We have some gold "Creddits" to get rid of. Best DNM or similarly related joke(s) can have all the gold

Help us get that "Gilding IIII" trophy for our trophy case!

edit: yes, this is the definition of how Reddit works. but i think we lose track of that sometimes here....


Comments


[22 Points] Xpenda:

Winnie the Poo had a problem with Tigger. Tigger would bounce up and down all day, and it got kind of old. "Will you stop it Tigger?" Poo exclaimed. But Tigger wouldn't stop. Poo put out traps trying to catch Tigger, but nothing worked. Poo decided to get serious. He went to visit Owl. He asked Owl about getting a gun.

Owl told him to use the DNM's. Poo hops on his computer, goes to AlphaBay, and orders a gun. Weeks go by.

Finally, Poo receives a knock on the door. "Delivery for Mr. Poo." the mailrabbit says. Poo opens the door. "Just sign on the dotted line." says the rabbit. Poo signs it. Suddenly, his house is swarmed by a bunch of police bears. "Put your paws in the motherfucking air, bitch!" they shout.

Poo just smiles, he's not even mad. Though he may not have gotten any guns, at least he found a honeypot.


[8 Points] BlackGoatSemen:

So a /u/pelican_vendor walks into a bar. He waddles on up to the bartender and says, "Excuse me, barkeep! I would like to order a 'Fishy Russian'!".

The bartender says, " what in god's name is a 'fishy Russian'?".

/u/pelican_vendor says, "first you take a highball glass, then add ice. Next you empty the juice out of 3 cans of anchovies and then the juice of 2 cans of sardines. You then add two shots of vodka, and one shot Kahlua. Bam! A Fishy Russian!".

The bartender looks at /u/pelican_vendor and says, " And just how are you going to pay for this? You ain't wearin' no clothes, so I doubt you have cash on ya!".

/u/pelican_vendor looks dead into the bartender's eyes and says, "put it on my BILL!!".

WAKA WAKA WAKA!!


[6 Points] XanaxK1ng:

5/5 FE'd will update


[4 Points] None:

[deleted]


[3 Points] None:

[deleted]


[3 Points] coffeencreme:

What happens to people who are starving in North Korea?

They f - THIS JOKE HAS BEEN REDACTED. ALL THINGS ARE PLENTIFUL IN NORTH KOREA, PRAISE BE TO THE SUPREME LEADER. TO WANT MORE IS GREEDY.

EDIT - Thanks for the gold!


[2 Points] CocaineNose:

Canna-Juice


[2 Points] Pelican_Vendor:

How many suhh dude's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Nahh just kidding it is already lit fam!

Pelican can tell jokes. Pelican just has to be Pelican and jokes will follow.


[1 Points] None:

I prefer sand.


[1 Points] billy5x5:

Give that gold to some stormfag on /r/news

Please do it.


[1 Points] Pelican_Vendor:

/u/Junior_Pelican shall we get the list of Shit Junior says going and the List of shit Pelican says.

The sub will surely laugh at some of the funny shit we say in person.

Junior: God dammit I can't fit all my drugs in my cap (size 0 that is when you know you have a drug problem)

Junior to me: WHAT you went to a show sober wtf is wrong with you.


[1 Points] UncleRays:

/u/Cana-juice you have any Kahuna burgers to go with that reddit gold? Ya boy got the munchies from puffin on your pens!


[1 Points] Dnm_cunt:

I thought of a really good joke once. Oh man it was perfect, bigger than Jesus herself. But I was in another drug-fueled dimension at the time and it's difficult to translate it into anything remotely understandable. There are no words in the English language that I could string together to form any sense.

But trust me, it was hilarious.


[1 Points] None:

TGUK's cocaine

Lol


[1 Points] 100x100ug:

PBS is releasing an educational show to help teach people how to successfully navigate the market as a PR representative called:

Shill Nye the PR Guy.


[1 Points] samwhiskey:

The best dark net market joke?

Ross' opsec...


[1 Points] MyKneeHurtsBadly:

One night John goes out to the local bar and proceeds to get shitfaced. After last call he stumbles out and heads home on foot. On his way he sees a pelican. He grabs the pelican and carries it home with him. When he finally makes it to his house he walks up to the front door and can't get in because he's too drunk to use a key. He rings the doorbell and his wife answers. John says "See! Here's that pig I told you I've been fucking". His wife says "John, that's a pelican". John says "I was talking to the pelican!"


[1 Points] throwawayajay:

Anal sex is a lot like broccoli, if you're forced to have it as a child, you wont enjoy it as an adult. p.s. You can also order drugs on the internet.


[1 Points] throwawayajay:

L.E. on Reddit


[1 Points] fakecover:

I would be willing to do something strange for some change, or mabe a little gold since I never received any from all my accounts and all the years were is the love


[0 Points] 100x100ug:

The DarkNetMarkets has recently been contracted to create a show for NBC, they plan on calling it:

To Catch a Shill.


[-1 Points] None:

Why is there cotton in pill bottles? To remind black people that they were cotton pickers before drug dealers.