[Market review] DPRK Market, first-hand account. It's fucking real, guys.

Hello. Just call me Igor. Igor from Vladivostok, Eastern Russia. I'm currently based in Hamburg once again, as local LE, FSB and CIA became a bit overactive in my area and my local customer base was progressively beaten to a pulp by the police, which sucked donkey balls.

Before I started (as some of you might know) dropshipping from North Korea early last year I used to ship gas centrifuges to Iran, as well as other questionable stuff, no questions asked. Bliss is where the money is. Now I'm even looking towards a new field of operation in Crimea, thanks comrade /u/DPRKAdmin :-)

Finally got an invite to DPRK market today so I'm able to come up with an educated review. Why it took me so long to get in, you may ask yourself? Because I already had been in touch with Dear Admin General Koi Moon-Bat for a considerable time over the Alibaba B2B marketplace. Alibaba though is nowadays more and more a hortbag of scammers and imperialist scumbags so I looked into an additional business platform as a reassurance; maybe even doing some retail on the side, as vendor accounts are just $10 on DPRK and tax deductible.

Dear General and me had an electronic conversation yesterday; for OPSEC reasons this took place by means of an SSH tunnel routed through a chain of proxy chains, which were intelligently routed through a proxy chain. I think they call that Tor or something. Of the conversation, publishing a few parts which may be considered not critical to North Korea's national integrity, was approved.

Me: we are partners in business for a year now, lemme in plzzzz. please! fucktards scammed me! they even admitted to business with USA! i'm frightened!

Koi: you dumbass or what? scud missile will explode on your head, that happen. no juche, no com in. you read juce and juche meorize good? then cum.

Me: well, that Juche read sort of made sense after I was halfway through that huge sample pack of korean red dream. it really made sense! actually i was so baked that it made sense.

Me: the true korea will ever slowly enlighten the world, like a holy candle carefully dropped into a fuel tanker. As long as the masses work hard, voluntarily and seven days a week for the resplendent vision, there will be hope in this all too hostile world

Koi: hear buttocks. 1 week period trial. bizfriends yes dont matter tis our hometurf must preotected. possible imperelist sympatisant mole? shit once, bugger, and be excuted by bomb drop from Leader's airplane, same time hanged shot and burned and it on youtube.

Me: sounds like a deal, Dear Admin General. My considerate actions shall enable you to discern the truth behind my attitude. twenty years in the shipping business? it will only help the cause of Real Korea. devilish imperialists stink! HURR! HURR! UPHOLD OUR DEAR LEADER! SEAS OF FLOWERS ATOP HIS FEET!

We had a gab for some longer, sipping lovely green jasmine tea, then he spontaneously came out with the invite code. I smiled.

„herwith i lay responsibil prosperity of peple of greatest korea yor hands on. smallest abuse will die instant!"

Suddenly I shaked my fists against the ceiling, laughing manically and triumphantly. I would not disappoint them or abuse their trust. They really had me.

TL;DR: Here cometh the Market review.

After I logged into DPRK, I was prominently greeted by a splashscreen with the glorifying depiction of The Dear Leader. This image then moves into the top left corner with a darn cool CSS3 effect and continues to sit there at all times, observing as well as reminding. Occasionaly pop-up boxes open in the middle of the screen. They are basically kind of badly conceived realtime notifications (like when you got a mail or an order was shipped) and quite annoying when appearing in the middle of browsing. They dim the screen a bit too, but never the portrayal of The Dear Leader. He is far above any amount of screen dimming, support confirmed.

The market will not expire your session after a certain time. Instead it securely locks the GUI and displays, playing the Five Great Revolutionary Operas in the background, a very decorative screensaver slideshow which is mostly comprised of women playing accordion, firing squads dispensing well-deserved justice, glorious military parades, famous scenes from Airang Festival, even more righteous executions of nefarious imperialists, families roasting mussels above burning US flags (very popular at picnics), the holy Mt. Baekdu, The Eternal General Secretary Kim Jong Il's Countenance, and the beatiful sight of kale harvest in the mid of a harsh winter. Only real Korean kale is good for Kimchi! Just ask 'em.

Basic use and search are quite straightforward; once again Evolution seemed to be the biggest borrowing. Unfortunately you can't filter by ship-from country because everything ships from NK anyway (foreign vendors are, without any exceptions, required to move to Pyongyang while dealing, where their income, activities and whereabouts are strictly monitored). Prices are displayed in KPW by default, which plainly sucks. And there's no obvious workaround yet. Support just bawls at me.

The color scheme is a pompous orgy of red. Apparently the creators of the market aimed at transporting a certain statement here, I'm not quite sure yet; but it is very likeable and easy on the eyes.

One hundred listings, give or take some, are up so far. Custom orders seem to be an especially hot section; I was instantly tempted at purchasing an Antonow An-225 scrap hull, but someone with slightly more coins in the wallet was faster. So I went with an S-300P SAM instead. According to the description it is "deliverable to the doorstep". Pleasantly surprised, I bookmarked the vendor for future reference.

On the drug side, things should be clear. The best weed and best meth you will encounter on ANY market. The "standard" and ideologically most impeccable weed seems to go by the name "Korean Red Dream". It is a high-CBD sativa-indica hybrid that indeed impresses with delightful, deeply red trichomes. According to the feedback, some a user converted to Juche because they were so insanely fried by one hit that they didn't care anymore, or even about FE.

Yes, this is an FE-only market and the 2FA implementation still needs some love as well. I wanted you to know that beforehand.

The grass of thinkers, on the other hand, seems to be "Amnesia Pyong", sativa 28% THC. But it costs nearly double of the ideologically ok stuff, so allow yourself some time for consideration.

Support is not the most friendly. Along those lines, I have to assume they are simply under a lot of pressure from above and in urgent need of coders. Just get used to their constant death threats. You'll learn how to cope and make the best of it. And in the end, this is the darknet; don't expect a coffee party with black forest cake.

So far for my review, ladies and gentlemen. I was a little short on time and still have other things to do on this late evening. More to come, who knows? Cya.


Comments


[7 Points] None:

[deleted]


[5 Points] footlockervip:

Can't beleive you have nothing better to do then what you just did lol. Busy life.


[4 Points] None:

Just hit us with the market review of the goods lmao


[3 Points] Sloppy__Jalopy:

High effort post


[3 Points] Vendor_BBMC:

Have you ever typed "Pyongyang" in as your location on localbitcoins?

Try it. You will be surprised. There are a lot of bitcoin traders, but usually offering the same identical price.


[2 Points] DPRKAdmin:

(foreign vendors are, without any exceptions, required to move to Pyongyang while dealing)

Only true for domestic Koreans. Outside sellers are wanted for proxy sellers. Not all items can be shipped from DPRK.

Poster of this thread is obvious customer of our triumph product methamphetamine.


[1 Points] auto587643:

I've been hearing more reports about DPRK Deep Market of people saying it's legit and having bought from it successfully. I've seen no substantial evidence of it being a scam or prank as the admins have tried to play it off as, especially in more recent days.

I'm starting to think the admins' and other sites' reasons for not including them on their market lists are more politically motivated than actually based on facts, but of course nobody will say it.

Yes, North Korea may be a highly controversial country, but DPRK Deep Market is proving to be legit. Regardless of people's personal feelings towards them, the market is legit, so it needs to be treated as such nonetheless.


[1 Points] Vendor_BBMC:

This has got to be vendor "Hank" using a pseudonym He talks like this all the time.

He's like MrNiceGuy but less like Willy Wonka and more like..this. And with better meth, obviously.


[1 Points] Hank_Vendor:

Atop fucking around and get lithium


[1 Points] None:

Is this a joke anymore? I can't tell... Also got a link. Don't even wanna buy, I just wanna see if this is real. This is either a really good political joke, or a real market. Also, if someone was to be off this market, per se, would they be arrested for treason?


[-1 Points] PRETTY_PUSSY_LIPS:

The fanciest of men are to be that of the most concieved the one of the which has not to be there will enevitably ascertain dominion over the others he shall remain to abstain from. There arent a single most which will not be undermined of the constraint that hasnt not been the day there arent to be for an undeserving populace that of which remained must continue. Infringe on that of the most which will not be nor for most of which hasnt yet begun to remain. Down the road we didnt go we dont have any of the necessity which shall remain to begin even after it has yet to remain to have begun. Contained within this of which I quote "Arent yet we begun what hasnt yet began?" This is what makes it work and keeps all who ascertain that we will remain coexistently within those of the fullest regard to existance.

ASK NOW ME THIS!? Are there no bernock aint he to be isnt regarded as one.

I ask you to ask yourselves he shouldnt be of that kind of to which they might say. To the extent of which they are of the intent to not be regarded as he shall be of this time eternally coexistent in the dexterity of noone. This is what is not done, this is what is not said. It has been said the intention not to be known to everyone since then there hasnt been any of the right which remained. This now is what we began this now is how weighty the betrayal has imposed upon it all. Another man of no such divinity cant induce infirmity upon human weaknesses most plausibly from IMPROPER COMPARISON.

This is but absurdity in the contest for not having no one which arent have ever been.