I feel like there may be a common factor in some of us on this sub; Opiate addicts. I myself have been an addict for ~8 years. I have slip ups here and there, but fortunately I haven't digressed to what I was at my worst, homeless and basically prostituting myself for drugs and places to stay in the Tenderloin, S.F. I now take Kratom regularly to satiate my need for harder opiates and am engaged to a beautiful, sweet girl, who shares my interest in fun drugs like MDMA and LSD. Anyone else have a story to share that led them to the DNM's?
I found out that opiates were the drugs that fixed most of my problems while I was in high school. I was a kid that played sports, was in AP classes getting decent grades and had a great group of friends. I had previously been in an accident when I was younger that required a week long hydromorphone drip and a few scripts of vicodin, but I never realized how great they made me feel until I was a little older.
I started off taking a few pills at a time from my grandparents unused, old scripts of hydro and ate em in social situations to feel warm and comfortable. I've always been good at socializing but, like I've heard many others say, opiates turn me into the person I want to be on the outside. I was much more empathetic, could express my feelings and opinions easier and was more confident in anything I was doing or saying. My use at this point was infrequent, and a 15mg dose of hydro was considered a treat.
I eventually found out that my weed plug had relatives with scripts that they would sell to him, so I ended up being able to grab 10mg norcos for $4 a piece. Once in awhile he would get some percs and I was even able to try my one and only 20mg green stop sign opana through him. I remember snorting ~2.5mg with no tolerance and had to sit in my car during a funeral because I was too nauseous. Blamed it on the stomach flu and my parents never thought anything of it. I was probably a junior in high school at this point. No one had a clue that I was into anything besides smoking weed.
After discovering bitcoin, and soon thereafter Silk Road, I had a deep down subconscious feeling that I would end up ordering heroin after a winter of secretly buying pills on a bi-weekly basis. I spent months researching BTC and SR until I was confident enough to place the first order.
I went straight from occasional use of low dose pain pills compounded with APAP to sniffing some of the best heroin in the country. My first gram came inside the battery compartment of a dollar store toy truck. Complete overkill on stealth that made me grin from ear to ear. From then on, the only days that I weren't high were when I was dry and waiting for my next express envelope with a $200 gram inside. I carried a vial of H with one of those little spoons attached to it inside my pocket at all times and would take a bump every four hours or so. Grams lasted me between 7 and 10 days and that was how I justified my use. Somehow, I convinced myself that the amounts I was using weren't dangerous and wouldn't result in severe withdrawal symptoms, despite being high all day every day.
I was a fucking clean cut, smart, athletic high school senior that would pretend to piss in the bathroom stall to take a bump while my friends were at the urinals. I went to my graduation ceremony in acute withdrawal due to a pack not landing in the PO box by the weekend. No one knew or suspected anything. Not my friends, not my parents, not even my long term girlfriend who I spent most of my time with on dope.
I used all throughout the summer before I was going off to college, but one of my last nights at home, I fell asleep in my basement with my vial and a mirror on the floor next to the couch I passed out on. When I woke up it was gone. My stomach dropped when I figured out what had happened. My dad came down to wake me up, saw my straight-off-the-brick white dope and assumed it was cocaine. I ended up having to explain to my rents that it wasn't coke, but something much "worse". When I came upstairs, it almost felt like a relief to finally know that someone else was acknowledging the fact that what I was doing was completely fucked up.
We talked to the psychiatrists that were prescribing my vyvanse and they immediately cut me off and pretty much sent me on my way with a few ativan for the withdrawals that I was barely feeling. I knew the mental part of my addiction was what would lead me back, so I decided to get on suboxone. I didn't do enough research and found out that I was started on a much higher dose than I should have been after it was too late.
I was on a stable dose for around a year and then tapered for another year before jumping off last July with the help of some kratom. I've been clean from heroin since August 2013, opiate free (bupe) since July 2015. I don't think I would have ever gotten into heroin this early in my life without the DNMs, but I'm honestly glad it happened. From the moment I felt my first real opiate buzz I knew that I would end up an addict somewhere down the line, whether it was to oxys or dope. I'm just thankful it was during a time in my life that I could easily recover from.
Whenever I'm feeling shitty, I always like to remember that I could open Tor and have some H in my mailbox tomorrow afternoon. I'm able to look at pictures of listings, read reviews etc and have no real urge to buy anything even when I have hundreds of dollars of BTC at my disposal. That is how I know how far I've come.
Edit: Jesus Christ. I typed this shit on my phone and had no clue how long it was until I posted it. I guess this is what happens when you dab the fuck out before trying to fall asleep slightly drunk...