Hey guys! I'm the new Pastor of the DNM's here to listen to what you may want to get off your chest. I am a very good listener and am willing to listen to your problems in hopes to give you some inner peace.
Confessing Your Sins
Hey guys! I'm the new Pastor of the DNM's here to listen to what you may want to get off your chest. I am a very good listener and am willing to listen to your problems in hopes to give you some inner peace.
[171 Points] None:
[109 Points] willyboyjenkins:
i used auto-encrypt
[79 Points] ChadThundercockII:
I spent the last two years doing LSD and smoking hash every week. I developed this obsession with making women cum, but as I am a weirdo I cant get a girlfriend, I fuck hookers until they start shaking from dopamine and Serotonin flushes. In a way, my dick is the LSD and Molly of these hookers.
Fuck off Father
[64 Points] C_Lana_Zepamo:
I tried to sell my black friend on Hansa.
We aren't friends anymore.
[64 Points] That_Guy_389:
I spent so much on the markets now I have to jerk off the cat to feed the dog [remorse]
[50 Points] DickCheeseKillah:
Father please forgive me I was trying to attempt the "xannymanziel 60 bar challenge " and drove my car into a group of 13 year olds .
[43 Points] bmwwallace:
Thanks LE, I have loads to confess!
[36 Points] basedtomato:
I injected two marijuanas and now im a gay juggalo.
[36 Points] Wet_Hawaiian_Roll:
I like to sell fake Xanax to white kids for 10$.
[30 Points] Soraii:
Forgive me pastor for I have sinned I once milked my eel at dinner, not only that but into the turtle stew. Which i do believe my sister ate or at least I hope she did.
[28 Points] None:
I like to smoke meth and hold wrestling competitions in my backyard with my friends. We must lube up and get sweaty before we can properly engage one another. People call us gay, but personally I think they are jealous they don't have wrestle mania in their backyards.
[21 Points] None:
I have more drugs than I hace any use for the next 8 years and yet I can't stop myself from purchasing. I need more ketamine and 2cb
[18 Points] revcback:
I once found a pencil on the floor and kept it. I'm a horrible person.
[17 Points] _PrinterPam_:
Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It's been...forever since my last confession. In fact, I have never confessed to anything, including speeding tickets. Why shoot myself in the foot with LE and deprive my attorney of an opportunity to actually work for his fucking retainer? ;)
[17 Points] None:
[deleted]
[14 Points] DNMUser10564:
I sodomize myself with narcotics.
[9 Points] Bigw0rmer:
last night when i left the club , i had to piss super bad so i go to this side ally where i saw a passed out drunk white looking frat dude ... i checked his wallet then after some reparations where made , i pissed all over him and made sure to get a bit in his mouth .. Everytime i come in to large sums of cheese i always act like a manic ( on the todo's to fix)
[10 Points] ForLol_Serious:
I had sex with someone that was 87% gay. Does that make my gay percentage go up?
[6 Points] CalvinsCuriosity:
I had sex in the missionary position for the purpose of precreation.
[6 Points] Xeesus:
Father, can I do some pre-confessions... you know.... for a rainy day, in case I do something bad potentially in the near future?
15x Hail Mary's 10x Lord's Prayers 2x Hail Satans (just hedging my bets XD)
[6 Points] tis_athR0w_way0:
I'm Mr. Meeseeks look at me ...
Forgive me father for I was the 'stickler meseeks' that was concerned about Jerry's short game...
May I Rest in pieces
[5 Points] None:
Settle down with a cup of tea father, this is gunna be a long one
[5 Points] vvv8:
Yo TPoD,
I got my 10 year old sister high from vaping some 'dro
What do you think about me (srs)? 😈😇
[4 Points] anodyne_anomie:
Not gonna lie I sometimes forget to am too lazy to release escrow for several days. [conflicted]
[1 Points] kil0gramz:
Father...
I'm the roommate who reversed into the mailbox which took it down. I just lie and say idk what happened.
I'm pretty sure it's bc of klonopin but knowing my anxious ass I could have been sober excited af omw to pick it up.
Did u punish me by making my last two kpins disappear ?? Pls forgive me and give them back ..
[3 Points] P1ckIe_Rick:
I have been using privnote, heard it 'twas smooth as silk.
Bless me for my sins
[3 Points] PuffDaddyMax:
I let new niggas try my flubromazolam and steal em for everything they got while they're down and out. My place got some nice ass furniture now though.
[3 Points] vvv8:
TPoD, I have somewhat of a question...
If God loves me, he'd want me to be happy right? Or atleast, as happy as I can be, right?
Well, out of all the things I've experienced so far in this life, Drugs are one of the main things that make me happy. I don't do drugs to get "fucked up", I do them so that I can improve myself.
I mainly use Marijuana, Coca leaf, and different Opiates (including Kratom). I mix all 3.
When I use these drugs, I feel happier. My outlook on life improves (greatly). Because I'm happier, and because my outlook on life is improved, I'm able to forget about the things that bother me, and focus on the things which bring me happiness/ things that are important to me.
When I'm focusing my Brainpower on things that are important to me, whilst being in a happy state, I'm much more likely to achieve these things that I want, because I'm not wasting my time thinking about all the negative stupid shit in my life. When I think about the stupid stuff, it brings me down and makes me feel like I can't accomplish my goals, then I get depressed all over again.
So this cycle becomes repetitive for me. The drugs that I use actually make me feel healthier, I feel like my athletic performance goes up when I use them, as well as my mental capacity.
Dear Pastor TPoD, I've been forced in the past to take prescription antipsycotic medicine, along with antidepressants. They made me become suicidal, and extremely depressed and fatigued. I hated it, and I hated the people that lied and tricked me into taking it.
Pastor I have finally found these precious, beautiful, theraputic plants that others would call Bad Drugs, yet in my Eyes they are a gift from God himself to people who are in need of his help. You see Pastor, these plants I use are a proven treatment for my PTSD, anxiety, depression and fatigue.
Tell me Pastor, did God place these plants on Earth to help people like me?
[2 Points] None:
ok cop. this is getting real ridiculous lately. just fuck off already
[2 Points] luma88:
[2 Points] Amanda-Binds:
Ummm...sucking dick for crack at "Band Camp" Or would that even be considered a sin?
[2 Points] MXEesus:
Bless thee, you're carrying on the lord's work on these dark net market streets. Confess and repent, all will be forgiven in the lord's eyes. Or you could pay the MXEesus a tribute and be cleansed of all wrong done. ;P
I also vouch for this pastor, hes legit. (don't let his panky rang throw you off)
[2 Points] EatSheets:
This one time I tried shoving a firefly up my butthole to see if it would make my farts glow
[2 Points] SirBandolero:
Every fucking day I fap thinking in my big ass older aunty.
[2 Points] wtstalin:
I've been taking flubromazolam without liquid dosing and blacking out for days at a time. each time I come to I've bought new shit and there's take out everywhere. I wonder how long this can last, but here we go again
[1 Points] JeffSessions_DNM:
Sounds like something a cop would say.
[1 Points] boofthemtonsilstones:
I just broke up with my SO who believed we would have a family because I wanted to slut around and wasn't happy being committed after almost 2 years.
We played the same video games, watched rick and morty, and did drugs together. Helped me get to a better position in life and I rejected the relationship because I was getting bored with being with the same person and wanted fresh meat.
Forgive me :(
[1 Points] chill3willy:
I got high and drove around the neighborhood late at night.
Also, tried to convert cam whores into legitimate working businesswomen by introducing them to cryptos and stocks.
wait... I think I'm doing it wrong.... I'm such a shitty scumbag... lmao
[1 Points] BitcoinCitadel:
Redeem yourself before it's too late
[1 Points] tru_teller:
I have ended way to many lives now I use drugs to forget about it. Not really I use drugs for fun. Those fuckers were trying to kill me as I was them. Even had drugs sent to whatever APO address I happen to be at. I have nothing I need forgiveness for. Except maybe fucking ex-wife's friend's. Wait that was fun also I will keep it as well. But good luck tell junkie jesus to stop by and bless my ass soon.
[1 Points] DnmThrowawayhoeaway:
Currently, the only friend I have is drugs.
[1 Points] fuckingthrowaway1984:
Nice try FBI ;P
[1 Points] None:
[deleted]
[1 Points] Le_Dbagger:
Pastor, i sold meth i found in a bush outside my apartment to my best friends then girlfriend, she then started to get heavily into it and they broke up when she OD'd and landed in the hospital. He was a little suicidal and would cut himself every day after that. He still thinks it was our other friend who sold it to her and we broke into his house and stole his $1000 drum set and sold it as payback. He still doesnt know it was me. I just wanted $50 :(
[1 Points] BudwellV3:
I once took a bunch of peoples money, died, came back, did the same thing again... I'm back brother!
[1 Points] phonehonor5x:
Girls love me but none of them are good enough
[1 Points] JburnaDNM:
I tried to sell webcam shows of my fiancé.
[1 Points] JohnTSchmitz:
Let's see ... there's been a couple of bars ... or was one of those a nightclub? Didn't CWB's bar burn down, but he re-built with the insurance money? I know that there was a press room. I stopped in there a couple of times, only to find the place deserted and no free refreshments to plunder. There was hair growing in a coffee cup, next to a three-month-old newspaper. I vaguely recall a couple of other "places," ... but who cares. Someone was working on a strip mall, maybe.
So now there's a fucking church, huh? Why not?
And benevolent old Pastor Bob, or whatever the fuck.
Sure. What's one more indignity?
Will you be recording the confessions ... or does this stay between you, me, & the tree?
I'm fresh out of bitcoins. Can I tithe by just dropping Disney Dollars in the plate when it's passed? You should keep an eye on the fella with the guilty conscience & 87 alt accounts, though. He'll come clean about stuff that'll stand your hair on end. He might even do penance by verbally flogging himself. But if you don't watch him like a hawk, Mr. Sticky Fingers will help himself to a few of those Mickey Mouse Monero when the dish goes by.
The worst part is, he doesn't even need it.
Can we do a wise-crackin' black barber shop next? I love seeing Ice Cube all cleaned up.
Or a Thai massage parlor would be cool. I'm sexually frustrated these days.
[1 Points] dookiedonkey:
well pastor. have you ever seen that twilight zone episode where the guy just wants to be left alone to read his books so he goes down on his break, at the bank, into the vault. And when he comes out. BOOM! there's been a nuclear war and he's all alone with his books. Except, he breaks his glasses on the steps and now he can no longer read his precious books. You see Pastor, that's me. I'mnot sure if it's a highly functioning form of Autism but I'm perfectly fine being left alone,to my own devices. In fact, I've gotten so good at it, I really don't want or need anyone else. Even my mom said my motto was "Buy me things, leave me alone." So it's not just the weed I smoke, I've been this way since I was a little girl. And do you know what fucking happens Pastor? the exact opposite of what I want. These fuckers don't leave me alone. They beg for my attention and time. I get invited to parties that I don't want to go to and when I do Ii literally have girls throwing themselves at my feet to be my friend. It makes me feel weird and bad and awkward all at once. Tonight, at the fight, I had a girl ask me if we could be friends and hang out. I was speechless. I just met her and she wants my number and to chill. Ifind it unbearably clingy and guys do it to. They are always trying to catch my eye at the store, whereever and I'm fucking sick and tired of it and just want to be left alone! it sounds stuck-up, bragging, snotty, whatever. I'm sure we should all be so fucking lucky. BUT I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE!!! I am that kid at Disneyland that is the loner who gets run amok by the disney cast characters. Like seriously, the last time I went I practically was raped by three very horny little pigs. edit: that felt really good to get offmy chest. I can't tell people I don't like them, it's rude, and for some reason the more standoffish I am, the closer they come.
[1 Points] DatingFrog:
Brothers and sisters I have a confession to make this evening. I been a fool, I been hanging out on street corners with whores and junkies - living mah life low. But lately a little bit of light has come into mah life and that light be the light of love.
Hypo Full of Love (The 12 Step Plan) by Alabama 3
[1 Points] DNM_JESUS:
I once rigged up a pack of cigarettes with little firecrackers off a big roll. I emptied the tubes, and packed some tobacco back on top of the wick, about 1/4 of the cigarettes' worth. I proceeded to go out into town the next day and passed those cigarettes out to both homeless people and tourists alike. The sound of the firecracker exploding several seconds later made my dick hard, so very, very hard.
[1 Points] BudgetBuyer:
I blew $2400 gambling BTC two weeks ago. I should fucking die.
[1 Points] Oberyn_Reed:
I go out to night clubs w/ my friends and find women to take back to my studio. I get them fucked up on alcohol and xans until they black out, than I drive them home, tuck them in, and leave because I'm actually gay, my friends are homophobes, and I need them to think I'm getting action.
[1 Points] vendurr:
vended for several years made over 500k and never used tails
[0 Points] Mekanimal:
I cross the road when traffic is coming...
[0 Points] Yurgadrugig:
I like to use drugs
[0 Points] None:
I pooped
[0 Points] Fart_McFart_Fart:
Nice try, officer.
[-1 Points] Confusedtrainofhate:
Thanks officer, burn in hell
[-2 Points] weeeeee6:
Forgive me father, I once poured salt onto a snail and watched him squeel and die.
[-3 Points] xCurb:
One time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in your butt.
You were sleeping though and didn't wake up, so not rape.
[deleted]