are probably your safest bet, followed by Colombia or Peru. Also, most middle eastern vendors are a safe bet because as long as you aren't shipping in weapons or bombs nobody is going to care about some meth or underage gay porn coming in from Iraq - much bigger fish to fry for those customs officials. Rule #5: Order all your small orders off the Dark Net. Once your local post office sees you order a few small packages from a few different countries they will usually get the idea that you are an ebay merchant or some other type of vendor and once you get that trust you will never have a problem. Rule #6: Use Coinbase for your bitcoins. Not only is it the safest and most secure (only website that has told the IRS to stick it), but it is by FAR the fastest and most efficient. You get the best rate of exchange and the less time your bitcoins spend in translation the less sketchy. They also have the most reliable and legit defenses against government hacking. Rule #7: Use a normal credit card to buy bitcoins from Coinbase. Nothing is sketchier than Coinbase realizing a user used some type of prepaid visa card or some bullshit to buy bitcoins. Rule #8: SIGN FOR YOUR FUCKING PACKAGE!!! I cannot stress this enough. If you freak the fuck out and tell your postman you have no idea why a random package got sent to your place they MAY just MAY get more suspicious or try to open it to check out whats going on. Again, I studied at the best school there is, don't listen to these hopeless drug addict internet trolls who are going to tell you that signing for a package is going to be the legally binding deal breaker that gets you charge. That isn't how it works.

Follow these 8 rules from a Yale pre-law graduate and you will NEVER have a problem ever in your life. These are like the 10 crack commandments. Don't violate this shit or you deserve what you get.


Comments


[14 Points] None:

[deleted]


[9 Points] Unknown_60:

This sub should become private


[6 Points] hangbellybroad:

Yale. hunh. thank god I turned that place down.


[3 Points] BarsNone:

Rustling jimmies and I like it. 10/10


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[3 Points] pandahaze:

Damn, the sarcasm. Well done sir.


[2 Points] stokedcrf:

He's from YALE so it has to be true. Oh 'Merica, is this what the next generation holds for us?


[2 Points] throwahooawayyfoe:

Wow... Just, wow. This "advice" is just plain fucking dangerous. I really hope to god you're only a troll with noting better to do.


[2 Points] throwoutofwindowplz:

Yale seems to have 0 entry barriers. A simple IQ test too expensive?


[2 Points] Selectivescammer1:

Bad advice, and silly logic, i'm think this may be a piss take no? And i'm pretty sure Yale teaches it's students paragraphs...


[2 Points] Opie_Love:

Gotta be trolling. I thought it was pretty damn funny.


[1 Points] None:

[deleted]


[1 Points] SirGlassDickJones:

This sub has officially gone to shit with this post. Good luck motherfuckers.


[1 Points] None:

"Netherlands is your safest bet" to order from..... YOURE A DUMBASS.


[1 Points] __Maroon_Golf__:

Ooh Yale. Look at this guy! But you're wrong. So, so wrong.


[-2 Points] HornyWhiteBoi69:

100% right