Will give 0.022 BTC to the person with the best/funniest/inspiring response

Get something off your chest make a DNM joke Roast a member What ever

EDIT 0.02196btc


Comments


[27 Points] izza123:

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[22 Points] theperfectcopy:

Here's my RIP_Meth_9000 impression ahem

Bahahahaahahahaahaahahahaaaha!!!!!!!!!


[13 Points] None:

[deleted]


[9 Points] andblowyourhousedown:

It's Berlin, 1945.

Adam Schultz, the last Jew in town, is walking down the street trying to look as Aryan as possible, and oh-so-innocently whistling the Horst Wessel Lied as he does. He turns a corner, and then, lo and behold, guess who he bumps into? That's right - none other than Adolf motherfucking Hitler, the Führer of the whole damn enchilada.

Hitler, being Hitler, immediately sees right through Schultz' facade. His Hitler-sense kicks into gear, he immediately draws his custom-made Luger and bellows "Stop right there, you slimy little Semitic cockroach!"

Schultz stops cold in his track, and immediately feels a cold shiver run down his spine. Hitler, a sadistic smile spreading across his face, points to a fresh pile of dog shit on the pavement. "Eat it, you pig!" he hollers in a frenzy of classically Hitlerian hysteria. Schultz, seeing no other choice, gets down on all fours and start munching Poochie poo like it's nobody's business.

Hitler, sick fuck that he is, starts laughing. Like, laughing hard. In fact, laughing so damn hard that - guess what? - he drops his Luger on the pavement, right in front of Schultz's face. With lightning-quick reflexes, Schultz grabs the gun and points it right back at the Austrian ex-artist. "And so the tables have turned, mein Führer! Guess whose turn it is to feast on Lassie's own Sachertorte now!?"

Hitler immediately gets to it, lapping up every last bit of dogshit left. Schultz then completes his sweet, sweet revenge by knocking Hitler out cold with the butt of the Luger, and then - feeling that his work here is pretty much done - gets out of there in a jiffy, making sure he's not followed, and finally reaches the safety of his own home.

He closes the door behind him, hangs up his coat, and hears his wife's voice from the kitchen: "Hi hon'! How was your day?"

Schultz takes a deep breath, and goes "Uh, yeah, pretty rough actually! But you won't believe who I had lunch with...!"


[7 Points] Darknet_Retard:

Yesterday at work I used a rag to splash Limeaway (pretty harsh chemical) into my eye so I would be able to go home.

It fucking burned and my vision is blurred.


[8 Points] memcompromised:

Middle Earth Market had the best user interface


[6 Points] ShatterOnTheComeUp:

What kind of train eats too much? A chew chew train.


[7 Points] RIP_Meth_9000:

TBH.....I really don't do METH.....I never have....All of this is just a ploy to get YOUR attention.....I'm really a Jehovah's Witnesses & I will be knocking on your front door VERY early since its Saturday......Now GIMME my GODDAMN BTC.....BABY needs a new pack of METH.....Bahahahaahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!


[7 Points] RIP_Meth_9000:

Just Say No & Crack Is Wack....bahahahahaaha!!!!!!!!!


[4 Points] KingSplooge:

I'm a dick of a lsd vendor but I have low prices so people keep ordering from me. Recently I've decided to sell hq cocaine usa domestic for cheap even though i'm based in the UK. Everyone get your preorders in now, no exitscam guaranteed!


[3 Points] laqu1ant:

I am a cat. I somehow became able to speak English. Before I turn back to normal I must tell yoeaaaw. Meoowww meoowww meoowwww


[2 Points] hahaimsneakyy:

What does an 80 year old woman taste like? Depends


[3 Points] None:

Do bartards have to come out the short bus to their families?


[2 Points] GotMeSomeAlpandMDMA:

I sell illicit items for extreme markup compared to what I get them for. Phew Glad I got that off my chest. And how dare you spend that .00004 btc. I wanted all .022 :(


[3 Points] Picks86:

So my grandfather was a WWII vet. He said he went to Paris back in the day, and went into this lounge called "Les Jardin Rois" got drunk and pissed on the bar, banged all the waitresses, beat up the bouncer and threw a chair through the front window.

Naturally, I went there on vacation one year and tried the same shit, got my ass kicked by a bunch of Parisians and thrown in jail.

Calling him from the phone in prison he asked "Who did you go to that lounge with?"

Taken back by the question, I simply said, "Just myself. Why, who did you go with?"

Grandpa replied "the SS."

I posted this in r/jokes but it never gained any steam. I reposted it as a comment in another unrelated thread and it got like 700 upvotes. Go figure.


[3 Points] youngOGDNM:

i need this to get a sample of meth /u/rip_meth_9000 /u/vendor_bbmc


[2 Points] Wheredmydickgo:

I got into it with my roomate the other day over typical roomate dish duty bullshit. He was pretty upset about the whole ordeal afterwards (kind of a pussy) and stormed off to his room.

Well I got to thinking about the situation and decided I could've handled things in a more adult manner, so I went to speak with him about it. I get to his room and hear legit CRYING (you're fuckin kidding me right? Oh boy here we go). So as I'm opening the door he(with incredible dexterity) closes his browser window, zips his pants and swivels around with a boner not well cocealed. I had already made the commitment to handle the rest of my day like an adult, so as I'm thinking of how to handle this situation I notice his desktop background is a pic of him on a recent hiking trip.

"Can I help you?"

"Um, I think I'm good man. Just wanted to tell you not to be so hard on yourself."


[2 Points] throwawayyfoeonions:

You should give it to me and I will give you the most insightful wisdom.

Also actual inspiration.

Turn off your mind, relax and float down stream It is not dying, it is not dying

Lay down all thoughts, surrender to the void It is shining, it is shining

Yet you may see the meaning of within It is being, it is being

Love is all and love is everyone It is knowing, it is knowing...

... that ignorance and hates may mourn the dead It is believing, it is believing

But listen to the colour of your dreams It is not living, it is not living

So play the game "Existence" to the end... ... Of the beginning, of the beginning


[2 Points] fordforgiveus:

Im not a clown go ufck yourself son of dirty pieces of bitshe


[2 Points] deadoijthrownaway:

IDK why everyone is so minervous about getting doxxed lately...


[1 Points] None:

[removed]


[1 Points] CocaineNose:

$14.. can't even buy anything


[1 Points] HornyHebrew:

meh


[1 Points] ForLol_Serious:

I exclude myself from this competition because I know I would win.


[1 Points] TeamRocketTyler:

Are you familiar with the joke "The Aristocrats"?


[1 Points] darktwiget:

I stuck shit up my ass for 30 bucks, about as sad as you can get


[1 Points] Stayhigheu:

The Best is People that make Sample Hunter And get Angry that they must pay Fee Cents lol.


[-2 Points] ahahahriighit:

I buttfucked an 10 year old girl while she was on molly, gave her a squirting orgasm