WELCOME TO THE WORLD WANKER CHAMPIONSHIPS sponsored by Mirkov

Seen as this site is basically just full of weasels, we are holding a competition. The winner gets a Mirkov Magic Mix goody bag, with 0.2g of heroin and a 0.2g of cocaine! The runners up get selection of tasty mirkov mystery bags!

All you have to do is tell us your most depraved drug related situation or most horrendous thing you have done under the influence of drugs, the funniest/cringiest story wins!

If you want drugs but dont want to join in the fun, we're over on EVO! k5zq47j6wd3wdvjq.onion/profile/78615


Comments


[25 Points] cokebars:

now, i never told this story, but free drugs are about as good as it gets so let's do it.

I'd taken a few bars and had been slurping on a handle of whiskey when I spied these three cute girls walk down the hill into the valley that contained the swimming hole I was hanging out with friends at. We were all attempting(successfully) to get shithoused.

Feeling loose, I downed sum more Jack and dove into the water, figuring I'd do a bit of posturing in front of these fine ass honeys. I felt their eyes and when I got out of the water I felt confident enough to walk over and plop down on the sheet they had laid out.

Now none of that shit's important, let's get to what happened 6 hours later after a few grams of mdma were split around my friends and them. We had some decent coke but the mdma was awesome, there were bars and painkillers. We all had something to add and by the time we got back to the house together (there were 6 of us, 3 male, 3 female) after swimming and hitting the bar we were all peaking off something.

As soon as the we got in the door it was like their clothes just magically came off. We didn't take long to follow and BAM.

ORGY.

Let me tell you. Super orgy porno parties videos are a lot more sexy than the real thing. We were so TOTALLY FUCKED all the nasty sweat and sand coating our genitals was intense. I could feel the grains of sand in my ass crack, that is, until one of the girls licked my butthole for what seemed like forever. Dirty boys and girls depraved dirty boys and girls, in the depths of a drug binge to make HST proud. If we had some ether we prolly would have butt chugged the whole bottle as we all sat in a circle upside down.

So it's getting pretty gay. Our dicks are starting to slap together as we move around and swap fuck buddies, when you DP a girl, you can totally feel the other guys dick and when you're riding the wave of light and love you just not thinking about that shit. But if we had been the Big Brother house I can only imagine they would have just puked on each other watching us rolling around like one big snakey animal fucking itself. The Ourobouros. Yes, we fucked so hard it was a like a cosmic fucking snake that eats its own tail. Intense.

Started to get into the whole sex and drugs thing, there was coke on titties, coke on asses, coke on dicks, coke on pussy, coke on feet, coke instead of salt when doing body shots. FUCKING SHITTY COKE EVERYWHERE. God, I wish I lived in Bogota sometimes, would make orgies so much better. This girl could smoke cigarettes out of her pussy so we rolled huge blunts and shoved them in there, we put them in her butt too but I don't know if she was smoking them or just really slowly shitting them. I noticed my guy friends were totally fucking jerking each other off and I was like woah, that's fucking cool jerk me off. So we did that.

We had some cosplay costumes from a furry party we'd rented and still had from the previous weekend (fucking never got my GODAAMN DEPOSIT BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING JIZZ, FUCKING JIZZ JUST DOESNT COME OUT OF SOME SHIT) Honestly, that was the most cringe worthy shit that happened. I mean Furry Fucking? Ironic Hipster Furry Fucking? That's just fucking lame mayne. I mean totally fucked. But whatever, we were snorting 30mg of mdma like every 10 minutes for a while there and X just makes everything acceptable somehow. But I just know when those nasty cocksucking funloving analsmashed creampied jizzfaced intellectual hipster bitches were doing the walk of shame the next morning they musta been like 'did we really fuck those guys while they wore furries? where the fuck do you rent furry shit?'

Who cares? We were totally fucked. And afterwards, we just never fucking talked about it again. I mean it, this is like the first time I thought about the fact that my good friend of over 15 years at one time gave me the ole tugger tug.

Man. Maaaaan.


[6 Points] durgsrbad:

Keep this one short.

Ate three Mad Hatters (lsd) about 15 years ago. Remember getting on the train, then 'came to' in a cell with two friends I'd started the journey with. Apparently, we got to the city - it was late - and came across an ice sculpture exhibition. Was in a big circus tent thing in a park. Anyway, we'd broken in and had a look around, and when the cops found me I was trying to fuck a massive ice swan. Not only did I take a few swings at the popo, I'd apparently been reasonably successful in impregnating my frozen friend, as I managed to leave most of the skin of my knob on the swan's ass. Scabs on the end of your dick is no fun - every time I got a boner for the following two weeks, I split the seal and ruined a pair of pants.


[2 Points] iEatChems:

Ah well I'm gonna keep this short, and simple.

I was at a party I got invited to after a night out at the bars with my friends. Blowin' coke, drinking heavily. Had a great night, we ran out of blow at around 9 am and I ended up taking some trazadone because I wanted to pass out. Turns out I wandered out to this kids garage (had no idea where the fuck I was) and passed out there. I woke up at 2 pm, no fucking idea where I was. My phone was missing, and I had some random shit phone in my pocket. I woke up and realized it was like 5 degrees (Chicago winters are brutal as fuck) so my dumbass (still partially blacked out) called for an ambulance cause I was cold as fuck. Yeah, didn't even fucking call friends or my parents.

So I end up in the hospital, parents get PISSED when they had to pick me up (only number I could really remember for a ride home) and now I am stuck paying a $5750 medical bill cause I don't have insurance.

All of this happened on a wednesday night, fuck my life.


[1 Points] hrmbus:

Are we talking hilarious shit, psychedelic/ tripping blunders, or greasy addict shit? I've got em all... lol


[1 Points] dnmposter:

I've got a TON of crazy stupid drug stories from over the years, but a more recent one occurred at a 3 day music festival. I'll try to keep it short.

Balls deep in a crowd of about 30,000, I decided to down 3 hits of incredibly potent acid. After a couple hours the trip started to get really intense and what began to manifest in my mind was out of this world. Overwhelmed, I began ripping all my clothes off and running around punching people. All I wanted to do was get out the crowd, but ended up making my way up to the very front with flailing fists and tears. I got to the front and hopped the bar and started running and tangling my way around security. At this time I was in nothing but boxer briefs and tube socks. Adventure Club got on the mic and told me to get back in the crowd in front of everyone. I managed to mangle my way back over the bar scraping the shit out of my side, while a security guard had ahold of my foot. Everyone in the crowd started hugging me and cheering for me, but I just turned around and jumped the bar again, and was immediately tackled.

I was taken backstage where I was evaluated by medical. I told them I was on drugs and they restrained me as they waited for an ambulance. Adventure Club having just closed the night, came back stage and started talking to me. They asked me what I wanted to be when I got older, and started telling me that the only reason they are famous is because they don't do drugs. I felt as though they were God speaking to me.

I was eventually taken to the hospital and shot up with an ungodly amount of benzos. I passed out for a good 10 hours, woke up still fucked up, and left without ever giving them any of my information.

Nothing ever resulted of it and I still attended the next 2 days of the festival, just zombified. I pretty much hate myself for the whole experience because I'm constantly hating on people that go to EDM shows just to get fucked. Sorry this is so long and poorly written, PEACE!


[1 Points] AnonNonee:

I thought of a completely different championship when I read the title of this.


[1 Points] None:

So, once, at burning man, me and my group decided to dose 2CE. I hadn't eaten in a few days, and one member of our group had never done a drug in his life, so I asked the friend who was dividing up the doses to give us light doses. He didn't, he gave us around 23mg on purpose.

So, we were waiting to come up. We were at center camp, if you know anything about Burning man. if not, it doesn't matter. Around 40 minutes later, just as everything started to get "weird", this dude, COMPLETELY dressed JUST like the Sultan from Aladdin, came and sat on our bench. I was already so paranoid, this freaked me out, and I hid underneath the bench. The Sultan was just staring us down, without introducing himself, or anything. Never broke eye contact. I kept cracking the fuck up, thinking the phrase "I'm holed up under here like a big tarantula".

20 minutes later, just as we were up, my friend, the one who'd never done a drug before, stood up, and started to say something, and then, mid sentence, just barfed. He didn't even lean into it or anything, just a standing barf. This made the Sultan get up and leave, which in turn freaked us out, and we left promptly, as though barfing was going to get us in trouble at Burning Man. As we walked away, the friend who had barfed said "What was up with that dude? He was like... the Sultan of our little fuckin' area or something."

We found our way back to our tents. I kept making jokes about how we were in our tents because the trip was "too in-tents", and it was funny every time. Apparently, at a certain point my girlfriend went to check on our friend, and he tried to rub her shoulders, then asked if he could sleep in our tent with us. She came back and asked me if it was okay, and said "I think he's really scared". I sighed and agreed.

He's a really big guy. He was laying in between us, holding both our hands. We started singing a parody together, of the song Cars by Gary Newman, with the lyrics replaced as "Here in my tent, I feel safest of all, I can zip up the flap, and feel really sick, in tents". Eventually our friend got up to throw up in a porta-potty. It probably took him two hours to work up the nerve to leave the tent.

When he came back, I swear to god he jumped in through the flap sideways, like Leon the Professional or something, and as he did it, he said "Aw, peanutbutter. Fuck goin' out there. I'm never goin' out there again."

The next day, the friend who dosed us told us he gave us so much because he wanted to show us this "cool thing", which was that he fucking wanted us to lay under a bunch of "trippy looking lights". I was pretty mad, needless to say. I've never freaked out so hard in my entire life.


[0 Points] samwhiskey:

My brother and I once went to score some weed for some folks and left them waiting all night while we freebased coke, then went back to the "party" and just told them we couldn't score.


[0 Points] None:

My parties from back in the day were so crazy that I dont even remember them....You can only imagine.


[-4 Points] None:

[deleted]