Just a moment, if you can spare

Hey everybody,

This is by far my favorite subreddit in the multiverse and in the past, all you criminals have shown me nothing but love:

https://www.reddit.com/r/DarkNetMarkets/comments/3bbj9q/habit_kick_update/ https://www.reddit.com/r/DarkNetMarkets/comments/3ed7ke/another_update_on_my_current_habit/

That love has a gone a long, long way. Since your responses felt so genuine to me (they may not have been; whatever) I always felt responsible for keeping up with putting my best foot forward FOR YOU GUYS! Anyways, since its September, I'm back up at school. Been clean since the summer, minus one or two missteps. Feeling great, just sticking to herbs. I even stopped drinking! However; life has obviously felt something to be desired now that H has stepped out of my life (or i have stepped out from under it). Long story short, it feels like social anxiety with, maybe, a hint of real anxiety; however I dont succomb to panic attacks or anything like that. What happens (pretty much all the time now) is I feel crazy anxious about what other people think of me. ALL THE TIME. I cant help it. I used to be such an extrovert, but now I am showing more introverted characteristics than ever before in my life.

Not sure what else to do (and frankly, not wanting to go see a real doctor to be put on xanax) I figure drugs are probably the answer, but I just traded away one addiction. I want to try something that will help me with issue, that will help return the carefree attitude I had all the time, before H use and during; I feel like I cant get the most out of my life if im terrified to talk to strangers, or go to events/parties for fear of stupid social circumstances. Ive heard a little bit about etizolam, im curious about the effects of that (short and long). Any and all input would be much appreciated.

You guys are nothing but the best group of internet users out there; and have the best community I've ever had the privilege of being a part of. Thank you all so much!

I dont think this is sourcing, please correct me if I need to reword anything, mods! Stay awesome!!

edit: almost forgot to say shout the fuck out to Agora for being real to the end! Thankfully, them leaving due to whatever security issue, SupremeSmoke going down, and Sosa going direct only, I am essentially out of dope vendors! So thanks for that too!!!


Comments


[7 Points] sapiophile:

Some herbs I'd highly recommend investigating:

All of these are pretty damn safe and well-tolerated, and they can be immensely helpful. I'm familiar with all of them (I'm an herbalist) - feel free to check in if you have any questions. I'm confident that these, either individually or in combination, could probably go a long way to helping with your social anxiety.

This comment does not constitute medical advice and is intended for educational purposes only. Always consult your doctor before starting any herb or supplement regimen, most especially if you're pregnant or nursing, and inform them of any other medicines you may be using. Don't sue me.

I sincerely wish you all the best, and I'm confident that you can be more well! So proud of you for kicking, and looking forward to hearing much more from you in the future.


[4 Points] Throughawayup:

Honestly your best bet is probably staying off drugs for a while or at least using them sparingly. I found that when I had those problems (not from dope sickness or whatever just a natural problem) not smoking as much weed helped a lot.

The main thing that will help you is time in this situation.


[3 Points] someone-who-is-me:

You sound like you are on the right track and have the right mindset to keep on kicking the habit before it kicks you. I haven't read through all of the responses (yet) but just off the top of my head I would say do whatever it takes to avoid the benzos.

You are correct in thinking that you could be trading one addiction for another and in my experience kicking a benzo habit is much more difficult and miserable than kicking an opioid habit. I have kicked and relapsed both classes of drugs several times and have always found getting off the benzos to be sheer hell in comparison. If you feel like you have some anxiety now just wait until you are trying to get away from the benzos. It's also not just a tough mental struggle but physical as well. You may very well come to know what it truly means to "worry yourself sick."

For me, opiate withdrawal tends to peak physically within a few days and starts getting a little easier from there leaving mainly the mental issues and cravings to deal with from there. With benzodiazepines however, both the physical and mental struggle increases in intensity for for about 10-14 days before you even begin to feel like you are beginning to feel a little relief and can persist for another week after that before you really start feeling better. I would imagine that those timeframes vary from person to person depending on things like individual body chemistry and severity of the habit in general that's how it has gone for me.

Another thing is that kicking a benzo habit can actually be physically harmful or even lethal if not managed properly while quitting opiates on their own has never killed anyone afaik. Stopping benzos cold turkey can trigger seizures, sometimes deadly, and a benzo habit should be carefully managed and tapered under the care of a physician. I'm not saying that I've exactly done it that way or that people don't quit benzos all the time and live to tell about it but that's the way it should be done.

Another thing I've noticed personally is that a benzo habit can linger for months (I've read years) after actually reducing consumption to none. After extended periods of benzo use I could be completely off of them for months but if I went back on them even mildly for as little as a couple of weeks I found myself right back at ground zero having to go through withdrawals as if I'd been taking significant doses for months on end.

This is all just based on my personal experience and of course any drug's effect can vary widely from person to person. Hell, I don't even consider myself to have ever had a serious benzo habit compared to people I've known in real life or talked to on here but they have certainly been miserable for me to get clean of. Benzos very well may work perfectly for you but I strongly suggest exploring other ways of ridding yourself of stress and anxiety first such as natural remedies, exercise and physical activity, mental exercises etc. As I said, you sound like you are on the right track and I wish you the best of luck. Wish me some too because hoping to start kicking my own opiate habit (again) within the next few days. If you care to do some reading, HERE is some serious stuff on benzodiazepine addiction.


[2 Points] Theeconomist1:

Hey bro, congrats on your achievement. Quitting opiates is one of the harder things to do, IMHO. You've done that. I think it's normal to feel a void and to feel self conscious. Were you like that before H? Or is this strictly a post-H phenomenon? I view drugs as an enhancement to the experience of life. Not a replacement and not a crutch. That's where problems can creep in.


[1 Points] None:

[deleted]


[1 Points] funk2funky:

congrats on getting clean...i'm a former heroin addict too and i also had problems with social anxiety after i kicked. it sounds like you might still be dealing with post-acute withdrawal syndrome, which includes emotional/mental symptoms (problems with concentration, anxiety, memory, mood etc) & can last for weeks or months after you get clean.

that link is a pretty good overview and you can google "post-acute withdrawal from opiates" or "PAWS" and find out more stuff. sorry if you already knew about this, but i didn't see you mention it in your post, and it's something i never heard about until i went to rehab. but basically, in the first few months off dope your brain is going to be ultra sensitive because it got used to being constantly flooded with pleasure chemicals that make everything seem nice and safe and fun, and now that those are all gone it's the opposite effect and the world seems like a terrifying shitparade. give it a little time and you'll feel better, you just gotta get back to homeostasis or w/e (i'm not a doctor but i think that's how it works, idk tho).

hate to be a killjoy but you probably will have the best luck if you avoid replacing one crippling drug addiction with another (ie benzos). the standard suggestions to go to therapy and start working out are standard because they usually help at least a little, and they can't hurt, so you might want to start there. i also made it a point to get out of the house, hang out with friends and family, and try a lot of low-pressure community shit like taking classes and volunteering - i started going to a zen meditation class as a way to distract myself from all the post-acute w/d b.s. and i've stuck with it and met a bunch of new people, plus it gets me out of my head a little. it still isn't easy but i manage. good luck dude


[1 Points] dabdude13:

kratom


[1 Points] WhyDontJewStay:

I went through this.

Try to recognize the thoughts for what they are, delusions. What other people think of you doesn't matter. That isn't what's making you anxious. It's your own thoughts making you anxious. Really take this to heart.

Next time you get stuck in a thought loop, take a deep breath. Feel your clothes against your skin, hear the sounds going on around you, notice the color of the sky, the street, the things around you, feel your breath come in and out of your nose, chest and belly. That is what's real. The thoughts are just thoughts, they aren't real. Return to what is actually going on.


[1 Points] coffeencreme:

Who ya calling a criminal? It's junkie criminal if you don't mind! :-)

Anyway, in all honesty, and I know it's not the answer you want to hear, but if you're only two months clean, I'd stay away for the time being. Your sobriety will be shaky and getting high on something else could lead you to think about what you miss about H and start you thinking that 'one last hit' isn't a bad idea.


[0 Points] hog_master:

Man I can relate to your story 100% I was clean off of dope for 4-5 months before pulling the trigger and getting some dope. I love it! I am able now to use only once in a blue moon, but always feel the need to reconnect with my old love.

My anxiety is through the roof, but I also quit benzos at nearly the same time. I think I look fat (I'm in good shape), I always sweat and wonder what other people are thinking, etc.

Quitting the pot helped me with this, but it's just too much to bear at times.

There is no shame in revisiting heroin after a long break. For me, life and this anxiety is too much to bear with out having that oh so sweet high every now and then. If you could do this, I would say go for it. Not everyone is strong mentally tho (Not saying you are not).

There are a couple of good vendors on right now, pushing premium no. 3 and no. 4, and it's very good. Enjoying the buzz right now!

Also Ketamine really helps, 100mg IM shots. K-holes really help me a lot when I'm not on dope, taking another long break.

I think we will always feel the need to alter our consciousness. At least I will! It's a fundamental part of who I am, and I've learned to accept it.

I feel with what you said 100%.

Edit - I also feel like dope makes me a better person to others. I am happy, nice, and enjoying life! I truly thin the opiate high me is a better person for society.


[0 Points] None:

Sounds to me like you need to utilize some psychedelic medicine in some kind of therapeutic setting.

I just recently got off of opiates, and have been very productive with my life recently despite the drugs that I choose to keep around.

One of the things that started the whole liftoff was eating well, practicing meditation and surrounding myself with the things that make me happy.

I also had a great trip that kind of set the whole wheel into motion once all of the components were assembled so to speak.

I really don't think you need to keep medicating yourself, only people who are really sick IMO need to be medicated constantly with an anti-anxiety drug, tho I don't know the nature or extent of your ilness.

I bet you anything some good LSD or Psilocybin would clear that right up. The positive long lasting effects usually stay with me as an "afterglow" for a week or so.

Tho for social anxiety I think probably the most potent teacher very well might be MDMA, as it has properties that are currently being studied to alleviate said condition in autistic patients. (I would supply a ref but I have read so many articles just google it if you don't believe me)

Stay off the shit man, there are better ways of intoxicating yourself if you clearly are not meant to be using opiates.


[-2 Points] notrecane:

High grade molly (like white tan) can help with that in the short term. I've been there. But you will need to have a really safe, comfortable experience, preferably indoors and even in bed or lying down. Don't exert yourself. For the comedown you will probably need something, like opies, but not strong, something like codeine phosphate.

I was the same as you and I did a dose of clean high puirty molly (only 0.135g) and it literally cured me for 3-4 months. I thought about why I had been not outgoing with people while on the molly rush and yearned for connection and became more outgoing, like I said for 3-4 months. Also thought about what I want to do with my career/life etc, seeking guidance. Was doing good for a while. Then sad things happened again in life, as it does, and my symptoms are back. Another therapeutic roll is planned for me soon. Make sure you have a good trip and a soft comedown, a planned one, because it can also go the other way if you have a really bad comedown. Also remember, being introverted and introspective is not a bad thing, but I know it sucks; the feeling of being trapped because of hyper self-consciousness and anxiety. That comes with the territory of generally being more aware, sensitive, intelligent, focused and capable of great achievements (though sometimes unsung heroes) as you find with introverts.