How to set up a Buddhist retreat in lockup in US?

(tl;dr questions at bottom)

My Esteemed Colleagues,

Well, after a vendor & package disappeared, I'm reminded of a project to have a plan in place to attempt to use jail time for a meditation retreat. Plus I saw that poor kid bastard in Denmark or Tanzania or wherever busted in front of his parents and couldn't lie, this thread might be beneficial for him as well.

I've been practicing for over a decade, and paid a grand once to go on a legitimate vipassana ten day retreat - shit was amazing. That high concentration states seem to be possibly in the realm of the most enjoyable thing a human can do, drug use included, was a bit surprising, along with the feeling of kind of tripping all day every day just being my preference.

So, lockup time could be a bit of opportunity, because primarily what I paid money for a retreat for was a situation where everything is essentially taken care of without distraction, roof, food, people shut the fuck up, etc., and I can keep my attention to aiming for full on enlightenment. Fuck the haters. I'd like to hit nirvana clear headed and obtain deep insight about existential shit and all that jazz. And even just partying in the concentration states the entire time would be greatly pleasurable at least.

I hate fucking wasting time more than anything, and goddamn if I could use jailtime as a paid meditation retreat LE'd be doing me a huge favor. The Dhamma Brothers movie gives me some hope, and it's vipassana which is my preferred route of administration http://www.dhammabrothers.com/Prison.htm


QUESTIONS

Is there a way to "choose" a prison/jail where the opportunity to set this up would exist? Essentially - I don't have to talk with people ever, I get food provided, I can do a sit/walk alternate every 40 minute type schedule, there is time for literature review & reorientation, listening to audio dharma talks would be nice occasionally.

I've considered fighting with everyone till I get put in solitary, I don't think that's the best option though, for pretty obvious reasons. Can I request solitary? Or get them to keep me there without creating some terrible consequence?

What about attempting to arrange something as an alternative to prison with the court & lawyer, or requesting a prison where I could do this? Is there a point during a trial where I could say "I am a practicing buddhist, I would like to use this time for deep self-reflection on my life" or something? I know there's a lot of christian alternative programs, but those fuckers tend to hate anything non-christian.

What about asking to be ordained in Burma instead of go to jail, or 24/7 community service with a legitimate US retreat center like IMS?

Is there a way to arrange getting a cellmate who would also be on a shut the fuck up trip?

Healthy vegan/vegetarian food? Is this possible in this system run by goddamn animals?

Thank you ladies and gentlemen.

(I apologize if I'm not able to respond very swiftly, but I will as able.)


Comments


[4 Points] None:

[deleted]


[2 Points] hashmon:

You do not want to be in solitary if you want to eat remotely decent food.


[2 Points] jailbirdplus:

LoL. I don't know how it is for girls but for guys it's fucking rough...And you don't want to be in solitary. Period.

Edit: Experienced meditator/soul traveler/ inmate


[1 Points] Lost_my_fucking_mind:

This what the court and corrections officers hear:

Blah buba blah blah baba blah blah, Blah buba blah blah baba blah blah. Blah buba blah blah baba blah blah.

or with money:

In Florida recently prisoners where getting drugs and outside prostitutes to come fuck them in the woods every weekend. anything is possible


[1 Points] Aluminum_Foil_Hat:

  1. The only way to choose the prison/jail you end up in is your location where you live and the crimes you commit. 2. Fighting with everyone may get you your solitude and may even bring you to enlightenment, however it will also cause suffering. Parole is going to laugh at you when you show up with multiple violent infractions, any good time you may have received will be taken away. 3. Alternative prisons? Don't know about them. Talk to a lawyer about programs(In New Jersey they have one called drug court and another isp, both will defer prison sentences but are intense.) You have freedom to practice religion while in prison. Major religions will offer services, Buddhism maybe not. I told the medical staff i was a vegetarian and they thought that meant I would eat chicken and fish. After some time of explaining I received meatless meals, however instead of meat I would receive bread and cheese or bread and peanut butter. When I was locked up I read all day, and stayed to myself, after awhile I went a little crazy until I started exercising and socializing(playing cards, chess) The people in prison are not all that bad, many will be in similar situation as yourself, I wouldn't trust them to watch my kids. Prison is a horrible experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy and I believe it should be reserved for criminals who harm others physically. If you use the time to better yourself, either physically, mentally or spiritually, the more power to you. You will have no freedom to do these things when or where you want. You will be told when to eat, when to exercise, your cellmate may even tell you when to shit. If none of this makes sense, I wish you good luck on your journey and may it bring you to enlightenment, hopefully without the trip through prison.


[1 Points] k9atemybuds:

Is this because of FG?


[1 Points] lnsaf:

Not in america


[1 Points] throwahooawayyfoe:

of course you can request solitary. i haven't got a clue why you might want to do so. but if you really do, that's up to you. when you're going through intake, tell them you have enemies inside who would want to hurt you. they'll have no choice but to put you in protective custody.


[1 Points] None:

you really think you'll get peace and quiet in a prison?