#!/bin/sh
##### "Real New Medibuds"
### Seed random number generator
RANDOM=$$$(date +%s)
coinFlip() {
local entropy=2 tails=1 coin=$RANDOM
let "coin %= $entropy"
[ $coin -lt $tails ] && echo HEADS || echo TAILS
}
#####################################################
#
# "Medibuds" Internal Parts
#
#####################################################
a1=( 'everyone!' there friend buddy 'the reddit' everybody )
a2=( 'going through a lot' 'catching up with a ton of orders' \
'doing fine' 'really busy' fine )
a3=( ok 'really crazy' 'basically fine' 'kind of rough' )
# reassuring platitudes
a4=( relax "not worry so much" "try to not be too paranoid" \
'try to relax' 'calm down' )
a5=( 'that Sour Diesel' 'your missing edible' \
'sending you a Controlled Delivery,' \
'those pineapple express carts you ordered, "Steven"' )
a6=( today 'next Wednesday' soon )
# adverbs and stuff
a7=( today 'since we got robbed' 'the past couple weeks' \
'thanks for your messages of anger and support' \
'since yesterday' )
medilibs() {
local word;
case $1 in
1 ) word=${a1[$RANDOM % ${#a1[@]} ]};;
2 ) word=${a2[$RANDOM % ${#a2[@]} ]};;
3 ) word=${a3[$RANDOM % ${#a3[@]} ]};;
4 ) word=${a4[$RANDOM % ${#a4[@]} ]};;
5 ) word=${a5[$RANDOM % ${#a5[@]} ]};;
6 ) word=${a6[$RANDOM % ${#a6[@]} ]};;
7 ) word=${a7[$RANDOM % ${#a7[@]} ]};;
esac
echo $word;
}
###############################
#
# "Medibuds" main run loop
#
###############################
while test true;
do
# Flip a coin to select speech option!
if test $(coinFlip) = HEADS;
then
#### PROCEED WITH "Medi-libs!" OPTION #1
cat <<-EOF
Hi $(medilibs 1), $(medilibs 7) we've been $(medilibs 2),
it has been $(medilibs 3),
but please do $(medilibs 4)...
all orders being placed today,
will ship out $(medilibs 6)
EOF
else
#### PROCEED WITH "Medi-libs!" OPTION #2
cat <<-EOF
Hey $(medilibs 1), i wouldnt worry, we're $(medilibs 2)
but really it has been $(medilibs 3)
you all should $(medilibs 4), i should
message you about $(medilibs 5) on the site $(medilibs 6)
EOF
fi
echo
done
##### FIN #####
Output
"Hi everybody, thanks for your messages of anger and support we've been really busy, it has been really crazy, but please do try to relax... all orders being placed today, will ship out soon"
"Hey there, i wouldnt worry, we're fine but really it has been kind of rough you all should calm down, i should message you about those pineapple express carts you ordered, "Steven" on the site next Wednesday"
"Hi there, since we got robbed we've been catching up with a ton of orders, it has been really crazy, but please do not worry so much... all orders being placed today, will ship out next Wednesday"
"Hi there, thanks for your messages of anger and support we've been really busy, it has been kind of rough, but please do try to relax... all orders being placed today, will ship out next Wednesday"
"Hey friend, i wouldnt worry, we're going through a lot but really it has been basically fine you all should relax, i should message you about sending you a Controlled Delivery, on the site soon"
"Hey everybody, i wouldnt worry, we're fine but really it has been really crazy you all should calm down, i should message you about your missing edible on the site soon"
"Hi everyone!, since we got robbed we've been catching up with a ton of orders, it has been ok, but please do not worry so much... all orders being placed today, will ship out today"
"Hey buddy, i wouldnt worry, we're doing fine but really it has been really crazy you all should try to not be too paranoid, i should message you about your missing edible on the site today"
"Hey friend, i wouldnt worry, we're doing fine but really it has been ok you all should try to not be too paranoid, i should message you about that Sour Diesel on the site soon"
"Hey everybody, i wouldnt worry, we're catching up with a ton of orders but really it has been kind of rough you all should not worry so much, i should message you about those pineapple express carts you ordered, "Steven" on the site soon"
.....
See Also:
sound effects provided courtesy of the Darknet's own D.T (not Linda Lovelace), as the voice of HAL9000
--cooli0h
They say that there is a fine line between genius and insanity. You snorted that line off a stripper's ass. This is sublime!