Addiction really has gotten a hold on me

I used to be a full on heroin addict but recently changed to a chipper. I used twice in the past six months, when my obsession got too paramount. When the obsession hits, my brain convinces me that getting high is the best thing in the world. Everytime I used it wasn't as great as I remembered. I recently moved to a different country and thought I'd celebrate a little. I placed an international order about 9 days ago and ever since all I could think about is when it would land. Things have not been the same since then. Everyday activities are not fun. I have been on this sub obssesively since then. I cannot eat, drink or sleep due to the anticipation of the pack landing: it has put me into a terrible mental state. All I can do is wait for the sweet relief of drugs. The anticipation is murdering my soul. The drugs have stole my happiness even when its not present. With that said I am never going to order again. I am done. Drugs have taken enough toll on me and I've realize that it only brings me pain. To whomever that wants to dabble with opiates I advise you that it will never let you go. Good luck to you all.


Comments


[6 Points] SloppyJoeLieberman:

Use this self-awareness to better yourself. If you really feel that it's consuming your life or controlling your happiness, take a step back and reevaluate. Best of luck to you, keep your head up.


[5 Points] robynbanxx:

Brother if you can't take it get out. Some weren't cut for it and it's nothing get beat up about just carry on being the best person you can be.


[3 Points] None:

[removed]


[2 Points] Stoned3y3Codon3:

Heroin is a waste of life. sober is the way to go and I'm the last to say tht


[2 Points] Vendor_Teddybear:

you gotta live for something I guess


[2 Points] blizade:

sounds like you may suffer from depression bro. have you ever seen a doctor about it? ive read some people micro-dosing LSD works wonders, and here in the US the FDA just made MDMA a schedule II drug so psychologists can prescribe it in small doses and use it in studies for depression. also, working out and exercising works wonders.


[1 Points] None:

Dear OP, I would like to tell you that I am an ex heroin addict as well. I have been clean now for about 5 years. Even though I troll the darknet and order things, I never have ordered opiates. Never went back to that. I may have cravings, sure, but I never went back. So OP it's possible to kick. The opiates will let you go. The thing is, the habits of addiction/dependency won't let you go until you make them.

You can do this if you truly want to; quit. Find help, it can be an anonymous group, or an internet group. A friend. A family member. And ultimately, rehab or a good program.

I'm rooting for you OP. DM me if you ever want to talk, please.

PS: For those suggesting that OP substitute drugs with different drugs ("microdosing" substances, herbs, etc); It's counter productive and only keeps one in the loop of dependency.


[-3 Points] None:

Shouldn't have done international


[-3 Points] badnewsaboutyourpack:

Good thing you quit that thing ain't coming.


[-2 Points] RedditAccount28:

What? You doped up writing that? Lol


[-5 Points] ILIKEDRUGSTUFF:

Pussy