Ode to the exit scam

Sorry I haven't always been honest,

but the time to exit is now upon us,

All these months exchanging bitcoin for drugs,

you people so ecstatic you send me internet hugs.

I'm sorry I ran off with all of your money,

but come on, please, can you blame me, honey?

I might be amoral for committing this deed,

but you're the soft stupid fuck that FE'd!

Besides, scamming you all is hard work,

I earned this money, don't call me a jerk.

What, you thought getting robbed was free?

Nucleus charges me a $150 fee!

When I'm gone you'll opine my loss,

"that tony's a jerk, but his dope was boss!"

Don't you worry, I'll always be back,

With weed and coke, and awesome smack.

Get your drugs now, while supplies last.

And remember to FE so you can get them fast ;)


Comments


[19 Points] SpiffyWhiff:

Direct deals are the new game in town,

our newest old idea to take you down.

You pay us direct right through the blockchain,

when we exit scam, you'll have no-one to complain.

For years some's mantra has been "Never FE!",

but lately those same folks say "Do a DD."


[18 Points] SpiffyWhiff:

I was just trying to warn you about some shady stuff,

I thought my reddit account was secret enough,

Now I've burned my house and moved to belize,

because I doxed myself reviewing some shitty cheese.


[10 Points] octomarvel:

I loathe you.

=)


[8 Points] SpiffyWhiff:

Remember those days of email vendors,

Topix threads and RC benders?

Maybe I'm looking through rose colored glasses,

but those days seemed to kick far more asses.

Sending western union's to complete strangers,

or sending e-gold ignoring the dangers.

It was a simpler time, it was new and exciting,

and the Darknet Markets are far too inviting.

Easier than ever to get yourself a pack,

easier than ever to get a monkey on your back.


[7 Points] DARKLORDCATBUG:

Do one for Dmt!


[5 Points] SpiffyWhiff:

Cross between Dr Seuss and Timothy Leary,

I know, I know, my poems are shitty.

But maybe one of these will make you laugh,

or make you think about the past.

Or maybe just a brief respite,

from a life that's become a cesspit.


[6 Points] FishMonkeyMan41:

How about an ode to mxe vendors?


[4 Points] SpiffyWhiff:

Is MonfortRC the same guy as QuantikXanaX?

It makes sense, because they both act like dicks.

If Quantik threatened a terrorist act,

to put Fentanyl in every xanax pack,

And Monfort nearly killed some kiddies,

by mixing Fent up with his precious RC's,

why am I writing poems, doubting my stance?

That piece of shit Quantik would kill you given the chance.


[6 Points] Hong_Kong_Post:

You Sir are my new favorite DNM Redditor - love your work <3


[5 Points] SpiffyWhiff:

You've sent me 500 private messages,

relax, you'll get your fucking medicine.

Please stop blowing up my Jabber,

with all your whiny dope-fiend blabber.

God forbid your pack doesn't on arrive Saturday,

You'll send me emails, "I'll make you pay!"

You need to plan for the future better,

because they'll always be another overworked vendor.

Yeah, I'm a dick for marking it shipped,

I normally ship same day but, fuck it, I slipped.

Don't plead to me with your personal drama,

I give no fucks about your baby's mama.

Look, I know you need that heroin,

I swear I'm doing the best I can.

Before you get all angry and write back,

how about next time order 2 packs?


[3 Points] SpiffyWhiff:

While we all want to go to multi-sigs,

let's protect ourselves from the pigs,

2 out of 2 multi-sig is a joke,

we need 2 of 3 to have any hope.


[3 Points] SpiffyWhiff:

At this time, I'm taking requests,

to hear what drugs you like best.

Please don't make me write about kava,

but I'll write a verse about any darknet drama.

Maybe you'd like a little rhyme about lobali,

and how she ran off SSBD's book money.

Or maybe a poem about BBMC is in order,

and about his schizoaffective disorder.


[3 Points] F_U_FE:

So I made an account to be the voice of us all Because it's people like you who we rejoice when you fall

Darkweb enthusiast, will I be ordering blow today? Nope, just telling this bitch what's up on a throwaway I just rolled this J so you know I'm high as a kite So I can see you exit scamming; you think you flyin' by night Do your dirty work in the dark, man you really don't fight fair But you looked this gift horse in the mouth, so you can call it a night mare You couldn't face any one of us, in fact you seem quite scared Typing rhymes in free times, but how you think that you might fair?

With your rhymes you're amazin' em, but standards? You ain't raisin' em I lift spirits with my rhymes, with more bars than a gymnasium Mad now because in real life you just curl up in defeat Bitch you talk shit on Quantik's Xanax, but YOUR bars put HIM to sleep You can't rhyme for squat, and your cred is just bluffin', How you think this will work out if your rep counts for nuthin'?

But hey what do I know, I'm also just on an adventure A vendor who mentors noobs with shroomy tea elixir Exit scamming is for quitters, and now your customers are bitter You got charged $150? Fucking cry me a Belize River!

I wish you black eyes forever, and a bear you can fight with I hope a wrestler gets a hold of you and puts you in a vice grip This here is just my two cents, and while I hope you get lice dick, I'll just stop here and wish you a very nice trip 😊✌


[2 Points] None:

The beauty of your verse brought a tear to my eye. You sir are a genius.


[3 Points] lordredvampire:

FE is just as bad as exit-scam. No thanks, multisig is the answer.


[3 Points] mollymauler:

"Besides, scamming you all is hard work"

"I earned this money"

I lol'd


[4 Points] jeffthehat:

I'm serious homie, truly, fuck you.

Despicable people do the shit you do.

While your selfish ass runs away with your riches,

You make the market less fucking efficient.

There are honest vendors just trying to get by,

Taking huge risks to help get people high,

Without the intention of fucking them over.

But we can't FE for them, because you're a boner.

Yeah, it takes work, you provide a brief service

And you too take risks to help reach your purpose.

But you are consciously hurting the people.

So, motherfucker, go fall off a steeple.


[2 Points] None:

You need to continue making this a thing


[2 Points] snitchfigga:

Wasn't there a dude on here a year or two ago who talked in nothing but dr. Seuss ryhmes? I forget that cats name


[1 Points] SpiffyWhiff:

I know that you think that you're being clever,

but using empty homes is a doomed endeavor.

Do you think using a fake name will save you?

It'll only draw the postal inspectors review.

What do you do when it's returned to sender?

What do you think happens to the vendor?

Please protect your OPSEC and mine,

use your real name and address next time.


[1 Points] bgrizzle85:

I like the poem. Good job, seriously.


[1 Points] F_U_FE:

Well played you lying prick, you stole a few grand Was it worth it to afford a nice watch and new van? You claim you're white collar but you're just a fat crook Who happens to hide behind a desk and a Mac book You type away at your rhymes, stirring us all up But I hope you do time and eat some black walnuts