(MUST READ) THE ULTIMATE GUIDE ON CONTROL DELIVERY BOTH HOUSE & POST OFFICE DELIVERY. HELPFUL THINGS YOU ALL SHOULD KNOW!

-Ok people this is a guide to on pick ups and control pick ups.

I know from my first time that this can be really really scary but you have to remember they are coming to your castle to conquer the king, the alpha YOU!

Ok let's get on to it shall we

If you've got love letters from those bad bitches from LE that they will like to grab you by the cock and you declined their warning, and to prove how alpha you are, you order 50 pounds of MDMA with no stealth from the Netherlands. Or you get a love letter and get paranoid either way, like game of thrones, you know that winter is coming.

This is where our tactics come in Boiz

Withdraw at least 3k from your account.

Go to a sex toy shop and buy a Thousand, 10 inch, wall attachable dildos.

All black of course.

Attach them to all the wall and ceilings in your room.

Buy a tub full of pure unfiltered lube oil, extra slippery

Get a bathtub in your room of choice just make sure it contains the dildos.

Fill the tub up with the oil just don't dip in it.

Make a man thong that literally only covers your manhood save it for the special day.

Get nipple attachable pleasure shock gun.

Get 2 special attachable 15 inches long bbc dildo that's attachable for yourself & the other you can wield for the oncoming onslaught because you're King Arthur BBC McLong Schlong The 3rd.

Get a laptop with no vpn and a internet explorer browser and access your alphabay account through those onion.cab platforms but make sure!!!!!!! to browse incognito mode that way they won't be able to track you.

Also dispute the 50 pound of MDMA & invite /u/trappy_AB and complain about how your MDMA was 0.005 gram short and u deserve a 50% refund.

Leave the dispute page open and face the laptop towards the door

Now you're prepared

On the day of the bust

Drape yourself in your robe of glory(a bed sheet preferably)

Today! You show these cock suckers who's alpha asss fuck.

Get off super crack which is a mix pure 100% fent, crack Cocain and speed.

If you're still alive after taking super crack .....Then wow dude ......Damn.....thought you'd be dead after that..,.,ok then let's move on shall we?

Congratulations You're what the steets call a supercrack head, you have successfully ascended into what is call super saiyan crackhead.

Go downstairs when you hear the mail lady at your door

The battle has begun super crack head!.

Sign for the package fast and tell the mail person "there will be casualties"

charge upstairs

Wear your man thong you made

Put on your attachable 15 inch dildo schlong

Jump in the tub of oil

Then pour the rest all over the floor

Wield your 15 inch sword of black punishment

By now there should be flash bang going off downstairs keep calm

When your door gets broken down the first LE to jump in will slip and look up to the sight of a small white cock and a long 15 inch black cock this will leave him frozen in fear.

Swing your dildo at the other officers attempting to come in by now their facial expressions should range from WTF to pure mind fuck and contemplation of if they even get paid enough for this shit.

Strap the nipple shock and shoot a high volt in your body while screaming in pleasure and orgasm then remove them and twist your nipple while saying "Yourrrrrr move mister lawmawwwwnnnnmnnnnnnnnnnn."

When they snap out of it and charge at you the oil will cause them to slip and fall to get violated by the BBC trap that awaits them with each casualty you should be doiNg things ranging from strapping the shocker back on and twisting your nipples or massaging your balls.

When the wave finally gets to you oil you dropped yourself in with protect you and make you grab proof As they struggle to get a grip on you continue to whack them with your 15 inch sword until they tackle you down .

Wake up 3 days later in jail

Plead insanity

Use body cam on LE for proof

Get 2 years in jail or hospital

Have a golden story to tell guys in the pen .

Profit.

if you get the orange slip and you go to pick it up I want you to follow this carefully

-Go to your local post office

-Stay calm for they know not what ultimate weapon awaits them in your bag

This is where I explain what's in the bag

-yesterday you should've ate as many hot tacos as possible till you feel the power of the evil taco volcano stirring amidst you

-Before you go to pick up the pack diarrhea into a bag freeze it to give it some solid grab to it

-Carefully open the bag

-open your ultimate weapon

Extremely important to follow my instruction here

-Open the bag and Lazily....and I mean lazily fling shit at them (I can't stress the lazily enough also you should be making a feminine sounding "ehh" everytime you fling the shit at them) -Get arrested -Plead mental instability -fabricate stories with your friend about how every night you become a vigilante called the SHIT-SHITTEN SMITH OF SHITTENSHIRE. Who fight criminals by flinging shit at them -get low sentence -Profit


Comments


[27 Points] JasperBuds:

1 shit post a month Bois load em up


[14 Points] AnEvilKangaroo:

this guy knows how to shitpost


[7 Points] None:

[removed]


[6 Points] Spookylama:

Lost it at "ehh"


[3 Points] C66HH12OO6:

LMAFOOO the part about trappy 😂😂😂


[5 Points] midnightmodders:

What in the fuck did I just read lol


[3 Points] None:

[deleted]


[5 Points] TheEpicAlmaz:

Nibba this shitpost is fire


[3 Points] Trouter1000:

Hahahahahahahahaha


[4 Points] revcback:

This is hilarious as fuck


[3 Points] dunedain2007:

lol wtf, is this based on a true story?


[2 Points] None:

[deleted]


[2 Points] Elite_Labs:

LOl


[1 Points] None:

I thought this was going to contain some useful information but boy was I wrong


[1 Points] allismokeisls:

Sounds like you had a little fun writing that one out lol


[1 Points] _jizzlober_:

I'm too lazy to read, TL;DR plz.


[1 Points] cancerkidd777:

Elite Check Messages Please


[0 Points] SirNarcotics:

I am starting to get really fucking tired of the constant shitposts on this sub. I don't mind the occasional, humorous one but it's just getting annoying.


[-1 Points] DooshNozzzle:

If your goal is just a lower sentence due to temporary insanity, then I say you have an okay shot. You would have to convince them that you made the decision while termporarily insane, and then followed through on that decision, all during your temporary episode of insanity. You would have to convince a professional, unbiased psychiatrist that you suffered from an episode of insanty, however. So I would research it a LOT......... Also think about how you would really feel about this if it REALLY happened, and you would have to act that way.

you would be TERRIFIED. How the hell did you order drugs in the mail? Are you going crazy? Will it happen again???

but court documents are generally pubbic record, and reporters hang out at the court house too... one whiff of this story and you'll be in the front section of the news paper, circulating around online blogs and click-bait news sites. you would probably even make the front page of your city's subreddit.

So you have to choose, I guess. A slightly longer sentence, or a completely ruined social life and public humiliation to the point where you would probably want to get a legal name change.