Any other ex-opiate addicts on here?

Had a bad addiction to opiates for a while. Started almost a decade ago with Vicodin. Then the Roxis (damn they were so cheap at the time!), OxyContins, and finally EC Heroin. Stuck with the dope habit for a couple years, tried doing many things to get clean: Psychs including ibogaine, detoxes/rehabs, opiate replacement with RX, suboxone for a few years (would always chip however (while on sub)). Nothing seemed to quite work. Guess I didn't want it enough.

Fast forward, and after being on a methadone maintenance for roughly 8 months, I got off it (thanks to the help of Heroin actually - this time tar (no beuno IMO, having done EC the rest of my endeavor)) and have managed to stay clean, with the occasional Subutex vacation and 2 percs during this time frame. It has been about 4-5 months now since my last use of Heroin or Methadone.

My question is to any other opiate lovers: How do you deal with seeing pictures and reviews of dope? Do you still crave it? I'm not going to lie, every once and a while when someone posts an opiate review, I kinda salivate a little bit and miss that warm cozy nod. If I take a little subutex, it brings back a reminder of that feeling but I know it's not really close.

If this is applicable to you, or some other drug that you used to be addicted to, I'd like to hear your stories on how this affects you, what you do to cope, and your thoughts on chipping / 'moon bouncing'.


Comments


[4 Points] newtothis1988:

I salivate on the coke/speed reviews, since where I live you can't get shit! Never tried H or benzos.


[2 Points] None:

I had hash with opium in, and loved it. Then I vaped opium with an old dude with an impressive collection. That was the hook. Then I flirted with pills, but too pricey.

I remember the first stamp I sniffed, fell back on my bed, and just overwhelmed with warmth listening to Miles Davis. I banged here and there, but was always alone doing it so I got pretty freaked out when I missed one time. I only miss the first time.

I've been off suboxone for about 10 days, and clean off h for roughly 3 months. Caliclaire, tls, dopeman, eastcoastpowder, and others I forget were my favorite dnm connects.

I just have 2 rules for myself now: No coke, and No dope. I wasn't dependent on coke, but would binge hard.

So I just puff the herb, and an occasional lsd trip when I've got a few days. I was able to maintain my job, but almost screwed up my last semester of college. Also, was disowned by half of my family, but literally found a home within my group of friends, who nearly all stepped up to support me, and just made sure I wasn't slipping. They were so understanding, and started inviting me to shit again with no judgement.

My motivation comes from losing so much, and being damn grateful for what I was able to salvage. I know I would lose at least half or more if I relapsed. My health deteriorated during that year long binge. So it's motivating to get back into working out, and seeing my body change, which gives me confidence.

Dope sick convinces me to not even flirt with the idea, although I think I had a spiritual moment when I was in full withdrawal. The way your brain during w/d just takes your life and makes it feel like the bleakest pathetic excuse for a human being. That was spiritual for me. It was like I was puking/shitting all the evil crap out. I didn't do NA or 12 steps just a cool therapist that didn't test me.

I'm interested in your ibogaine treatments? I seriously considered it, cus suboxone wasn't smooth on my body, and getting down to those few last mg's was tough on me. Although, it's kind of too late, but I'd still like to hear more.

I still check the reviews, and I'm happy that I got out when I did. The dope game around here sucks!


[2 Points] Reura:

Look into Kratom. It's a legal drug you can order online for cheap. It has helped others who were on heroin and other opiates. It binds to the opiate receptors so you get that kind of mellow high from just a little bit.


[2 Points] TASTEmyPUFFS:

Opiates jacked my life up for awhile. Slammin dope was my DOC until I wound up in jail for 3 months. Now back to just weed and the odd psychedelic. Life going the right way again. I was such a shitty person on heroin. Im able to do literally any other drug, but heroin is my kryptonite.

LSD helped me a bunch. The introspective parts really motivate you to be a better person and distance yourself from negativity in your life.


[2 Points] 1ReviewReviewer1:

Congrats on staying clean buddy! Gong clean is hard enough in general, let alone when having access to dope at any given time. That is a huge milestone and true test to your self control, I hope you stick with it!

I wish I could say the same for myself, but unfortunately I'm still using. I won't go way in depth with this post, but to answer your OP question, it's pretty hard to maintain my self control as long as the DNM exists. With a normal street dealer or personal connection, you can easily delete your dealers number/cut all contact with them to a point where you physically cannot get high because you deleted your dealers number. However with the DNM, getting my next fix is just a website away. I can't delete/remove that contact as I know it always exists and is out there ready to go when I am. I could only wish I was strong enough not to browse the dope listings.

There were points I was clean for a few weeks/months at a time, yet even being clean I would still check out my favorite vendors profile page just to see what was going on with them. Beyond stupid of me to subject myself to that, I mean why the hell should I care what deals/quality of product my go-to vendor has when I'm trying not to use, but that's addiction I guess.

I do think there is hope for me sooner then later though, as I find myself recently using just to keep the sickness at bay. I haven't used with the intention to get a hard nod or anything in a few months, just the bare minimum to get by. That being said, I hear some alternative's being mentioned here (ibogaine and kratom I believe?) that I really am interested in trying. With my recent usage goal not being to get that hard nod in, I think I really could benefit well from some of these other alternatives, and once I get over the physical W/D hump I can start getting very slight motivation to live my life again without the need of opiates. If anybody here has the time to reply and school me on some knowledge on some info about some of these alternatives, I would greatly greatly appreciate it! Once informed on what I'm getting into with these, I really think it's something I'd pursue ASAP and hopefully try and make some progress towards a cleaner lifestyle!

EDIT: So much for not going 'way in depth with this post'.... Sorry!


[2 Points] LittleSk1pper:

Sorry, I honestly don't understand addiction. I've been casually smoking BTH and bangin Hydromorphone (omg my favorite) for about a year. I'll do about a half gram of bth every 3 months and 16mg of Dilaudid a month. I don't think I'm immune to addiction. In fact, I take it very seriously. I have tremendous respect for drugs and always follow a set of rules so I don't get into trouble. Withdraws are shitty, but they are part of the game. I never order more than a few days worth, and always plan out my stash so I taper down a bit before comming off. The first few days sober aren't fun but to me that's part of the deal. These drugs allow me to borrow happiness from the future, and as long as I don't borrow too much and pay it back each time, I've been fine.

Good luck to everyone out there who has a problem.


[1 Points] MarkMerrill1102:

I generally tend to not let it affect me. I'm past that shit. I got clean and left it all behind. I just got my reship from CF last week and it's been sitting in my closet.


[1 Points] throw_awayy_hoo:

I've had a secret pill addiction since April, my friends, girlfriend, and family don't know. It happened because of DNM - never thought it would happen to me, nah I have willpower! Oxymorphone and oxy. I'm on day 3 of withdrawal with the help of loperamide. That shit is a fucking lifesaver.

I just bought 5 roxies though, but I should be done withdrawing before they get here.


[1 Points] Miscontinued:

Congrats on the clean-time. Im currently doing MMT because I could not cold turkey anymore successfully. It's been a lil' over 60 days and I haven't used once at all during this time. I have 24/ 7 access to pure dope because I'm in the right area of Chicago, but I sincerely do not want to use. Don't get me wrong, I want the mental break aka high but I don't trust myself at all. I will get my hands on benzo's eventually lol but that's another story, and yes I know to be very careful mixing the two

I used opiates for over a decade and while there were a few bouts of feeling junk sick, nothing ever really sunk it's claws into me - until this winter and the dope I was getting did me in. I would throw up after 24 hours and shit myself, I mean bad. That's why I couldn't power through the 4 days because day 1 felt like day 3. It absolutely taught me a lesson, I thought I was exempt from junk sick of that nature because I didn't shoot - guess I was mistaken

I read about dope, look at dope and talk to dope dealers on a daily. I don't buy anything but I like window shopping I guess.


[1 Points] Dancooksh:

well I just blew 3 years sober after looking at some number 4 , I've been battling it for 25 years off and on so nothing g new it was good so I tried 9 or ten different vendors but it's not like I instantly was hooked again, I only spent 2000 a month ish now I'm tapering down to 1900 a month and so on weirdest part after 3 years not even a cig dead sober my tolerance was basically at same point . now I stare at phentanol.