fucking craziest controlled delivery every!

So it's like midnight and I'm working on stuf and still puffing on the tube when I start to see spot lights pointing all around my house but from farther away than if you were trying to catch a purp, kinda like reconessece or what ever. I am wired doing meth all day and working around the house so at first I assure myself it's just paranoia.

But then, spot lights fom aways away from three different angels to my house appeared. I knew it was cops from the get go and I knew they didn't go away. Eventually I take a walk and drink a beer, it's a free county and all right...so I was around my block and there's one patrol care barely out of vision from my front, one out of vision from from side, and another with lights off just chillin facing my direction.

Then I started to notice there was allot more cars than usually on my street and most of them were occupied. Coincidence, at this point paranoia is thinking of best and worst cast scenarios. I fucked up a drop and I knew it, so I thought I might be expecting this. They were definitely preparing for a CD at this point.

So what are my options: clean truck of all illegals and head to my chick's place or wait them out and see what happened.

I chose to clean truck and head to chick. I noticed none of the officers I passed pulled me over or even gave me a second look, almost as if they were purposely avoiding my attention. Although, there were at least 5-10 plain clothes surveillance vehicles over the course of a few hours, and every single one of them entered the apt complex from different angles for views of out apt.

So I started pulling some tricks. Playing with them a while. One time I pulled up to one and smiled and waved. One time I went to mcdonalds, wendy's, taco bell, and burger king in about thirty minutes. And now lemme mention the sport bike. I hadn't noticed the sport bike until after I was done fucking around and the helicopter showed up. That's when I knew this was no bullshit and I needed to get home in some way to clean house.

BTW....this CD was over a half gram of meth. Imagine the resources consumed during the course of this op.

So my plan was to take off when the super bike went around the apt complex opposite of me so I had a head start. It worked and I was out the apt complex, into a coldasack driveway completely out of view. Now my plan was to jog home after hiding my car. This wasn't easy, I'd been on meth all day and I'm not a jogger. I jogged about 4 miles flat out spint and a couple houndred yards was swamp and thorn brush. The moment I started jogging all the surveilaence teams started swarming in all different routes. Every 500-600 yards I was noticing another one passing by making sure he knows exactly where I'm going.

So I get to the park accross the street from from house and fucking swamp and thorns instantly, but I muscled thru it like my life (freedom) depending on it. I got out of the park and home stretch...I can see my house and lots of surveillance vehicles, but none had said a word or stood in my way the entire pursuit sooooooooI know right then and there this was not a warrant sanctioned operation. So until a warrant is signed I have time to clean up.

I thought the fastest way to clean was to gather everything EVERYTHING illegal and light it on fire. I had lighter fluid, I had gas, but nothing burning longer and hotter than fuel-oil mix, and the higher the oil content the longer the burn.

Took about an hour or two to gather all the illegal shit and pile it up. Dosed that baby with about a 50/50 mix of weed eater 2 stroke oil and it lit up and burned for about an hour. Stoked up a while, made sure nothing was anything but embers then I washed the ash into my lawn.

By this time it's about 8am and I've got sprained ankled, burns like hell, and I'm in my underwear soaking wet black smoke stained undies. So you know what, i CRACK A FUCKING BEER and go out front to say hello and inquire as to what the problem is. GONE, FUCKING GONE, EVERY SINGLE SUBSERVIENCE VEHICLE WAS GONE.

They did leave a litttle calling cards, crushed glass all over my walkway, not real meth just lookalike. These guys put so much time and energy into suck friviously bullshit, I was trying to save my life, they were playing cops and robbers.

I might of won the war, but the sonbitchses got my sell phone and life is about to change quick cuz I do not use a burner and I'v said some outrageous incriminating shit over the years.


Comments


[649 Points] Clix828:

[deleted]

What is this?


[200 Points] TrapMusicHF:

Thank you op for giving me a reason to never try meth.


[128 Points] hsramm:

Hahahaha the fuck is this shit?


[106 Points] darknetpotter:

Real life version - one of OP's neighbors had friends over hence all the cars. They now all think he is a complete lunatic.


[104 Points] MensRightsActivia:

try not doing meth next time. also, I'm pretty sure burning a big pile of drugs in the middle of your back yard is the fastest way to actually get caught.


[98 Points] srkethead:

Making up elaborate paranoid stories isn't normal.

ON METH IT IS.

tl; dr: none of this ever happened.


[87 Points] None:

I am with you, man. I went to the mall the other day and there were hundreds of plainclothes police there watching me. Some were even dressed like children! The guy at Chik-Fil-A couldn't have been more obviously a cop - he messed up my order!


[81 Points] Hank_The_Chicken:

Good work, friend. Next time just torch the whole house, that'll show 'em.


[64 Points] None:

Lol, so instead of busting you they just left broken glass on your walkway. That makes total sense


[42 Points] your_moms_date:

I literally made an account just for this:

""" coldasack """ Ahahahaaa... It's cul-de-sac... what a moron...


[30 Points] pagonsMC:

oh god, now i understand why the stigma around meth users.

in all my yrs of use i must of never got as high as OP.


[26 Points] clearly-enhanced:

I believe that the OP thought this was real and will continue too. In all reality, I can almost guarantee it was all in the OP mind. Our brain starts putting connections together that aren't related and one thing leads to another.


[24 Points] Litico:

You deserve the Tinfoil Hat Tuesday Trophy !


[22 Points] agorathrow8080:

Lolol. Superbike. Thats the best part


[19 Points] bobbiggs69:

TL;DR

I am wired doing meth all day


[18 Points] watchyourface:

That's a lot of fast food stops. You lost them for sure.


[16 Points] None:

[deleted]


[13 Points] MO_Drugs:

OP, Hat's off. Fucking brilliant, side splitting work.

1,000,000,000 stars, would read again!!

When I saw this OVERWHELMING top rated comment

>Clix828 174 points 8 hours ago

Dude, stop using meth... Your brain is cooked

I decided to wait an hour before telling you how brilliant this was. I did not want the comments to end. I think it was not until approx. lobaldi's post that anyone seemed to recognize this for what it is (pulitzer quality!)

It has been TOO LONG since I have read a trip report of this quality! I am going to go ahead and make it official that this is the best.ever.

Spelling, grammar, mood etc. 5/5

Apparent plausibility to a super-majority, 5/5

constant reference to a cd without claiming a cd, 5/5

avoidance of being questioned on credibility in a serious way, 5/5

harm reduction snowball quality and sustainability, 5/5

legs - sustainability, 5/5

stealth, 5/5

fwiw, for me, this was off the chayn-->

>50/50 mix of weed eater 2 stroke oil


[8 Points] None:

[removed]


[8 Points] GinkNocab:

If you put aluminum foil over all of the windows in your trailer, it will make it all go away. Make sure to tear a tiny hole so that you're able to make sure it's not the cops cutting the grass next door.


[7 Points] AsUcanseebythisgraph:

i think... this is like a creative writing post


[9 Points] izza123:

Meth; Burn your drugs.


[6 Points] DICK_WRENCH:

Holy Christ. Meth sounds like a hell of a drug. Makes me wanna try it!


[4 Points] LoudRooster:

It sounds to me like someone was having a party or friends over and you got paranoid as shit on meth and started thinking about your pack and went into fight or flight mode.


[5 Points] reverend234:

I could't read anymore after about half way through. Follow the advice the world is giving you, stop using meth man.


[4 Points] None:

Awesome.


[4 Points] heyfreshhhhh:

It sounds like a nice steaming pile of BS...and meth.


[3 Points] browndusty:

And this is why you shouldn't smoke meth. It makes you delusional.


[3 Points] None:

[deleted]


[3 Points] ipeefreely21704:

Lay off the meth bro.. that was not a CD u are paranoid


[4 Points] rogueXleader:

Is it not entirely plausible they were serving a warrant on someone else in your area for something not even drug related? You say at one point it was an apartment complex, but at other times a house. If it's a complex and you have that many people living in such close proximity somebody around you is bound to get caught for doing something illegal eventually. I highly doubt they'd go through all that effort and let you leave multiple times and return


[3 Points] sapiophile:

This deserves to be archived: https://archive.is/OJ8wk


[3 Points] TotesMessenger:

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / Contact)


[2 Points] birdingo:

Gold!


[2 Points] SacredGeometry25:

Paranoid meth head at its finest.


[2 Points] Cutofurjib:

I may have missed this part where you say, "gotcha this is all my drug induced fantasy"- if so my apologies if not may I be the first or one of many to raise the BS flag on this entire event?

My apologies I see just about everyone is calling you on this. I also apologize for not recognizing this for what it really is....

FYI grandwizardsLair said it better than I did and with brevity-


[2 Points] mindfulmu:

Most police ops have 2 surveillance teams maybe a 3rd if they know it's a murder suspect or something.
Take a few days get the meth out of your system and ask yourself if what happened actually happened.


[2 Points] galva169:

I thought weed made me paranoid holy shit.


[2 Points] spicemanspliff:

This is like the part in A Beautiful Mind where we get to look into his shed.


[2 Points] dnmthrowway111111:

Wow. This is the 1st post I've seen that has outright convinced me to NOT do a certain type of drug. Good show!


[2 Points] defined_by_darkness:

You are foolish man. If you really were getting a cd you make it quite obvious you truly were getting drugs because you make it seem like you know they are they for you and why. That wasn't intelligent at all, yet it seems that you think you were smart for doing this. I feel sorry for you. Also, it doesn't sound like you were getting a CD. Sounds like you were just paranoid.


[2 Points] illpoet:

definately leave the crystal alone for a bit and take a nap, maybe even eat some food.


[2 Points] Autra:

This is the shit that makes me so glad I quit fucking around with meth.

This might be the wrong place to say it, but thank god I'm clean


[2 Points] LedLevee:

So I started pulling some tricks. Playing with them a while. One time I pulled up to one and smiled and waved. One time I went to mcdonalds, wendy's, taco bell, and burger king in about thirty minutes. And now lemme mention the sport bike. I hadn't noticed the sport bike until after I was done fucking around and the helicopter showed up. That's when I knew this was no bullshit and I needed to get home in some way to clean house.

My sides have managed to escape earth's gravitational pull.


[2 Points] drugpigthrowaway:

....and you woke up dragging a store dummy around a car park?


[2 Points] None:

As someone who's dabbled in meth: You fried as fuck. You fried as fucking fuck. Take a break and detox for a while at least.


[1 Points] None:

what do you mean they got your cell phone?


[1 Points] sdfhgdhjbdafcadv:

Fuck man, who'd you order the half G from? Do you think they're onto the vendor? Now I'm freaking out


[1 Points] evilpumpkin:

They were looking for a missing child or the chief of police's contact lens and had a good laugh when you started burning stuff out of egocentric paranoia.


[1 Points] 41_73_68:

meth is a hulluva drug


[1 Points] None:

gonzo journalism lol


[1 Points] thetinguy:

Don't do drugs kids.


[1 Points] bertiswho:

Meth's a hell of a drug.


[1 Points] alhooda:

Cool story bro


[1 Points] wontonamobae:

yes yes yes lol


[1 Points] None:

Haha bro I think you are paranoid. Meth does that, ya know.


[1 Points] None:

[deleted]


[1 Points] 1percentof1:

This comment has been overwritten.


[1 Points] another_person_on_ne:

WTF


[1 Points] moyno85:

I feel like I'm on meth just reading this...


[1 Points] Vegetano:

some people just shouldnt do meth


[1 Points] atomicomic:

It's funny how meth gives you tunnel vision. Next time just take a break and breathe don't run four effin' miles. You're gonna send yourself into cardiac arrest, not criminal arrest.


[1 Points] krimpus:

It's funny how many people think this is real and not satire.


[1 Points] mc8675309:

Jesus this is pretty much what going schizo is like!


[1 Points] Niruz:

paranoid methhead.. you think all the advice you're getting from this thread to stop is pointless??...

I'm not a methhead, I use meth maybe a couple times a week

grow up, addict.


[1 Points] MotherfuckingSnowman:

Reminds me of when Jesse Pinkman had meth induced psycosis in this breaking bad scene.


[1 Points] Tallas13:

I don't think it was the meth that caused this...


[1 Points] BrokenSky1113:

This is what an amphetamine psychosis looks like.


[1 Points] rawlife247:

Pure comedy! I love tweakers!


[0 Points] None:

TotescrayCD... hehe your story is total bullshit. Or your'e just smoked out


[-3 Points] totescrayCD:

To all the nah sayers I say this story is 100% true. This was me on meth for one day. It was scary as fuck. I'm not a methhead, I use meth maybe a couple times a week to get hella work done and then when it's bedtime I dose with GHB and xanax, knocks me out for a solid 7-8 hours. I force myself to eat and drink lots of water.

If I hadn't been up at 1am I wouldn't of noticed the spotlighting and surveying. I thought I was being paranoid too honestly, but from every angle of the house it was apparent, then they made it obvious when I finally decided to get the courage up to leave the house to head to my chicks place. When every single surveillance vehicle showed up at different vantage points in the apt complex I knew then it wasn't the meth in my head, it was a CD.

You might think all of this was so necessary and outrageous for a CD, but I thought so too, BUT has anyone out there gotten a CD and noticed how and when the surveilence happens? I'm just saying every CD report I've ever heard of is something like this: I noticed my mailman was different, and then a whole bunch of officers swarmed me. Don't you think it's probable LE considers these types of operations as much as they consider large scale raids? There's planning, there's preparation, there's cooperation and in the end what they want is perfection. I'm not admitting to ordering the pack and I'm not admitting to anything else in this thread. I know the LE team has prolly seen this post, and I contemplated even sharing it at all but I thought it would point out how ludicrous all this really is. The manpower, the resources, the money, the planning and everything else it took to organize something so fucking simple as a CD for a fraction of a gram of meth. They were going to watch my house for a good twelve hours before they made the attempt at delivery. THAT'S HOW FAR THEY WILL GO TO GET US. So don't write this off as fiction. If you're ordering off DNMs, they are after you with the same tenacity as street corner crack dealers and fucking El Chapo I shit you not.